Woolgathering
Page 6
The Lt. Colonel slumped in his seat, fiddling idly with the peppermint on his tongue. He was in a kind of daze; his dark eyes bored into the ceiling. No... not into the ceiling. Into the miasma of thought looming overhead.
Damn them. Damn them both, he swore without conviction; he was too weary to muster anything but resentment. He'd already wasted all his energy raging at the Colonel and brooding on his Captain.
That blasted Captain... she didn't deal with anything but business. Discipline his ass— she was hiding. And that was to say nothing of their dear, sweet leader.
The Lt. Colonel unwrapped a bar of chocolate, munched thoughtfully on the treat. He was never without his sweets; it had started as an indulgence to get by on, the cheapest he could find. Anymore, though, he could barely make it through the day without a dose of his candies. Kind of like how he couldn't make it at night without the Captain there to keep the nightmares away, how he hadn't slept since she started closing her door. Kind of like how after a lifetime of surviving he was powerless to do much else. Chained by habit, addicted to worthlessness, fated to live loathsomely... There was no control. Not as deep in the rut as he'd fallen.
Yet there was the Colonel he hated most of all. That fool... he'd acted as though it didn't matter. As though—!
"You should have let me do it, Colonel. Or at least agreed to apologize so you didn't have to work the mines. The men won't listen to me— not while they know you're out killing yourself."
The Colonel paused getting into the armored truck that was to ferry him to his whipping post, stared at the Lt. Colonel with that gods-be-damned emotionless act.
"You're the best man to stay," he answered. "The superiors will be kicking up shit over this. No one's better at evasion than you."
"But I can't hold us together; you know that."
"That's what Captain's for. They'll listen to her, begrudgingly."
The Lt. Colonel tried a different angle. "Colonel, they'll only hate me worse for this. I'm not their martyr like you, and I sure as hell can't be an idol like the Captain."
"Exactly. You're a reminder of the kind of shitty officers they'll get if they don't stay loyal."
"It’s not funny! I know I deserve it, but damn! Not even the Captain respects me."
The Colonel laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's why you're the most important man I have."
"Bullshit."
"You're the only human officer. If you were halfway honest, the men mightn't hate you as much as you think. A selfish prick like you— if you can do it then they start to think they can too. The fact that you're here proves you've changed. Enough that I can count on you to be the one who lives to fight another day, if anything should happen. Enough that out of everyone else, I don't have to worry about you: I know you can take care of yourself."
The Lt. Colonel floundered.
The Colonel stepped into the truck without a word of farewell.
The bastard.
When he put it like that, the Lt. Colonel didn't have a choice.
Magnum Opus