Love Hard

by Hazel Parker

  I ran my tongue over the tip, listening to him groan. I deliberately wanted to start slow here and build a nice rhythm. For what Vance had done to me, he had earned the blowjob of all blowjobs. Even if I was out of practice, I knew how to make a man happy—show enthusiasm, show some confidence, and listen to the sounds he made.

  Once I had his entire cock wet, I moved to stroking him a little bit, talking dirty while I did so.

  “Do you know what I’m gonna do to you when I have you at your hardest?” I said.

  Vance must have been in too much pleasure to respond, because he just grunted and groaned, putting his hands on his head.

  “You don’t want to know, Vance,” I said. “It’s going to be so fucking good, you’re not going to be able to walk for a week after. Your knees will turn to jelly. Hmm?”

  The thing that I really loved about this moment wasn’t just the sex, though that was an enormous part of it.

  I felt fucking alive. I hadn’t felt this joyful and alive and excited and aroused and every other positive emotion in years. I’d just needed the right person.

  I lifted his dick and put his balls in my mouth, sucking and gently fondling with my tongue.

  “Fucking Jesus!” Vance murmured.

  I had to do my best not to snort when he said that. It was not what I’d expected him to say, but—

  “OK,” he said, taking a step back and pushing me back on the bed. “Now it’s both our turns.”

  He squatted down to his jeans, presumably to get a condom. For a flash, I thought I saw a tattoo on his back, but the moment came and went by so quickly that I didn’t have time to identify anything about it.

  Not a big deal. Certainly not as big as what he’s about to put inside me.

  I smirked as I spread my legs, the wetness thick and slick inside of me as he came onto the bed. For just a second, a part of me wondered how the hell he was going to fit inside me. It wasn’t so much the length as it was the girth; he had good length, but it wasn’t like some abnormally huge dick. But that girth…

  It was like trying to fit a fucking barrel inside of me. I couldn’t wait.

  Thankfully, as he inserted himself and moved inside, the fears vanished as it ended up being the perfect size.

  Too perfect, in fact. His girth seemed to encompass the entirety of my insides like someone had handcrafted him just for me.

  “Fuck, Vance,” I murmured as he wrapped his arms around my neck and I put his around him. My fingers dug into his back as his thrusts seemed to go deeper with every grunt, every push.

  I stared at the ceiling, closing my eyes as I felt the sensation of my pussy being filled by him. This time, there was no real anticipating or bringing the orgasm along. It just came, and I was on a ride. It was like being on a roller coaster; I wasn’t controlling the pace at which it came, just that I enjoyed it.

  And boy, let me tell you, there was nothing but shrill enjoyment when it hit me and washed over me. I screamed some more, my fingers digging to the point that I almost wondered if I was going to make him bleed.

  And we hadn’t even gotten to my favorite position yet!

  Naturally, Vance didn’t stop as I came; if anything, his cock swelled more from the pulsing that surrounded him. I didn’t know how much stamina he had, but at this point, for my own sake, I wasn’t willing to take any chances.

  “Let’s try my favorite, position,” I gasped out, having to catch my breath between my words.

  “Yeah?” he grunted.

  “Here,” I said, reaching for a pillow behind me. “Like doggy, but my ass isn’t in the air. It’s just on this pillow.”

  “Got it,” he said, pulling out and sitting back.

  It was a small thing, but when he did it, his abs became visible and clenched for a second, and I swear it was the fucking hottest thing I had seen so far. I had felt things that were much hotter, but that wasn’t a fair comparison. As far as visuals went, it was an enormous turn on.

  I almost regretted switching to my favorite position, if only because it would be that much harder to actually see him, but as soon as I had the pillow under me and he was inside, all that regret vanished. Now this, this was the best.

  I buried my head into the sheets as I came a third time within two minutes. I think Vance loved it too, because just a few moments after my third orgasm washed over me, through the pleasure pulsing through my body, I heard him utter, “Oh, fuck, it’s right there.”

  I turned to face him, my face still red and washed over with ecstasy as he scrunched his face in anticipation.

  “Come for me, Vance,” I said, trying to catch my breath. “Let me feel you shoot into me.”

  “Oh, oh, fuck…”

  His voice trailed off as his grunts intensified. They reached a crescendo, his cock swelled to the launching point, and then, simultaneously, he let out a roar to the ceiling as his cock pushed all of his cum out into his condom. He gave a few more thrusts with more loud grunts before he finally finished, out of breath himself.

  For a few seconds, he just laid on my back, still inside of me, his mouth near my ear, breathing heavily. I just smiled as I tried to move my hand behind my ear so I could pet him and show affection.

  He then rolled over after pulling out with a grunt, laying on his back. He grabbed at me, and I rolled over with him.

  “I’ve never felt that alive in my life!” I said, still feeling the afterglow of multiple orgasms for what was, as far as I could remember, the first time in my life. “Holy shit, Vance, you aren’t going anywhere!”

  He let out a short laugh at that.

  “Well, we do have to go out for food eventually,” he said. “Can’t spend all day locked up in here.”

  “What? Nonsense,” I said teasingly. “I’m going to lock you up. You’re going to be my boy toy. You’re going to be my sex slave.”

  “Oh, shit,” he said with a laugh. “I dunno. Life has to get in the way at some point.”

  “But not for a few hours, at least,” I said, running my hand down to his recovering cock. “I know this is just resting right now, but you’re not gonna need long to go at it again.”

  He smirked, looked at me, and leaned up to kiss me.

  “Have you really not gotten laid like that in a while? I didn’t even think I had that much energy.”

  Oh my God. That was you at like fifty percent capacity?

  “No, not even close,” I said. “And now I almost want to command you to take a nap so that we can do this again, but with you rested.”

  Vance laughed.

  “One step at a time,” he said. “Let’s get some rest; then we’ll see where we are.”

  I snuggled up, kissed him, and rested my head on his chest. The idea, at least, was that we’d nap for a bit, and then we’d recharge.

  Of course, what actually happened was that he had fully reloaded and was ready to go again five minutes later, and the process started all over again.

  Chapter 13: Sensei

  We must have had sex at least four times in the five hours that I spent at Courtney’s apartment, taking us all the way up to dinner time.

  By the time I had shot my load for the fourth time and had barely produced any cum, I was spent sexually. The thought of having sex again was literally painful, but that was the best compliment I could have given Courtney. The sex was that good that I found myself going back to the well over and over again—and honestly, at my age, I didn’t think that I’d had that kind of sex drive still. I hadn’t had it with any of the friends of the club, that was for sure.

  I guess I just needed to find the right person.

  … which was unfortunate, given that just because we’d had sex didn’t mean that the issues of the Savage Saints had gone away.

  In fact, in some ways, I’d had to take a lot of precautions to ensure that she didn’t find out while we had sex. Most noticeably, I took extreme caution to make sure she never saw my back, given that it had a Savage Saints tattoo. I never let her get in positi
on to see me, and when she got up from the bed in between rounds of sex, I would either follow her or I would just remain in bed, but I never got out of bed first.

  In the heat of the moment, this never came to mind as an issue, because why would it? I was having sex with a beautiful woman, a woman I really cared for, and a woman that I could see having a future with if that wasn’t a factor.

  But when it all ended, when I wasn’t thinking about how long I’d need to recover for another round of sex, all of the thoughts that I had managed to successfully avoid before came running to the forefront, unable to be ignored.

  By far, the loudest one was “you’re a fucking idiot.”

  I knew this was a barrier I could not cross without things becoming complicated. Either Courtney was going to get hurt or she was going to have to change her opinion of the Saints. While I was pretty sure I’d gotten some brownie points with her, I still was unlikely to be on the level of her deceased husband. She wasn’t going to forgive the Saints for our supposed actions just because I was great in bed.

  It all meant that our relationship wasn’t a budding plant that would grow limitlessly with the love of sunlight and water, but a ticking time bomb with the fuse being my true relationship with the Savage Saints. This was no way to start a relationship, and yet my feelings for Courtney—or perhaps the fear of being alone—was so strong that I had ignored it all.

  That was the kind of rookie mistake that someone in middle or high school made. It certainly wasn’t the purview of a man in his forties who was a father and had been a husband. What the fuck was I doing?

  Courtney interrupted my thoughts and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. Truth be told, I had all day to hang out with her, so it wasn’t like I had to leave and see Alyssa or see any of the club members.

  But I had thought at a rate of a hundred thoughts a second when she had gone to the bathroom, and there was one thought I kept coming back to. I tried to ignore it so badly, I tried to think of alternative solutions, I tried to come up with anything besides the thought, but everything circled back to it.

  I couldn’t be with Courtney.

  If I really did value her well-being, I couldn’t be the man to date her. Not when she would hate me for lying about the Saints, not when I would hate myself for lying about the Saints—or hate myself for completely detaching myself from the club—and not when we would both feel disgust at ourselves for letting ourselves get to this point. Maybe I was the bridge for her to find something better, but I could not be the destination itself. I could only be the road.

  And of course, you waited until after you got laid. You’re such a good avoider, Vance. You’re so good at dodging these questions.

  “Hey.”

  I snapped to. Courtney was looking at me, concern in her face. She had put on her underwear and gym shorts, but not yet a shirt. She looked sexy as hell, and if I had any semblance of a sexual charge left, I would’ve done her again right there. And in doing so, made things even worse. So probably a good thing you don’t, you dummy.

  “You OK? You looked like you were zoning out.”

  If I’d had any balls, if I’d had any level of self-respect, I would have told her the truth. She might have gotten pissed off and furious at me, and I might have had hell to pay, but it would’ve at least been honorable and fair. It would have been doing the right thing.

  But no, I didn’t. I didn’t have any self-respect at that moment. I was too scared to tell her, because what the hell could I do other than avoid tough conversations? I was too good at it.

  “Sorry, just, yeah, I can get in my head sometimes,” I said, which was almost more of a confession than I thought I was capable of giving. “Let’s, uh, let’s get some food, shall we? Let’s head to the Italian shop downtown.”

  “Ohh, good choice,” she said.

  Now that the cloud of physical excitement and sexual arousal had been lifted, I hated how excited I had made her. I hated that I was guilty of giving her hope when I shouldn’t have given her any. How had I even come to this?

  Oh, right, because I had thought it was a good idea to flirt with my daughter’s theater director. And why had I done that? So I could have practice with flirting when I got to the future?

  I wasn’t even mad at Alyssa for trying to set us up, for blurting out the things she had and for saying the things she had. In her spot, I would have done the same. She was doing what she thought was best by revealing the best of us to each other.

  She was someone else I was going to have to face when this was all said and done, and it was something I’d have to take grief for. I deserved whatever happened my way.

  I just at least wanted to make sure we were in public when it all went down. I might get humiliated with a public slap, but at least nothing Courtney would do would be too far out of line. And what makes you think she’d do that? If anything, you should tell her right here. You should tell her the truth and make sure she doesn’t drink.

  But nope.

  I got out of bed, putting my clothes on—once Courtney had gone outside to find her keys. It was kind of amazing that I was more relaxed wearing no pants or boxers than I was wearing no shirt. It was like the exact opposite of how most people acted, but then again, most people weren’t afraid to have the tough conversation like I was.

  When I came out to her fully dressed, she had a huge grin on her face as she leaned up to kiss me.

  “You alright?”

  I shook my head.

  “Just tired.”

  Tired of me not being able to say anything.

  “I was gonna say, I’m feeling what you did to me too,” she said with a snort and a laugh. “But it’s alright. We can come back here after dinner. Although, my car is still at the park, but then again, it is a pretty secluded area. Ah, hell. Umm… can you drive me to the park and we can meet at the Italian place?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  It’ll give me the chance to tell you. And then you can drive off, never see me again, tell my daughter I’m an asshole… and then I’ll confirm your account to her and let her be disappointed in me. It only seems right, and it only seems fair for how I’m acting.

  “Great!” she said, throwing her arms around me. “I like where this is going.”

  I just smiled as gently as I could at that, walking out the door and hurrying down to the bike. Courtney seemed to pick up a little bit that I was feeling some kind of way, because I could see the expression on her face was one of nervousness, but I didn’t find the courage to speak.

  Instead, I let the flow of the bike and the rush of the wind calm my mind a little bit. I could say this for being on the bike—no matter what, it always felt good to be on that thing. Even in a moment like this, when the self-loathing was at critical levels, and the shame I had in myself was even higher, a good bike ride could really do wonders for my mental state.

  But then the bike ride ended at the park, which was closer to us than the bowling alley, and she was hopping off.

  “You showed me a side of motorcycles I didn’t know existed,” she said. “I’ll see you there.”

  She leaned in to kiss me and left before I had the chance to say anything more. I couldn’t decide if I was grateful or not for the delay.

  In any case, though, I treated the ride to the Italian place as a chance to practice what it felt like to be alone again. What did it feel like to have no woman on the back of my bike, but also to have no club that I was really connected to? What did it feel like to not have my daughter or any loved ones on the bike, trusting me with their life?

  The answer wasn’t complicated. It sucked. It really fucking sucked. It felt so shallow and empty in comparison.

  I pulled up to the Italian restaurant and parked at the side of the lot. I didn’t see Courtney there, so I walked inside to get us a table.

  Imagine my surprise when I saw Mafia entertaining Krispy, BK, and BK’s girlfriend, Megan, with stories of his home in Italy. I looked back outside, didn’t see Courtney,
and knew I had my chance. I hurried over, only noticing when I got closer that they still had their cuts on.

  “Guys, guys.”

  “Sensei!” Mafia shouted. “Do you want to hear the story of my grandfather, Lucario? He—”

  “No, I can’t,” I said, practically whispering. “Listen, I’m bringing a date here, but she doesn’t know I’m in the Saints. She can’t know, not right now. That’s something that needs to be discussed later.”

  “Sucks for you,” BK said, drawing a glare from Megan, but the other two laughed.

  “Look, just pretend you don’t know me, OK?” I said. “I’ll get a table; it’ll be great, I’ll… I’ll tell her the truth, but that needs to be a thing I do, OK? Don’t blow it early!”

  “Got it, got it,” Mafia said a little too casually. “We got your back, Sensei. Go get laid. It’s been too long for you, anyway.”

  It’s not the sex part I’m worried about, and not just because my dick’s about to fall off from this afternoon. But I didn’t have time to elaborate, so I just nodded, hesitated as I tried to decide if I wanted to say anything else, and then made way back to the front.

  It was only seconds later that Courtney arrived, holding her clutch to the side, and she smiled at me. She looked so beautiful in the dim light. You really done fucked up this time.

  “I got us a table way in the back,” I said. “Should be ready in a bit.”

  “Aw, private,” she said. “That’s so sweet.”

  I smiled but didn’t say anything more. She rubbed my arm and leaned into me, but I didn’t put my arm around her. To flirt further was to dig into the issue even more.

  “Are you OK, Vance?” she said.

  I looked at her, and her eyes were a lot more determined.

  “Ever since we finished and left the house, you’ve been a lot more distant and removed. What’s going on? Don’t tell me you just used me for sex.”

  Now I was pinned. My hand had to be revealed. My dinner plans might get canceled due to what I was about to say in the next thirty seconds, but I couldn’t hide for that sake. I was either going to lie and hurt her later, fake telling the truth and hurt her now, or tell the truth.