The Summer of Secrets

by Barbara Hannay

  At least Finn had remembered, in the heat of the moment, to mention that he’d had a vasectomy. So that was one of the basics covered.

  She pulled the sheet up so they weren’t quite so exposed and wondered if thanks or apologies were in order. But the sex had been too amazing to be diminished by either of these responses. And yet, she was quite sure it was time to talk, to clear the air, et cetera, but without too painful a postmortem.

  To her relief, Finn spoke first. ‘In case you were wondering, that wasn’t planned.’

  Chloe nodded. ‘And in case you were wondering, I won’t get all emotional or clingy. I mean – I know it was only sex.’

  ‘A-huh.’ The tone of his response was hard to read.

  She tried again. ‘It’s not like the start of a relationship, or – or anything.’

  ‘Yeah, of course.’

  ‘I guess we were both just —’

  ‘Ripe for plucking,’ he suggested.

  She turned to him and saw the amusement in his eyes and the flash of his sudden smile. They both laughed.

  The laughter helped to lighten the mood, but she still felt a bit out of her depth. She wondered if there’d been other women in Finn’s life since his wife died, or was she the first? It wasn’t a question she could ask.

  ‘Would you like a drink?’ she asked instead. ‘Although I’m afraid I only have white wine.’

  ‘Maybe I should leave. I know you’re worried about gossip.’

  Chloe had certainly made a huge fuss about gossip, but she realised now that she didn’t want him to go. It would feel too rushed. Too casual. And she would be left with a tangle of confused thoughts. But she’d also just promised him that she wouldn’t cling.

  Finn swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat with his back to her. His shoulders were broad, his back nicely toned with a very masculine V shape that tapered to slim hips, and she wondered if he was a swimmer.

  He turned and looked back at her, his expression a little sad, or perhaps worried. ‘I don’t want you to feel this was wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.’

  ‘I won’t.’ She’d enjoyed herself far too much to start thinking negatively. Perhaps there would be another time when they each shared a little about their past. She would like to understand more about Finn as a man. And it would be helpful to know if this evening had been a one-off, a full stop – or some kind of stepping stone.

  He leaned over, touched a finger to her wrinkled brow. ‘What are you stewing over now?’

  ‘Nothing in particular.’

  He watched her for a moment or two. ‘Yes,’ he said.

  She frowned. ‘Yes, what?’

  He didn’t answer immediately. Then, quietly, while no longer meeting her gaze, ‘Yes, this is the first time – since my wife —’

  ‘Oh.’ Chloe couldn’t think of anything to say. This news was big. Bigger than she’d expected.

  She watched him reach for his clothes. It seemed he wasn’t ready to add any more to his statement and she wondered if he felt guilty, somehow disloyal to his dead wife.

  She felt absolutely no guilt about Jason, she realised. If anything, this evening had brought a huge sense of relief, even triumph. Which no doubt illustrated that she and Finn Latimer were on vastly different emotional journeys.

  Moving out of bed, she picked up the cotton dressing gown she’d left draped on a nearby chair. She was hungry, but she didn’t offer to make dinner. After a day that had started with the snake and breakfast and had ended with sex, she was sure another meal would be taking things too far.

  Finn buckled his belt and pulled on boots. ‘Don’t forget to keep that window closed tonight,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’m not likely to forget that ever again.’

  ‘Great.’

  Together they left the bedroom, both careful not to tread on her clothes, which still lay scattered on the floor, evidence of their lust-crazed haste.

  Already that blaze of passion was beginning to feel unreal, like something that might have happened in a dream.

  At the top of the stairs they stopped. ‘I’ll let myself out.’ Finn touched her lightly on the elbow and his eyes held a shimmer of unexpected emotion. ‘Are you okay, Chloe?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Absolutely.’ And then, ‘What about you?’

  He nodded, chanced a wry smile. ‘I don’t want to embarrass you, but perhaps thanks are in order.’

  ‘No, don’t thank me.’ He was right – she was embarrassed – and if anyone owed thanks, she probably did. She’d been so incredibly turned on and that climax had been —

  ‘And I won’t make a habit of this,’ he added.

  Her disappointment was ridiculous.

  ‘For very practical reasons, I’m going to be preoccupied,’ he said next. ‘The school holidays start this weekend, and my daughter’s coming to stay.’

  His daughter?

  Chloe gasped as if he’d winded her. How could Finn have a daughter and never have mentioned her? ‘You have a daughter?’

  ‘Yes. Bree. She’s twelve.’

  Surely this was impossible? Chloe reached for the stair railing for support. ‘Where is she?’

  ‘In Townsville. At boarding school. She’s a weekly boarder and she stays with my parents on the weekends.’

  ‘But —’ Chloe wanted to protest. This girl, this twelve-year-old Bree, had lost her mother and her little brother. But instead of keeping her close and giving her his fatherly support, Finn had simply dumped her in a boarding school? How could he be so heartless?

  Chloe’s own longing for a child was so strong she found such negligence beyond her comprehension.

  ‘Aren’t the schools up here good enough?’ She couldn’t keep a bitter edge from her voice.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Finn admitted. ‘That’s not the point. I – I thought Bree would be better off down there.’

  ‘Away from you?’

  His gaze was steady, as if he dared her to challenge him. ‘Yes,’ he said.

  ‘Is it because of the drinking?’

  He frowned. ‘The what?’

  ‘Well, you do have a bit of a problem with alcohol, don’t you?’

  ‘No. Why would you —’ Then he must have remembered. ‘Oh, you mean the day you arrived. Fair enough.’ He shook his head. ‘But that was a one-off. An – an anniversary. I don’t make a habit of wiping myself out.’

  Once upon a time this might have been good news, but right now Chloe wanted to thump Finn. How could the same man who had just made sensational love to her suddenly floor her with such a disappointing revelation?

  Here she was, desperate for a child, while Finn had a daughter he practically ignored. Was she forever doomed to be attracted to men with hopeless attitudes to fatherhood?

  No doubt her own feelings were skewed by her deep longing for a baby, but she was sure she wasn’t the only woman who would find Finn’s offloading of his daughter unfathomable.

  ‘I’ve been meaning to tell you about Bree,’ Finn said. ‘Over the next few weeks, I’ll probably need to take the odd morning or afternoon off, so I can entertain her.’

  ‘I daresay,’ Chloe replied tartly. ‘I would expect you’d need a good amount of time off. I’m surprised you didn’t take proper holidays.’

  His eyes narrowed. He probably didn’t appreciate being reprimanded. ‘I’m sure we’ll sort something out.’

  Obviously he hadn’t been prepared to leave the paper in Chloe’s tender care. She realised she was in danger of landing back at square one – dead angry with her boss. But then again, she couldn’t begin to understand the suffering and grief he’d dealt with over these past few years.

  Chloe decided to rein in her disapproval. She even managed to smile. ‘I hope I get to meet Bree.’

  ‘I’m sure you will.’ Finn glanced down the stairs, clearly keen to leave, but when he looked back at her, there was no sign of hostility in his dark gaze. ‘I’d better say goodnight.’

  For a tantalising
moment, he looked as if he was going to kiss her, but he must have thought better of it. He tapped her on the elbow and then turned and went down the stairs quickly. Disappeared. She heard the front door open and close. Then silence.

  As Finn started up the Forester, he took a deep, very necessary breath.

  So. He’d taken a step. A step he’d thought, many times during the past three years, that he might never take again. And it hadn’t been mindless sex with a stranger. He’d made love with a work colleague. His only work colleague, who just happened to have bewitching brown eyes and an even more tempting pink mouth.

  Was he crazy?

  Or was this step a sign of progress?

  For the second time in a week, Finn’s thoughts were rioting as he drove away from Chloe Brown. He’d become so used to floundering in deepest grief. For three years now, sorrow had been an ever-present weight he’d learned to live with. He hadn’t dared to imagine he’d ever get back to normal life.

  And, yeah … it was the normality of this evening that had come as a total surprise. Despite the high-voltage sparks and unreasoning haste that had sent him racing Chloe upstairs, the impulse had felt amazingly rational and normal. And the sex had been bloody fantastic.

  Absolutely.

  Sensuous, responsive Chloe was another surprise. How had he ever thought of her as mousy? If he wasn’t careful she could become a new addiction.

  Then the final surprise – he wasn’t now plagued by guilt or remorse. And it seemed the world hadn’t come to an end.

  The road ahead took a dogleg turn over a narrow bridge that spanned the creek. Slowing to take the turn, Finn saw the sheen of rounded rocks and little splashes of white foam where the water rushed around them. He saw a slender moon hanging like a silver charm between the branches of a rainforest fig.

  The sight was a familiar one. He had encountered many versions of it since he’d come to live in the country, but he never tired of the unexpected beauty of nature in the raw.

  Chloe had mentioned the night sky in their conversation at breakfast. She’d loved how clear and bright the stars were away from the city lights. And Finn was reminded of an inescapable truth: darkness was necessary to appreciate the light.

  He had experienced his own share of darkness, so perhaps it made sense that tonight had been out-of-this-world amazing. Not that he would allow himself to get carried away. Hell, no. He certainly wasn’t going to lose his head over the first girl he’d slept with since he’d been widowed. He would take this – whatever this was – super, super slowly.

  For that reason alone, Bree’s imminent arrival was probably a godsend. A perfect reason to avoid further complication with Chloe. Bree would need his undivided attention. He only hoped he was up to the task.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Rolf arrived early on Friday evening. Emily knew he would enjoy the company of fellow writers, even if the writers were journalists rather than novelists, so she had invited him to join her for dinner with Chloe and Finn.

  ‘I came a bit early because I thought you might have a job for me,’ he said, after he’d exchanged cheek kisses with Emily and followed her into the kitchen.

  ‘That’s very thoughtful, Rolf, but apart from frying the lamb cutlets at the last minute, I’m more or less organised. I’ve kept everything simple, with things I could do ahead.’

  ‘And I know from experience it will all be delicious.’

  The mix of fondness and desire in his smile made Emily’s breath catch. It was flattering to be wanted, and in the absence of her husband’s love, Rolf’s affection was exceptionally comforting. Perhaps more comforting than she’d realised.

  To her horror, her eyes brimmed with tears. She blinked hard, forcing her thoughts to practical matters.

  ‘It would be great if you could look after the drinks,’ she said, eyeing the wine that he’d once again brought. ‘There’s champagne and beer in the fridge, and the usual spirits over in the bar. I’ve set the table, but you know where I keep the rest of the glasses.’

  ‘It would be my pleasure.’ Rolf set the bottles on a side table and, with his arms free, he reached for her. ‘Come here. You look badly in need of a hug.’

  Emily didn’t protest. She sank against his chest with a grateful sigh, savouring the closeness and his strength. She smelled his freshly ironed shirt, caught a whiff of his aftershave.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said softly as he released her. ‘I did need that.’

  ‘So Alex still hasn’t made contact?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘The man’s a fool.’

  A shuddering sigh escaped her. ‘Perhaps I didn’t try hard enough.’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘I know everyone grieves in different ways. Maybe I should have tried harder to understand Alex.’

  ‘Rather an uphill battle if he won’t talk,’ Rolf suggested.

  ‘That’s true.’ Emily squared her shoulders. ‘Anyway, this evening isn’t about me and my troubles.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to your guests,’ Rolf said, smoothly accepting her change of subject. ‘I’ve met Finn Latimer on several occasions, of course, but I’ve never had the chance for a decent conversation. I’d like to hear more about his time overseas.’

  ‘If he’s prepared to talk about that.’

  ‘Well, yes, I won’t push.’ Rolf smiled gently. ‘Between you and your editor, you’ve had your share of sorrows.’

  ‘Indeed we have. But I think Chloe is good for Finn. I’m sure I made the right decision when I decided to hire her. She’s efficient and creative and rather lovely in an understated kind of way. I believe Finn’s been happier since Chloe arrived.’

  Rolf eyed her shrewdly. ‘You wouldn’t be trying your hand at matchmaking, would you?’

  Emily chanced a coy smile. ‘I suspect I don’t need to.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘There’s talk around town, but I shouldn’t be adding to the gossip, Rolf. And you’ll be able to decide for yourself very soon. Now, let me check that everything is ready. I think I need salt and pepper for the table.’

  Emily loved setting the table for a dinner party. She was fortunate to have rather a lovely collection of tableware and cutlery, and tonight she’d combined vintage pieces that her mother had brought out from England with newer crockery. She enjoyed the layered, collected look of antique green dinner plates under floral entree plates, and she’d added green napkins and candles to complement touches of coral in the flowers.

  Beyond the dining table, views through the enormous plate-glass windows showed the trees and the lake and the sunset. The green and hot-pink tones of the outdoors were echoes of her table setting and she found this artistically satisfying, even if nobody else noticed.

  The sun was a burnished, glowing orb suspended above the western hills as Finn and Chloe headed towards the lake in the Bugle’s Forester.

  Chloe had opted to wear her brown linen. It was stylish yet safe, which seemed a wise choice if she and Finn were to spend another social evening together.

  Not that Chloe was uptight. Finn’s revelation about his daughter had proved a helpful distraction in recent days. Chloe was confident now that her disappointment over Finn’s offhand attitude to Bree had wiped any lingering romantic fantasies.

  Which meant she could relax this evening. She had her relationship with the hot editor sorted. Their blazing encounter had been an aberration. A one-off, not to be repeated. And Chloe could live with that. Really, she could.

  For the next several weeks, Finn’s out-of-office time would be devoted to his daughter, a move Chloe totally approved of.

  And now, as they left behind the newer houses on the outskirts of Burralea and drove past freshly ploughed paddocks, she turned to Finn, who was driving. ‘I guess you must be looking forward to Bree’s arrival.’

  He nodded. ‘She’s a great kid.’

  ‘She’s twelve, did you say?’

  ‘Yeah. Just had her birthday.’

&nbs
p; ‘A pre-teen.’

  ‘Tell me about it.’ Finn let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’ll probably be totally out of my depth.’

  Chloe was tempted to suggest that he might have been more at ease with his daughter if he hadn’t kept her at such a distance, but she held her tongue.

  ‘I tried,’ Finn said suddenly, shooting her a quick, sharp glance.

  ‘You mean you tried with Bree?’ Could he read her mind?

  ‘Yeah. I guess you think I’m a shit of a father, but I did try. At first, after the – ah – incident, Bree wouldn’t let me out of her sight. We had every meal together. I walked her to school and, at the end of the day, I was there at the door to pick her up. I slept on the floor in her room for weeks.’

  ‘Gosh,’ Chloe said softly.

  ‘Some mornings I would wake to find her curled there on the floor with me.’ Finn slowed the vehicle to take a sharp corner. ‘I decided I had to get away from Thailand,’ he said as the road straightened out once more. ‘I managed to get a job in Sydney with Channel Nine. Bree was living with me and going to school nearby. I hoped it would be okay, but we were both still too shattered. Barely functioning. Nothing felt right. I knew Bree was falling behind at school and then one day she came home with a black eye.’

  ‘God, Finn. The poor kid. Was she being bullied in the school yard?’

  ‘Yeah. A girl in her class. And I had to accept I was failing her.’ Finn stared grimly at the road ahead. ‘I’d already failed to protect her mother and her brother. I was failing everyone I loved and I was so scared I’d lose Bree too.’

  Chloe’s heart swelled with sympathy and she was a little ashamed of how quickly she’d jumped to judge Finn. His choices made so much more sense now. ‘But Bree loves her new school?’ she asked.

  ‘Well, she’s certainly a hell of a lot happier there than she was in Sydney and she seems to be doing well academically. And my parents are there for extra support.’

  ‘And now she must be really looking forward to spending her holidays up here with you.’

  At this, Finn smiled crookedly. ‘She says she can’t wait. I suppose she sees it as an adventure. Now I just have to hope the reality lives up to her expectations.’