Beautifully Damaged

by L. A. Fiore

  "We're up."

  I wasn't up to singing since I didn't want to indulge in alcohol again, so I was going to accompany Trent's most excellent guitar skills. I settled behind the piano and I lost myself in the music as soon as my fingers touched the ivories.

  After our first number, the crowd cheered so loudly that we played another and then another. When we finally climbed down from the stage several people shook our hands and gave us their business cards for potential gigs. Two spots instantly opened for us at the bar and fresh drinks were delivered, free of charge.

  "I could get used to this," Trent said as he grinned at me before touching his glass to mine.

  "Me, too."

  We spent the next hour talking and all the while I noticed the pretty brunette down the bar who kept looking over at Trent. I knew he saw her, too, since he was looking back.

  "Trent, go say hi."

  "I don't want to leave you here alone."

  "I'll be fine. Go. She's pretty."

  A grin flashed over his face. "She is, isn't she? Okay, I'll go but stay here so I can see you and don't leave without me."

  "Yes, Dad."

  He dropped a kiss on my head before he stood, grabbed his beer, and walked down the bar to the brunette. I grinned, watching them for a minute, before turning my gaze to my wine. I was disappointed that Trace hadn't come but I hadn't actually spoken with him earlier -- only left a message -- and knowing he was supposed to have a very active social life, it wasn't really a surprise.

  I finished my drink and looked over to see that Trent and the woman appeared to be hitting it off. I was tired anyway so I was going to call it a night. I walked to them and Trent smiled as I approached.

  "Ember, this is Kelly."

  "Hi, Kelly." She was pretty with her chestnut brown hair and bright blue eyes. I sensed a bit of shyness when she addressed me but she didn't seem to suffer that affliction when she was talking to Trent. This observation had a smile curving my lips.

  "Hi, Ember."

  I turned my eyes back to Trent. "I'm going home."

  "Okay, I'll help you get a cab."

  "No, I'm fine."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes."

  Trent pressed a kiss on my cheek before he whispered, "Be safe."

  "Yes, Dad."

  "It was nice to meet you, Kelly."

  "Likewise, Ember."

  I walked through the club and out the front door and as I stepped into the cool night I just stopped moving because at the curb was Trace who was just parking his motorcycle. I couldn't help the smile; it was completely involuntary. I watched as his denim-clad leg swung over his bike and I took a minute to appreciate how his jeans were snug across his thigh muscles. He turned and for just a second I saw pleasure burning in those eyes.

  "Ember."

  "Trace."

  "I missed you play, didn't I?"

  "Yes."

  "Were you leaving?"

  "I was."

  He grinned as he came to stand just in front of me. "I'm sorry I'm late." He reached for my hand. "Will you come with me?"

  I was a bit nervous about agreeing since I really didn't know the man but my gut was telling me that I would be safe with him and so I went with instinct. "Yes."

  He pulled me to his bike before he placed his helmet on my head. He straddled the black and chrome beast so I could climb on.

  "Hold onto me, Ember."

  We were flying down the street and rode around for a while with the cool night air feeling wonderful against my skin before we pulled into the parking lot of a twenty-four-hour diner. I climbed down from Trace's bike and pulled the helmet from my head when he reached for it to place it on his handle bars. He linked our fingers and pulled me through the doors.

  He settled across from me and took off his jacket while I took a moment to really study the beauty of the man before me. My eyes lingered on his left arm where I could see the depiction of Hades and his realm of Hell with his demons burning in the fires of purgatory. It was both disturbing and beautiful.

  "Are you hungry?"

  It was close to two in the morning and I had eaten last at five the night before. I was hungry but before I could answer my stomach answered for me with the loudest and longest rumble. I tried to act blase about the thunderous growl that shook our booth and hoped that he didn't hear it but when I saw the smile that cracked over his face I knew that he had.

  He ordered enough food to feed a small country. The waitress needed three others to help her drop off the plates of pancakes, scrambled eggs, French toast, hash browns, sausage and bacon, and I felt guilty that we would be wasting so much food but I need not have worried about that. Trace plated for me enough food (a small fraction of what he ordered) to feed a three-hundred-pound man and proceeded to eat everything else. There wasn't even a curdle of egg left. I didn't mean to speak out loud what I was thinking but, honestly, I couldn't stop myself.

  "I've never seen anything like that. You, literally, just ate your body weight in food. I think you may have broken a world record. We should call Guinness."

  He sat back and grinned.

  "I'm a big boy."

  That comment had my eyes unconsciously looking over his most excellent form and I had to agree with him but he was no boy, oh no. He was most definitely one hundred percent man. When my eyes returned to his he was silently studying me before he asked, "So what are your interests outside of music?"

  "I love reading. I like being transported to another place, to live a day in a life of someone else."

  He smiled before he asked, "What do you like to read?"

  "I'm making my way through the classics; currently I'm reading Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre."

  "I'm sorry I missed you this evening. What did you sing?"

  "I didn't sing because I didn't drink enough alcohol so I accompanied Trent on the piano."

  "Didn't drink enough alcohol?"

  "I'm shy so find without the benefit of alcohol I'm too nervous to get up in front of a room filled with people and sing."

  "That's a shame because you've a beautiful voice, Ember."

  I felt like a peacock, at the compliment, and wanted to preen with pleasure but was pulled from that temptation when Trace added, "Sorry I missed you play. How long have you played the piano?"

  "Since I was a little girl. I was raised by a single parent and though my dad taught me all kinds of useful skills none of them were considered typical female skills so he enrolled me in piano lessons. As it happened, I was a quick study."

  "Is Trent your boyfriend?" Chills went down my spine at this question and it was probably just my imagination but he seemed very interested in my answer.

  "No, he's just a friend. We met at work and discovered we both have an interest in music."

  "Where do you work?"

  "Clover."

  I noticed that something flickered in his eyes -- a reaction it seemed -- but then he changed the subject.

  "You're not a local." He wasn't asking.

  "No, I grew up in Fishtown, a tight community in Philly, went to school at UofD and moved here last summer."

  "Why New York City?"

  "I'm an aspiring writer, thought this was the place to be."

  "And were you right?"

  "Yes, I like it here. What about you, Trace, what do you do?"

  He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he offered, "I'm an amateur fighter."

  That certainly explained the bruises and his quick hands. I waited for him to offer more but he didn't. Instead he leaned over and took a lock of my hair between his thumb and forefinger as his eyes held mine before he said, "I'm glad we met up tonight."

  "Me, too."

  Trace brought me home at seven in the morning and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes opened. I thought he was just going to drop me off but, no, he parked his bike at the curb and walked me to my door.

  "I really had fun tonight, thank you." I said.

  "So did I."


  I wanted him to kiss me, almost puckered up, but then he took a step away from me as he pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. I had the sense he did so to prevent himself from touching me but I so wanted him to touch me. Everywhere.

  "Goodnight, Ember."

  "Goodnight, Trace."

  I walked inside and turned as a smile touched my lips. I closed the door behind me and though I couldn't see him, somehow I knew he stayed there until he heard the lock click into place.

  I climbed the stairs to my apartment and walked right into a heated argument between Lena and Todd. Todd saw me and hissed through his teeth as he stormed past me.

  "Are you okay, Lena?"

  Her green eyes looked up into mine and she looked angry with me. For what, coming home? Being seven in the morning, I think I gave them the apartment for long enough.

  "I'm fine. I'm going to bed."

  And then she, too, stormed off.

  I slept until two in the afternoon and was less than eager to leave my bedroom. I could tell from the movement in the other room that Lena was home, possibly Todd as well, but there was no point in delaying the inevitable. I climbed from bed and made my way to the bathroom. A little while later, I entered the kitchen to find Lena sitting at the table with a cup of cooling coffee sitting in front of her. She was looking out the window so lost in thought that she didn't even hear me enter.

  "Hello, Lena."

  Her head jerked in my direction before she stood and walked around the table to wrap me in her arms.

  "I am so sorry that I've been such a bitch, Ember."

  "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, Todd was drunk and upset over losing a big bet."

  "A bet?"

  "Yeah, you know: poker, pool, ponies. He likes to gamble."

  ...and apparently Todd hated to lose and was just setting himself up to fail since the odds were stacked against you in gambling.

  "How often does he gamble?"

  Her eyes were like green fire in response to that benign question. "Not that often."

  I could tell by the way her eyes shifted that she was lying.

  "Is he like that every time he loses?"

  She didn't answer but then she didn't need to.

  "Seriously, Lena, I think you need to really think about a relationship with him. Do you really want to get involved with a hot-headed gambler?"

  "He's more than that. Yes, the gambling is unsettling but it's only a small part of who he is. I like him, I really do. Just give him a chance, you'll see."

  I was not as optimistic and worse, I was concerned that Lena could so easily dismiss what I thought was a serious red flag in Todd's personality but what could I say.

  "Okay."

  Later that day my dad called and just hearing his voice lifted my spirits.

  "Hey, Emmie, how's the big bad city?"

  "Conquered." It was my standard, ludicrous answer.

  "How's Lena?"

  "She's dating a gambler, a hot-headed one at that."

  "How long have they been together?"

  "They just started dating."

  "Gamblers are a tough lot, kiddo. Seems to me since their relationship is only in the infancy that Lena ought to pull stakes and get out of Dodge."

  "My thoughts exactly but she wants to try."

  "You guys still sharing a bank account?"

  "Yeah, different accounts within the same account, but yeah."

  "I'd move your money out, sweetheart, get your own account. Wanting to make it work with a gambler could make Lena an enabler and what a gambler needs more than anything is money."

  Shit, I hadn't even thought of that.

  "You're right. I'll do it first thing Monday morning."

  "Emmie, I've been wanting to mention this for a while. I know you and Lena have been close since you were school girls but I think you need to look long and hard at your relationship."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Your shyness, as you call it? I don't think it is shyness at all baby girl because I've seen you go toe-to-toe with a team of men and hold your own. I think, if you spent less time with Lena, you might find that you aren't as shy as you think."

  "Meaning?"

  "She undermines you, Emmie, belittles you to make herself look better. You accepted the role as the shadow while she stood in the spotlight, and worse, she's convinced you that the shadows are where you prefer to be."

  I had to take a seat because this was the very first time I was hearing that my dad wasn't a fan of Lena's.

  "Why didn't you ever tell me this before?"

  "I wanted you to be happy and Lena seemed to do that for you but I will admit that I pushed UofD instead of Temple because I wanted you away from her for four years. Think about your time in Newark, Emmie. You shined."

  I hadn't thought of it but he was right.

  "Just be careful. Lena looks out for Lena and if the time comes when you need her to have your back, I wouldn't hold my breath that she will."

  I had a terrible feeling in my gut that my dad was spot on.

  "I will, Dad, and thanks for the advice."

  "No problem, kiddo. Be safe. I love you."

  "I love you, Dad."

  Chapter Three

  Monday morning found me dealing with my finances. Not only did I move my money from our joint account but I also moved it into another bank. I explained to Lena that I signed up for some electronic bill pays and got a discount if I switched banks. I really hoped that Todd could move past his gambling but if not, I was relieved to know that my money would be safe.

  Later that night I had to work. Clover was sponsoring another benefit, this time for battered women and children. The menu included the most popular dish in each course and cost a thousand dollars a seat.

  You can imagine my shock and confusion to look up at one point in the evening and see Trace enter. I realized as I watched him that I really didn't know anything about him. What does he do for a living that he could afford the two-thousand-dollar price tag for this dinner?

  He was dressed in a beautiful black suit that was clearly tailored just for him and, though he looked elegant, there was no denying the hard, muscular body under it. The suit was offset with a charcoal-colored shirt and silk tie and to say he looked exquisite wasn't being fair to him.

  The woman on his arm was a stunning blonde dressed in a silver, silk sheath. Her sharp features hinted at a Slavic background.

  I was filled with disappointment seeing him with her but it was a good reality check. I naively hoped that our breakfast the other night might have been the start of something but Trace didn't play the game that way and I needed to remember that.

  I wasn't thrilled -- actually I was down-right annoyed that they were seated in my section but since the menu was fixed I only needed to get their drinks and bring them their meals. As I approached, Trace's head moved in my direction and then those eyes looked right up into mine.

  "Hello, Ember."

  "Good evening. It's nice to see you, Trace."

  My eyes moved from him to his date who was looking at me with very cold, pale blue eyes.

  "Can I get you something to drink?"

  "Patron, neat." she said before turning her gaze to Trace. To say the air chilled would be an understatement.

  "Dalmore, neat. Thanks, Ember."

  I looked up and saw a grin touch his lips and my smile in response was involuntary before I disappeared to get their drinks.

  The rest of the evening went the same way. His date was a cold bitch while Trace was affable and polite. I wondered why he subjected himself to someone as cold as her. I watched them and realized that her coldness was directed only at me, which seemed odd considering I was just a member of the waitstaff.

  A commotion across the dining area pulled my attention. I recognized the diner; he was a regular, and when sober he was charming but he was a drunk so he couldn't stop himself after one or two or three.

  He was usually placed in my section because
I learned how to handle him. After drink number six he really wasn't tasting the forty-dollar scotch he was downing so Trent and I would stop charging him for his drinks and would cut his scotch with mostly water. This had the effect of not just stalling his downward spiral but, as anyone who'd ever drunk too much knew, once the buzz started to fade, exhaustion replaced it. I even had a cab company on redial to take Mr. Forester home. Clearly, Cindi wasn't watering down his drinks since his voice was rising and his hand roaming. I walked with determination across the floor before stopping just in front of him.

  "Ember, you beautiful girl, how nice to see you."

  "And you, Mr. Forester. How was your dinner this evening?"

  "Wonderful, as usual."

  Trent walked over at the moment with a new drink and handed it to me with a wink.

  "Here you are, Mr. Forester."

  "You are too good to me, Ember."

  "Nonsense."

  His bloodshot eyes looked over to Cindi who was beet red and twisting her hands nervously before her.

  "She isn't as good as you."

  "She's new, Mr. Forester, she's still learning the ropes."

  "She isn't as pretty as you either."

  I blushed as I turned to Cindi and smiled, "I'll take over for you."

  She looked as if I just had given her the moon. "Thank you."

  I stood with Mr. Forester for a few minutes until I got him to calm down and then I needed to check on my other customers.

  "I'll be right back. I need to check my other tables."

  "Don't be long, gorgeous."

  As I walked away, I couldn't help but grin because as flattering as it was to hear those words from Mr. Forester, it would be nicer to hear them from someone who wasn't three sheets to the wind.

  The last table I visited was Trace's only to find him sitting alone, silently watching me. I couldn't help looking at the empty seat across from him which had him offer, "She's in the ladies' room."

  "Of course. Can I get you anything else?"

  "You handled that man very well, Ember."

  "I grew up with dock workers."

  "He's right you know?"