Skye regarded me curiously for a second and I braced myself for her refusal even as I added, "It's some of my best work."
She smiled at that, an amused and indulgent smile. "Okay, Jasper Wells," she said warmly. "I would be honoured."
I had not expected that at all.
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Pretty sure. Tell me the date of the opening so I can mark it on my calendar. I want to be there."
I did not dare let myself give in to the surge of happiness rising within me, telling myself I did not care either way whether she showed up for me or not.
Later, I found Cole in our home office huddled in a chair with his nose buried in a novel and informed him that I was using Skye's pictures in my show with her permission.
He gave me an inscrutable look and then shrugged. "Yeah, okay," was all he said before going back to his reading.
Subject closed. Sometimes I wanted to shake him hard and yell at him to wake the fuck up and see what his ignorance was doing to the two people he loved. Other times, I just felt sorry for him. He could not help feeling the things he did. Love was not about forcing someone to see things your way.
Instead of losing my shit, I did what I always do when I was stressed and couldn't fuck it out of my system. I sat down with my trusty scotch and drank myself into oblivion.
~~~
Cole
"What would you do if you discovered your wife wanted to be with two guys at once?" I asked suddenly.
Armaan Qureshi looked up at me from where he sat frowning at a design plan in our office at the construction site and studied me for a minute.
What in the world had possessed me to ask him that? The morning had started off like any other. I had arrived at work on time and liaised with the construction crew over how we wanted things to proceed today and now, it was almost time for a lunch break but these days, my mind refused to give me any downtime.
Skye and Jasper. They were all I could think about. The pain I was putting them through. My throat closed up every time I tried to talk to either of them about it. It was easier to be ignorant. Act like I was in denial. I wasn't. You couldn't hide from things like that when they stared at you in the face every day.
But confronting the problem meant coming to a decision and I could not decide what to do about this even if somebody put a gun to my temple. I couldn't go there without my heart threatening to break out of my chest. My fear trying to drown me. It would be easier to have the decision taken out of my hands if they just went and hooked up secretly behind my back and I suddenly discovered them in bed together or something.
But nope. These two...they fucking loved me to death. I never doubted their faithfulness to me, their commitment to making sure they never hurt me. Shit. What had I done to deserve such lovers? Nothing. Nothing at all.
"Is this about Skye?" Armaan finally spoke up, getting straight to the point as he leaned back in his leather chair and locked his arms behind his head.
I had never met a more laid back guy in my life who also got highly emotional at the oddest things. It was fun working with him. I learned a lot and liked to regard him as a friend now. Someone who did not judge you for the weird choices you made in life and also, did not waste time on bullshit.
I looked down at the plan and smoothed my palm over it absently. "Well...er...how did you-?"
"Know?" He laughed shortly. "I was there that night, too. It was kind of obvious."
I frowned at him. Maybe I should not have said anything. Did he consider me stupid now for acting like I did not pay attention to Skye and Jasper?
"Anyway, to answer your question, first of all I would throw a huge tantrum and then try to get her to stop thinking about this other guy by resorting to cheap tricks like coercion and manipulation, including using sex as a weapon," he said in a careless tone. "If none of that works," he continued with a shrug, "I guess I'll just learn to share."
I stared at him, trying to figure out if he was serious or not.
Armaan gave me a steady look. "Bro. It would kill me a little bit every day but shit, there's nothing I wouldn't do for Jasmine. My only hard limit is that she never hurts herself by going after what she wants because I can't see that. I can't see her hurting."
His words stirred up something deep inside me. A mixture of anger, shame and guilt? It bugged the hell out of me. I swallowed down the bitterness and sat down in my chair, rubbing my hands over my face. Armaan went back to his work without any further comment, staying silent and absorbed in the papers before him.
"I don't want to hurt them," I said quietly after what seemed like ages and pain tightened up my facial muscles. I exhaled slowly and blinked back tears. "All my life, I've been passed around from one foster home to another. As soon as I got used to one situation, suddenly I was thrown into a different one. And then I met Jasper and...he was it. He was...my home. The one thing that remained constant." I shook my head while staring out a window overlooking the construction site where workers milled about in the bright Italian sun.
"Falling for Skye seemed natural. It wasn't even a love-at-first-sight thing. I talked to her every day and...the essence of her...it just seemed to shine through. Like she was calling out to me. To claim her." I clasped my hands and stared at them morosely. "But...Jasper was mine, you know. I couldn't handle the change. Him suddenly wanting what he had allowed me to have. And then Skye actually wanting him back when I thought I was her other half or something." Letting out another breath, I turned my miserable gaze to Armaan and found him watching me with a slight smirk on his face.
I scowled at him. "Glad you find this funny," I grumbled, feeling stupid again.
He shook his head at me in amusement. "You sound like a spoiled kid who doesn't like sharing his candy," he told me frankly. "I should know. I've been one my whole life." Pursing his lips in consideration, he regarded me thoughtfully and also with a hint of compassion in his eyes. "Although I can't relate with the whole foster home thing. Sorry you had to grow up that way. I can't imagine not having my parents."
Suddenly, his expression changed and he stood up abruptly. "Which reminds me, I have to give my mother a call. Like ASAP." He pointed a finger at me. "You should come with Jasmine and me to Amira sometime. It's a great place for a vacation. I know of certain secret hotspots which you and Jasper might like. Hell, even Skye."
I stared at him in confusion. Funny guy. Here I was pouring out my heart to him because I didn't have anybody else to talk to and he was issuing me an invite to his place again. In another country no less.
"I'll...er...I'll think about it," I mumbled and looked away.
I heard him typing something on his mobile and then moving away.
"Yo, Cole," he called out and I glanced at him. His phone was pressed to his ear. Probably calling his mother. I felt an ache in my heart knowing I could never have that.
"You should tell them what you just told me," he said slowly. "They're your family. Imagine what it would have been like if they both hated each other instead?"
He turned away then to talk on the phone and I just looked at his back unseeingly. Was he right? Was I simply ungrateful? Just a jealous, spoiled child in a man's body who was too selfish to allow the ones he loved some extra happiness simply because it made me feel excluded? I tried to picture what Armaan had said.
Skye and Jasper constantly at each other's throats. Neither of them willing to share me. Being so jealous of each other that they forced me to choose between them. A constant state of tension and resentment within our home. Damn. That would have been so much worse. So much harder to deal with. I was lucky. So damn lucky. I had hit the jackpot when it came to having two lovers and here I was moping over it.
Getting up abruptly, I grabbed my phone and keys and strode over to Armaan, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. He looked at me, said something to the person on the other end of the line and put his hand over the mouthpiece.
I smiled at him. "I'm taking my lunch break now," I info
rmed him cheerfully to which he nodded. "Thanks for the free therapy."
He laughed at my words and resumed the phone call as if he had not just helped me reach the biggest revelation of my adult life which would in turn secure the happiness of three highly strung out people. The guy was a Godsend.
****
I wasn't sure how many curses I had to hear while driving like a maniac trying to get to Skye.
According to her schedule, she was supposed to be at her only female client, Bianca Martinez's house a couple of miles away from my workplace.
I had to see her. She was so vulnerable, so weakened emotionally by our situation over the past couple of weeks, I just wanted to give her a hug and let her know it was all going to be okay. I was going to deal with my complex issues and would try my damndest to make sure both she and Jasper were happy. Just like they had been doing for me all this time. No one was taking anybody away from anyone. We were going to be a team. A family.
I pulled up in front of the residence Skye had shown me once while we had been out on a drive and called her number. She did not pick up. I gathered she must be really busy and got out of the car to walk up Bianca's driveway, praying my girlfriend would not get too mad at me over this impromptu visit.
A tall, stylishly dressed female answered the door and I smiled and greeted her amicably.
"Is Skye here?" I asked her in Italian.
She cocked her head at me and gave me an appreciative look which kind of irritated me. I was here on urgent business, damn it.
The woman, who I assumed was Bianca, presented me with a saccharine smile. "So you're the lover she keeps texting when she's supposed to be teaching me how to paint," the woman drawled and I felt her index finger touch my chest as she dragged it down my shirt slowly.
Jesus. Forward much? Frowning, I took a step back. I never texted Skye at work unless it was about something important. She took her art pretty seriously. I got the feeling this woman was lying just to stir up some trouble. "Can you please let her know I'm here? It's really important. I just need to speak to her for five minutes."
Bianca pouted at me. "Do you want to come inside?" she purred, draping herself against the doorjamb.
Heaven give me strength. I exhaled impatiently. "I'll meet her out here if that's okay with you."
Her expression soured and she unfolded herself to strut back into the house. "Skye isn't here," she called out over her shoulder. "Maria, close the door, please."
What? What was happening? What an unhelpful and infuriating woman. And my girlfriend worked for her? She must be the headache client Skye had told me about.
"What do you mean? She didn't show up?" I called back but there was no answer.
A young girl in the doorway startled me with her sudden appearance. She gave me a kind smile and said, "Skye didn't come to work today, signor."
I grew worried. Skye never missed her sessions. And her phone was off. Shit. Something must be wrong.
"Maria, close the goddamned door and get me my coffee!" Bianca hollered from beyond the hallway and Maria winced before giving me an apologetic smile.
I mouthed a 'good luck' at her and hurried away from the house. It was turning my mood off. Trying Skye's cell again, I got in my car and swore when it went to voicemail. I left a message for her to call me back and then dialled Jasper's number. He answered on the first ring. Of course he did. He would drop everything to talk to me no matter what he was doing. Jasper always had the pessimistic view that every call could be an emergency call. I loved that about him.
"Jasper. Baby, are you home?" I asked breathlessly, rubbing my hand over my chest trying to calm my heartbeats.
"No...I came down to Roskos. Just some advance planning for my show. What's up?"
I closed my eyes and sighed. "Were you at home a while ago? Is Skye there?"
There was a slight pause and then he said, "Doesn't she have a session right now?"
So sweet how he stayed away from her for my sake but stored every detail about her in that shrewd brain of his.
"She isn't at work. She isn't answering her phone. I'm worried."
He was quiet for a few seconds. "Do you want me to go back home and see if she's there?" he asked me in a nonchalant tone.
I smiled. Idiot. I knew he was already bursting to go check on her anyway, but was trying to play it cool. This was getting so much easier now that Armaan had indirectly helped me with my hang-ups. Shit. Armaan. I glanced at the time on my phone. I only had fifteen minutes to get back to work and I had not even eaten anything. Being late was not an option.
"Please do that," I said to Jasper. "Tell her to call me back or just let me know yourself if she's not feeling well or something."
"Yeah, all right," Jasper replied in a subdued tone.
I started the car. "Jasper?" I said quietly before he could disconnect the call.
"Mm?"
I smiled lightly and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel. "Just...take care of her...if she's not okay," I said. "Don't leave her alone. I'll be home in the afternoon and we'll do something, okay. The three of us. I love you."
He did not say anything for a long time and I held my breath wondering what he was thinking.
"Okay. See you then," he said and hung up.
I frowned and sucked on my bottom lip. He was upset. I felt like this whole Skye thing was taking its toll on him. He was more subdued and got tension headaches. Shit. I had to take better care of him. And I would, along with Skye.
Letting out a breath, I turned my car around and headed back to work, feeling happier as I thought about the future.
~~~
Jasper
She wasn't there. She wasn't at the apartment. Not just her but all her things were gone as well. A cold feeling ran down my spine as I searched for her in every room even though my heart already felt her absence. I knew. I just knew Skye had left us for good.
"No!" I cried out, yanking off my tie as the air started to suffocate me. A life without Skye. I could not bear it.
Frantically, I dug out my phone and dialled her number but it was futile. Her phone was switched off. Why? How could she do this?
"Fuck," I cursed painfully as my eyes landed once more on the offensive note on the kitchen counter which I had been trying to ignore till now.
I did not want to face reality but it had to be done sometime.
My fingers shook as I read the words.
I am sorry. I couldn't choose. Please don't make me choose anymore. I love you both. Be happy and keep me in your beautiful memories.
I swallowed multiple times, my vision starting to blur and a severe headache splitting up my brain.
"Skye!" I called out as numbness took over, making me stumble because I suddenly could not feel the floor below me. "Skye..."
I was not sure when the phone dropped from my hand. The last thing I saw was the kitchen counter looming over me before my vision went blank.
~~~
Chapter 34
Cole
"He needs close monitoring and care for at least three months before he regains full control of his body." The doctor's brow furrowed as he scribbled down the prescription for some meds. "It was not a massive stroke so the impairment of some of his abilities may simply be due to a mental block. It's temporary. Sometimes, it has more to do with morale than actual physical incapacity."
I rubbed a hand over my face, taking in every word the doctor said. Stroke. Jasper had suffered a stroke. It was so difficult to accept that but I had to. My lover was currently lying on a hospital bed just a few feet away from me. Shit.
If I hadn't rushed home when I did...
By some miracle, Jasper had accidentally dialled my number or maybe he had managed to do so on purpose before losing consciousness completely. I had not asked. I had been too busy trying to recover from the shock and processing the sudden turn of events.
When Jasper did not speak upon my answering his call or pick up when I disconnected and tried calling him ba
ck instead, I knew something was wrong. Of course that meant I could not concentrate on work and Armaan had noticed me fretting. The guy told me to go home and find out what the problem was immediately.
I sucked in a painful breath. I had not been too late to save Jasper who had been lying on the floor like a limp giant but if I had arrived sooner, the damage would not have been so great. The doctors had managed to revive him but he would need months to fully recover and constant care and encouragement. Knowing Jasper, how proud and arrogant he was, how he insisted on being the caretaker every time, I had a feeling there were tough times ahead.
I could not even think about Skye. The truth was so devastating. It would break me into pieces and right now, I could not afford to fall apart. Jasper needed me.
"Mr. Sawyer?" The doctor, Stransend his name was, peered at me. "Are you all right?"
I felt wetness on my cheeks and wiped them on my shirt sleeve. "Yes, yes. I'm fine. What else does he need?"
Stransend gave me a kind look and cleared his throat. "We found traces of alcohol in his system. Was he drinking today?"
I frowned in puzzlement. "He...I..I don't know. He had been the night before."
Stransend nodded. "The alcohol concentration in his blood suggested he had been drinking just a couple of hours ago before he suffered a stroke. If he has a problem, I advise total abstinence."
I swallowed hard. Jasper had been drinking more than usual lately but I never saw him drunk except the previous night. Fuck. This was all my fault. He had been drowning himself in alcohol because of what I was responsible for putting him through and I hadn't intervened.
"I'll do my best," I croaked, hating how weak I sounded. Everything was going completely wrong. How was I going to be able to cope with this setback? The two people who anchored me; one of them had almost died and the other had just...left. I held myself accountable for indirectly causing both those situations.
The doctor continued to fill me in on Jasper's treatment plan which included physical therapy sessions and hospital visitations. Jasper would remain under observation for a few more hours and then I could take him home.
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