Affiliations, Aliens, and Other Profitable Pursuits

by Lyn Gala

  “There is nothing wrong with being a ututeh,” Ondry said.

  “Well, that’s debatable. Personally I think anyone who could walk past a child in need is a little on the morally evil side of the fence, and I can’t believe I nearly convinced an entire species to dismiss humans as evil. There’s a reason the generals don’t normally let sergeants set policy when trading with aliens.” Rules existed for a reason, and Liam had shattered them with his inability to see he was leading the Rownt down the wrong path.

  “It is not only your experiences that worried the Grandmothers, I am sure.” As far as reassurance, that wasn’t the most convincing, but Liam wanted to believe. After a minute of silence, Ondry continued. “Diallo put not only her life but also the life of a palteia in grave danger. That is unthinkable to a Rownt. And your Colonel Thackeray openly defied a Grandmother, pushing her to the point she felt a need to physically correct him.”

  “He what?” Liam squirmed around enough to look Ondry in the eye. He didn’t appear to be joking.

  “Do you not remember?”

  “Is this from the temple ceremony where you took custody?”

  “Yes.”

  Liam sighed and put his head on Ondry’s shoulder. “I don’t remember anything about that day.”

  “Colonel Thackeray kept offering the eldest Grandmother goods she did not want. When she turned her back on him to end the conversation, he did something I did not see. Perhaps he touched her or said something offensive. I do not know. However, she turned and slapped him so hard he fell on the floor.”

  That was entirely too amusing. “She didn’t.” Liam regretted missing that.

  “She did. When he began to yell for the other officer to do something about the attack, the Grandmother offered to kill him and clean his blood off her floor. She then ordered him off the planet.”

  Liam tried to imagine the scene. Lieutenant Spooner must have freaked out. Grandmothers were intimidating under the best of terms, but if Spooner had been caught between Thackeray’s stupidity and angry Grandmothers, he would have panicked. “I missed a lot that night.”

  “You did. I am sorry the drug prevents you from remembering events I hold most dear. You are my palteia, and I will never believe you anything other than skilled and not evil,” Ondry said, coming right back to the subject Liam had been trying to change.

  With a sigh, Liam closed his eyes. He wanted to go to sleep and forget any of this had happened. “I didn’t mean for the Grandmothers to think all humans were bad, but I spent most of my time talking about the bad ones, so I can’t blame them.”

  “You were hurt.” Ondry spoke as though that was some sort of an excuse for nearly starting an intergalactic war.

  “Yeah, but why haven’t I ever told you about Bukowski?” Liam asked, but he knew there was no answer for that. Looking back, the only humans Liam had focused on were the ones who had hurt him. There were dozens if not hundreds of people like the floaters who had taken him in and taught him to surf, but he only talked about them when Ondry forced him to.

  “Is she the one who died?” Ondry asked softly.

  Tears threatened, and Liam fought to push the emotion down again. She’d died in the transport, but she’d lived long enough to suffer. “She was an amazing woman. She was a sharpshooter, specializing in taking down aerial attacks, and she could shoot a missile out of the air.” After a successful takedown, she’d scream curses at the other side, calling the missile operators every foul name she could come up with. And she came up with some very creative curses.

  “When Kaplan tried sending me into danger, she volunteered to go with me. She could have gotten killed, but she chose to go out instead of staying behind and playing cards with the others. She had a sister back home, and she was sending her pay back so her sister could go to engineering school. Every time we got a data burst from the social networks, she’d show us pictures.” It hurt to even remember Bukowski, but Liam refused to forget. “Her sister had a lot of talent. Their father sold food out of a tiny restaurant. Bukowski had a kid when she was fifteen, and her father was raising him. She was amazing, and she made these jokes…” Liam’s breathing grew ragged, and he stopped.

  Ondry hummed. He didn’t say anything, but they lay on the couch with their limbs tangled, and Liam remembered. Some of the memories sickened him now—times he’d believed Kaplan and enjoyed their games. But there were other nights after Liam had left Kaplan when the others had invited him into a card game or they’d shown up before he went out on retrieval. They never made a big deal out of it—they made sure someone always had his back.

  Liam’s leg was going to sleep before he finally asked, “Why didn’t I ever tell you about her? Why didn’t I talk about Craig Miller who showed me Rownt pornography when I first got to Prarownt? He had pictures of a Rownt mating, and he used to write these offensive stories about Rownt with their large male genitals, and he made everyone laugh. Gina was always telling him he was jealous and asking to see his genitals so she could compare them to Rownt. You saw her. She was the one with the weapon when Thackeray came into town.”

  “I remember.” Ondry rumbled as he spoke.

  “She gave me this little gun and showed me how to use it. She said if something went bad at the trading square, the way things had gone bad with the Anla, I should screw protocol and defend myself.” Liam remembered her taking him out back of their compound and pointing the weapon at a paper she had pinned to the hillside. The only gun he’d ever used was the oversize frontline standard. She had to break him of every habit he had from frontline training before he could develop any accuracy with the miniature weapon. “I carried that gun for months before I decided the Rownt were more sane than the Anla. But she risked breaking regulations for me.”

  Ondry shifted and began to stroke Liam’s hair. “She sounds logical. Regulations must change if there is a change of circumstance.”

  “But I never told you about these people. I never told you about Framkie.” Somehow that felt like a betrayal of everything these people had done for Liam.

  “You told me you feared he had died.”

  “But I didn’t tell you how he showed me how to survive after Kaplan threw me out. I didn’t tell you how I kept expecting Framkie to demand some sort of payment, but he never asked for any. He helped me without wanting more.” At the time, Liam would have paid the price. It seemed like the people whose beds he wanted into kept him at arm’s length.

  “Perhaps he recognized you as palteia.”

  “I know you think humans should treat palteia differently, but we don’t. A palteia has to take care of himself like anyone else.”

  That upset Ondry enough he gave a short trill. “That is unnecessarily cruel.”

  “From a human perspective, so does allowing a near-viable life to die inside an eggshell. We aren’t the same.”

  Ondry was silent for a long time. Liam might have worried he had offended Ondry, only, Ondry continued to rumble and trace small symbols on Liam’s skin.

  “Perhaps not,” Ondry eventually said. “You take care of more people—not just palteia, but anyone in need. But you do not provide enough care to the most vulnerable. By Rownt standards, that is strange, but I assume it makes more sense to humans.”

  “I don’t know if it does. But maybe there’s something wrong with me. Something psychologically wrong. I focused so little about all the good people in my life. It’s like I was angry at my whole species.”

  “Were you?” Ondry asked in such a serious tone Liam had to consider the question.

  “I don’t know,” Liam admitted. He felt like he’d betrayed all the people who had offered him kindnesses. A human partner might insist Liam talk about that, but Ondry made soothing noises and held Liam. Considering how large Ondry’s hands were, he was remarkably gentle as he caressed Liam’s neck. If Liam had any energy, he’d suggest they crawl into the nest, but he was utterly used up. He was an old tube of toothpaste where even the last little bit in the end was h
ard and crusty. Only Ondry’s hands against Liam’s skin made him feel alive.

  The room door gave a muted series of clicks to indicate someone had stopped outside. The slow ticks continued long past the time common politeness would allow someone to stand outside a door.

  “Maybe it’s an emergency,” Liam said. Ondry was tuk ranked now, so he would be called for any ship meetings.

  Ondry huffed, and then he got up and touched the inner door to open it. The eldest Grandmother stood there. Liam rubbed his eyes clear of tears and got up.

  “Grandmother,” Ondry said with a thin veneer of politeness, but even Liam could hear the tone of impatience.

  She ignored him and came into the room and settled on the couch, her width filling nearly the entire surface. “I am glad to see you are unharmed,” she said, addressing Liam.

  “His harm is unseen,” Ondry corrected her.

  Again, the Grandmother ignored the insult. “Is that true, young one?”

  Left on his own, Liam would have lied and said he was fine, but to say that was to undermine Ondry’s position. Besides, he wasn’t fine. “I think it is, Grandmother.”

  Twin pale spots appeared on either side of the Grandmother’s mouth. “Then tell me, has today been like slipping a knife into a dull wound to drain the fluid off, or has it been like a knife sliding into healthy skin?”

  Had Liam lanced a boil? With Rownt, their skin was so durable that boils or bruises posed the greatest danger. The swelling could not break through the skin, so the pressure went down into internal organs. Dull wounds had to be pierced, but humans weren’t Rownt. Liam wouldn’t die of a bruised back or a bruised soul. But sometimes releasing the pressure did promote healing.

  “Perhaps a little of each,” Liam told her. “I don’t want Rownt to fight humans.”

  Ondry moved to Liam’s side and sat so Liam was tucked up against Ondry’s chest.

  “I do not speak for all Rownt, but the Calti will not fight humans. Your people are young and flawed, but they have the hearts of chilta. I will be interested to see how the Earth people evolve. I know if Rownt tried to care for everyone the way your people do, we would soon weary ourselves and grow unable to function. Perhaps in our distant history we were like you and we learned to limit ourselves to caring for palteia and children. Perhaps your people will change as they mature.”

  “My people would not want to limit their ability to care. We have entire religions based off reverence for love,” Liam said. He had to use the English term for love, but he trusted the Rownt understood.

  The Grandmother held her hands low in a calming gesture. “After today, I have a new theory several Grandmothers agree with, but you are the expert at humans, Tuk-Paltiea Liam. Could it be some of these humans who have treated you badly are ututeh, but the shame of that label in human eyes has caused them to hide it?”

  “Thackeray, perhaps, and I do believe that’s true for Mort.” Mort had been the worst kind of psychopath, using anyone and everyone to get his way. His charm was his most deadly weapon, and he used it to vivisect everyone who came into his life with a ruthless efficiency. One of the reasons Liam had fallen for Sergeant Kaplan was because he seemed like the opposite. He’d had a certain charm as well, but it was a clumsy and insecure sort. “But I know Kaplan had people he loved. He just didn’t love me.” Liam refused to believe every emotion Kaplan had shown him had been an act.

  Ondry tightened his hold on Liam and began to hum quietly.

  The Grandmother said, “A second theory is your people try to care for too many and when the suffering grows too great, their ability to care grows fatigued. That appears to match a number of human descriptions of their own psychological problems.”

  “Perhaps. It makes sense.” Even better, it allowed Rownt to have a positive impression of humans without underestimating the truly evil choices humans could sometimes make.

  “It is unfair to ask him to speak for all humans,” Ondry said, his tone registering some complaint.

  “Of course, you’re right. We take your word only as one perspective, youngling. We hoped to see how your people reacted to those in need, and knowing they were unlikely to allow us near palteia or children, we looked to how they treated the injured who had chosen to ask for help. We gathered our own data, so do not feel you are responsible for any choices we make. Even as tuk ranked, the Grandmothers listen to you without promising to agree with anything you say.”

  “I don’t want you to give my words too much weight,” Liam confessed. For a Rownt, refusing to accept respect made no sense, but right now Liam didn’t want anyone listening to him. His thoughts were too chaotic.

  The Grandmother leaned forward. “We give your words much weight. We would not have named you tuk were that not true. Now your chilta grows impatient with me, so I shall leave before he shows me a tooth and I am forced to take offense.”

  “I would never act so disrespectfully, Grandmother,” Ondry said.

  “You have already, although at the time I might have deserved it, so I chose not to comment.” The Grandmother rose. Liam tried to move toward the couch, but Ondry guided him toward the nest instead.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Morning came, and Liam felt no better than he had the night before. Maybe he’d burned out some emotional circuit, because he was numb.

  “May the sun bring profitable trades and great joy,” Ondry said before Liam had even opened his eyes. That clever tail of Ondry’s slipped under the waistband of Liam’s sleeping pants. Instead of allowing the morning ritual to continue, Liam sat up and grabbed Ondry’s arm.

  “Not this morning.”

  Ondry widened his eyes in confusion, and maybe it was Liam’s imagination, but Ondry almost looked hurt. “I want to make you feel good.”

  Liam collected his thoughts. His morning grogginess fogged his already confused thoughts. “I need not to feel good for a little while. I hadn’t let myself feel for the people I lost, and I need time to do that.”

  Ondry stopped moving. “You would wake screaming out of fear they had died. Is that not feeling for them?”

  “No, not really,” Liam said. “The nightmares were my mind’s way of trying to get me to look at the pain and the guilt, but I hadn’t allowed myself to think about anything except how much Kaplan and Mort hurt me. All the anger kept me from seeing things rationally.”

  Ondry’s confusion appeared to deepen. “You speak as though you are a separate being from your mind.”

  “Sometimes humans feel that way when there are feelings they don’t want to have, but they need to feel.” Liam caught Ondry’s hand and held it tightly. “So I need to feel bad for a while.”

  Ondry widened his nostrils and stared at Liam silently.

  Liam thought of the Grandmother’s metaphor from the previous night. “I have to pierce the skin and let the emotional swelling out, or it will crush me.”

  Slowly, Ondry withdrew his tail, but then he gathered Liam close and held him. “I wish I knew how to ease this pain.”

  “This is what happens when you care for people. It hurts when they die.” And as much as Liam had tried to push everyone away after Kaplan, looking back Liam could see he had cared for the others. Every small, kind gesture had been one more bit of armor. Liam had gathered them all up and glued his emotional defenses back together. “I haven’t done anything with my Command salary yet. I was going to send half to my family, but they don’t know me. My siblings were young when I moved out, and even before then, I avoided home. Maybe I can set up part of my salary to go to the families of the people who died.”

  Liam knew that giving him a lieutenant’s salary was Command’s way of keeping some control. They might not be able to give him orders, but if someone back home counted on that salary to continue, Liam might be more invested in protecting Earth and Earth’s colonies. Command didn’t need to bribe Liam into caring about his home planet, but maybe the money could do some good.

  “We need to go meet the Grandmothers.
They’re going to finalize trade today,” Liam said.

  Ondry made no move to get up. “They can wait.”

  Liam snorted. “You are abusing your newly won tuk status. You never would have made a Grandmother wait before.”

  “I would have if you needed me.” Ondry continued to stroke Liam’s neck, and now he ghosted his lips over the sensitive skin, kissing Liam right under the left ear.

  “This is making me feel good when I really do need to grieve and let myself hurt,” Liam said.

  Ondry stilled, but then he reluctantly released Liam. “I dislike this emotional injury.”

  “So do I,” Liam said. But he climbed out of the nest as soon as Ondry had let go of him. For months now he’d had sex every morning and cuddling every night. When he’d been an Earth trader, he’d been so depressed he rarely thought about anything and spent more time playing games and studying verbs than he did allowing himself to have feelings. Then he’d become a palteia, and after a rough start with more misunderstandings and fears than his brain could process, he’d buried himself in pleasure. But he still hadn’t dealt with his feelings. He shoved them all in a box labeled, Thank God I don’t have to feel that anymore. Liam might not have some fancy degree in psychology, but he knew unhealthy when it hit him in the face like a dead and rotting fish.

  When Liam got out of the shower, Ondry was standing at the open door watching. “I still believe you are obsessed with washing natural oils off your body.”

  “Well, you’ve seen what happens to my hair when I don’t wash,” Liam said. He started brushing his teeth, and Ondry stood behind him and rested a hand on Liam’s shoulder.

  “I like your hair.” Ondry took a few strands between his three fingers and his thumb. He squeezed the water out of the hair, and droplets ran down Ondry’s skin, brightening the plum colors of his arm.

  Liam spit the improvised mouth cleaner Ondry had obtained into the sink and rinsed it down. It made his mouth tingle, which was why Liam never swallowed even though Ondry insisted the substance in the cleaner was safe for consumption. “If I don’t wash, my hair sticks up everywhere.”