by J. L. Wilder
“Sure I do,” she said. “It’s been twenty years, Wes. Of course I have a life without the two of you now.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” he said.
She softened. “I know you didn’t,” she said. “And I know you both care about me. I owe you an apology too.”
“You do?”
“I shouldn’t have been so hard on you when I found out you and Lauren were...whatever you are. What are you, by the way?”
He hesitated. “I think I’m in love with her.”
She let out a low whistle. “That’s something I never thought I’d hear you say.”
“Yeah. I never thought I would say it.”
“Does she feel the same way?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.” He dug his fingernails into his palms. It would break his heart, he knew, if she didn’t feel the way he did.
But there was no way the sex between them could have been as powerful and overwhelming as it had been lately if it hadn’t been based on love. Wes had hooked up with his share of women, but it had never been like that.
I love her. She loves me.
“I guess you guys are going to be a real family, then,” Jessica said.
“And you’re going to be a part of it,” Wes said. “What’s going on now is shitty, but Jess...I’ve stayed away from you for too long.”
“No, it’s not just your fault,” Jessica said. “We’ve both pushed each other away. When I found out about you and Lauren, my first instinct was to pick a side. I could have tried to help bring you together.”
“We found our way together in the end.”
Jessica grinned at him. “Are we really going to be family again? See each other more than three times a year?”
“My kids are going to need their aunt,” he said. “It wouldn’t be right for me to keep them away.”
“Damn right,” Jessica said. “Someone’s going to have to teach them how to cook, and it sure isn’t going to be you.”
He hugged her. “You be safe in the city, Jess,” he said. “Tina’s going to put the screws to you. She’ll assume you know where Lauren and I went.”
“I’ll tell her you took her threats seriously and split for Canada,” Jessica said with a shrug. “That’s what she wanted. When she doesn’t see any sign of you for a few weeks, she’ll give up and move on.”
“I hope you’re right,” Wes said. Something made him feel as though he hadn’t heard the last of Tina.
“Trust me,” Jessica said. “She didn’t even have Cody’s support for what she did today. He’s going to put her on lockdown over this. She’s going to have much bigger problems than you.”
“Hey, Jess, you can’t tell anyone she burned my trailer,” Wes said. “You can’t mention it to Cody or to anybody else.”
“Why the hell not? She’s crazy. People should know.”
“Because I don’t want her to see you as a threat,” Wes said. “I don’t want her coming after you. It’s hard enough that I’m sending you back—”
“You’re not sending me anywhere.”
“But if I have to worry about her throwing rocks through your windows, or whatever she does to people, I’m going to lose my mind.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I need you to stay safe, Jess. I can’t focus on Lauren if I don’t know you’re going to be okay.”
She nodded. “I’ll be fine,” she said. “Take care of her. She’s going to need you.”
Chapter Forty-One
Two Months Later
WES
He found Lauren squatting beside the fire and tending to it. “What are you doing?” he demanded, hurrying to her side. “Didn’t I tell you not to get up?”
“The fire was dying,” she said. Then she winced. “And actually, now I can’t get up. Can you help me?”
He slid his hands under her elbows and raised her up out of her crouch. She winced and rubbed her lower back. “Damn. These kids are heavy.”
He could believe that. At six months into her pregnancy, her belly was massive. “That’s why I don’t want you on your feet,” he said, guiding her back over to the nest of grass and leaves they’d made under one of the thickest trees.
She made a face. “I can’t just lie on my back all the time, Wes.”
“Well, you can when I’m out hunting.” He eased her down. “I worry about you when I can’t see you, and then I come back and find you climbing all over the place.”
“I walked ten feet over to the fire.”
He laid down beside her. “How are you feeling?”
She laughed. “How am I ever feeling?” She reached down to cup him. “You know you’re all I think about.”
“You’re wild for it.”
“It’s all the hormones.” She squeezed, and he throbbed against her palm. The truth was, seeing her like this had him feeling pretty aroused most of the time too. It was like walking through a fog of sex.
He rolled onto his back and guided her into position. She slid down onto him easily, closing her eyes in ecstasy. Once seated, she sighed deeply, her need finally being met.
Wes traced his fingers slowly up and down the tops of her thighs.
She didn’t move, but she contracted slowly around him, and he could feel his cock pulse inside her. They held absolutely still otherwise.
“I couldn’t wait for you to get back,” Lauren whispered. “I’ve been wanting you inside me all day, Wes.”
He nodded, stroking the lines where her thighs folded into her hips with his thumbs. “Me too.
“I wish you never had to go hunting. I wish you could stay inside me all the time.”
“We’d get hungry,” he chuckled.
“I get hungry when you’re gone,” she said. “Hungry for you. I need you, Wes.”
He trailed his fingers inward, running them over her inner thighs now. “You have me now,” he said. “We have as long as you want. We can just stay here like this all day if you want.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “Fuck, please, yes.”
She began to move, rolling her hips slowly, grinding her body against his. Wes let out a sigh. Having Lauren on top like this was almost meditative. She would go on for hours, he knew, and what she liked best was for him to lie still and let her use him, let her fuck herself on him like a toy.
He loved it.
As her pregnancy progressed, these lazy afternoons only grew more and more enjoyable. He worshipped her changing shape, running his hands over her swollen belly, reaching up to cup her massive breasts. She looked and felt so different from the woman he had had a quick tryst with six months ago in her mother’s kitchen. That woman had been hardened by anger and grief, and by twenty years spent in the human world. He had enjoyed their interlude, but it hadn’t stayed with him.
But this...this was transcendent.
She was ripe. Glowing. Being inside her felt as natural as breathing, and Wes could hardly believe there were whole hours of his day that weren’t composed of this. She was right, really. Why bother to go hunting? Why eat or sleep or do anything but this?
She was riding him more aggressively now. She found his hands and threaded her fingers through his, leaning against his palms. Wes was thankful that he had the strength to hold her up, giving her the leverage to push against.
She circled her hips, and he thought he might cry out with pleasure.
Lauren did cry out. She was loud when they made love now. She’d never been silent, but out here in the wilderness, she could make as much noise as she liked. A few yards away, a startled flock of birds took wing.
The sun sank low in the sky, and the two of them went on and on. Wes stared up at the beauty above him, taking her pleasure from his body. He would give her anything, he knew. Anything she asked for, anything she wanted, she had only to name it and it was hers. Fuck, he loved her so much.
Darkness was around them, and the cool night air had begun to dry the sweat on their bodies when Wes felt her grow tense around him.
Her head fe
ll back, and the light from the fire lit up her face. She was in ecstasy.
The sight of it was enough to push him over the edge. He let out a roar as he came, no longer able to keep silent, and heard a dozen little beasts of the forest go scurrying away from him.
Lauren went limp. Wes sat up quickly and caught her in his arms, easing her off of him and laying her down beside him on the ground.
“Mmm,” she murmured, eyes closed, smiling. “That was amazing. That was exactly what I needed.”
“I’m yours,” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m so yours, Lauren.”
A log snapped in the fire. Wes pulled himself closer to Lauren, grabbing one of the worn blankets Jessica had brought them during their first week in the wild. He spread it over their bodies.
Lauren kissed him, her lips moving as she murmured something he couldn’t hear.
Wes was already drifting away. He gripped her hand, holding her close, and let exhaustion claim him.
Chapter Forty-Two
WES
The next morning, Wes awoke to find Lauren on her feet again.
He jumped up and hurried over to her. “Are you all right?” he asked. “You’re not sick, are you?”
“I’m perfectly fine,” she said, casting an exasperated look at him. “You worry too much; did you know that?”
“You should be resting.”
“Wes, I’m only six months pregnant. And I’m healthy enough.”
“But you’re huge,” he said. “It must hurt you to walk around. I see how you’re always holding your back.”
She nodded. “I want to shift today,” she said.
He blinked. “You do?”
She hadn’t shifted since they’d come to live in the wild. Even when the nights had been cold, she’d slept human, buried in blankets, sometimes nestled against Wes’s own bear self for extra warmth.
“I want to hunt,” Lauren said.
This was unexpected. “You don’t need to do that,” he said. “I’m bringing in enough food for both of us.”
“But I want to,” she said. “Please?”
“You could get hurt.”
“No, I couldn’t,” she said. “Wild bears hunt when they’re pregnant all the time. This isn’t like fighting. Nothing’s going to happen to me. And if this is what my life is going to be like for the foreseeable future, I want to be able to fend for myself.”
“You don’t need to fend for yourself,” Wes said. “You have me. I’ll always take care of you.”
“I know that,” Lauren said gently. “But this is my life, Wes. I’m not going to spend the next ten years lying under this tree while you do everything. I need to learn how to live every aspect of this life.”
“Is this your way of saying you’re willing to live out here in the wild long term?”
“It’s already been two months,” she said. “We don’t know when it’ll be safe to go back to the city. We don’t know if it ever will. This is one thing we need to prepare ourselves for.”
“You’re right.” He was impressed by how practical she was being and how well she was handling the idea of a permanent life in the wild. Lauren had always been the suburban woman, with her well-tended hair and her high-heeled shoes. He’d never imagined he would see her really embracing this life.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll take you hunting.”
“Great,” she said.
He laughed.
“What?”
“Just imagining what the Lauren of twenty years ago would have said to this. I remember the day you left the city, you know.”
“You weren’t there the day I left the city. You’d already left for the woods.”
“No, I was there,” he said. “I came back to get a few things. When you came to the house to say goodbye to Jessica, I was upstairs.”
“I never knew that.”
“Yeah, I didn’t come down,” he said. “But I watched you from the window as you were leaving. You were all dressed up in that three-piece suit, with the little skirt...you really looked like a proper human that day.”
“And now?”
“Now you’re my wild woman.” He grabbed her and pulled her close, kissing her deeply, briefly. “Ready to hunt?”
“Hell yes.”
“Follow me, then.”
Shifting was a matter of reaching into his senses, which he needed to use in order to track prey. By the time he was fully bear, he had already caught the scent of a rabbit, hot and tender.
He glanced over his shoulder. Lauren was on his flank, watching him, following.
He moved slowly, knowing that this exertion would be difficult for her. It was easier for the bear’s body to carry a pregnancy than it was for a human, but still, she was far from unburdened.
But she was so graceful. Even after all his years of living wild, he had trouble moving through the brush without making noise. Lauren, though, was light on her feet, stepping with ease. She seemed to instinctively know where to place her feet to avoid making a sound.
I haven’t spent enough time with her like this, he realized. Even now that we live in the wild, I haven’t gotten to know this side of her.
He wanted to.
He spotted the rabbit, and glancing at her again, saw that she had seen it too. She hung back, waiting for his guidance.
He nodded to her. You take it.
She cocked her head. Me?
He nodded again.
He saw her gather her strength, preparing—
She lunged forward out of the trees. The rabbit’s head darted up, but it had no time to react before Lauren was upon it, her jaws closing around its neck. She gave her head a firm shake, then pawed back to Wes and laid the body carefully at his feet as if she was making an offering of her kill.
Wes stepped forward and nuzzled the side of her face, then pressed his shoulder to hers. He hoped she could feel how proud he was of her in that moment, and how impressed he was with the woman she had become. She was miles away from the twenty-year-old in the three-piece suit who had turned her back on her animal self and walked away to join the human world. She was shifter, like him.
He picked up the rabbit carefully, turned, and made his way back toward their little camp.
Lauren followed, not bothering with quiet now. Their dinner had been caught. The rabbit was plenty fat enough to serve as a meal for them both. Already, Wes could imagine the juicy taste of warm meat in his mouth after it had been cooked over their fire.
We’re good at this life. We can handle this. And if we never feel safe going back, we’ll teach our children to be good at this too.
He felt full of hope. It wasn’t the life he or Lauren had dreamed of for themselves. It wasn’t anything he had ever imagined. But it was working.
Chapter Forty-Three
LAUREN
As always, Lauren fell asleep quickly after their big meal. A full belly had always been the perfect thing to send her to sleep, and as her pregnancy developed, that became more and more true. She supposed her children must be like her in that way—worn out by the need to digest their dinners. It felt as if she was five times as tired these days.
When she opened her eyes, the moon was high overhead, and the world around her was dark. It was still night.
This wasn’t her normal pattern. She had been sleeping through the night lately. For a moment, she wondered whether something was wrong. She sat up and placed a hand on her stomach, assessing her body, scanning for pain or trouble.
There was nothing. One of the babies moved slightly, but it didn’t hurt. She was used to that sensation. It wouldn’t have woken her.
What had?
She felt deeply uneasy, and she couldn’t put her finger on the reason for that feeling.
Carefully, she extracted herself from a sleeping Wes’s embrace and got to her feet. She went to the fire and sat down beside it. It was burning low, barely more than embers.
She added a bit more tinder, building it up
carefully. Having something to do was good. It made for a distraction from her worry.
But she couldn’t distract herself forever. Soon the fire was blazing again, and Lauren had no choice but to sit back and think.
She looked over at Wes. His dark, curly hair was splayed out on the ground like a fan around his head. As the firelight flickered, she could see the sun damage to his skin. Living outdoors had made him look wild in a way that was permanent.
She looked at herself.
Everything that had made her who she was had disappeared. Her fashionable clothes were long gone. Her hair, which she’d taken such pride in during her twenty years living human, was a tangled mess.
She recalled what Wes had said before their hunt. Now you’re my wild woman.
She loved being his wild woman. It was the sexiest thing she could imagine, knowing that he thought of her that way. She loved the possessiveness in his voice and in his look when he’d said it. She was his. And she was wild.
So why did she feel as if she was losing something she couldn’t live without?
Leaving the suburbs had been intimidating, but it wasn’t that. She didn’t miss her home in Palatine. She no longer wanted to go back to her restaurant job. Coming home had been the right move. She needed to be in touch with her animal side in order to go through this pregnancy. She needed to be her true self, to feel the instincts of the bear guiding her as she prepared for motherhood.
But that wasn’t why she had originally come back. Her original motivation had been to rejoin the den, to raise her babies as a part of that community. That wasn’t happening now.
In a way, Tina won, didn’t she? When she ran us out of town, she sent us into exile. It’s the thing she wanted from the moment she knew I was back.
It was awful to think that she had gotten her way after all, even though Lauren knew she and Wes had had no other choice.
She had come back because she’d wanted her children to be brought up as part of a den. She had wanted them to know that side of their identity, their history and their culture. She’d wanted to give that to them. Tina was taking that away from her family by claiming the city for herself.