Your Life or Mine

by Vicki Bradley

  ‘Sorry, tradition dictates one witness should be from the bride’s side.’ The registrar shook his head at me and smiled. ‘And I’m a stickler for tradition. What about your friend here?’

  ‘Oh. Yes, Lucy.’ There was only Lucy left on my side to be my witness.

  ‘Or maybe a sibling, to get them a bit involved?’ He clasped his hands together, waiting.

  My chest felt tight and a sudden wave of dizziness hit me. I heard Rachel’s childish laughter pealing through the trees, saw sunlight filtering through the woods.

  I had to sit down or I’d fall. Lucy grabbed my arm. She guided me to the plush sofa in the middle of the room. My legs buckled under me and I collapsed onto it.

  ‘Are you all right?’ The registrar rushed forward; his already wrinkled brow was furrowed deep. He seemed at a loss as to what to do.

  ‘She’s fine.’ Lucy bent over me, peering into my face. She turned to him. ‘I can be the witness.’

  ‘Do you need some water or something?’ He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, not sure where to go.

  ‘Great idea.’ Lucy rushed to the table where a jug of water stood and poured me a glass.

  ‘I’m all right,’ I said. ‘A little hot, that’s all. This dress is too tight.’

  ‘I have to ask…’ The registrar leaned closer towards me. ‘Is anyone forcing you to get married?’

  ‘No, no one’s forcing me to do anything.’ I couldn’t keep the irritation out of my voice. Why was he asking me that? I wished he would get away from me.

  His face relaxed. ‘I’m sorry – I have a legal duty to ask. It’s one of the standard questions.’

  ‘Of course.’ I tried to control my breathing.

  Lucy handed me the glass of water.

  ‘I’ll… I’ll leave you to it,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’ He hurried out of the room without looking back.

  ‘Drink the water,’ Lucy said. ‘It’s going to be fine.’ She squeezed my shoulder gently.

  Cool water slid down my throat. ‘Do you… do you think they know about what happened?’ I couldn’t look at her as I said it.

  ‘You’re being paranoid.’ She stood up straight. ‘How could they know?’ There was a sharpness to her voice.

  ‘You’re right. It’s just… I hate being the centre of attention. Everyone staring at me again.’

  She gave a brief nod but said nothing. We never talked about our past; it was our unspoken rule.

  ‘We need to get going.’ She handed me my bouquet and smiled at me. ‘It’s nearly two.’

  I smoothed my dress and glanced in the mirror one final time. The colour was coming back to my cheeks. Today my life was going to begin with Mark. He had been everything to me for so long now and soon we would be married. I felt a flutter of happiness at the thought.

  * * *

  We waited outside the ceremony room – the point of no return. Once I crossed that threshold, everything would change, my life would never be the same again. I was ready.

  But voices rumbled from inside the room; I’d expected silence. I glanced at Lucy, who was hunched over, fussing with my satin train.

  I thought of Mark. How we’d talked about this day for so long. Now it was finally here it felt different. Strained, maybe. As if everything was pulled taut and a single thing could rip it all apart.

  Lucy stood up and waited beside me. My feet were starting to ache and the underwire of my lacy bra was digging into my ribs. I tugged at my bodice.

  Lucy turned to me. ‘Shouldn’t someone open the doors for us?’

  ‘I would have thought so.’ I tried to remember what my wedding planner had said would happen at this moment. The voices still rumbled on through the door.

  ‘I can go in and find out what’s happening?’ Lucy suggested.

  ‘No, everyone will see you. Let’s give it a couple of minutes. David’s probably lost the rings or something. I told Mark he’d be useless, but did he listen?’ I’d never liked David. He seemed so superficial and didn’t strike me as a good person.

  ‘Tweedledum and Tweedledee.’ Lucy muttered under her breath, but then saw my look and realized what she’d said. She knew I hated it when she compared Mark to David. ‘I mean… you know, for friends, they’re very alike. Same haircut, same suits. That’s all. I didn’t mean…’ She blushed and looked downwards. I decided to leave it. Now was not the time to start arguing with my only bridesmaid.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said.

  ‘It’s fine.’ It wasn’t and she knew it. We waited for a few more minutes. ‘I put one-thirty on the invites. They’ll all be sat there waiting. This is embarrassing.’

  ‘The bride’s always late,’ Lucy said.

  ‘But I’m not late. I’m ready.’ My patience was wearing thin. I’d never understood that tradition. ‘Maybe you’re meant to open the doors?’

  Lucy peered through the tiny gap in the oak double doors, which were festooned with white ribbons and peach roses. ‘They’re all just sat there waiting.’

  ‘Well, I can’t stand here for ever. Open the doors.’

  Lucy was still trying to peek through the doors, stealing nervous glances back at me. She turned to me. ‘Surely someone should come out and open the doors for us?’

  I wasn’t going to stand here any longer. I set off towards the door with Lucy trotting behind me. She hurried in front of me and pulled open the doors, and then fell in line behind me.

  The ceremony room was not as I remembered it. People filled the room, mostly sitting, but a few were on their feet. They weren’t looking my way, and some were even blocking the aisle.

  Mark was at the front, speaking with the registrar, his back towards me. I remembered the first time I’d met him, when he’d come into my little jewellery store. I’d known he was different. I couldn’t stop watching him. He had a good eye for jewellery, selecting one of my favourite pieces for his mother’s birthday. I felt at ease with him. When he discovered I was the jewellery maker and owner, he was amazed. Most people see jewellery as frivolous, but he said it was art.

  He’d bought the piece and left, but the next day he came in again. He’d claimed he needed to buy another present, but it became clear he wasn’t there for the jewellery. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, and I couldn’t believe he’d come back. I knew in that moment that one day we’d be married and now here we were.

  I waved at the pianist to start playing and he frowned at me and shook his head. I mouthed ‘play’ at him and he shrugged his shoulders and began the canon, filling the room with a rising crescendo. All faces turned towards me, but no one was smiling.

  Gemma, a colleague of Mark’s, loomed in front of me, blocking my way. ‘Julia, you shouldn’t be here,’ she said. ‘Elizabeth was supposed to talk to you.’

  ‘What do you mean? Of course I should be here. It’s my wedding day.’ Had she lost her mind?

  ‘Get out of her way.’ Lucy stepped in front of me and pushed Gemma aside.

  I saw a smirk play across Gemma’s face as she shrugged her shoulders and turned away. I’d always suspected she’d liked Mark a bit too much. She’d certainly never been keen on me. Tears filled my eyes. Everything was blurred.

  As I stumbled down the aisle, the people around me gawped. One of Mark’s cousins put her hand over her mouth.

  I concentrated on Mark; he was a few metres away. If I could get to him, everything would be all right. He was in a deep discussion with the registrar, their heads bent towards each other. Those standing were blocking my view. I couldn’t get his attention without shouting at him and I wouldn’t stoop to that.

  Confusion spread through the room. The whispers grew. Elizabeth, Mark’s mother, was hurrying down the aisle towards me, a strange look on her face.

  Mark turned around to face me – but it wasn’t Mark.

  It was David.

  When Mark had joined the gym, David had too. When Mark changed his hair, David had too. I couldn’t believe I’d mistaken him for Mark. Of co
urse it wasn’t him.

  I brushed the tears from my eyes and checked the crowd either side of me, but Mark wasn’t there.

  David hurried towards me, meeting me halfway down the aisle just as Elizabeth reached me. He was the last man in the whole world I needed right now, but I was stuck with him.

  ‘Your wedding planner was going to talk to you.’ His eyes darted from left to right, searching for her.

  ‘Where’s Mark?’ I grabbed his hands to make him focus on me.

  ‘I don’t know.’ He pulled his hands from mine. He wouldn’t look at me.

  ‘When did you last see him?’ It felt like I was free-falling as my stomach flipped in fear.

  ‘Yesterday afternoon.’ He glanced at me and then quickly looked away.

  ‘But you were meant to be staying at our flat with him last night?’

  ‘He didn’t turn up. I just thought he was with you.’ He pushed his hair back and his eyes searched the room, as if looking for an excuse to get away from me.

  ‘You knew he wasn’t with me,’ I said. ‘We told you we wanted to spend our last unmarried night apart. He was meant to be with you.’ Mark had been missing for twenty-four hours and David hadn’t told anyone.

  ‘Sorry, what do you want me to say?’ He put his hands up in surrender and moved away from me. ‘Look, I’ll try to call him again. We’ll find him, don’t panic.’ He pulled out his mobile and put it to his ear.

  My heart hammered inside my chest. Mark was gone. So, this is what it felt like. I’d been preparing myself for this for so long, imagined it enough times, but I hadn’t expected it to feel like this. As if my insides had been scooped out. An emptiness.

  Elizabeth, Mark’s mother, was wittering on at me. She was wearing a ridiculous, pink and gold, frisbee-like hat, which was balanced precariously on top of her greying curls. Her dress was white with a matching pink and gold swirling rose pattern, too bridal for my liking.

  ‘I thought you were going to tell her?’ Charles, my soon to be father-in-law, was standing up.

  ‘I thought the wedding planner had gone out to do it.’ Elizabeth waved her hand towards me dismissively.

  My cheeks burnt with shame. They all thought he’d left me. Snatches of gossip rushed at me. I felt my jaw tightening in anger. I wanted to scream for silence, but my voice had stopped working.

  Above me there were white angel sculptures flying out of the top of the stone pillars, their shoulders bent under the weight of the oak beams they were holding up. The effect was meant to be ornate, but the angels were suffering under their burden. Their eyes stared down, pitying me.

  I had come so close to happiness. I dropped my gaze to the tiled floor. God was getting me back for everything I had done. And I didn’t deserve anything less.

  Continue Reading…

  Before I Say I Do

  Vicki Bradley

  About the Author

  Vicki Bradley splits her time between writing psychological suspense and drama novels and being a DC with the Met Police. Her first novel, Before I Say I Do, won the 2018 inaugural Write Here, Right Now open submissions competition run by Simon & Schuster UK, Darley Anderson Literary Agency and the Bradford Literature Festival. Your Life or Mine, the second thriller featuring DC Alana Loxton, can be read as a standalone.

  To find out more, visit her website or follow her on Twitter.

  www.vickibradleywriter.com

  @vbradleywriter

  www.SimonandSchuster.co.uk/Authors/Vicki-Bradley

  Also by Vicki Bradley

  Before I Say I Do

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  First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2021

  Copyright © Vicki Bradley, 2021

  The right of Vicki Bradley to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

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  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  Paperback ISBN: 978-1-4711-8526-7

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-4711-8527-4

  Audio ISBN: 978-1-3985-0056-3

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.