by J. N. Baker
“I’d like to go on that hunt right now,” I told Baldric as Josh returned to collect another basket. He still hadn’t looked at me.
“It might be best to wait until it stops snowing.”
“The one deer is going to last them only so long,” I pointed out. “Besides, it’s hardly coming down.”
“Very well,” Baldric said. “Take Josh—”
“No,” I interrupted. That got Josh’s attention. “I can go alone. I have proven that I can protect myself.”
He stared at me with those ebony eyes and then looked to Josh. “You will go with her to…help her. Be back before dinner.”
I resisted the eye roll that begged to be unleashed. And then two bows and quivers floated through the air toward us and I did roll my eyes, snatching the bow and slinging it over my shoulder.
“Let’s go,” I muttered, turning and heading out of the kingdom at a Chosen pace. The sooner we got away, the sooner I could ask Josh what the hell his problem was.
When we’d gone a good five miles through the countryside, away from ever-present prying eyes, Josh’s hand shot out and wrapped around my wrist, pulling me to a stop in the middle of a dark, snowy field.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked, spinning me around to face him.
“What do you mean what am I doing?” I snapped.
“You’re fucking sleeping with him?”
My hand moved faster than he could follow, slapping him across the face with such force that the sound of his jaw breaking echoed through the darkness. By the time he dared look at me again, it was already healed.
“How could you even say that?” I seethed. “You know me—better than anyone else. Is that really what you think of me?”
Josh had the good sense to look ashamed. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Fuck…I’m sorry, Zo. I didn’t mean it.”
My hands shook at my sides, chest heaving. “And yet you said it.”
He blew out a breath. “I know you wouldn’t, not willingly at least. It’s this damn mate shit. It was bad enough when I was still human and I ached for you daily, but now I feel like I’m going insane. Like, if I don’t get close to you, I’ll die. I feel fucking feral, Zoe. Everything in me since I was changed is driving me to claim you, even when I didn’t know who you were.”
He wasn’t the only one being driven mad. I needed him just as much and couldn’t have him, not fully. Not while Baldric lived.
“So, you just left?” I asked. “Without a single word?”
“I should have told you,” he admitted. He stepped forward, putting a hand on my neck and drawing me closer. His thumb ran across my lower lip and I shivered. “I just couldn’t bear to watch you walk into his room night after night. To watch you go into another man’s bed again when you should be coming to mine. It was killing me. I was worried if I stayed that I might do something I’d regret.”
“Like finally agree to help me kill him?”
He sighed. “Yeah.”
I put my hand on Josh’s chest, listening to the steady, if not slow, beat of his own blackened heart. “Look, Josh, as much as I hate him, Baldric hasn’t even come close to crossing that line with me. I haven’t been with anyone since…”
I couldn’t get myself to say it.
“Alec,” he tried to fill in for me.
I shook my head, biting my lip to keep it from quivering. “Since that night,” I whispered to the ground, unable to look him in the eye. Of all people, Josh knew what that meant.
Josh took my face in both of his hands, tilting my head up until I had no choice but to look at him. He searched my face like he was looking for the truth, but he had to know I’d never lie to him about something like that. The “accident” was the first and only time I’d gone that far, and it hadn’t been my choice. I’d never been able to get myself to cross that line with Alec and now I knew why.
I belonged to Josh. I was his for the taking and no one else’s.
And oh, how I wanted him to take me.
Josh suddenly looked ill.
“And to think the other night I almost…” He trailed off, horror flashing across his face. “Shit, I was so rough with you, Zoe. I just wanted to throw you down and claim you. I thought you’d… Fuck, I’m—”
“Don’t,” I said, seeing the apology on his lips. I refused to let him, of all people, treat me like a victim. I was a victim no more. I was a goddamn survivor. “Don’t you dare apologize for that. I enjoyed every damn second. I wanted it just as much as you did. I wanted more. I want you to claim me, Josh. I might have some scars, but I’m not fragile. I won’t break that easily.”
I pressed my body against his, running my nose along his jaw. “Besides,” I purred, nipping at his chin, “I love when you get all growly.”
As if on cue, a growl slipped past his lips as I stepped away from him.
“Kaziel!” I shouted, eyes still locked onto Josh’s, loving the fire I saw raging in them.
Like a shadow in the night, the creature manifested out of the darkness, snow-dusted cloak blowing in the breeze.
“That’s so damn creepy,” Josh muttered, his eyes leaving mine to track the shadow creature’s movements as it approached us.
“You called, Zoe,” it said. With how fast it got there, I couldn’t help but wonder how close it had been. Were they just hovering around waiting for me to need them?
“We need some meat—deer and rabbit preferably. And we need them quickly,” I added, finally pulling my gaze away from Josh to meet the creature’s glowing eyes. “Can you and your people make that happen?”
Kaziel nodded. “Consider it done.”
And as if it were never there to begin with, the shadow creature slipped right back into the shadows and a shiver slipped down my spine that had nothing to do with the snow.
“It doesn’t worry you, having one of those things so close?” Josh asked. He’d been in the room when Litharo had gotten into my head and made me think my innards were becoming outards.
I shrugged. “Not that one,” I said, looking to where the creature had disappeared. “It saved my life once, and it fought for me when the others wouldn’t. And now it’s left William to follow me. I trust it.”
“It saved you from what?”
Now that I had him back, I often forgot Josh had been absent for over six months of my life while he was with Baldric, not remembering who I was. There was a lot he’d missed while only visiting me in my visions and we hadn’t exactly had a lot of time to play catchup the past few months.
“We were low on food and our people were at risk of starving,” I said, turning back to face Josh. “We formed a hunting party. Ryuu and I went as protection since we’d recently lost one of our shifts to an attack. Baldric’s men came for us during a storm. One of our shifts got away before we were ambushed. Everyone else, save for me, was killed.”
His brows furrowed. “Ryuu’s dead?”
“His head was left on our doorstep,” I said with more bitterness in my voice than I intended. That blood-stained stake would haunt me for the rest of forever. “How else did you think you obtained his ability?”
“I guess I didn’t want to put two and two together,” Josh said, raking a hand through his hair. “I liked Ryuu. He was a good man.”
I smiled sadly. “He was definitely one of the good monsters. Just one of the many reasons I want to kill Baldric. Even if he has been a perfect fucking gentleman,” I added.
Josh cocked an eyebrow at me. “You sound upset about that.”
“He’s not living up to his monstrous reputation and it’s pissing me off,” I snapped, stepping away from him. “He’s the same vile creature who ordered Ryuu killed and his head put on a stake. He wrote a letter to Alec telling him all the foul things he’d do to me once he got me in his bed. He killed billions of people just so he could be king. He took the damn sun from the world and he took you.”
“And yet I sense a but coming…”
I groaned inwardly. So
metimes I hated how well Josh knew me. “But…he’s taught me how to control my new ability. And he hasn’t forced himself on me in any sense of the word. And there’s no way he was the one who killed Seraphina, even though William told me he was the one who had. And with how he is with Scarlett, I think he’s even telling the truth about not killing Markus’s family. Not to mention that all of his people adore him. I just don’t get it…”
Josh closed the distance between us, putting his hands on my shoulders and holding me at arm’s length. “Maybe he’s not the true villain here,” he told me for the second time. “Maybe Seraphina and Markus aren’t the only things William lied to you about.”
“He killed Ryuu,” I snapped.
Josh’s hands ran up and down my arms in soothing strokes and damn if it didn’t calm me down. “I’m not saying he’s blameless. He’s done some horrible things. But, then again, so has William. All I’m saying is maybe Baldric is the lesser of two evils.”
My eyes narrowed into slits as I studied his face. “You really think he’s innocent in all this, don’t you?”
Josh sighed. “I’ve been with him for a while now, longer than you have. What I’ve seen is a man who takes good care of his people. Yes, he can be tough at times, but he’s gone out of his way to make sure they have everything they need. He’s sent out search parties to look for survivors and has given them a home. And for someone who supposedly created all this darkness, he absolutely hates it. Why do you think he keeps so many torches and lanterns lit throughout the castle?”
“But William said—”
“William has lied to you before,” Josh said, his voice firm. “Who’s to say he isn’t lying again? I think you need to figure out the truth for yourself.”
“And if I find out Baldric really is the power-hungry, blood-thirsty, murderous monster I’ve been told he is?”
Josh’s eyes narrowed and his face hardened. “Then I’ll help hold him down while you take off his head. But I don’t think it’s going to come to that.”
He just had to add that last part. I rolled my eyes. “And if you’re right and he somehow isn’t the one behind the downfall of the human race and the destruction of the entire planet…you’ll just live with the fact that he wants me for himself?”
His hand came to my face, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger and bringing my face closer to his. “Like I told you before, I won’t allow him to have you. We will find a way out of this. I don’t care what he says. You. Are. Mine. I will never let you go again.”
A fire ignited low in my stomach, spreading out until my whole body was burning for the man in front of me. He tilted my head back, icy eyes piercing whatever soul I had left.
“Now…” he said, closing what little space there was between us. His lips brushed across mine and a shudder racked my body, reigniting the ache in my core and reminding me that we hadn’t finished what we’d started when Lindsay caught us a week ago. Were blue ovaries a thing? Because if so, I had them. I pressed my thighs together to easy some of the pressure. Pressure I hadn’t been able to alleviate now that I’d been moved into Baldric’s room.
“Tell me about these visions that kept you warm at night while I was away.”
I closed my eyes, inhaling his masculine scent. “They were a lot like this,” I told him, savoring the sensation of his scruff scraping across my cheek as his mouth moved to my ear.
“Like this?” His teeth grazed my earlobe and I stifled a moan.
“Yeah,” I breathed.
Josh’s hand slid up my waist, dragging my shirt with it. His fingertips caressing my bare skin had me nearly forgetting what his original question had been. But how could I forget—Josh always killed me in my visions. No matter how delicious they were before, they always ended the same: I died by his hand.
“And then what?” he whispered, his now elongated fangs dancing along my neck in a way that should not have been nearly as erotic as it was. Yep, I was going to have him bite me some day.
I didn’t want to tell him. How could I? And yet, he’d find out eventually, like when he drove the dagger through my heart.
“And then you kill me.”
Josh jolted as if I’d slapped him all over again, the shock registering instantly on his face. He pulled his hand away as he stepped back and already I missed his touch.
“What?”
“You heard me,” I said, knowing full well he had. “In my visions, you kill me.”
He took another step back. “How many times have you seen this?”
“More times than I can count.”
Another step away, like he was afraid of what he might do if he stayed too close. “Zoe, I would never—”
“And yet you do.”
I was grateful when he didn’t move even farther away from me. “When the hell did this start?”
“Stonehenge,” I told him. “When I first got my new powers and I nearly killed you.”
Realization flashed across his face. “That’s why you attacked me.”
I nodded. “I’ve had the visions ever since.” It was the only vision I’d had repeatedly. One I’d come to cherish when I thought Josh was still dead because it meant I got to spend a sliver of time with him, even if it wasn’t real. “Each time the buildup is a little different—though just as satisfying—but the end is always the same. You kill me.”
“I’d never do anything to hurt you,” he snapped, keeping his distance like he suddenly wasn’t so sure. Like he didn’t know whether he could trust himself anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”
“I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want to worry you.” Or freak you out like you’re doing right now, I wanted to add. “And then you were gone and the visions of you were the only comfort I had left in this dark world. In a twisted way, you killing me is what kept me alive.”
“Zoe—”
“We have what you requested.”
I reluctantly turned to face the shadow creature. “You’re already done?”
Two more shadow creatures crept forward from the darkness, dragging deer carcasses behind them, hoods concealing their eyes. Kaziel dropped a bag beside the deer.
“Yes. Two deer and six rabbit. Will that suffice?”
Damn, they were fast. “Yeah, that works. Thank you. I appreciate your help—all of you.”
The two creatures behind Kaziel bowed deeply and then disappeared into the growing storm, leaving only my dark friend behind.
“We are happy to help you, Zoe. You have given us hope.”
“Hope?” I asked, but the creature was already gone.
“We should head back,” I told Josh, turning to see him still standing in the same spot, conflict written on his handsome face.
“It will never happen” was his response, his jaw ticking.
I sighed. “Let’s go. We can deal with my impending death later. I have a date with a wannabe king. We are long overdue for a little chat.”
After a walk back through the dark countryside filled with uncomfortable silence, I left Josh with the fresh kills from Kaziel and the other shadow people and stormed through the castle, heading straight for the king’s room—my room.
Throwing open the door, I found Baldric sitting in a chair in front of the fireplace, a book in his hands. He looked up at me as I entered the room, slamming the door behind me. Concern flashed in his eyes. Were they as dark as they normally were or was it the light from the flames brightening them?
“Did everything go okay with your hunt?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, starting to pace the long length of the room.
“Then what is the problem, my dear?” he asked, setting his book down and standing.
“We need to talk,” I blurted.
He appeared in front of me and gently took my wrist in his one hand, forcing me to stop pacing. “What about?”
I held his gaze—his eyes were definitely lighter, the color starting to bleed back into them in spots. Jus
t another thing adding to my mounting confusion. “I’m ready to hear your truth,” I forced myself to say.
“Are you now?”
“No games, Baldric,” I told him. “It is just you and me here—isn’t that what you told me? Now, tell me what you claim happened. Why are you not the monster here?”
He moved to sit in his chair once more. “Why are you suddenly interested now? Not that I am complaining,” he added.
I took the seat beside him, the heat from the fire working to dry my damp clothes. “Because I believe you when you say you didn’t kill Sera.”
His not-so-black-eyes studied me for a full minute. “What do you think you already know?”
“Everything,” I said with a shrug. “William showed us what happened with the originals. He told us all about your need for power and domination, your betrayal, the exile that led to you selling your soul to the Devil so you could destroy the rest of the originals.”
Baldric chuckled. “He showed you all that, did he?”
“He did.”
“You do realize William is an illusionist, correct? He can show you anything he desires, truth or not.”
I arched a brow. “The same can be said about you, and yet I’m willing to at least listen. You say you aren’t the monster William told me you are, then prove it. What’s your truth?”
“Very well,” he said with a nod. “I will show you what really happened and you can draw your own conclusions. Though I should remind you that my illusionary ability is not nearly as strong as William’s.”
And just like that, the room around us started to disappear, replaced by a different set of stone walls that flickered in and out occasionally like an old-fashioned television losing signal. It wasn’t long before I realized we were in a dimly lit hallway, the one torch hanging on the wall nearly gone out.
“She liked to meet me in secret,” Baldric said from beside me as a woman manifested from the darkness—a woman who looked an awful lot like me. We both stood as she drew closer. “She knew how much Edward hated seeing us together since the day she had chosen me over him. He lost his mind that day. Something broke in Edward, something that could not be repaired. She told me she wanted to respect his feelings. Though, I suspected it was because she was secretly afraid of him…of what he had become.”