Why I Want You Dead

by A K Shattock

  “Liz…” It was too late. There was a pause on the line. “You think I did it, don’t you?”

  It was inconceivable. After everything that she had said to that detective, and they still thought it was a good idea to release her. Didn’t they see what was blatantly obvious, right in front of their eyes? Wasn’t Mary even seeing a psychiatrist? They knew about her temper. They knew about her blackout episodes. Yet they thought she was innocent? Blaming it on one of Greg’s closest friends? She felt paralysed with fear. Not even the police could protect her now.

  Elizabeth hesitated a bit too long at Mary’s question. “No…”

  “I can’t believe you!” And there it was. Her rage was back. “After everything you did to me. You betrayed me all these years! And this is how you repay me!” Elizabeth looked around her in alarm. She was still in the cheap hotel room. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to go back home yet. Keith had been very understanding and was holding fort at the house. Would Mary think to come here? Elizabeth hadn’t told anyone where she was staying. No one would notice if she went missing.

  “Liz… please. Say something. We need to talk. We need to sort this out. I have no one else left, Elizabeth. You are my only family. Please, meet me.” Elizabeth’s mind was in a whirl. She couldn’t hide. If she did, what if Mary went to Newcastle? She knew where the boys lived. She could hurt them instead. She couldn’t uproot her whole family. That would mean she would have to explain everything. And without a doubt, Mary would be able to find them. With a sinking heart, Elizabeth realised she needed to end this. She couldn’t go home without making sure it was safe first. They needed to talk. She needed to see how things stood between them.

  “Alright,” Elizabeth said quietly. “I’ll come and pick you up. But I’m not going to explain myself or say anything to you until we come back to my hotel room. Do we have a deal?”

  “Whatever you want.” The line went dead.

  Trembling, Elizabeth got herself ready. She desperately looked around the room for something she might be able to use if things went badly wrong. There was an iron that came with the room. She positioned it behind the television set so it would be an easy reach for her to grab if necessary. She hated that she was forced to think in this way. All her life she had protected her sister. And now she was trying to protect herself from her.

  Reluctantly, she got in her car and drove to the station. She thrummed her fingers on the steering wheel, humming to keep herself calm. When she pulled up, Mary was there; her sharp grey eyes resting on hers. She got into the passenger seat. They both kept to their word. Neither of them made a sound, as Elizabeth drove carefully back to the hotel. If Mary was angry, she wasn’t showing any sign of it. That only made Elizabeth feel more terrified. A few minutes later, they both entered the hotel room. Elizabeth raced to the other end of the room near the curtained window, where the iron was safely in her view and out of Mary’s. She wouldn’t be taking anymore chances.

  “Did you kill Greg?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

  “No.” Mary’s gaze was firm, her eyes fixated on hers. “Why do you think I would kill my own husband?” “Do you want me to say it?” she hissed back. “You want it said out loud? I know, you know what I did. That Greg and I were having an affair.”

  “You think I would kill for that?” Mary cried in disbelief. “You think I would be capable of taking a human life, over an affair?”

  “You don’t know what it was like!” Elizabeth tried to keep her voice calm, but she could feel it breaking. “You didn’t remember what you used to do! How angry you used to get, how violent and forceful you would be when you switched! Greg used to tell me! How you threatened him, how you hit him! Of course I believed you were capable of murder!”

  “Greg was lying!” exclaimed Mary. “I’ve never hit him! That’s ridiculous...”

  “But why would he lie? I’ve seen the bruises. You knew! You knew that you could have done it! You confessed, remember?”

  “I wasn’t sure,” admitted Mary. “I confessed because I was scared I had done it, that I might hurt someone else. But it became clear, I couldn’t have. The psychiatrist helped me to see it.”

  “The psychiatrist doesn’t know you!” Elizabeth spat. “She diagnosed me with a multiple personality disorder. She brought out Agnes. She talked to her.” Elizabeth was momentarily stunned. She hadn’t expected this. Mary knew about Agnes?

  “She managed to coax Agnes out and have a conversation with her. She recorded it. Agnes told her that we didn’t do it. I thought… I thought Agnes was a bad part of me. But really, she’s trying to protect me. She comes out when my mind can’t cope with the world. That’s what her purpose is.”

  “Mary…” Elizabeth said softly, her mind whirling. “Agnes is not good, I’ve met her many times…” “You never told me,” she said angrily. “You didn’t tell me she existed. Why?”

  “I didn’t want to freak you out. I thought I was doing the right thing. I could barely get my head around it myself. I didn’t know how to explain it to you. I wanted to protect you.”

  “You didn’t succeed.” A single tear ran down Mary’s cheek. “I thought I was a bad person. That there was an evil part of me. But there isn’t. Agnes… she’s just misunderstood.”

  “Mary, you have to listen to me,” Elizabeth said firmly. “Agnes is lying to you. She is very good at lying. She killed Greg, I know it. She is clever and devious. You wouldn’t know, you’ve never seen how she works, what she does. You don’t know what she’s really like. Please… please I’m begging you, turn yourself in before she does something you truly regret…”

  “Liz, why are you being like this?” Mary wept. “You’re my sister. We’re supposed to work together. Why would you want me in prison? I don’t understand, why do you hate me so much?”

  “I don’t hate you.” Now Elizabeth was tearing up. Her heart was breaking. “I want you to be safe from yourself! I love you more than anything and this is killing me inside. But it’s the right thing to do. Please… before Agnes comes back and destroys your whole life.”

  Mary was now in hysterics, to the point where she could barely stand. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, crying and crying, using her sleeve to dry her face. Elizabeth watched awkwardly, not knowing what to do with herself. She wanted to run over and comfort her sister. But something inside told her not to. And then suddenly, Mary stopped weeping. “Mary?” Elizabeth said weakly. But she knew it was too late. It had happened.

  Her sister was now still and silent. Her sleeve was still held up against her face, her eyes closed. Then they snapped open. She lowered her arm, turning to face Elizabeth slowly. Her eyes were now cold and hard.

  “No, Lizzy,” her sister’s voice was brash and deep.

  “It’s me. Agnes.”

  DIANE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Diane looked up as Mary Fielding knocked on her office door.

  “Come in! Please, make yourself comfortable!” Mrs Fielding tottered into the room in her beige sandals, her smart, colourful crepe dress flowing behind her. She was a vision of summer in the unusually cold, early April weather. “I do apologise for not making the last appointment at the station. Unfortunately, an emergency came up. However, I’m very grateful that you agreed to come and see me here!”

  “Oh, don’t worry about it. And yes, the journey here wasn’t too bad actually. The directions you sent me were very useful,” Mrs Fielding said conversationally as she settled herself onto Diane’s sofa. She was a different person entirely. She was more relaxed and looked very well. The colour had come back to her cheeks and she was very well-dressed. Diane noted dutifully that she wasn’t wearing black as a mark of mourning. But then again not all people did. And she had just come out of jail - she probably wanted to make the most of the contents in her wardrobe. “That’s good to hear,” smiled Diane. “I was very glad to hear that you had been released. When did it happen?”

&nbs
p; “Yesterday.”

  “And everything has been alright at home?”

  Mrs Fielding swallowed. “Well… it was hard, of course. To go back to that empty house. Apparently, it had been broken into; which didn’t surprise me. It’s not the first time that that has happened. Nobody would tell me anything. But nothing was taken, and I got the locks changed. My sister dropped me off. She offered to stay… but I wanted to be alone. And in the end I was just happy to be back in my own house, with my own clothes. I can eat and do what I like. Prison life is truly awful. And I didn’t even experience it for that long.”

  Diane nodded along to her words. “That is completely understandable. What are your current feelings at the moment concerning your husband's death?” Her patient hesitated. “I’m grieving,” she said simply. “But I didn’t love him. I haven’t for years. I was mentally prepared to leave him for ages. In a way, I think I was grieving for him long before he died. I still can’t believe that they arrested his partner, Stan for his murder. I didn’t think he had it in him. But it made sense. The business was in debt, and Greg’s life insurance money was an easy way to solve that.” “That must be very difficult, to have such conflicting feelings,” continued Diane. “And how are you getting on with your other personality? Agnes? Have you heard from her since our last meeting?”

  “Now that you mention it…” Mrs Fielding concentrated. “I think that now I’ve accepted her, I’ve been trying to let her in. My mind isn’t constantly throwing up roadblocks like it used to before. And when she’s come out… it’s not so... forceful. I don’t get complete amnesia anymore - now there are a few spots I can remember, so I can get more of an idea of what has happened. I let her come out, and I use her when I need to. We’re actually working together.” “That's very good to hear! And do you communicate with Agnes?”

  “Well, sometimes I can hear her voice in my head. And once she left me a note. I feel like we are getting closer together. Like we are becoming one person, rather than split into two.”

  “You’ve made a lot of progress already!”

  “It’s just that… I have a question,” Mrs Fielding considered. “Agnes exists… because my brain made her. When I was a child, a part of my consciousness dissociated to cope with what was going on. In theory, to protect me. What if… what if she doesn’t want to protect me? What does she gain? What if… she’s not actually good. With no morals.”

  “What you have to understand is that Agnes is you. You’re right to think about what she would gain… but if she let you down and destroyed your life, she would get absolutely nothing out of it. And it is clear that Agnes is a protector. She deals with the situations you cannot handle, perhaps situations where normally you wouldn’t defend yourself, but she can. Albeit, she may not always do what you consider is the right thing or morally correct. But it’s the thought that counts. She’s there for you.”

  “My sister thinks she's lying to me,” Mrs Fielding blurted. “That Agnes isn’t good. She thinks...” she peered fearfully at the closed door, as if someone was about to barge in. “She thinks Agnes killed Greg. But that’s ridiculous. I would know. And I would never do such a thing. Agnes wouldn’t do it.”

  “Your sister is aware of Agnes?”

  “My sister never told me about her. She kept it a secret. She didn’t want to scare me. But yes, she has known Agnes since childhood apparently. I still can’t believe this…” she sighed, her head in her hands. “She thinks I would murder over an affair! I could barely divorce him, let alone kill him…” “It sounds like you have a lot to talk about with your sister,” Diane reasoned. “Is that something that you can do? Perhaps let Agnes speak to her as well.” “I can arrange that…” her patient murmured. “But also what concerned me… well… Agnes tends to come out when I get afraid, or angry. But there were times when she would take over when I wasn’t.”

  “When did you notice that?”

  “It was mainly when I used to look after my neighbour’s little girl, about twenty years ago,” she said in a rush. “Nellie. She was a beautiful little thing, with huge blue eyes and golden ringlets. One moment I would be with her, or I’d have popped to the kitchen, doing menial things. And then suddenly I would blackout.”

  “I see. And they were the only times you would switch without an apparent trigger?”

  “Yes, it used to scare me so much. That was when the blackouts started to pick up again. I had very few incidents from when I was a young adult till then. It was very strange.”

  “Was there anything else that happened or was consistent before those blackouts?”

  Mrs Fielding thought for a few moments. “Greg… he was there,” she whispered. “It was only when he was there…”

  “I see. Is there any possible relation to that…” “He did something to her!” Mrs Fielding gasped, her fingers digging into the leather of Diane’s sofa, as if this was something she had just realised. “He pushed her away. I could never figure out why. He didn’t tell me. I tried to contact Nellie later on. But she moved away. I never saw her or heard from her again. Not until recently.”

  “You met with her?” prompted Diane.

  “No. She made contact. She sent me letters. It started a few months ago. She asked me to meet her in the city, at this café. I went, but she didn’t turn up. It happened two more times after that. It was bizarre. I wondered if she was angry with me and this was her way of getting back at me. But I was desperate to talk to her. In fact,” Mrs Fielding concentrated. “The day that Greg was murdered, I had gone to see her. And she stood me up.”

  Diane’s ears perked up at that. Toby had definitely influenced her after all this time. “Did you tell the police all of this?”

  Her patient shook her head. “I didn’t think it was relevant.”

  “Mrs Fielding, this is very important. What do you think happened between your husband and Nellie?”

  “I don’t know for sure,” she took a deep breath. “But I have an idea. I think Greg sexually abused Nellie. That was the only explanation I could come up with. And her behaviour… it was similar to how I used to be. Back when my father was alive… That might explain why I blacked out in those moments. My brain couldn’t cope with what I was seeing...” Alarm bells rang in Diane’s head. Suspicions were running through her mind. She knew something was amiss here. Something very wrong. To the point where Toby could potentially be in severe danger. Was it possible that Diane was right? That the solution had been in front of their eyes the entire time?

  “Mrs Fielding, that is truly awful. I do hope this is something we can get to the bottom of. Please, excuse me for a second. I apologise for the interruption.” She stood up and made her way out the room to the reception. She raced to the front desk and shoved Cath out the way - despite her protests - so she could grab the phone.

  Then she did something that she thought she would never have to do again.

  She rang Toby.

  TOBIAS

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  For the first time since he’d been in hospital, DI Tobias Mitchell found himself alone in his tiny, dingy flat. And unfortunately, completely alone with his thoughts.

  He had tried to go back to work, but after the success and excitement of arresting Stanley Hudson and releasing Mary Fielding; HR and Fowler had picked up on the fact that Tobias had not in fact been cleared to go back to work after his injury. Instead of congratulating him and offering to take him out for celebratory drinks; they had in fact slapped the back of his wrists and sent him straight home. Tobias had been extremely insulted.

  Nonetheless, he was back in his flat, with nothing to do. His eyes wandered around his messy, shoe-box flat. He had few possessions; he had a worn sofa bed which mainly functioned as a bed, the kitchen - if it could be called that - merely consisted of a single counter, sink, microwave and kettle. The attached bathroom was so tiny, that it made Tobias feel like a giant. He often wondered if he was making a mistake, renting the same ten metre-squared studio for years
, and years to come. Ideally, he should do the adult thing and save up, buy a place. But truthfully, Tobias couldn’t bring himself to be organised in such a way. Work took too much of his time and energy. Besides, he had barely any savings. It would be different if he had a relationship or a family depending on him. Tobias continued to survey the mess in his flat, wondering what else he could do. If Tobias had had a life outside of work; he couldn’t remember it. Come to think of it, he had worked an awful lot lately; extra shifts and overtime. Usually, when he came home he was shattered and went straight to sleep. He had no hobbies. No friends outside of work.

  He realised that he used to spend a lot of that free time with Diane. And now he had lost her too. He tried not to think about that moment in the hospital. When she had flipped out on him. How she had declared their friendship officially over. He didn’t think it would hurt so much. But it did. In all honesty, he didn’t realise how much she meant to him until that moment. And now she had seen him there all bandaged up and in a mess because of his job, only enforced the reason why she had broken up with him in the first place. He certainly hadn’t helped himself.

  She deserves better, thought Tobias glumly, as he sipped on yet another bottle of beer. Much better. His thoughts then gravitated to Natalie or Ellen, as she was otherwise known. He found her demeanour very pleasant. She was quiet and mysterious. She had a nice smile and her laugh was musical. Tobias liked her. He liked her a lot.

  And things had warmed up a lot between them. They had gone from being mute colleagues, to working together properly and hanging out after work. They’d both spoken about the past. She’d even volunteered her real name. She was comfortable around him. They’d kissed. Surely that meant a lot in itself.

  He couldn’t help but think what it would be like if something did happen between them. It wouldn’t be ideal, as they were work partners. But on the other hand, it was. She would never have any issues with his job, like Diane did. She was brilliant, clever and kind and the best thing was that she chuckled at his jokes; which was extremely important.