Why I Want You Dead

by A K Shattock

  I hadn’t wanted to agree to that. I couldn’t let the only person I could fully trust go to prison.

  “Don’t worry,” Agnes had assured me. “If things go wrong, I’ll be sure to make sure our personality disorder is known. The worst thing they can do is put us in some sort of psychiatric prison. Perhaps get a lesser sentence. But if we’re lucky, we can frame someone else. Greg’s partner would be perfect. He would have a strong motive. But I don’t know where he is. I can’t track him myself, but the police will be successful. And then it will be very easy to plant the evidence.”

  Our plan was simple, but bold. We hoped that I would be involved in the investigation as a detective. That I could swing the investigation in a way that fit best.

  The night of the murder, I had let myself into the house, when I was sure Mary wasn’t in, using a spare key that Agnes had conveniently left under the doormat. I helped myself to one of her sharpened kitchen knives, being sure to wear rubber gloves. Greg has been staring, slack jawed at the television. His eyes almost popped out in surprise when he saw me. “Gosh, Nellie! It’s been years! How did you get in? Wow, you’ve grown up… so beautifully.” Even in his last moments, I could see his disgusting eyes, running all over my body.

  I said nothing as I quickly shut the curtains and went back to stand behind his chair. He never moved from his chair, his eyes watching me with interest. It was a few seconds before he could see the knife glinting in the darkened room. He wasn’t even able to let out a scream before I grabbed his head by his hair and wrenched it back, exposing his white neck. Blood splattered everywhere. I had never felt so in control. Finally, I could have my life back.

  I took a sample of his blood and hair, then left his body there for poor Mary to find. I went straight back to my newly rented flat, and for the first time in my life, the heaviness on my chest had been lifted. The next day was my first day as a Detective Sergeant. I trembled with excitement as I was paired up with DI Mitchell to investigate this very case. I could never have anticipated that Mary would actually confess. It made things more difficult. Did she have no faith in Agnes at all? But her story was shaky, as was her memory. Fortunately, it didn’t make a difference in the end.

  I offered information that wasn’t true, that Mrs Fielding was left-handed, that her neighbours had reported a domestic argument moments before Mary Fielding had screamed. I avoided coming into contact with Mary as much as I could; she would certainly recognise me if we’d met face to face.

  After it became apparent that Greg’s partner also had a strong motive; after we had tried to track him down that day, I decided to make it look like he was after us. I took a sample of hair from the mattress when I was searching his office. I deliberately tried to befriend Tobias and took up the offer to be walked home. I waited for the right opportunity, and it was too easy to push Tobias down the stairs, to slash my own arm with a pocket knife to make it look like there had been a struggle.

  I went back to Hudson’s house that night and stowed away the evidence in his shed. The gloves with Greg’s blood, a man’s black jumper with samples of my blood, Greg’s and some of Hudson’s hairs. I planted the article of Jacob Huntley’s murder in the hope that it would appear that Hudson was trying to mock his death to make it seem like a serial killer was on the loose and avert suspicion away from him. My bait was gratefully taken. Hudson was arrested and Agnes and Mary were free.

  It was such a pity about that psychiatrist.

  And it was such a pity that Tobias was so clever. But if there was a will, there was a way. I could still get out of this.

  TOBIAS

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Tobias just could not believe what was happening. His gaze was primarily fixated on the knife that she was cradling in her left hand. It looked far too comfortable there. Like she had done this before. “Ellen,” Tobias had hung up the phone and was now holding both his hands up as best as he could with one arm in a sling; trying to look as non-threatening as possible. “Talk to me. What's on your mind?” Ellen was an average height for a woman. But she was strong. She had to be. She had shoved him down a flight of stairs, after all and had easily tackled Hudson. He was sure he would be able to over-power her. But he didn’t like the odds with the knife and his dislocated shoulder.

  “Will you promise that you’ll listen?” Ellen’s voice was quiet and steady. She was stepping closer towards him. Tobias wondered if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

  “Of course, I will,” he breathed.

  “I killed him because he abused me as a child,” Ellen said flatly, no emotion reaching her voice. “I couldn’t live my life properly. I couldn’t be a proper detective. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw him. That’s why I had to leave Derby. I couldn’t cope.” Now tears were springing up in her eyes. “And it was Agnes’s idea. She was tormented by him too…”

  “Agnes…” Tobias interrupted, flabbergasted. “Wait, you planned this with Mrs Fielding’s other

  personality?”

  Ellen nodded. “It wasn’t easy. Mary couldn’t know. It would be too painful for her. The backup plan was that we framed them. Agnes would never let me take the fall for her idea. But when we found another suspect pin it on, it was just too easy.”

  “You planted that evidence,” Tobias nodded. How had he not seen it? How Ellen had seemingly discovered all of the evidence. He’d felt strange about this case, never feeling quite settled about the end result. And now he could see why.

  “Are you going to report me?” Ellen’s question was ludicrous. But she was also holding a very sharp knife that she was very experienced at using. He thought carefully before answering.

  “I just want to know… why?” began Tobias. “I mean, I know why. But why did you feel this was the only way?”

  “Because what else could I do? If I had gone to the police, he may never be sentenced. It was years too late. If by some freak chance he was imprisoned, then he’d be free in a few years. He’d do it again and again, if he hasn’t already. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve done society a favour.”

  “But Ellen… it doesn’t work like that…”

  “Let me finish! How many times have you seen a body of a criminal that has hurt others, who was a burden on many people? Cases of self-defense? A notorious drug dealer? How many times have you looked at a body and thought ‘thank goodness’?” Tobias felt uncomfortable. “But that’s not the point. We can’t take the law into our own hands.”

  “But don’t we? How close was Mrs Fielding away to being locked up for life, based on a half-crazed confession, if you hadn’t been there and fought for her? How easy the murder of her husband would’ve been brushed under the carpet? That our boss, the superintendent, doesn’t give a flying toss who’s actually guilty for a crime; just as long as we have a suspect and the pile of outstanding cases, are going down. How many innocent people are in prison for crimes that they didn’t do, that weren’t fully investigated? And I don’t need to tell you how unsuccessful sexual abuse cases are in the court of law. Can you see my point here?”

  Tobias thought his head was going to explode. “But that doesn’t change that you killed someone…That you tried to kill me!”

  “I didn’t try to kill you,” she said softly. “I made sure that you were alright. I sat with you until the ambulance came. I didn’t want it to be this way. I didn’t want you involved. But I did what I had to do to protect Agnes and Mary. Don’t tell me you haven’t broken the rules because of someone you care about.” Tobias thought of Diane. “No… not like this.” “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you. And now I’ve lost your trust in me. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Did you know about Rose Carter? That you weren’t the only one he abused?”

  Ellen shook her head. “I didn’t know who else he abused. I just knew in my gut that I wasn’t the only one. And there are probably many more.”

  Tobias was starting to feel sick. “This isn’t right…” “I know it isn’t right.
But society didn’t give me any choice.” She went quiet for a moment, deep in thought, desperately trying to summon up more reasons to justify what she did. “But on the bright side, that psychiatrist came running for you as soon as she found out that you were hurt…”

  “That’s not the point,” Tobias snapped. “Look, I’m not sure what you’re really asking me to do. You want me to cover for you? Well it’s too late. Diane knows. She may have already called the station by now.” “She doesn’t know anything. You can brush this away. There is no physical evidence to connect me to the murder. It’s your word against mine.”

  “What about Hudson? An innocent man - well innocent from murder - will be going to prison for life for a crime he didn’t commit. Did you not think about that? Does that not bother you?”

  “Hudson is not a good man. He's got no family apart from his mother to miss him. He was destroying people’s lives, perhaps not killing them but ruining them all the same. You saw how distraught that artist was. I’m begging you. Please, think about it.” “At least put that bloody knife away,” Tobias muttered. Despite the intensity of the situation, he could feel his heart rate coming down, as it was clear that Ellen had no intention to use the knife on him. “Sorry,” Ellen replied. She put her arm down. “I forgot I was holding it.” She placed the knife back onto the counter, then twisted around and flopped onto her soft, boxy, grey sofa with sharp edges. She was still staring at him; her beautiful blue eyes were pleading with his own. Tobias hesitated. Then he flopped down next to her. He didn’t know what else to say. His mind had gone blank in absolute disbelief. “If you won’t do it for me,” she murmured. “Think of a young, eleven year old girl. She hasn’t got a stable home. The only proper family she has, lives across the road. They spoil her, they treat her as their own. Then one day, one of them betrays her, utilises her vulnerability. In such a huge way that she can barely understand, can comprehend. Her safety is now compromised. She’s intelligent enough to know that social services will be involved. That she could get put into foster care. That she could face yet more abuse from a series of other people. She then keeps it to herself. And to find that the betrayal just rots there, for decades to come. Wouldn’t you want her to get justice and for the other victims as well? And with that, ensuring that others in the future are safe too?” She shifted forwards on the sofa. “You saw that young girl from the other day, the one that we interviewed. And Rose Carter. You saw how destroyed they were. I swear… I’m not a bad person. I’m good at my job. I pay taxes. All I want to do is help people. If a murderer can be put away for life for taking a life, why can’t an abuser? Essentially, they are doing the same thing. Taking a life. Taking away a person’s security, confidence, aspirations. In some countries, child abusers get the death sentence. Why should they get any less of a punishment? I only did what I thought was right.”

  Tobias glanced at her. The turmoil inside him was excruciating. He had been working alongside a loony this past week and he hadn’t known. Or… was she actually loony? As much as it disgusted him inside, he could understand where she was coming from. But where was the line? Was there a danger that she would overstep it? She did intentionally injure him after all. And not to mention the postmortem disfigurement of the body. She had been in that much of a rage to actively mutilate a body just after she had killed someone. Wouldn’t it be simply safer to just turn her in and get her locked up, pronto? She needed help, that was for sure. But again, there was the issue of lack of evidence. Was Tobias’s word even enough? And what could she do to him to keep him quiet?

  His thoughts drifted to Diane. What would she do? What would she want him to do?

  A few more minutes ticked by. He sighed. Then he made his decision.

  “What can I do to make this go away?” he said slowly, not quite believing what he was proposing.

  Ellen glanced up at him in surprise. Then she beamed at him.

  “Oh Tobias, you can’t imagine how happy I am to hear that! You won’t regret this!”

  The vat of acid that had been bubbling away in Tobias’s stomach was making him feel very uncomfortable. He forced a smile. Would he regret this? Was it too late to go back now?

  The crux of it was that she was an amazing detective and his team was short. And she was a good, caring person otherwise, he knew it. If he kept her close, to keep an eye on her, surely that would be enough to keep her out of any more trouble.

  And partners looked out for each other.

  DIANE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Diane waited eagerly for Toby at their meeting spot. She was sitting in a park, not far from their local bar, after work.

  She was extremely confused. It was a good fifteen minutes or so before Toby had called back since disclosing her revelations the previous night. To her surprise, he had appeared very calm.

  “I’m fine, don’t panic Di,” he had laughed when she picked up. Diane had been more than panicking. She was in a state. And she was that close to calling the police. She would’ve done already, if she had known the address of this Ellen. But she trusted Toby to look after himself. She had hoped he had rung for help as soon as he had hung up. But it had become apparent he had not done so.

  “Everything is fine. I told Ellen about what you thought you discovered and we had a good laugh about it. Don’t worry, she hasn’t taken it personally.” Diane thought she was dreaming. They were sitting there together, laughing. And there, she had sat thinking that Toby had been murdered.

  “Toby, didn’t you hear me? My theory explained everything. It can’t be just a coincidence, I assure you. Can’t you at least look into it?”

  “There's nothing to look into Di,” he’d replied. “Are you telling me that a tiny woman can overpower her own partner and throw him down the stairs? Then slash her own arm, as well as a man’s neck? And then impersonate a detective? Golly Di, if that story doesn’t sound like a fairy tale from the Daily Mail, I don’t know what is.”

  Diane had felt very irritated about that. And she did feel like a fool. She had known it was far-fetched. But then so was the last case that herself and Tobias had cracked. And something just wasn’t right about the whole situation. She was so sure she had been correct.

  She then had to slink back to Mary Fielding, feeling horrendously ridiculed. “I’m really sorry,” she had said apologetically. “I had just remembered something really important that couldn’t wait. Of course, I’ll refund you for your time.” Mrs Fielding had nodded in surprise but was still eager to meet for the next session.

  Diane found that she couldn’t carry on working after that. Her mind was too distracted. Luckily, Mrs Fielding was the last appointment of the day. When she had felt that panic for the second time that week, knowing that Toby was potentially in danger, it was as if she was seeing things clearly for the first time. And it had been nothing to do with the fact that Toby’s new partner-slash-girlfriend was a potential psychopath. She realised her feelings for him were as strong as ever. They weren’t going to go. And she needed to act on it.

  She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been. She had been a horrible girlfriend. She hadn’t supported Toby and wasn’t there for him when he needed her the most. And she had pushed him away. Of course, he wasn’t going to pursue her. She was a terrible person. She didn’t deserve him. And it took her a ridiculously long time to figure all of that out.

  Before she could stop herself, she sent him a text. She couldn’t trust herself to call him. And she wanted to speak to him in person.

  And here she was now. He had agreed to meet her in the park. It was the first warm and beautiful day they had had all year. The sun was shining, and it made everything around look like a dream. That was the power of the sun. It actually could make the rough parts of London less of an eyesore.

  She patiently waited and hoped Toby would turn up soon. It would be a matter of time before she would be mugged.

  And there he appeared. He came towards her with a huge grin on his face, his lop
sided, gangling gait could be spotted for miles. He popped himself down next to her on the bench.

  “Whats up Di?” Toby said, shoving a pile of greasy chips wrapped in paper, in front of her face. “Want one?” This single gesture reminded her very much of the old times.

  “I just wanted to see that you were okay,” began Diane. “I was really worried.”

  Toby chuckled. “What, you thought that my new partner was a psychopathic killer, who managed to somehow get involved in the investigation, and fiddle about with all the evidence and then faked an attack? A bit too crazy don’t you think? I think that last case we both dealt with messed with your head a bit too much.”

  “Well, I know how crazy your job is! And if you remember correctly, we both saved that woman’s life.” Diane couldn’t keep the frustration out of her voice. “I mean, I wouldn’t want you to let your guard down around your partner just because… because…” Toby looked at her in the eye. “Because of what?” “Well… because of how you feel about her.” Toby laughed again. “Wait, you thought we had... a thing going?”

  “I saw you,” Diane swallowed. “I saw you both together at the bar. And then in the hospital.”

  “We’re just friends!” Toby said defensively. “She’s not really my type… she doesn’t chortle at my jokes as much as you do. She doesn’t enjoy gin, she cooks, she would never dance with me in her pajamas… she’s not you.”

  Diane sucked in a breath. Her heart skipped a beat. Was it possible that Toby felt the same way?

  “You’re not dating her.” Diane had to say it out loud to clarify.

  “No.” Toby almost sounded disgusted.

  “Right.” Why wouldn’t the words come out? Surely it should be easier, now that it was clear Toby wasn’t in a relationship.

  “I think I know what you want to say.” It was as if he could read her mind. “And the answer is yes. Let’s do it. Let’s do our Friday night thing, every week. Let’s take it slow, and see what happens.”