by Kelex
He felt infinitely better after one run.
Maybe it had a little to do with their company, as well.
Kai’s smile grew. It only made him all the more handsome. “How long is a very long time?”
Turi’s smile faded some. “I’m not a young man.”
“I don’t care,” Kai said.
“Nor do I,” Lane added.
“I was held by Zed for over twenty years,” he murmured. “And I’ve been freed for nearly a year now.”
“How old were you when they took you?” Lane asked.
“Fifteen. I’m thirty-nine now.”
“That’s not old,” Kai said.
Turi looked over their perfect, young bodies. “Compared to you both, it is.”
“You don’t look thirty-nine. Barely thirty,” Lane said.
“One of the side effects of Zed’s experiments that was positive. We didn’t seem to age much once we reached adulthood.” He gazed at them. “How old are you two?”
“Twenty-eight,” Kai answered before pointing to Lane. “Twenty-seven.”
Turi bit the inside of his lip. He was a decade older than his mates? “You both deserve some young, fresh faced mate who’s not…” as broken as… “me.” He was quiet a moment, searching for the courage to say what had to come next. “I would understand if you wanted that for yourselves. I’m ready and prepared for the denial to come.”
“What denial?” Lane asked.
“You’d be within your right to refuse the mating. I’m not… I have demons you didn’t sign up for.” There were legitimate reasons for the refusal of a mate that crossed all species lines. They had two of them. Age gap—although theirs wasn’t as wide as some he’d heard about. And…
He didn’t want to think about the other. Turi placed a hand to his stomach, memories swirling in his mind.
Kai crawled over slowly before sitting exactly in front of Turi. “No one’s perfect. Let alone me. We all have baggage in our lives. The one thing I know is… it’s easier to carry those burdens with help of those I care about.” Kai looked over his shoulder at his brother bear before turning back to Turi. “I love him with all of my heart… and I don’t know what I would do without him. He makes my life better.”
“I’d make it worse,” Turi whispered.
“I doubt that,” Kai said as he shook his head.
Lane crawled closer to sit beside him. Both males stared at him. “You know the instinct screams for us to protect you from the first moment.”
“I don’t want you helping me out of some weird sense of obligation. You’ve been saddled with a loser, and I won’t do that to you. I can’t do that to you.”
“The bear gods saw fit to give you to us and us to you. Who are we to tell them they’re wrong?” Lane asked. “Who are you to tell them that, either?”
“Maybe we need you as much as you need us,” Kai said. “Ever think about that?”
“You can’t want…” Turi shook his head. “You won’t want me.” Not after you hear the truth about what they did to me. But he sensed they already knew some of it. And that made his face redden in shame.
“Whatever it is you think we’ll blame you for… we won’t. You’re not at fault. You did nothing wrong.”
Turi grew quiet, a shiver racing down his spine.
Lane leaned in closer. “I’ll say it again. You… did nothing… wrong.”
Turi felt the wall coming down over him, the numbness beckoning.
“Turi?” Kai asked.
It was too late. The mental shields had to fall before he lost himself. He jumped to his feet and shifted in an instant before racing back through the woods and back down the mountain.
All the while, his heart screamed to turn back.
* * * *
“Should we go after him?” Kai asked.
Lane stared off into the wood where their mate had just disappeared. “No. I think he needs time to think without us there to cloud his emotions.”
Kai turned and pressed his forehead against the side of Lane’s head. “He just looked so tortured… and then it was as if this blank screen fell over him.”
“I don’t think he was capable of hearing one more thing we had to say. We give him time.” Lane turned to look at his brother bear. “Shit, what time is it?”
“No idea. We left our shit down at the inn.”
“Papa,” Lane murmured. “We need to get going. Hopefully Father doesn’t chew my ass off for being late.”
After racing down the mountain, they dressed and climbed into their SUV. They tore up the roads, arriving twenty minutes late.
Lane’s father answered the door, a sour look upon his face. “He should be resting now, but he stayed up to see you.”
“Leave them be, Terrance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been home,” Lane’s dad, Ivan, said, before pulling Lane into a bear hug. “My boy, it’s so good to see you home.”
“I thought you were working days?” Lane asked. “I called last night, but your phone went straight to voicemail.”
“Terrance called the office and told me you would be back today—I worked late so I could take the morning off to see you. My phone never rings through when I’m at work once they upgraded to the computer systems. All the machines get in the way of a decent signal.”
“How are you, Kai?” Ivan asked, a broad smile on his face.
“Good, thanks.”
“I’m going to go see Papa,” Lane said, drawing from them. “How’s he doing today?”
“He’s in great spirits. I’m sure because you’re home,” Ivan said, smiling.
Lane abandoned Kai with his bear fathers, knowing his brother bear could hold his own, especially with his dad there to act as buffer. His papa needed him, and so, there he would be. As soon as he entered the sunroom, he saw his papa’s face blossom with a smile.
“About time you got here,” he murmured before Lane bent down to offer a kiss to the man’s stubbled cheek.
Lane sat on the ottoman again, not wanting to be far. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” the man smiled. “A little stronger, perhaps. I don’t feel quite as tired as yesterday.”
“That’s a good thing,” Lane said with a smile.
His papa drew in a breath. “Are you going to tell me the reason why you and Kai are staying in a hotel?”
Sitting back, he wasn’t sure what his father had said already. “Father wanted quiet for you to rest.”
“I’d prefer my son at home. Where he belongs.”
Lane leaned in. “He’s just being overprotective. He’s worried, and I don’t want to fight. You don’t need that right now.”
Papa sighed. “I don’t like it.”
“I’ll come here every single day and spend time with you. I promise.”
His papa looked somewhat accepting of that. “I suppose you two would be in and out a lot, given who you’ve met, so perhaps it’s for the best. Now, tell me, any news on the mate front?”
Lane chuckled. “That’s why you feel better. You’re hoping for gossip.”
His papa’s eyes twinkled with mirth, and it did Lane’s heart good to see it. “I am. Sue me.” Papa folded down the edge of the light blanket across his lap. “So?”
“His name is Turi.”
Papa’s eyes widened some. “Did you two get a chance to talk with him?”
“We did.” Lane’s smile faded. “He’s one of the Zed beasts, Papa.”
Papa’s smile faded, too. “Oh?”
Lane nodded. “And he seems to have suffered at their hands. He’s skittish, at best, and completely untrusting—which I entirely understand given what I’ve heard about Zed.”
“But it doesn’t help you two in gaining his trust, I bet.”
“Exactly,” Lane said. “And he’s going to need time… we had only planned an extended visit… not to remain here indefinitely.”
“Could you really return to Chicago without him?” Papa asked, a hopeful glint in his
eyes.
Lane shook his head. “No. I don’t imagine we could.” Lane sighed. “Not knowing if he can accept us… not knowing what tomorrow holds… it makes planning anything difficult.”
“Life has a way of screwing up plans, Lane. You know that better than most, yet you’ve always thought ten steps ahead and tried to forget that chaos can strike at any moment.”
“I don’t like living in limbo.”
“No one does,” Papa said before coughing a few times.
Lane shook his head, worrying filling him. “Here I am complaining about something insignificant. Compared to the battle you’re waging, it’s trivial in the grand scheme.”
“No,” Papa said. “I’d much rather hear your worries and concerns than to think of my own. And back on the topic of your mate—I think you know what you need to do.”
“Be patient. Listen. Let him know we’re there for him.”
“Exactly right.”
Lane squeezed his papa’s hand, not wanting to ever let go.
“You know, I haven’t beaten you at chess in some time.”
“Oh, you think you have what it takes, do you?” Lane asked.
His papa gave him a toothy grin. “Why don’t you bring that table over here and we can play a round?”
Lane drew the small card table over and set up the chess board they’d sat under many an evening when he was younger. They went to war, forgetting all their troubles. Ivan and Kai came in and watched their match. For a moment, Lane was twelve again, hoping to finally beat his papa.
He never had.
Until that day.
And he hated that he won, even if it did bring a broad smile from his papa.
“About time you beat me.”
Lane knew it hadn’t truly been a fair fight, especially as he saw the fatigue creeping onto his papa’s face.
“I think it might be time for some rest,” Lane’s father said, sweeping into the room. “You’re well past your normal nap time.”
“I’m not a child, Terrance.”
Lane’s father leaned down to press a kiss to the man’s head. “I know. I just hate seeing you so tired. You need to rest.”
Papa opened his mouth in what looked like an attempt to argue but only managed a yawn. “Fine… fine. A nap might do me good.”
Lane and his dad cleared the card table and chess board away before turning to give his papa a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time, okay?”
“No. I want you to come for dinner. Promise me.”
Lane eyed his fathers, unsure.
“Dinner would be wonderful,” his dad said.
Lane saw his father didn’t look happy, but the man said nothing.
“Fine. We’ll come for dinner,” Lane said.
“Perfect,” his Papa said. “And then tomorrow morning, we play another round of chess. I deserve another chance to regain my title.”
Kai leaned down to give the man a hug and kiss, too.
“You got it.”
Lane and Kai exited the sunroom and headed out of the house.
“He looked good,” Kai said before they climbed into their SUV.
“Yeah,” Lane said as he buckled his seatbelt once inside. “But we only have yesterday to compare to.”
Kai turned on the engine. “Your papa has a lot to live for.”
“He does, hmm?”
Kai turned to eye him, grining. “I heard him asking about Turi. He wants to see what happens next.”
Lane chuckled. “So do I.”
Chapter Eleven
Turi paced his hotel room, his anxiety crushing. He had all these thoughts, desires… questions… and he didn’t know what to do with them. It felt as if he might burst. Grabbing the phone, he stared at it for a moment before dialing the familiar number.
He got Dr. Banyon’s voicemail—which meant the therapist was away or had another patient. Turi left a message, begging for an emergency visit, and hung up the phone. He returned to his pacing, his body thrumming with excess energy.
When the phone rang nearly an hour later, he almost jumped out of his skin before he raced to answer it.
“You sounded frantic,” Dr. Banyon said after the pleasantries were over. “What happened?”
“I need to see you. Do you have any time for me?”
“Hold a moment,” the doctor said before there were muffled sounds on the other end. “Can you meet me in my office in fifteen minutes?”
“Yess,” he hissed before hanging up the phone. After pulling on his shoes, he raced down and got to the office before Doc had a chance to get there. He was pacing the hallway outside the door as the therapist arrived.
The doctor’s shocked gaze searched his face before he unlocked his office. Turi followed him in, a ball of energy as he walked the perimeter of the office.
“It’s nice to finally see your face,” the doctor said as he took his normal seat.
Turi absently touched his stubbled cheek as he kept pacing for a moment. He stopped behind the couch he often sat in. “I met my mates a couple of days ago.”
The doctor’s eyes widened. “Oh?”
“The day of my last appointment. I ran into them—quite literally—before I came.”
“Which was why you were late.”
Turi paced some more. “Yes and no.” He’d been dragging his feet and left after the appointment had supposed to start. Bumping into them… and pausing at the corner to spy for a moment had made him a bit later.
“So tell me how you’re feeling.”
“There’s no way to tell you all the things I’m feeling right now. I feel like I’ve been living in a dark room for decades and someone flipped on a light switch. It’s too much. The light’s too bright. Too much too soon… and I’m struggling here.”
“Okay,” the doctor said. “I can see you’re stressed. How about you stop for a moment and take a few deep breaths. Focus on the slow intake of air… hold… and release.”
Turi did as the doctor asked. He inhaled deeply a few times… and felt a little more at ease.
“Better?”
Turi nodded. It wasn’t much better, but it helped center him some.
“I’m sure you’re overwhelmed.”
“That’s an understatement,” Turi said before perching himself on the edge of the couch.
“Why don’t we break this down. What happened when you met them?”
“At first? Fear. I only saw them for a few seconds and I ran. Came straight here.”
“And you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I didn’t believe it could be real. But then they came in search of me. Knocked right on my room door.”
“How was that?”
“Scary. Exciting.” He drew in another deep breath and tried to make himself a little calmer. “It was then I knew it was real. I was their mate. There was no doubting it.”
“How did the meeting go?”
“They asked me to dinner. I refused.”
The doctor frowned. “Why?”
“I got the feeling… they knew… about me and the stuff I’ve been through.”
The doctor scribbled something in his notes. “I’d say most of the valley has a little inkling of what you’ve been through,” Doc said. “One might say them having even a small idea of your past might be a positive thing.”
“Why’s that?”
“It allows them the knowledge they need to be more careful.”
Turi shook his head. “I don’t want to be treated like I’m broken.” But I am.
“So, you’d prefer they come on strong and take what they see as theirs?” the therapist asked. “As bears often do.”
“Of course not.”
Dr. Banyon nodded. “So, again, I say them knowing something is a positive.” He paused and eyed Turi. “They can’t know exactly what happened in your life unless you open up to them. That is your story and your story alone. What they think they know and the truth are likely two complete
ly different things.”
Turi was quiet. “Perhaps.”
“Are those the only two interactions so far?”
“I ran into them this morning on my hike.”
The doctor smiled. “You went on a hike?”
Turi grinned. “I did. And I shifted.”
The doctor’s smile widened. “And?”
Turi couldn’t help the smile on his face. “It felt… amazing. Even if seeing what I look like now was a bit off putting.”
“How so?”
“I’m not the lion I always knew. I saw panther, bear, and lion.”
“Ah. And you didn’t like what you saw?”
Turi shrugged. “Just a reminder there’s no way to go back to being who I was before all this happened.”
Quiet fell for a moment.
“I know that can be a scary thing… but you can move forward. You can make a new life for yourself post-Zed.”
Turi let that thought sink in.
“I’ll ask the same question I asked the other day. Where do you want to go from here?”
“And I still can’t answer that.”
“But there seems to perhaps be a desire to do so that wasn’t there the last time I asked.”
“Of course. I met my mates. I have this desire to be with them …but I also have all this stuff I’ve refused to face now in the way.”
“While I’m happy that you’re making strides to improve your situation, I do feel a little worried that it’s based on this instinct and not your own desire to find wellness. You need to want to get well, mates or not. Only then can you possibly have a life with them.”
“I understand that. I tossed it around in my head back and forth all last night. I couldn’t sleep.” Turi paused. “All I can say is…. all these months since I was freed… I’ve felt like I’ve been standing on edge, ready to jump ever since I was freed. To be honest, I’ve considered jumping off a few times and I’m not quite sure why I didn’t. Meeting them… I felt all these things I haven’t felt in decades. Emotions I’d shoved down deep. They started something in me—a spark—and it made me realize I can’t keep living like I am. Whether or not they remain in my life… I want to fix me.”