by Kelex
Doc released a sigh. “I am so incredibly happy to hear you say that.”
“So where do we begin?”
Dr. Banyon eyed him. “You tell me, Turi. Where do you want to begin?”
Turi searched his mind. There was so much swimming inside his brain, he didn’t know where to start. “I don’t know.”
“How about you tell me about your time with Zed. How did they find you?”
“Just jump right in, hmm?”
“We’ve wasted a lot of time over the months. No reason not to leap into the deep end if you’re finally ready to.”
Turi was thoughtful a moment, remembering those events.
“You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to,” the therapist reminded him. “We can try something else.”
“No, I think I’m ready. It’s past time.” Turi took a deep breath. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. “We lived in this little village that looked a lot like Bear Mountain’s old section. Vermont, which is one of the worst places for a lion to live—too cold—but we’d moved up there from New York City when I was like five or so, a few years after the big tenement fires that killed all those lion shifters in Little Italy. It was before I was born, but that had scared my fathers and they’d saved up to move us somewhere safer.” He smiled grimly. “Only it wasn’t safer. Nowhere was safer.”
Turi drew in a breath, that day replaying in his mind. “It was cold the day they took me. January. The afternoon. One of my fathers was still at work, the other was tending to my younger brothers while I did homework at the kitchen table. I heard some weird sounds outside and went to the back door, thinking my dad was home early. Only it wasn’t him. It was a bunch of soldiers in white—they almost blended in with the snow, except for their guns and their faces. They grabbed me. I screamed and I tried to fight—but I was young and an omega.”
“How old were you?”
“I’d just turned fifteen before Christmas.” That day, he’d been wearing the sweater his father had gotten him as a present. In that moment, it was as if he was sitting there again on the old crooked chair. He could smell the scent of pine and dinner cooking. A shiver raced down his spine. “I heard them screaming… my dad and my brothers. I don’t know what happened to them… if Zed took any of them. After… when I was freed, I looked for them at the base, but I never saw or scented anything familiar.”
His younger brothers had been so small. He’d likely struggle to recognize them now as men.
“I’ve been told there are beasts still in lockdown, struggling to come down from their situation. They could still be among the survivors.”
“I think getting my hopes up at this point might be too much for me to bear.” Turi felt so alone… yet he thought of Lane and Kai and no longer felt as alone.
“What happened when they took you?”
He ran a hand over his bicep, almost feeling heat coming off the mark they’d made on him. “They tattooed me with a number: ZO-71.”
“ZO? Zed Omega?”
Turi nodded. “I can only guess that’s what it might mean. The betas didn’t have the O, so makes sense.”
“What happened after that?”
He drew in a breath. “A lot of it is a blur, especially at first. For a long time, I was just housed in a tiny cell no bigger than a closet. Somewhere along the way, they brought me into a lab and started pumping all kinds of drugs into me. Experiments came after. Cutting. There was no pain relief—it was like they wanted to see how much pain I could stand. I started hearing the voices of more than my own animal spirit. I was never quite sure what I was hearing—if they weren’t putting the sounds into my cell, but when they moved me and I still heard them, then I knew it was in my mind. Unlike the betas, we weren’t fitted with head gear and rarely were we tranqed out.”
“What do you mean?”
“The betas were so strong after those experiments. Vicious. True monsters of the humans’ making. They needed to be controlled, so they had shit in their heads. Machines. I think I’ve heard them called neural implants? The guards used this remote control to make them do things. Walk. Talk. Take.” Turi paused, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat. “When they weren’t being controlled that way, the guards dosed them with tranqs and downers. I’d see them blissed out and drooling sometimes.”
“But they didn’t do that to the omegas?”
Turi shook his head.
“Why do you think they didn’t dose you?” Dr. Banyon asked.
Turi shrugged. “I heard one comment once about the drugs causing some side effects and that omegas couldn’t be on them. They put shock collars on us instead. Right after it went on, they shocked me all the time. No reason. It hurt like hell. It was amped up and took me straight to the floor. Left me a drooling mess when it was over. There was no rhyme nor reason… and then it suddenly stopped. They’d only use it when I did something they didn’t like. One step out of line and I’d get a shock. One word of protest… a shock. Fight back… shock.”
“Until you stopped fighting back.”
Turi nodded. “At first, I fought, but it just hurt so damned bad that it broke me. As the years passed, I just grew numb. I did as they said to avoid the pain. I wasn’t dead but I wasn’t alive, either.”
“Kind of how you’ve been living your life since being freed.”
Turi met the doctor’s stare and knew there was some truth in it. He remained quiet a moment, realizing that was exactly what he’d done. Laid low and survived. “I don’t think I know how to live anymore. All those years of pain and torture… I learned how to exist through it. Existing was the one skill I had that was worth anything. It’s the only one I have left.”
“Now you’ve met the men who give you the desire to do more than exist.”
Turi winced. “And if they knew everything, they wouldn’t want me. I know it. They said they didn’t care, but how could they not?”
“You did nothing wrong. What was done to you is not your fault. They would have no reason to blame you for Zed’s actions.”
Turi didn’t answer that. He couldn’t. He felt the wall coming up but he battled it and tried not to go to that place in his mind.
“What concerns you the most? What’s the one thing you’re most afraid they’ll learn?”
Turi sat there, fearful to speak of it. But if he couldn’t say it now, he never would. “The cubs.”
Silence filled the room, and there was almost a pull to Turi to fill it, even knowing the pain the words would cause. “Three cubs… I think. To be honest, time and space kind of warped in my mind while I was there. I wasn’t exactly sane the entire time, either, so there might’ve been more, or maybe less.”
“So, they used you to create children they could control and experiment on.”
Turi sighed, letting out a long, slow breath. Saying the words aloud… it took a little more of the weight he’d felt off him.
“How do you feel about these children?”
Turi shrugged. “I don’t feel anything. Just numb.”
“Just numb. No anger?”
Turi stretched his neck before answering. He felt mentally exhausted, but pushed on. He had to get it out. Let it loose. Free himself of some of the burden his story had placed on him. “The cubs aren’t at fault. It was the humans who did this… not the babes. They’re a product of something terrible, but that doesn’t mean they did anything wrong.”
“I’m glad you see it that way. They weren’t at fault. Nor were you.”
Turi ignored that last bit and continued. “It’s just like the betas. They were forced on me. Completely controlled by the humans who got off on watching it all go down. They tried to resist, but that stuff in their heads seemed to be stronger. It wasn’t their fault, either.”
The therapist sat forward, his fae pale. “What a minute… they didn’t impregnate you in a lab? And then they watched?” Dr. Banyon asked, frowning. “My gods.”
“I don’t know that they did anything in the lab. The
y may have tried. I do know they forced betas on me and they enjoyed watching it. After he forced a bear shifter on me, I once saw one of the humans jacking off while watching.” He shivered. “Made me feel even more disgusting than I already did.”
The doctor’s face paled. “I had no idea… I assumed it was done in the lab.”
“You look a little stunned, Doc. I thought you said you could handle whatever I had to say.”
Dr. Banyon sat back in his chair, his frown fading. “I’m sorry… I guess I had my own preconceived ideas of what had happened and you just reminded me I can’t have those. Not in my job.” He scribbled something into his notes before looking up. “Do you know where those babies are now?”
“I’ve heard… that there were some children saved and brought here.”
“Most have been adopted here in the valley,” the doctor said.
The thought of coming face to face with the children forced on him by Zed made bile rise in his throat.
“You haven’t come into contact with them in town?”
Turi sank deeper into the soft couch, wishing he could disappear. “No. But then, I stay in my room most of the time. I think perhaps that was why. Suddenly being confronted by a child grown within me? I don’t know that I could handle that.”
“It could happen,” the doctor said. “If you open up to these two men and spend more time outside your room, there’s a chance you might come face to face with one of them. You need to be prepared for that possibility.”
He scoffed. “And just how do I prepare for that?”
The doctor looked thoughtful. “Maybe you seek them out first. Do it on your own terms. No surprises.”
“How do I go seeking them out? Sniff around the valley until I catch a scent that seems familiar?”
“As I said, most of the children have been adopted. There’s a record of each one and where they are. Maybe someone on base could help you in your search—there could be records of the births, too. I could reach out to Deacon or Bull and see if they have someone you could talk to.”
“I don’t know if it would do any good. I don’t want to be a part of these children’s lives. I don’t wish them harm, but I just can’t… I can’t be a father to them.”
“No one is suggesting that you be a father to them. Just an introduction, so you can meet them when you’re ready. Versus being triggered by a shocking face to face you weren’t expecting.”
Turi looked away, facing the afternoon light coming in through the window. “Perhaps.”
“Would you like me to reach out to Deacon?”
Turi nodded, still unsure he’d be willing to meet anyone.
“I truly think you taking an active role in seeking these children out and coming to terms with their existence is a positive step you can take to let go of the past and move forward. If you are able to make a connection with your mates, you don’t want to leave it hanging over you.”
“I’ll consider it,” Turi answered. “But I can’t promise anything.”
“I’ll take it,” the doctor said. “And considering the huge strides you’ve just made, I’m proud of you. It shows growth, however it was spurned on.”
Before today, he would’ve had some sarcastic remark to make to the doctor. Instead, he allowed himself to hear the compliment and be silent. “Thank you.”
The doctor glanced at the clock. “I’m afraid that’s all the time I have for you right now. We can pick this up at your next regular appointment, if you’re okay with that.”
Turi nodded. “I am.”
“Don’t forget… three and not our normal time.”
Turi rose. “I won’t forget.”
He headed out, feeling a little wobbly. Yet at the same time, he felt better. For the first time in a long, long time, he didn’t sense the same weight bearing down on him. Once outside, he took a long, deep breath of fresh air.
The afternoon had promise, and a slight smile spread over his lips.
He turned and took the long route back again. The sun was shining and the sky a brilliant robin’s egg shade of blue. Thin wisps of fluffy white clouds whispered across that blue. There was a crispness to the air. Fall was fully upon them with winter knocking on the door.
As he walked, he caught sight of the Omega History Museum and his mind went to what Dr. Banyon had said about the place. He walked closer and saw that admission was free, so he slipped inside. It was cool, quiet, and the lighting low.
The first photo stopped him in his tracks.
And then he saw the date on the photo.
My gods. What have the omegas of this den endured?
On he walked, losing himself in the struggle of others. For a moment in time, his trauma seemed a little less for a moment as he became lost in the pain of others.
Chapter Twelve
After dropping Lane off at his family’s house for supper, Kai decided to make a trip into town. Lane hadn’t been pleased he didn’t attend dinner, but Kai felt it was the right thing to do. Without Terrance’s glares and gibes at Kai, there would be peace—and if his absence could give Lane and his papa that, it was worth the avoidance.
Plus, he had family issues of his own to attend to. He parked before the new City Hall building and wandered inside. The marble and glass building reminded him a lot of Benco, his uncle’s company. It was after hours—so the space was quiet and empty. His footfalls echoed around him. After searching around some, he finally found the Office of the Alpha. A light was on deeper into the office. After knocking on the glass outer door, a beleaguered looking Declan made his way out.
“Ready for that talk?” Kai asked once Declan opened the outer door to his offices.
Declan nodded before backing away and letting Kai in. Once he re-locked the door, he urged Kai through the darkened reception room to his space within.
“What can I do for you?” Declan asked as he rounded his desk and took a seat, motioning for Kai to sit across from him.
Kai did and got comfortable. What came next most certainly wasn’t going to be. “I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.”
Declan sat back in his chair, an odd look to his face. He didn’t respond. Not one word.
Kai felt the need to fill the silence. “I see now that you likely were doing the best you could in a bad situation. So, we move on and let things go.”
“Just like that,” Declan murmured.
“I blamed you for a lot of things over the years. It serves no purpose to hold on to old grudges.”
Declan’s eyes narrowed. “Grudges? As in plural? What other sins have I committed?”
Kai clenched his jaw. He hadn’t come to argue with Declan, but to forgive, forget, and move on. But all the years of anger… he suddenly realized he still held on to some of it. “Father…”
Declan eyed him. “What about father?”
Kai released a breath. “His death and your role in it.”
Declan’s eyes widened. “My role in it? Other than trying to avenge him, I played no other role.”
“No?” Kai asked, the anger coming in swift and furious. “He changed the law for you. And it got him killed. So you do bear a little responsibility for that.”
Declan was silent, but his eyes roared with emotion. The light grew in them.
“You have nothing to say?” Kai demanded.
“That law… should’ve been changed years before. I might’ve urged our father to make things right, but it wasn’t just for me. Graham had found his mate—an omega. Others in our den had found mates among our own. The tide was turning, and if he didn’t change the law, it threatened to splinter our den. I told him that and more. But I did not put a gun to his head. He made the choice.”
“So he did. And he died for it.” Kai fought down the anger growing. “I didn’t come here to argue. I want to move on…” Kai rose from his seat and went to the window. Outside in the quad, he could see a tarp-covered statue. Gregor. “A good step in acknowledging our past is right out there. Honoring our father
as he should be honored. You’re trying to make it right, memorializing his legacy.”
“Making it right?” Declan chuckled, but there was no humor on his face. He rose from his chair and crossed the office, hand on the knob. “I’ve been making things right since I took over the den.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Declan spun to face him, eyes on fire. “Gregor wasn’t the man you thought he was.” Declan’s face twisted in pain. “He wasn’t the man any of us thought he was.”
“What was so wrong with the way things used to be?” Kai asked. “I don’t remember it being so bad.”
“We all turned a blind eye to the things in this den we didn’t want to see,” Declan said. “We’re all guilty, but Gregor was our leader. He could’ve made things better and instead, he allowed them to continue, unchanged.”
“Like what?” Kai demanded.
Declan opened his office door. “Follow me.”
For a moment, Kai considered refusing, but he wanted answers. He trailed his brother out of the office, down to the street, and then on down one sidewalk until they came into the Omega History Museum.
“Where are you taking me?”
“You’ll see,” Declan said over one shoulder before he stopped at the first image. He spun to face Kai. “Take a good look at it. And don’t forget to read the inscription.”
Kai rolled his eyes before looking at the old black and white photo of an impoverished set of omegas standing before a run-down shack. A carpet of mud spread out before them. Two harrowed looking fathers sat on the top stair of their tilting home, three young, dirty omega cubs sitting on the bottom stair.
He stared at their faces, their haunting eyes. All looked tired, hungry, and dazed.
Kai read over the small plaque at the bottom… June 15, 2013?
He spun to Declan. “There’s no way this was taken in 2013.”
“Oh, it was. I have the original in my office.” Declan moved on to the next image. “They used to call this Carron Town. It was a bunch of flop houses and old trailers Carron placed on his land for his omegas to live in. The ones that worked his mine.”