My Goal

by H J Perry

  There was no point in babbling on.

  "You didn't need to come to Spain. They are making it legal in our country." That was way down on the list of responses that Harry had expected. His mom was clearly in shock.

  "I know Mom. They are going to change the law in England, eventually but we can marry in Spain right now. Do you remember Carlos telling you?"

  "The two of you will be homosexual husbands." She appeared neither delighted nor shocked as she made the statement as a matter of fact.

  "Yes. Mom, we love each other. And I know that might be hard for you to understand because we're both men, but it's still love, just the same."

  "It's not the same." She looked down at her hands. They were white and gripping onto her knees tightly.

  "God made men and women to be husband and wife. But I know these views aren't popular anymore. I'm old-fashioned. You can marry who you please."

  "You don't seem surprised about Carlos and me?"

  "My son is getting married tomorrow. Of course, I'm surprised about that. But about you and Carlos, I'm not so surprised. You've never had a girlfriend, I've noticed that. And then, since you've been bringing Carlos with you every time you visit, you've looked so happy and, yes, in love."

  Her hands had released their tight grip. As she spoke, Harry noticed the tension seemed to leave her, bit by bit.

  "But still I would never have suspected anything if it wasn't for him talking about his brother. I don't know if these things run in families. The way he talked about his brother being married to a man as if it were perfectly normal. Listening to him talk, I realized that for Carlos, homosexuality is normal. Perhaps it's because he's Spanish."

  Harry couldn't help but laugh. "Mom, we just say gay. Homosexuality sounds like a medical condition."

  "I can't change my religion or beliefs, Harry. But I don't expect everybody to believe in the same things that I do. You have your own mind. You're my son, and I still love you. You are not breaking the law of the land. Only God may judge, I do not have that right."

  Relief flowed through Harry's body, and tears ran down his cheeks.

  "You will attend our wedding tomorrow?"

  "Of course, why didn't you tell me sooner? Carlos is a charming man and very handsome, I did notice."

  His mother caught him further by surprise when she winked.

  "What about your brother?" she asked.

  "I didn't tell him I'm getting married, but I did ask him if he could join us in Spain. He said he couldn't."

  "He would've come for your wedding."

  "I don't think he'd approve. My impression is quite the opposite."

  "So you've tricked me into coming to Spain with nothing suitable to wear to a wedding. In fact, this hotel is so fancy I don't feel I even have fitting pajamas."

  Harry laughed, mostly out of sheer relief. He would've told his mother weeks ago, had he known she'd be so understanding. He'd been dreading words and damnation that hadn’t come.

  "The wedding is in the afternoon. In the morning Bella will take you to get whatever outfit you want. Any shopping at all. I think you'll like Carlos's mom."

  "Whenever you are ready, I'll take you to meet the Garcia family. They live not far from here."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  June 2013

  CARLOS

  Carlos awoke in the luxurious honeymoon suite of the almost empty hotel that he'd booked for his wedding. Spooning Harry, now his husband, who lay in front of him. Carlos's morning wood already seeking a way toward that special place.

  While it wasn't the first time he'd awoken like this it was the first day that such a position held promise for going so much further.

  The wedding itself hadn’t required as much pre-planning as preparing for after.

  Harry and Carlos decided on a honeymoon in the United States where famous international footballing heroes could walk freely along streets, passing largely unrecognized. The only country in the world where the word “football” meant an entirely different sport.

  Not only had they been planning their honeymoon, wedding and where they'd live, but over the past few months there had been something else they'd researched thoroughly.

  Carlos wanted to learn to give Harry pleasure in all ways possible. Despite all his experience, there were things he hadn't done. Things they hadn't done together—yet.

  For a variety of reasons, they chose not to rush into every sexual activity. They had plenty of time ahead of them. They intended to spend the rest of their lives together and had plenty of time to find new ways to love each other.

  Carlos wrapped his arm more tightly around his husband and kissed the back of his head. Deliberately hoping to wake him. When Harry seemed to stir, Carlos whispered, "Husband dearest, I want to make love to you. To take full advantage of my conjugal rights."

  "You have such a way with words my darling, how can I refuse?"

  They'd done their research. There was no shortage of reliable online resources for men who wanted to learn how to love men without having to trust in the fiction that is pornography. They got tested and purchased lube—which was an essential. They also bought condoms so as to have the option to use them if they chose to.

  They both got tested, of course, but preventing STDs and pregnancy aren't the only reasons for using condoms.

  The night of their wedding they collapsed into bed with barely enough energy to share their first good night kiss as husbands. It was more accurately the early hours of the day after their wedding. Many hours later, when the daylight was bright outside, the day after their marriage, they had hours to spare before their late flight to the United States.

  Hours and hours in a hotel room with lube and new things they wanted to do. Facts and details from their research at the front of both their minds. Things neither of them had done before. Activities that they agreed they'd wait to try as if a wedding present to each other.

  The question of who was going first, top and bottom hadn't been discussed. Carlos was eager and nervous.

  "Do you want to use the bathroom first or shall I?"

  "I don't mind. Whoever isn't in the bathroom needs to put in a room service request for coffee."

  After morning constitutionals, a caffeine pick-me-up, and lube placed with handy reach, both men were back in the same position between the sheets without a stitch of clothing.

  HARRY

  Just as he knew he was gay, without ever having kissed a guy. As with so many things in his life, even though he'd never done it before he knew he was going to like it. When turned on, he wanted to feel Carlos fuck his ass. There had been times over their months together that Harry had almost begged.

  After years of fingering himself when alone and regarding it as his most shameful secret. He wanted so much more than just his own fingers and the shame surrounding this lonely act of self-pleasure that he'd not shared with Carlos.

  Carlos who had been so open and honest about his feelings, so considerate and respectful of Harry's religious background.

  His husband.

  This morning, with a ring on his finger, everything became legitimate. Carlos would give him the pleasure he craved, and he'd no longer have to feel ashamed.

  On top, Carlos thrust against him. A familiar position that they both liked. Their dicks trapped between their bodies.

  "Which way round?" Carlos asked.

  "Really? You need to ask like this is a serious question?"

  The confused look on Carlos's face said it all.

  "You have no idea how much I want you to fuck me. Please."

  Carlos smiled, and Harry thought his dick got harder and bigger against his stomach. "Really? Are you sure?"

  "Fuck yeah. I want you to make love to me, and I want to feel you inside. Please, I've wanted it for such a long time."

  The desperation in his voice made Harry squirm with embarrassment. He had to be honest with his husband about want he wanted, needed.

  Carlos reached for the lube. "Do you expe
ct me to use a condom?"

  "I don't mind."

  Carlos flicked the lid open and coated his fingers. "Then I won't."

  Harry turned on to his stomach. "Can we do it this way first?" They'd both studied the karma sutra of gay sex positions, but this way around was one of his favorite fantasies.

  Over his shoulder he watched Carlos, his lust-filled eyes darker than usual. His hand working the slick lube along his glistening dick.

  Harry watched as Carlos coated his fingers again with the transparent silicon based lube ready to prep him. At this Harry had to look away, and bury his face in the pillow. He had a good idea of how this would feel.

  Fucking amazing.

  And even better that someone else was doing it to him.

  As if Carlos's fingers penetrated Harry easier than expected, he said nothing.

  Carlos was so gentle, and Harry felt wanton as he gave in to his urge to thrust back onto those fingers. Thankfully, there was a soft pillow in which to hide his face.

  Carlos's fingers inside him felt nothing like his own, and he was rapidly propelled to a level of ecstasy that he hadn’t known was achievable. And how much better would it get with Carlos thrusting inside him?

  "Fuck me. Please. Fuck me with your dick."

  Carlos didn't need asking twice.

  His fingers vacated Harry's ass immediately, and he felt something so much bigger pushing at his entrance.

  The stretch, the burn. It was more than Harry was ready for. It hurt. But there was no way he wanted it to stop.

  "More lube. Please."

  He hated having to wait those few seconds, while Carlos pushed more lube around the entrance and just inside and presumably applied it to his dick. But the next time his cock slipped in. Carlos moved slowly, incredibly slowly, until Harry could feel Carlos pressed up against him. He was all the way in.

  "Is this okay?"

  "Yes. Fucking amazing, but stay still for a minute." As he said it, he knew he didn't mean a literal minute, timed. But Harry had lost the concept of time when moments later he was begging Carlos to fuck him, slowly at first but then faster.

  Carlos's dick was doing amazing things.

  Hitting all the right places.

  With the physical things that were actually happening and the things going on in Harry's mind, he was unraveling all too quickly.

  "Fuck me, Carlos. Hard."

  "Harry, I'm not going to last. This, it's so fucking hot."

  That's what Harry need to hear. Carlos loved fucking him as much as he loved it. There was no holding back. Harry lost all self-control, and he called out louder than he intended as he coated the sheets in front of him with his semen, fairly sure that he could feel Carlos doing the same.

  Coming.

  Inside him.

  CARLOS

  There was no doubt in Carlos's mind that he and Harry were perfect for each other and could completely satisfy each other when it came to sex.

  He already felt more connected with Harry than he could ever have imagined. But fucking was fucking amazing, like he could never have had imagined. He couldn't wait to do more.

  His first day as a married man had started well.

  What he wasn't expecting was to discover he loved his husband more this day than on the day they married.

  Epilogue

  2022

  "As the nation prepares to grind to a slowdown when all stop to watch the 2022 World Cup, we are meeting today for an exclusive interview with three former premiership footballers, now retired—two of whom have played in previous World Cup matches for their national teams."

  The TV camera broadcast a wide view, showing the three of them sitting in a flower-filled garden.

  "Jason Tant played for England, and Carlos Garcia played for Spain. Both of you have played for Birmingham South City, along with our third guest Harry Carter."

  "By ironic coincidence Jason, you could have also played for the Spanish team as you have a Spanish mother." The camera focused on Jason.

  "Yes, that's correct. As Carlos often reminds me."

  "Carlos, despite having Spanish parents, you have lived in the UK for most of your life. And we are sitting in your garden."

  "Not just mine." Carlos smiled at the camera.

  "Indeed, you and Harry have been married for how long?"

  "Nine years."

  "Tonight's show is part of a series about gay men and sports. Harry and Carlos, you married and kept your relationship secret for years, and Jason you did the same with your husband."

  "Scott isn't a footballer, but right now he has the most important job to do. He's looking after all of our children, next door.

  "You live next door to each other?" The interviewer asked as if she didn't already know for the benefit of the viewing audience.

  "Yes, it's a nice street, and our friends live here." Jason waved a hand in the direction of Harry and Carlos.

  "So how many children do you all have?"

  Harry answered. "Between us, we have four. Two each, all under the age of five. And we've never worked so hard."

  They all laughed.

  "It seems incredible now that you were married to each other back in 2013 and continued as high-profile footballers, yet kept it a secret." The statement was addressed to Harry and Carlos, as Jason married Scott a few years later, toward the end of his career.

  "We had little choice. It's not so long ago, but the world was very different back then." Harry was eager to tell his story. "In 2015, we were approached by a few people who knew about us to consider coming out publicly as part of a crowd of gay footballers. It was thought if we all came out together, the focus wouldn't be on any one or two people, and we'd be instantly accepted."

  "What happened?"

  "We thought about it. Society was tolerant, we had legal equality, and it seemed like a good idea. But throughout the following year, there were regular homophobic incidents that convinced us making a public statement at that time would have been bad for our lives or our careers."

  "Was it the same for you, Jason?"

  "Harry and Carlos were married, but very few people knew they were together. It was different for us. In 2015, Scott and I were a couple, and most men on the team knew about us. It just wasn't public information. We married in 2016."

  "So the problem wasn't from your teammates?"

  "No. Other players were fine. I don't know what it would have been like if we'd have been transferred to a different team or abroad. I think our main issue was with the fans. Again, not all of the fans, just an unpleasant but loud minority. No one else expects abuse from the public when they go to work, but footballers expect it."

  "Was there an issue of wanting to keep your private lives private?"

  Harry and Carlos looked at each other before Carlos answered the question.

  "I was knocked out by Harry from the moment I met him. If there is such a thing as love at first sight, I was afflicted. I never wanted to keep things secret at all, and I would've gone public from the start. I felt so lucky that Harry would even consider dating me." Carlos squeezed Harry's hand, and the camera zoomed in on their entwined fingers.

  The interviewer asked Harry, "I can't believe you didn't feel the same about Carlos."

  "I didn't feel the same at all; opposites attract you know." He smiled. "I fell in love with him, but I didn't want anybody to know because I was scared, really scared. And I think a lot of people don't understand what it was like in football back then. I was scared of losing my job and being rejected by the guys in the locker room. I'm not sure that would have happened. But I'd been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong."

  "Now, I know it wasn't true. Even then, most people supported equal marriage and equality and had gay and lesbian friends, but I focused in on the negative stuff. Like I had selective hearing and closed out the positive."

  "I still can't imagine how difficult it was to hide your relationships."

  "Introducing the person you love most as
if they were just a friend is really not a nice feeling, and we've all been there." Jason waved his hand to indicate the three of them.

  "It was very weird introducing Harry and having people assume he was a friend or a co-worker rather than my husband. I certainly didn't like it. Not that he was a co-worker for very long; we were only on the same team for a few months before he was transferred to my previous team in London. I think that made it a little easier. There's no way we could have worked together every day without people noticing."

  "Actually, I came back to BSC on loan, and I think the players did suspect, but they never said anything," said Harry.

  "How did you maintain the long-distance relationship?"

  "It's not an impossible commute between the two cities, so we managed."

  "I have to ask, when you were players you avoided interviews like this. What is the main reason that you're willing to do this interview now? Has something changed?"

  Jason started. "I never wanted the media talking about my private life and my sex life. I thought it was nobody else's business. I was doing my job that I was good at, and that's where I thought the media focus should be."

  "So what has changed?" the journalist prompted.

  "If I can answer that. For me, I see this as a big opportunity to help others who may be in the closet or coming to terms with their sexuality or different from the mainstream in any way. I struggled to accept who I am, I prayed to God to change me, and over the course of a very short time in my life, I went from being unhappy and isolated to married to this fantastic man here." Harry looked proudly at Carlos.

  "What about for you, Jason?"

  "My issues were very different to Harry's. The change for me was that through the past eight years we have seen so many other sportsmen come out, from Olympians to rugby players and cricketers. All had received tremendous support within their sport and from fans, and had, for the most part, been treated with respect in the media. The world has changed, and I figure football must have changed too. Obviously, I'm older, married, I have children, and I'm no longer a professional footballer. All of those things make a difference."