Friends with benefits: Erotica

by Walker, Kelli

  “Well, Sean. Your mother went to the doctor the other day about this mole she has. They did a biopsy and it’s cancer. We don’t know much at this point. We have another appointment coming up to get a plan of action. I told her to tell you but she refused. She doesn’t want you to worry.”

  It felt as though my world had been tipped on its side. Not cancer. In our family, nobody survived cancer. It was as if ice water had just been pumped into my veins.

  “Thank you,” I said suddenly. “Thank you for telling me. Keep me up to date. Don’t let her know that I know, but send me an email or something anytime you learn anything. I’ll be there in no time if you need me.” I knew how my mother was and none of it surprised me. She would wait until the last possible moment to tell me. It was her way. I couldn’t imagine her taking the news well. If she could have, she probably wouldn’t have told my Dad, either.

  “Absolutely,” he said. “I will tell you what we find out and if anything changes. I’ll call when I can. Stay put for now. I’ll tell you if I need you.”

  I hung up with my father and sat my phone on the counter. The realization of that conversation slowly sinking in. My mother had cancer and I had to pretend I didn’t know.

  Chapter 3

  Lily

  “Can you bring me another beer, babe,” Chris called from the living room. I slid the garlic bread back in the oven to finish toasting.

  “Yeah, give me a second,” I called back. Everything was almost ready and Sean should be showing up at any time. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and rush out to hand it to my husband. I looked around the living room, making sure it looked acceptable. I was still glad I painted the room the soft gray rather than the dark blue Chris had wanted. The color perfectly matched any curtains or furniture we had. I had recently bought a blue slipcover for the sofa and some brighter throw pillows to go with it. That, matching the blue curtains made the room feel so much more put together.

  “Remember, we’re eating at the table,” I said. It was something I was trying to make sure our little family did. Shutting everything off and focusing on the conversation and being with each other at meal time.

  “Yep,” he said as he took the cold beer from me. The doorbell rang and it felt as though my stomach flew up into my throat, choking off my air. “You gonna get that?” he asked, his eyes not leaving the television.

  I ran my hands down the front of my shirt, making sure I hadn’t gotten anything on myself. Taking a deep breath, I strode to the big wood front door and pulled it open.

  Sean was smiling with a nervous grin as I pulled open the door.

  “Hey,” he said. His dark eyes looking down at my feet before glancing back up. A slight flush to his cheeks. “I brought wine.” He lifted a bottle and showed it to me.

  “Come in, come in,” I said waving him inside. He stepped in and I closed the door behind him. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” I said smiling.

  “Hey, Sean,” Chris said from his chair. “You watch football?”

  “Actually, no,” Sean said. “Sorry.”

  Christ grunted. “It’s a close game today. I think they’ll pull through though.”

  Sean nodded. He looked at me. “Anything I can help with?” he asked.

  I nodded and waved him toward the kitchen. I could smell the garlic bread was ready so I gestured toward the dining area. “There’s a cabinet next to the table. The wine glasses are in there, if you don’t mind?”

  “Not a problem,” he said. “Dinner smells wonderful, by the way.” I couldn’t help but watch him walk toward the dining area. He moved like the guy I remembered but he looked and acted so much different than the man I used to know. He turned once he made it to the cabinet and caught me staring.

  “Here?” he asked as the corner of his mouth lifted. I nodded and turned to pull the bread from the oven.

  I bent over and pulled it out, filling the house with the scent of warm bread. I couldn’t help but feel satisfaction. Bread was something I was good at.

  “I have never smelled garlic bread like that. How do you make it smell so amazing?” he asked as he began to pour the wine.

  “Oh, we only need two glasses. Chris is drinking his beer,” I said as I hitched my thumb toward my husband. “Dinner,” I said as I popped my head into the living room.

  “Oh, come on babe. Avery’s not here. Why don’t you two catch up while I watch the game,” he pleaded.

  I sighed. “I’ll bring you a plate,” I said resigned. I knew if I made him join us he’d just complain the whole time, anyway. I turned back to the kitchen and began to scoop out a plate. “You don’t mind, do you?” I asked Sean.

  He waved it away. “I came to see you, anyway,” he said winking. I felt my cheeks flush before I took Chris his plate.

  He didn’t even look up as I handed it to him. “Thanks, dear.”

  Going back to the kitchen, Sean had poured the wine and was waiting with two glasses. One in each hand. He handed one to me before following me to the stove.

  “I have to admit, I’m really looking forward to this,” he admitted.

  “Why?” I asked as I served up two plates and handed him one.

  “I haven’t had a good, home-cooked meal in I don’t know how long,” he said. “And if this tastes as good as it smells, you’ll never be rid of me.”

  We both sat down at the table and I laughed. “You’re just saying that,” I said waving his compliment away.

  “Not at all,” he said. “I never realized you were a cook.” He took a bite of pasta and his face crumpled. “This is to die for.”

  “Thank you,” I said softly. I felt a little awkward with all his compliments. It had been a while since I had heard anything close.

  “So you guys usually sit at the table?” Sean asked as he continued to eat.

  I took a large swallow of wine. “Yeah, I try. Mostly he comes up with a reason to sit in front of the tv while Avery and I are in here,” I shrugged.

  “That just blows my mind,” he said shaking his head.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Why would he rather watch football than sit with his beautiful wife and daughter?” he asked.

  I blushed. “I’m not beautiful,” I said bashfully.

  “Bull,” he snorted.

  “You never said anything like that before,” I pointed out.

  “I asked you out,” he reminded me. “You shot me down, hard.”

  “Yeah, because you already had a girlfriend,” I pointed out.

  He was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t like me anyway,” he said.

  “No, I did. I just wasn’t going to be a side piece,” I explained.

  “I was a different man back then,” he said softly.

  “I bet,” was all I could manage to say. I knew paying for a crime you didn’t commit had to be hard on a person. We ate and drank while making small talk, smiling and laughing as though no time had passed.

  “Are you happy?” he said, seemingly out of nowhere. A snore rose from the living room and I knew Chris had passed out in his chair again.

  I lifted one finger, telling Sean one moment, as I stood and went to check on Chris. His beer can was still in his hand and his plate on his lap. I carefully placed the beer on the end table and collected his plate. Was I happy? I asked myself. It wasn’t something I had ever even considered. I had a beautiful daughter, a husband that takes care of me and I was starting my own online business. What wasn’t there to be happy about? But the question roused a feeling deep inside that I couldn’t shake.

  I silently returned to the kitchen and put my husbands plate in the sink. “Am I happy?” I asked repeating Seans question as I sat back down at the table.

  “Yes. Are you actually happy, Lily?” His dark eyes were insistent and I could see worry etched across his face.

  “I think so,” I said. “I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest.” I had never lied to Sean when we were friends before, I wouldn’t start now.


  “Forgive me for being so blunt, but I don’t see it,” he said. “I see a lonely woman who isn’t treated the way she deserves. I would never choose a football game over dinner with you.” Sean took my hand in his and caressed the back of my hand with his thumb.

  Part of me said this was wrong, but I couldn’t get myself to pull away. His touch felt so right in that moment. I could almost feel something drawing me to move closer to him. I had to fight myself to not reach for him. I was shocked at myself but couldn’t bear the thought of doing anything to make it stop.

  “I’m used to it,” I said as I felt the color rise to my cheeks.

  “Yeah, well you shouldn’t have to be,” he said as he let go and leaned back. “I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I insisted. “It’s kind of nice to hear. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost my mind. You know how I used to be.”

  Sean nodded. “You were so strong willed and sure of yourself.”

  “Right. Now? Now I feel as though I don’t even know who I am. The things I put up with…” I caught myself starting to complain, so I shook myself.

  “Everyone changes. I understand that more than anyone.” Sean gave me a faint smile. “I’m always here for you. If you ever need someone to turn to, you’ve got me.” His words were gentle but I could sense the commitment behind them.

  “Thank you,” I said. I collected the dishes and went to the sink to begin washing them off before putting them in the dishwasher. “Have you ever felt like you were going along with life and then all of a sudden you don’t know where you are?” I didn’t even turn to face him as I asked my question.

  A gentle hand on my back surprised and then reassured me. “Of course,” he said. “I find it’s smarter to not worry about how you got there. Instead, I try to focus on the path in front of me. That’s in my control and I can make an active choice.” He moved to my side and began to help with the dishes.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said. “I can do it.”

  “I know you can,” he said. “But I want to help you.”

  I smiled and nodded. We moved in unison as we scrapped and then rinsed the dishes. When I finished putting the food away and started the dishwasher, I turned to Sean. He was leaning against the counter with his hip, his arms crossed in front of him. I noticed his arms were much more defined than I remembered. He was a much more commanding presence than the man I used to know.

  “I should have brought dessert,” he said. “But I don’t know anything that could top that dinner.”

  “I have things to make no bake cookies? Chris hates them but they’re my daughter and I’s favorite cookie,” I said.

  “No way,” he whispered excitedly. “Mine too!”

  I laughed. “You’re just saying that.”

  “I’m not. They’re my favorite. You can ask anyone,” he insisted.

  “Well, let’s makes some,” I said feeling lighter at his enthusiasm.

  He helped me get out all of the ingredients and soon we were making cookies. We moved with ease together, measuring and stirring. Occasionally, his hand would land on my back or our touch would linger as our hands met. I could feel myself being drawn closer to him. He felt like a warm dry place in the middle of a cold, wet winter night. He felt like shelter, like home.

  We were laughing and enjoying cookies when Chris shuffled into the kitchen.

  “Oh, hey,” he said to Sean. “I’m sorry I dozed off. Looks like you’ve been doing a good job keeping her company. She’s normally bugged me a few times for something by now. Thanks, man.” Chris shuffled over to the fridge and pulled out another beer. “I’m going to go ahead and head to bed. I didn’t sleep all that well last night. Come back anytime, Sean.” Chris lifted his beer as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Good night, dear.”

  “Good night,” I said as he wobbled out of the kitchen.

  “Does he always drink like that?” Sean asked after a few moments.

  “Generally,” I admitted. “If he only drinks one or two beers that day, he acts like he deserves an award.” I sighed. “You mind sitting outside on the swing? I’d like to get a little air.”

  Sean nodded and I grabbed the bowl of cookies before heading toward the back door. Truth was, I needed to clear my head. I wasn’t sure if it was the wine, the company or what, but I was feeling conflicted. It was as if I had an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. Both were making good points and I wasn’t sure who I should really be listening to. Sometimes, it was almost as if their messages were getting crossed.

  “So how do you feel about me coming over?” he asked as we sat on the swing.

  “It’s been really great,” I said as I sat the cookie bowl between us. I handed him another one and he took a bite.

  “Good,” he said smiling. His slight stubble beard couldn’t hide the dimples that were playing peek-a-boo.

  We sat together on the swing with only the sound of the creaking chain when his hand reached over and clasped mine. Once again, I was filled with conflicting emotions. My mind told me I was a married woman and I shouldn’t be holding hands with Sean. Yet my heart had needed this for so very long. For someone to it and just be with me. Sharing a quiet moment under the stars. It was something I had always dreamed of doing with someone. My heart couldn’t and wouldn’t allow me to pull away.

  “Where do you work now?” he finally said.

  “I work online,” I said. “I’ve been making jewelry and have a website set up.”

  “Wow, really?” he asked. “How’s that going?”

  “Not bad,” I said. “But I’m looking into how I can get my stuff in stores. I’ve heard that’s a great way to get new customers.”

  “I bet,” he said nodding.

  We chatted for a bit longer, holding hands and catching up. Finally, he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’ve had a great evening. I missed you, Lily.” He stood and pulled me to my feet.

  I was extremely aware of how close we were in that moment. I could almost feel the heat from his body on my skin. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

  “Thank you for everything. Can I come visit you sometime?” he asked. I nodded and he kissed my forehead. “I better get going,” he said.

  I turned to follow but he stopped me. “I can see myself out. Enjoy the stars just a little longer.” He slipped through the door, leaving me watching after him. A faint flutter deep inside had started that I hadn’t even realized I had lost.

  Chapter 4

  Sean

  I have to admit, it was hard leaving her there. I wanted nothing more than to stay with her all night. Looking at the stars, talking about the past and maybe even the future. I wanted to fill in all the blanks I had with her. Sure, I remembered some basic facts about her but that wasn’t the stuff I really wanted to know. I wanted to know what she looked like when she slept. The face she made when she was in the shower and was relaxed.

  Chris. What a guy. Not only did the lazy bastard not want to pry himself away from his precious football game to spend time with his wife, but he was actually grateful to me for spending time with her. What an idiot. Once I realized what kind of a man he was, I stopped feeling badly for wanting her for myself.

  I pulled away from the curb and started heading for home in the dark. Even as I drove, I felt as though I was leaving my heart behind.

  I was sure there were all sorts of words for people like me. I didn’t care. He wasn’t treating her right. She deserved to be listened to, respected, even worshipped. She shouldn’t be alone and left with uncertainty. Any guy that’s always drunk like that has a problem. I had no problem adding myself to that list.

  I was so relieved when Lily said what she did. It showed me that maybe, just maybe I had a chance. After all these years thinking I didn’t, it was a breath of fresh air. Were there a few things standing in my way? Maybe. But the way she reacted to me made it perfectly clear. She was
n’t happy. That’s all I needed to know. I’d had plenty of time to think about her over the years. Nothing had changed. If anything, I thought being away from her all this time may have made my feelings stronger. Time didn’t make anything fade, it amplified it.

  Sitting on that swing with her, I just wanted to pull her close and love away all her heartache. All of the things that made her feel unworthy or not special needed to be dealt with. If she’d let me, I would do it. I would make love to her over and over again until she knew how special she was. I’d never let her go, never let her fall.

  I sighed heavily as I grew closer to home. I was a patient man, that was for sure. But I didn’t want to wait anymore to be with her. Maybe if I showed her what life could be like with me… I knew it was low to try and steal another man’s woman. But if he wasn’t taking care of her, was it really stealing? If he was loving her the way she needed to be loved, she wouldn’t even be tempted. She wouldn’t even give me a passing glance. I knew Lily. She was a strong woman. Nobody could get her to do anything she didn’t want to do. She may have lost herself for now, but I would help her find herself again.

  My thoughts went to my mother, living four hours away. I knew it wasn’t really that far. If needed, I could be there in no time. But the guilt of sitting back and not doing anything was tough. Lily helped keep me distracted, that was for certain. No matter what I was doing, the reality would sink in. I could lose my mother. My rock, probably my best friend. She truly did keep me sane while I was in prison. Her letters, phone calls and uplifting words helped me through some seriously dark times. Now, she was going through those dark times herself and she didn’t even want me to know. It hurt.

  I knew she wasn’t doing it to hurt me. My mind knew that at least. My heart was feeling it, though. She was doing what she could to try to save me from this very thing. How beautiful was that? Until there was at least more information, I would give her that. But, on the other hand, if the news was bad, she couldn’t stop me. I would do whatever needed to be done. I didn’t want to leave Lily, but hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. I didn’t want to have to choose between my mother and the only woman, not family, that I had ever cared about.