AMNESIA

by Canada Jackson

  “I never met my mother,” Amber said absently, still flicking through official documents, none of which mattered now that Earth was about to end.

  “But this is you with her as a child, isn’t it?” Leyahanna asked and held out a stack of photos. “My… mother?” Amber looked down at the bottle of pills.

  They were the right ones.

  Leyahanna nodded and urged her to look at what she held.

  Amber’s hands shook when she took the pictures from Leyahanna. Her father told her that her mother’s death had been so devastating, he had not kept one photo. Amber had always believed her insanity concocted the recurring hallucination of her mother. She wasn’t prepared to confront a photograph that revealed her mind had somehow gotten it exactly right.

  How could this be if she had never seen or met her mother?

  * * *

  Amber sifted through the rest of the photographs, gasping with shock and moaning with dismay when she realized what her father had hidden. Each photo tore at her heart as she realized that her memories were not manifestations of loss from birth. Her mother had not died in childbirth. From what she could see, her mother had been a big part of Amber’s life until she was around three or four. There were so many photographs of Lilith lovingly holding her, playing with her, braiding her hair, reading to her. A deep-seated ache that Amber had held at bay her entire life began to rise to the fore. Anguish reverberated through her and then increased when she found a photograph of Lilith sitting in a garden, staring sadly into the distance. She wore a white hospital robe. The robe that Amber regularly saw her wear in the visions her father claimed were insanity. The sign behind her showed the name of the mental asylum where she was a patient.

  Amber looked up at her mother who floated nearby, saw her grasp her face as she sobbed silently at Amber’s newfound knowledge before she gradually faded away. Amber doubled over when the shock of her father’s betrayal finally hit home. She questioned her whole life and all of her beliefs, not only about herself but about her reality.

  She cried in pain until rage replaced her anguish and she threw the box of photographs against the wall, gnashing her teeth in horror.

  Her father had lied to her.

  For years and years, he had lied… and worse, he had made her feel guilty for exhibiting signs of insanity when he knew the cause all along.

  Perhaps the visions had come about from the trauma of separation from her mother. Her mind’s way of coping with an event that shocked her as a child. Either that or her mother had been put away for having the same visions she had; maybe James had found it within himself to forgive a daughter who was impaired but not a wife.

  Her reaction horrified Leyahanna, who gathered the photographs from the floor and asked Amber what was wrong.

  Through hacking sobs, she told Leyahanna half the truth, leaving out the visions as she trembled upon the bed, trying to still the shock that coursed through her.

  Leyahanna quickly brewed her a potion, crying with her. “It was cruel of him to deny you this truth, Amber; perhaps he thought it would be easier. If your mother was ill as you say, perhaps he thought it best. Although I don’t understand why he denied your memories.”

  Amber could not speak, could not tell Leyahanna the illness she claimed her mother had was mental. The thick knot in her throat grew until she curled into a ball and fell asleep.

  Inndra entered Wrexel’s quarters and tossed the bottle of pills at him. Wrexel was happy for Leyahanna to get Amber’s things but insisted on checking through them first.

  “Mind-numbing garbage.” He sat and folded his arms suspiciously. “Why didn’t you ask Whyle to check them for you?”

  “He’s busy.”

  “Why?” Inndra knew Wrexel was lying.

  “Okay, I’m avoiding him.”

  Inndra snorted. “Worried he will set your caged bird free?”

  Wrexel wasn’t perturbed about this until that moment. If anybody had enough power to upset his well-orchestrated plans, it would be Whyle or his brothers.

  “So, nothing is seriously wrong with her?” he asked.

  “No. Essentially these tablets dull the mind; humans still fear those who have an ability to see things differently. Creativity, eccentricity, visual gifts.” He shrugged. “Accepted on Throm, viewed with suspicion by those with archaic thinking.”

  “Visual gifts… those are like a magical ability?” Wrexel frowned.

  Inndra rolled his eyes. “No magic creature has ever existed on Earth; they missed the invitation to the afflicting Great Pink Cloud over a century ago in Diogel. I’m talking about some people who have the natural ability to see things others do not… Amber is probably one of them and this is controlled on Earth with mind-numbing tablets and inane hours of useless therapeutic talks.”

  “She doesn’t strike me as eccentric,” Wrexel said thoughtfully.

  Their conversation was interrupted by an announcement.

  “Incoming, the Monarch Gilroth.”

  Inndra and Wrexel exchanged wary glances.

  “I accept,” said Wrexel.

  The Monarch flared on the screen.

  “Thought I would catch up with you; we haven’t spoken since you annihilated my Red guard.” His face was purple with anger, but then his eyes narrowed cruelly. “The attack did not go down well with my supporters.”

  “Strange… you were building in secret and the destruction wasn’t public.” Wrexel folded his arms. “I did not see one report.”

  “Well, since you enjoy televised anarchy, perhaps this will please you.”

  Wrexel watched as the screen flared, showing four locations upon Throm. Minutes before, explosions had ripped through two Green military camps and two flight squadron schools. The death toll of those in the army and air force was mounting… an unaffiliated Black party claimed responsibility and cited grievances against Throm’s move from autocratic rule as the reasoning. They wished to return to the traditional hierarchy under Gilroth.

  “Get used to it.” Gilroth’s face flared forward and then disappeared.

  Wrexel exploded with rage and swiped the contents from his desk before his head sank into his hands.

  “Incoming, Lord Shihlo of Throm.”

  Shihlo’s face loomed into the room, his eyes flashing with anger, his cheeks ruddy with exertion. “You caused this when you blew up his Red army, you fucking idiot,” Shihlo roared. “If you had given me the Intel, I would have handled it...”

  “How?” Wrexel roared back at him. “You would have sat back and let them grow whilst slapping the Monarch on the wrist. This was bound to happen; he will not stop until he has eradicated all our support and taken Throm back under his vicious rule. Give me the goddamn Comms to wipe out him and his supporting army!”

  “I will not support civil war on Throm when we are winning support democratically,” Shihlo roared. “Keep your army in the skies against the 104 and the devious Raks. Leave Throm’s political future to me to win fairly and without loss of life.”

  Wrexel did not back down. “He will not sit back and allow that, Shihlo… if you continue to win votes he will continue to kill our people. We have lost so many of our heads by strange accidents in the last year! He just upped the game and will not stop until he has control. Wake up and see that he will never back down.”

  “I am winning his votes every full moon,” Shihlo yelled back. “Stop pushing for something in violence that can be won in peace. I will never give you the go-ahead for civil war.”

  Wrexel went dead silent and his pacing stopped. He swung to face the monitor and his eyes narrowed cruelly.

  “We will see how you feel when your voting tally dwindles and fails; I will get your compliance very soon, Shihlo.”

  He cut off communications as Shihlo spluttered with rage.

  Inndra began to speak but Wrexel held up his hand. “Don’t… don’t fill me with your White Party rhetoric bullshit; save your voice for the next full moon when you will desperately need it.”


  “For God’s sake, Wrexel, no more plans without Whyle and Shihlo involved,” Inndra pleaded. “We can win this.”

  “Yes we can.” Wrexel opened the door and pointed for him to leave. “We will win this by civil war, putting the Monarch into a place of no power where he belongs.”

  Inndra shook his head bitterly. “You cannot force compliance on everybody and everything like the Earth female.” He walked out of the room.

  The following day, when she awoke after having consumed Leyahanna’s potion, Amber paced. She wanted to know more. She needed to vent the anger and pain she felt at James and she had to ask Travis how much he knew.

  Her father spoke openly with Travis about everything. They were best friends. What had James told him that Travis had never revealed to her?

  Amber agonized that, if Wrexel kept her with him on Throm, she might never know. She desperately wanted to get off the ship and confront her father about a major part of her life that had vexed her for as long as she could remember.

  “Leyahanna, do you think Wrexel would let me talk to my father?”

  “I don’t think so, my lady.” Leyahanna looked miserable. “He probably feels it will be easier for you to adapt to your new life without reminders.”

  “I need to see my father.”

  “Tell him the reason, my lady; perhaps he will allow a quick meeting.” She didn’t look as though she believed it.

  Amber bristled with frustration. “No, Wrexel is reveling in his control over me; if I reveal something of my life, he will use it against me.”

  She hadn’t told Leyahanna of her visions and had no plans to add her or Wrexel to the list of people who looked at her with pity. Leyahanna knew the story of her father’s lies and that was where she left it.

  The Gweithi slowly packed Amber’s new things neatly into her cupboard, her brow furrowed with a frown. “You may feel controlled by Wrexel. I happen to think it’s the other way around.”

  “What do you mean?” Amber frowned.

  Leyahanna turned to Amber, a slight blush upon her cheeks. “Wrexel is a warlord, my lady, and a hardened tactician and yet you have made him rethink his plans and decisions. I have known him to be with previous lovers for only a few weeks before moving on and yet he has entered into a long-term contract with you. And the way he looks at you...” Her cheeks went rosy. “I have never seen him look at another that way.”

  She bent down to lift more of Amber’s belongings. “You agreed to be with Wrexel, but I think he enforced the contract because he couldn’t bear to be without you.”

  “It’s not a romantic agreement, Leyahanna.” Amber set her straight. “Wrexel’s interest in me is purely sexual and everything he does is to seduce me.”

  “So you agree,” said Leyahanna. “You are the one in control, not him.”

  Amber sighed but then Leyahanna lifted a long black dress from Amber’s belongings: a whim purchase that made Travis splutter.

  My future wife cannot dress like a harlot.

  She remembered his outraged look, how he had turned his face away, shaming her. She had thrown it into the back of her cupboard.

  “If I were you and he looked at me the way he looks at you, I would ask him for this favor, and wear this,” Leyahanna said wickedly. “He will not refuse you anything.”

  “Yes, but what will he want in return?” asked Amber. She had toyed with Wrexel like this before and had lost her life.

  “Whatever you are willing to give him, my lady. Wrexel wants you, but he wants you as an equal. He will not take anything from you against your will, so you hold the power of the exchange. You obtained Banjo for a kiss, remember?” She enjoyed every minute of Amber’s earlier confession. “I know you do not like to admit it, but Wrexel is extremely attractive and you are not immune to him. Why not offer him something you will both enjoy?” She blushed furiously.

  Amber stood up and paced. Leyahanna was right; Wrexel had no weakness except his desire for her.

  Why not use it to get what she wanted?

  She would be lying if she didn’t admit that nothing she could offer him would be unpleasant for her. She hated him as much as her body wanted him. It was a sickening enigma. Perhaps another kiss, a little touching, anything but full sex, for she was not ready to consider this.

  “You’re a wicked little Gweithi,” she said after shivering over the various outcomes that both thrilled and terrified her. “Okay, maybe a small change of tactics for the greater good of this plan will be worth it. Tell him I want to have dinner with him, please, Leyahanna. Tonight.”

  “I will do as you ask, my lady.”

  * * *

  Wrexel was surprised to hear that Amber wanted to dine with him that evening but relished the opportunity to think of something other than his raging war. He agreed to Leyahanna’s proposal, but then sat back with a frown.

  What did she want this time?

  He was sorry he had given Leyahanna permission to fetch Amber’s things. Perhaps she had been reminded of her father and now wanted to see him.

  Wrexel’s jaw set.

  He would not allow that. If her father joined her, she would have somebody to confide in, cry with, and conspire with, somebody to lean on in further rejecting him. That did not suit his plan. Maybe she had something else she wanted to ask him.

  Another pet?

  He would happily bring in whatever little creature she liked if it moved their relationship along.

  He smiled, hopeful that she was recovering in spirit.

  He realized he was in serious trouble when she entered his quarters wearing a dress that caused him to fumble with the glass he held.

  It was obscene.

  His initial shock at the generous show of cleavage and the slit along her silky-smooth thigh left him speechless until he spotted two Thromian males fall over each other before his door closed. He felt an unfamiliar tug of possession.

  Wrexel was possessive of nothing and nobody. Everything was temporary and dispensable, and yet she challenged this mindset daily.

  It infuriated him.

  “You walked here wearing that?” He was one step away from demanding that she burn the dress and never wear it in public again.

  No. She needed to keep it. But just for him.

  “Yes.” Amber smiled at him.

  God, what happened to her scowl? If she kept this up, he would abandon his plan to slowly seduce her and resort to begging.

  He forced his gaze to lift from her cleavage. “Drink?”

  “Thank you.” She took the glass from him and sat in his lounging area, crossing her thighs and allowing the dress to fall open and reveal her long, beautiful legs.

  Wrexel turned his back on her to pour his own drink. He had to establish some self-control, or he would find himself abandoning his schemes for her planet if she so much as asked. She had just robbed him of his ability to breathe. He did not appreciate the power shift.

  He was in unchartered territory and the realization came as a shock.

  Before he knew it, he would be transporting birds, reptiles, and other small animals to her room just to have her smile at him like this. However, if her goal was to be released, she was in for a disappointment.

  He sat across from her and took a long sip, watching as she did the same.

  “Go ahead. I know you’re here to ask for something. So, ask.” He had to force his eyes to her face more than once.

  “I want to ask you a favor.” Amber ran her fingertip over the top of the glass. He followed the motion of her fingers with envy. “I need to see my father.”

  “No,” he responded immediately, but she wasn’t deterred.

  “I have a few questions to ask him. The meeting will be brief.”

  “How many questions?”

  “Five.” She shrugged at the strange question.

  “Five?” Wrexel sipped his wine thoughtfully, his eyes now roaming without reserve over her curves. “Perhaps we can strike a deal like we did for Banjo?”<
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  “What do you have in mind?” Her voice remained steady, but he could tell she was nervous.

  “I give you five questions and you give me five favors.”

  “Favors?”

  “Yes, I give you five things you want and you give me five things I want.”

  * * *

  His smile was lecherous. “I can think of five things I would like to see and do with you that would be worth allowing you to ask five questions of your father.”

  Amber took a long sip of her wine. She was out of her depth here. “How will the five favors end?” She toyed with her glass once again.

  “With my clothes still on,” he promised and touched his shoulder in a Thromian pledge which she had learnt they always honored.

  “Just five,” she repeated breathlessly.

  “But…” He held up a hand. “If you ask me to take six favors, the deal is off.”

  Amber nearly spat out her wine. “You assume I will ask you to give yourself another favor at my expense?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hah.” She laughed aloud and then sobered up when he kept his face impassive.

  “Okay.” She raised her brows as if the suggestion were too ridiculous to comprehend. “So when can I see my father?” she asked.

  “When I have had my five favors… or not at all when you give me six?” He chuckled.

  “But… I need to see him now,” she argued.

  “Then I shall take all six favors now.”

  “Five!”

  He shrugged.

  She wanted to slap him for being so confident.

  “So?” she said with irritation.

  He indicated she come to him, his gaze steady, eyes still full of mirth, enjoying their little game until she stood before him.

  Then they filled with violet as he extended a hand, putting her back across his legs in his favorite position for taking advantage of her.

  Amber trembled a little, hating that she was affected by his nearness. If she was going to win this battle, she needed to be in control so she could negotiate his five demands for things less… invasive. She kept herself stable on his lap by placing her palms upon his shoulders.