by Cala Riley
I lean my forehead against the door. “Please, Lo. I made my decision. Respect it, please. I’m going to take a shower. I’ll be right out. Give me some time with my thoughts.”
“The last time I gave you time, I got a call at 2:00 a.m. begging me to come get you. Let me help you.”
I sigh. “Please, Lo. I’ll be out in ten minutes.”
It’s silent a minute before he finally responds.
“If you’re not out in ten minutes on the dot, I’m coming in after you.”
“Deal.”
What the fuck did I do?
∞∞∞
I make it out of the shower with one minute to spare. Thankfully, no doors are busted today. After I get dressed, Lo calls and asks Bash when we can come over. Lucky for me, he says right away. I was hoping to be able to enjoy Lo a little bit more before my inevitable death. I just hope he doesn’t do it with Lo there. Or hell, he might order Lo to do it.
Would he even care? Probably not.
Sofia isn’t home, so I don’t need to explain to her why I need to speak with Bash alone. Thankfully he lets Lo sit in. Or maybe it’s a bad thing.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Bash sits at the table across from me, looking every bit of the don that he is.
“I want to take the job, but I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
His eyes darken. I don’t dare look at Lo. I can feel the heat coming off him next to me.
“I’m not who I say I am. My real name is Mariana De Luca. I was born and raised in Chicago. My dad was Cristiano, and my mom was Alessandra. My dad wasn’t a great man. He did things for organizations I knew nothing about. They kept me out of it mostly, but when I was seven, I started helping my mom with the patients my dad would bring her. First, it was handing her things, but then it evolved to fixing them up.”
Bash has not broken eye contact since I started speaking. His jaw is set, the mask firmly in place. I can’t tell if he’s angry or murderous. I take a deep breath and continue.
“My mom went to medical school and used to do things for my dad. She would try a little less if my dad didn’t want the patient to survive. I didn’t realize it at first, but I caught on as I got older.”
I wanted to tell them everything. What my dad made me do. What I did to Fillipo’s son, but I just couldn’t. I would take that sin to the grave.
“My dad went missing one day. We assume he crossed the wrong person and ended up dead. Hell, it could have been the Chicago mafia for all I know. We had a plan in place. My mom took the paperwork and money, and we left Chicago behind, starting our lives over as new people. I don’t know why we ended up in Brooklyn, but we did. My mom gave up her extracurricular activities, and I got the job at Bello Italiano. I know how you feel about liars, and I know how you feel about loyalty. I understand whatever action you need to take.”
I lower my eyes as I let him digest what I revealed. My hands start shaking as I realize what most likely will happen.
“Does Sofia know?” the grave sound of his voice gives me no hope.
“No one knows. I was going to take it to my grave. If I’m going to be working for you though, we need transparency. I understand that.”
“Look at me, Mia.”
I take a moment to collect myself before I bring my eyes to his. He stares into my eyes as if he’s trying to read my soul.
Good luck with that. My parents sold it to the devil when I was a child.
“Bash,” I catch Lo’s deep, husky voice grit out through his teeth.
Bash bursts out laughing then. Lo follows shortly after, and I look between the two of them, completely confused.
Are they really so fucking excited about my imminent death? My heart aches as I watch the man I have grown to care about laugh at my predicament.
“So much for protecting me from everyone, even yourself,” I mumble.
“What’s that, mio piccolo angelo? I didn’t hear you.”
I’m already dead so why not yell at him?
“I said,” I turn and face him fully, “so much for protecting me from everyone, even yourself you dick sucking twat waffle.”
His laughter fades away, but Bash’s only grows as he’s now falling out of his chair trying to catch his breath.
“Watch your mouth, Mia. You might regret what you’re saying.”
“I won’t have time for regrets, Lo. It’s obvious that he”—I point to Bash—“is going to fucking kill me, and you’re going to enjoy it as much as he is. Why the fuck would I regret anything I might say now? When within minutes I will be another rotting corpse?”
Lo doesn’t respond. He just stares back at me. I don’t avert my gaze. If this is how I’m going to go, I’m going to go out the strong woman my mother taught me to be.
“She called you a twat waffle, dude.”
Bash is finally catching his breath. I continue to stare at Lo, but speak to Bash.
“Actually, I called him a dick sucking twat waffle. Get it right.”
“Fuck, she’s a feisty one. Now I know why you’re so enamored with her. She doesn’t usually act this way around me.”
I finally tear my eyes from Lo’s and turn to Bash. “Can you just kill me already? I’m bored with you two.” I pretend to pick at my nails to accentuate my point.
“I’m not going to kill you, Mia.”
My gaze shoots to his.
Fuck. I hope he doesn’t plan to torture me instead. Why did I not consider this before?
“I can see those wild eyes going crazy, mio piccolo angelo. He isn’t going to harm you. I promised you my protection, and I meant it. No one will harm you as long as I’m still breathing.”
“I’m confused.” I look between the two of them.
Lo is the one who speaks.
“We know who you are and where you come from. For Christ’s sake, I have a whole fucking file on you. I know about your father and your mother. I know about what your father did and who he worked for back in Chicago. I know what he did for other organizations back when he had been in middle school and through his teen years. Hell, I know what your mother craved when she was pregnant with you. You thought you were hiding this big secret, but you weren’t. Well, maybe you were. We didn’t know about what your mom did for your father. Everything else we already knew.”
I look to Bash, and he nods his confirmation.
“I can’t believe it. How did you know?”
“It’s my job. Well, mine and Giovanni’s. We don’t let anyone get close to Bash without having a full background check done on them. It goes further than that. We do an extensive look into their lives. It’s so we know where they come from and what their motivations are. I knew about you before you even knew I existed.”
“Fuck.”
“Regretting the twat waffle comment yet?” Bash looks all too amused with himself.
“No. If anything, I think he’s even more of one. I mean, who does that? Let someone sit here and think they are going to die. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. I should tell Sofia about this.”
Bash smiles. “Maybe you should tell her who you really are first. I never mentioned it because I thought she knew and was protecting you, but now it doesn’t feel right knowing something I know will affect her so deeply.”
“I plan to tell her tonight, along with Izzy and Matt.”
“Hold up. Izzy doesn’t know?”
I glare at Lo. “I told you. No one knows. What part of that didn’t you understand? Are you dense?”
“Fuck.” Bash smirks. “I might need to let you two fuck this out and get it over with. The tension between you two is palpable.”
“We aren’t fucking.” Oh yeah, I’m bitter about it too.
Bash catches wind of my tone and changes the subject. “Do you still want the job?”
I look back to him. “Yes.”
“No.” Lo speaks at the same time as me.
“This isn’t your decision. Its mine. Bash, I accept your offer.”
/>
I look at Lo as he grits teeth.
“Good deal. I will let Sofia know you took the job. Obviously, you will be with Dr. Fields until further notice, which means you won’t be able to work at Bello Italiano.”
I hadn’t thought about it, but it makes sense.
“Thank you for this opportunity, Bash. Oh, and thank you for not killing me.”
A sinister smile covers his face. “Don’t thank me yet. You still have to tell Sofia. Depending on her reaction, I might have to kill you.”
I chilling feeling runs down my spine, and Lo reaches out to rub my back.
“You’ll have to kill me too, Bash. She’s under my protection. Even from you.”
The shock on Bash’s face is surprising before he covers it up.
“Of course. I was kidding. Go on your two. I have work to do.”
∞∞∞
“Just so we’re clear, I am not complaining, but what’s up with this impromptu girls’ night?”
Matt groans at Sofia’s words.
“Sorry, Matty boy. Just face the truth, you’re one of us.”
Izzy accentuates her statement with a wink, and he groans louder.
“I’m going to lose my man card if I continue to hang out with the lot of you.”
I want to smile and laugh with them, but with all the thoughts weighing on my mind, I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“What’s up, Mia?”
Matt is the first to notice I’m not smiling. Always the observant one. I guess it comes with his job.
“I have something to tell you guys.”
“Oh, so this isn’t just a night of Mexican food and Card’s Against Humanities?” Sofia asks as she points to the food Lo brought in from Manhattan for me.
“I’m afraid not.”
I drop my head into my hands. Why is it I’m way more afraid to tell my closest friends the truth about my past than I had been to tell Bash, who I was 99 percent sure was going to put a bullet through my skull?
“What is it, Mia Pia? Is everything okay?” Sofia scoots next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder.
I shrug her off. I don’t deserve the comfort she offers. I look up to see the hurt in her eyes. Izzy and Matt both hold the same concern in theirs.
“I have something to tell you. This isn’t easy for me.” I take a deep breath. This is my family. The only ones I have left. I just hope they are still sitting here when the dust settles.
“You can tell us anything,” Izzy says as her eyes soften.
Matt doesn’t say anything. He just sits there as still as the calm before the storm. It’s times like this when the soldier in him comes out, the mafia part of him he tends to hide when he’s around us.
“I hope you will still look at me the same when I’m done.”
“Of course, we will, Mia. Don’t be silly.” Sofia gives me a bright smile.
Here goes nothing. “I’m not who I say I am.” The confusion in their faces causes me to quickly continue on. “My real name is Mariana De Luca, and I moved here with my mother after my father disappeared.”
I wait for their reaction. If they don’t react well, I don’t know if I will be able to get the rest out.
“Wow,” Izzy says after a moment of silence.
“Understatement of the year,” Sofia whispers.
“Are you in danger?” Matt’s gruff voice draws my attention to him. Hi his jaw clenched in anger. I flinch back from his gaze.
“I don’t think so. We don’t really know what happened to my father. He wasn’t a good man. He worked for some unsavory people. I don’t know all the details, but when he disappeared, my mother moved us and never spoke his name again.”
I feel the same somber feeling whenever I think of my mother. She had been a tough lady. Never said she loved me, but she was all I ever had. She loved me in her own twisted way, I suppose. She did teach me medicalskills though. Now that I think about it, her job for my father was very similar to the job I am taking now.
“I’ll look into it further. We need to make sure you’re safe.” I melt as the protective gleam in his eyes shines through.
“No need. Lo already knows it all, or so he says. I guess it means I’m safe.”
He nods. I look to Izzy next. She meets my gaze with an angry look.
“I can’t believe you lied to me all this time. What made you tell the truth now?”
I wince at the anger in her tone. I knew she would be the most upset. We’ve been friends for three years, so I’ve lied to her the longest.
“I’m accepting Bash’s offer. In order to do so, I had to tell him the truth.”
“Mia,” Izzy whispers as disappointment fills her face.
I understand why. She doesn’t want me to take the job. She wants me to say no and move on with my life. She doesn’t understand this feeling inside me. The need to help others anyway I can.
“Please, Izzy. It’s my choice. I need this. A bigger purpose. A better life. I can’t have any of it otherwise. If I don’t take this, I will be a waitress the rest of my life. Using a fake name means I can’t earn a college degree and go on to lead the life you want for me. I can’t get married legally. I can have children, but they will always have to live in the shadows like their mother.” I feel the first tears fall onto my cheeks. “At least with this, Bash can help me have a better life. Maybe not better by your extremely high standards, but better than the life I have now. Please understand. This is my choice, and I’m happy with it.”
She stares at me a moment before lowering her head.
“Well, I, for one, am happy you took the position. I think it’s your calling, Mia Pia. Oh, or do you prefer I call you Mariana?”
A breath whooshes out of me at the excitement in Sofia’s tone. The fact that she’s not mad warms my heart a little.
“Mariana is dead now. I’ll be Mia for the rest of my life.”
She gives a somber nod before letting loose a huge smile. “You’re amazing at this medical stuff. I feel for Dr. Fields though. She wasn’t meant to be in this life. She always looks so cagey when she’s helping the guys. You will be a much better fit for the family. Besides, you’re already family.”
She wraps her arm around me again, and I accept her warmth this time. Usually I’m the bubbly, positive girl, but for once, I’m glad Sofia’s taking the reins. She knows I need this break from the façade.
“Sofia, don’t encourage her. She’s going to get herself killed,” Izzy growls.
Sofia shoots Izzy a seething look. “Bash will protect her.”
“Yeah, he did such a great job last time.” The sarcastic bite in her tone causes Sofia to growl.
“It wasn’t his fault, and you know it. If this is something Mia wants to do, we should support her, not tear her down.”
“It never is his fault. It’s never any of their faults. Can’t you see that, Sof? No offense, Matt, but the organization is going to get us all killed sooner rather than later!”
She jumps up in a huff as she starts to storm off.
“Isabel.” She stops at the gravely tone of Sofia’s voice. “If it does get me killed, then it will be a beautiful death. I will have known true love and died by the side of the man I love. When it’s our time to go, it’s our time to go. Living life scared isn’t living life at all. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die, or I could die by a bullet. Either way, I will be dead. At least I will know I died being loved thoroughly. Can you say the same thing?”
As Sofia is talking, I watch Izzy’s shoulders tense. She looks over her shoulder and meets my eyes.
“I love you to death, Mia. It’s why I cannot support this decision. I cannot imagine a life without you in it, and I don’t want to. Do what you feel is best, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.” She turns and leaves the room without another word, and I hear her bedroom door slam, the loud sound making me jump.
“She’ll come around, Mia. Whatever happened with her and Gio has her scared of the family. They wi
ll protect you. I can guarantee it. Even if you say no, they will still protect you. You’re my sister. That makes you family no matter what.”
I sigh and shake my head. “I know that, Sof. She doesn’t understand me. No one really does. She just needs time to calm down. I dumped a lot on you today.”
She nods.
“How do you feel about this, Matt?” I can hear the hesitation in my own voice.
Matt has been sitting back watching our drama unfold in silence. Now, he thinks over his words before he speaks.
“As long as you’re safe and happy, then I’m happy for you. As for Izzy, she just needs time. She loves you so much, Mia. I’ve been through it with my sister. Loving someone doesn’t always mean you have to agree with them. Sometimes it means you need to give them room to fly, knowing they will come home one day. She’s struggling because you want to fly. You just need to show her that you will always come back to her.”
My eyes tear up as he speaks. I hope he’s right. “When did you become Yoda?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Yoda I’m not.”
We all laugh, the tension dissipated.
“You’re wise beyond your years, Matteo Sorento,” I tell him, grateful for his words.
“Growing up with a sister has become a beneficial part of my life. I used to curse her, but now I can see how she helped me immensely with dealing with you three,” he teases.
“I want you guys to get to know the real me. The parts I’ve kept hidden. Maybe when Izzy calms down?”
“Sounds like a plan, Mia Pia. Until then, can we eat? This Mexican food smells heavenly.”
Leave it to Sofia to always think of food.
As we open all the cartons of food, I look around the room. A weight has been on my chest for my entire adult life, yet now it’s gone. These people accept me for who I am, even if they don’t know who exactly that is yet.
Izzy will come around. I know it. She’s a stubborn one. Once she does, my family will be full.
Except for Lorenzo. You still need him to fill the only spot left empty.
I push those thoughts away as I enjoy the lighter conversation of the night. I let the blanket of love comfort me.