Yours, Juli

by Thalia Lark

  Trying to ignore the way my stomach kept making little jumps towards my throat, I glanced at the iPhone screen in her lap, the sleepy scent of coconut and sweat wafting towards me. I was confused at how appealing it smelt. ‘What are you listening to?’

  She seemed to have disregarded whatever initial opinion she had of me, because she seemed perfectly at ease as she pressed play on a song and handed me one of the earphones casually. ‘Here, listen to this.’ She inserted the other speaker into her own ear, tucking her hair away from her face and smiling in anticipation.

  The song was old, maybe from the late eighties, with a deep bass beat in the background and a soothing melody of strings and woodwind. The singer, definitely female, had a high, inarticulate voice that flowed through the song like water. My brows knitted together and I nodded slowly. ‘Nice.’

  ‘I love this song.’

  I glanced at Alex, tilting my head a little to the side, but she was looking through another playlist. ‘What’s it called?’ I asked, almost as much out of wanting to hear her voice again as out of curiosity.

  ‘Carta Blanca. It means “white card”. Sung by Herrie Jameson, short for Henriette.’

  ‘Kind of an ordinary stage name.’

  ‘It’s not. A stage name, I mean. I read her biography on Google ages ago – she decided to stick with her real name because she thought stage names created too big of a division between a singer and the public. She was big into equality and all that, very level-headed.’ Alex glanced at me and smiled as she met my eyes. ‘She’s got a stunning voice, huh? I absolutely love her music. What about you? Do you listen to much music?’

  I shrugged. ‘Not really.’

  ‘What do you do instead?’

  I narrowed my eyes the tiniest bit as she looked at me questioningly. It wasn’t exactly easy to talk to her, what with the intermittent flutters plaguing my stomach every time I looked into her eyes, but there was so little force within the conversation between us that my guard just naturally started falling away. ‘I ride a lot.’

  ‘Bikes?’

  ‘Horses.’

  ‘One of the girls in your grade mentioned you were from a property. It must be amazing having the freedom to just jump on a horse and gallop off into the sunset. I’ve always loved horses.’

  ‘Do you have any?’

  She shook her head, resting her phone on one knee. ‘Unfortunately, no. We own an acre north of here, about twenty minutes outside of Gympie, but it’s not enough land to keep horses. Most of its fenced off for the dogs, and a good portion has been converted into vegetable gardens for Mum.’

  I nodded slowly, looking at my lap and focusing on the music for a moment. Finally I looked back up at Alex, my brow creasing a little. I wasn’t generally curious about other people’s affairs, least of all people I’d only just met, but I found myself asking after her dad with genuine interest.

  ‘He works away, but he’s around,’ she said. ‘How about yours?’

  Maybe it was the peaceful tone of her voice. Maybe it was the sudden hope that opening up would allow me to draw a little closer to this girl who strangely fascinated me. Maybe it was the instinctive feeling that I could trust her, an impression I didn’t remember ever feeling towards anyone in my life before. Or maybe, on some level, I actually wanted her to ask me. Whatever it was, I answered her query without hesitation. ‘He left a year or so ago. Ran off with a chick from the city and moved down to Melbourne with her. After divorcing Mum that is.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Alex was frowning, but didn’t look up at me. ‘Do you live with your mum?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And the horses of course,’ she added, smiling. ‘Are they the only animals you have?’

  I laughed. ‘No. We have fifty head of dairy cattle, a cat, three dogs, this random goat who sort of adopted our land as its own, and a dozen or so chickens as well. Plus two butcher birds who come to eat the leftover cat biscuits in the mornings. They’re not tame or anything, but still…’

  Alex raised her eyebrows and smiled. ‘It sounds like a zoo at your place. We’ve only got the two dogs and a cat. And my younger brother, who could honestly be counted as one of the pets sometimes. He just turned four, so he’s a little on the irritating side and a lot on the needs-attention side.’ She grinned, then glanced at the entrance to the dorms to ensure her voice hadn’t carried. ‘He’s a cute kid really. Very outdoorsy. Loves the animals, and loves helping Mum and Dad in the garden. I bet he’d love your farm too, especially the cows. He’s freaking obsessed with cows at the moment – points them out every time we drive past the neighbour’s paddock.’

  I looked across at the garden bed, noticing our surroundings had lightened a little since we’d first come out. ‘Our cows are pretty docile, but they’re not particularly intelligent. The horses have more personality – it’s much easier to form relationships with them.’ I frowned, cocking my head to one side. ‘That didn’t sound so weird in my head.’

  Alex laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I get what you mean. I always wanted a pony when I was little. It was my dream in life to be that girl whose horse was her best friend. But then my parents pointed out to me that you can’t keep a horse in your bedroom.’ She grinned, pausing for a moment in quiet reflection before looking up at me again. ‘So how has your first week here been so far? Must have been a bit of a shellshock, moving to the city.’

  I raised my eyebrows, avoiding her gaze. ‘A bit? You mean you didn’t hear?’

  ‘About what happened in your English class? Oh, the whole school heard about that. We were in maths right next door to Warner’s classroom at the time. I heard you punch the wall through a sound-proof door.’ She smiled and nudged my upper arm with her elbow, noticing my discomfited expression. ‘Don’t worry, nobody’s holding it against you. We all have those days, and it was your first time in a boarding school, wasn’t it? Anyone in your position would have flipped out.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose.’ I frowned at the ground between my legs.

  ‘Besides, Mr Warner can be a real git sometimes.’

  I shrugged. ‘I had a worse teacher back home.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘He used to throw chalkboard erasers at you if you talked during class.’

  ‘Freaking hell.’ She laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners and seeming to illuminate her entire face. ‘That’s not as bad as one of my primary school teachers though. She was the crankiest old bitch you could imagine. One time I snuck in through the window before the classroom was open to get a handball from my desk – I mean, seriously, we were only eight years old and bored to tears waiting outside. Anyway, she caught me coming back out the window and caned me three times across the backs of my thighs – I have the scars to prove it – and then she locked me in the broom cupboard for two whole hours.’

  My eyes widened in shock. ‘Is that even legal?’

  ‘Of course not! She was fired after the principal heard about it…and then a week after that she was diagnosed with some sort of personality disorder. I don’t mean to gossip or anything, but it does make for an interesting tale.’ Alex glanced across at the entrance to the girls’ dormitory building again, her grin slowly fading at the pale blue light illuminating our surroundings. ‘We’d probably better get back inside before everyone starts waking up.’

  I looked up to survey the gardens and grey buildings in the distance, and then nodded in reluctant agreement, slowly pushing myself to my feet and brushing the gravel off my behind. Then without really thinking about it, I held out a hand towards her. Alex hesitated for a split second, eyeing my hand with a conflicted expression, before she reached out and slipped her fingers across my palm. I pulled her to her feet, ultra-aware of the warmth of her skin on mine, and the tingling it left in my hand. I let go quickly, meeting her eyes and smiling as effortlessly as I could.

  ‘How old are you, Juli?’ she asked suddenly.

  I frowned in confusion. ‘Fifteen in September. Why?’

  �
��Just curious. You’re very mature for your age.’

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘Sixteen in October.’

  A zingy moment of silence passed between us during which we both avoided each other’s eyes and straightened our postures. Then Alex turned towards the entrance decisively, pausing only to glance over her shoulder and say: ‘I’ll see you around then?’

  I nodded. ‘Sure. We can listen to some more of that Henrietta what’s-her-name.’

  Alex grinned. ‘Herrie Jameson. And yeah, that sounds cool.’ She smiled and then turned back inside, waving briefly before disappearing behind the glass. I gave her a moment’s head start before following back up to my dormitory, feeling confused and strangely exhilarated, and both liking and disliking the warm, vulnerable trembles leftover in my stomach.

  Harvey

  Breakfast was served at seven, and it was either be there or starve. We had to change into casual clothes before heading down to the dining hall, as the staff were always concerned about the appropriateness of some of the girls’ nightwear. The hall was a massive, oblong room with white walls and dozens of white tables arranged in long rows down the middle. There was a general area for each grade, which Lori and Emma had outlined for me briefly on my second day before leading me to three empty seats and introducing me to their friend Noelene’s boyfriend James and his comrades Gideon, Roger, and Harvey Baxter. When we approached the group that morning, Nell was sitting beside James on the farthest left, chatting to him while looking down at her food and smiling coyly.

  Roger smiled at us underneath a thick layer of coppery hair as we sat down, his grey eyes magnified to twice their size by large rectangular glasses. ‘Morning, ladies.’

  I smiled only a little nervously, choosing a seat opposite Harvey as Lori and Emma sat down to my right. My experience interacting with boys had begun and ended with my only friend back home in Warrabeela, so until arriving at St Peter’s, my knowledge and confidence around them was fairly limited. Thankfully, a week and a half later, I was starting to feel much more comfortable in their presence.

  Harvey was the most amiable of the boys we sat with at breakfast. He had tousled brown hair and a long nose smattered with ginger freckles. In many ways his lanky form and childish face made him look younger than fourteen, but his eyes had crinkles in the corners and a depth to them that hinted otherwise. For the first few days he’d been too shy to talk to me, and had kept in the reserves of the group conversation, but his confidence was growing steadily. As I sat down that morning, he smiled and spoke to me in a friendly tone, a spoonful of cereal hovering halfway between his bowl and his mouth.

  ‘How are your classes going?’

  I shrugged, twisting my fork through the bacon rinds on my plate distractedly. ‘Alright, I suppose. I know my teachers’ names now at least.’ I glanced at the scrambled egg as I took a small bite. I still wasn’t used to the rubbery texture of powdered egg. But I didn’t complain, only swallowed and washed down the chalky taste with a mouthful of orange juice.

  ‘You’ve got modern history up first today, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah.’ A small frown formed a crease between my eyebrows. I separated myself from the rest of the cohort as often as I could during class time – harbouring a mixture of embarrassment at my academic level and discomfort at the number of students – so I wasn’t yet clear which classes I shared with which individuals. I was fairly sure Harvey was in modern history, but asked for clarification anyway.

  ‘Sure am,’ he said. ‘I’m all into the historical studies.’ He paused, his face contorting slightly as though wondering why he’d just said that. Then he shook his head briefly and looked back up at me. ‘Anyway, I could walk you there – if you want. You know, in case you still have trouble finding the classroom or anything. It took me weeks to remember the route… I mean, a few weeks, or a week. You know.’

  I smiled a little, my eyes on my breakfast, and then nodded once. ‘Sure.’

  ‘Cool.’ He turned towards my two friends sitting beside me and flicked a small piece of scrambled egg across the table into Lori’s lap. ‘Hey Lori? Lori.’

  Lori looked up from her conversation with Gideon, and then down at her lap with an irritated expression as she brushed the scrambled egg onto the floor. ‘What?’

  ‘I’ll show Juli to modern this morning so you can get straight to class.’

  She frowned and said “fine” in an exasperated tone before turning back to Gideon and resting her elbow on the table, her expression relaxing as she reengaged in whatever they’ve been discussing before Harvey had interrupted.

  ‘Wonderful.’ Harvey started shovelling his fork into his eggs looking pleased.

  We continued to chat all through breakfast. Harvey described in detail everything from how untidy his dorm bunk was, to his parents’ apartment on the other side of Brisbane, to his hobby of building model aircraft. I didn’t provide him with much information in response to the questions he asked me; it was easier to just encourage his chatter and listen.

  ‘You’re doing rec studies as well, aren’t you?’ he asked, to which I nodded. ‘We have a hiking trip coming up next term where we travel to Noosa for two nights. There’s no camp for the mountain-biking unit this term unfortunately, but there are two excursions out to Burrumba in weeks eight and ten. Are you enjoying the subject so far?’

  I shrugged. ‘The theory’s a little boring.’

  Harvey nodded understandingly. ‘Yeah, we got to ride a bit in the first week because Mr Clifford hadn’t organised the worksheets for the term, but then by week two we had to jump straight into the theory. We’ll be out on the bikes today though. You haven’t missed much – all we’ve really covered so far is shifting gears and the positioning of your body for basic manoeuvres, you know, like going ’round corners, stuff like that.’

  A small prickle of worry erupted in my stomach at the mention of the forthcoming bike-riding lesson, but I decided to ignore it rather than admit I’d never ridden a bike before. Since I’d been riding horses since I was two, my parents had never seen the need to buy me a bike.

  Once breakfast was over, Harvey bit his bottom lip in consideration as we pushed our chairs back and prepared to make our way back to the dormitories. ‘Alright… How about I meet you at quarter to at the top of the walkway down to the dorms?’

  I nodded. ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘Cool.’ He smiled at me. ‘See you then.’

  I watched Harvey follow his friends out of the hall, hanging back at the table while Lori and Emma stacked their plates and cups on the pile. It seemed that they’d been lingering deliberately, because as soon as the boys were out of earshot, they both hurried up to me with excited grins.

  ‘Oh my goodness,’ Lori said. ‘Harvey is in love.’

  My eyebrows raised in surprise. ‘What?’

  ‘He was so into you,’ Emma said. ‘Didn’t you see the way he kept looking at you while you were talking? And didn’t you hear him? He practically narrated his whole life since birth. That’s what you do when you have a crush on someone.’

  I frowned, hunching my shoulders forward. ‘He was just being friendly.’

  Emma raised her eyebrows. ‘How about the fact he wanted to walk you to class?’

  ‘We have the same class.’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Wow, haven’t you ever had a boy like you before?’

  I was silent. The last contact I’d had with a boy had been initiating a punch so vicious it sent him sprawling and got me expelled. That didn’t bode well for attracting future interest.

  ‘So do you like him?’ Lori asked, putting her hand on my arm. ‘You know, like “like him-like him”?’

  I tried to think back to how I’d felt towards Harvey when he’d been talking to me: a little uncomfortable at his forwardness, a little bored by his stories, but at the same time kind of relieved by his willingness to interact with me. It was the same way I’d felt when Lori had taken me under her wing after my initial first
encounter with Courtney. But did that equate to being into him? I was sure it didn’t, but decided it would be easier just to play along, and so I worked my tone into a vague sort of uncertainty. ‘I don’t know. I suppose he’s kind of good-looking.’

  Lori and Emma both grinned and suppressed squeals.

  I tried not to look like I thought they were being idiots. I wanted to fit into this school, I wanted to blend into the group of girls I was now a part of, and if that meant liking one of the boys, then so be it. I didn’t concern myself with it too much.

  After I’d dressed in my uniform, brushed my hair into a neat ponytail and cleaned my teeth, I collected my modern history workbooks and stationery, and headed outside. I found Harvey leaning against a pole under the shelter, his books hanging from his fingertips casually. He looked up and smiled at me as I approached, and I smiled back half-heartedly. My stomach clenched in an uncomfortable rather than exciting way. But maybe, I thought, just maybe, I really was attracted to him, and the feelings I was feeling were simply so unfamiliar I didn’t recognise them for what they were. I tried not to worry about it, shaking my head a little to clear my thoughts. There were more pressing matters I needed to deal with first, like learning where everything was, and catching up to the rest of my cohort’s standard of academic work.

  Harvey spun on one heel casually when I reached him and we started heading down towards the building in which our modern classes were held. He glanced at me after a moment of walking in silence. ‘You’ve been pretty quiet this morning. What’s on your mind?’

  I hesitated briefly before assuming a thoughtful expression and bringing up the first realistic topic I could. ‘Uh…I was actually wondering why tenth graders can do subjects like modern history and chemistry? I thought subjects like that could only be taken by the senior grades.’