Yours, Juli

by Thalia Lark

  ‘Nothing too rough. It’s a long fall to the ground from here.’

  She smiled. ‘“Would you rather?” then.’

  I focused on the warmth of her fingers around mine and felt my shoulders involuntarily relax. ‘Okay. Would you rather eat a cockroach or someone else’s snot?’

  ‘A cockroach, as long as it’s deep-fried… Would you rather be dunked in a barrel of pus or horse crap?’

  ‘I live in a barrel of horse crap.’

  ‘Alright, then—’

  ‘Nope, your turn’s over.’

  ‘That’s not fair, I wasn’t thinking straight.’

  I smiled as I stared at her lap, upturning my hand against her leg and trying to catch her fingers as she ran them in circles around my palm. ‘Too bad. Would you rather fart in class or wet the bed?’

  ‘Depends how loud the fart was.’ We both laughed in a mixture of hilarity and disgust, and then suddenly she narrowed her eyes at me. ‘Alright, I’ve got a good one.’ Her tone was daring. ‘Would you rather kiss a boy or a girl?’

  I carefully concealed my sudden tension behind a nonchalant shrug. ‘Depends what they’re like.’

  ‘They’re both insanely hot.’

  I paused thoughtfully, picturing Harvey and Alex standing side by side before me, though I’d never considered Harvey as “insanely hot”. Hands down, I knew which one I would rather kiss, which one I would rather spend time with, which one I would rather start a relationship with. But I lied to Alex, because the truth was just too hard to face on top of everything that was already going on. ‘The boy.’

  ‘Really?’ She sounded surprised.

  ‘What about you?’

  She shrugged casually, averting her eyes. ‘Probably the boy too.’

  A brief silence followed before I asked the next question, giving her a choice between a gastric infection and chickenpox.

  ‘Chickenpox, definitely. I have a phobia of vomiting.’

  We continued to play for a while – avoiding any further mention of boys, girls or kissing – until Alex suddenly held up her arm to check her wristwatch. She raised both eyebrows in surprise. ‘We’ve been up here for over an hour and a half.’

  ‘What’s the time?’

  ‘Just gone three.’

  I sighed reluctantly. ‘I’d better get back to the sickbay before Mrs Donovan wakes up to check on me. Apparently she’s an early riser.’

  Alex nodded and fell silent for a moment as she appraised my face, her shoulders slumping forward a little and her forehead creased. I turned to meet her eyes and frowned a little, unsure of what her expression held. Before I could enquire as to what was on her mind though, she sighed and looked away, leaning forward and rising from the ground slowly. She held out a hand and gripped mine to pull me up beside her, and then turned to the window. I didn’t speak again, only followed in silence as she led us back through the moonlit attic, down the stairs and back down to the second floor. She paused by the top of the staircase, clasping her hands over the end of the banister and looking at me as I prepared to head back to the sickbay.

  I pressed my lips together, studying her face. ‘See you around?’

  She nodded, smiling a little and turning towards the dormitories as I tiptoed down the stairs and slipped back in through the open door of the sickbay.

  Tyranny’s Claim on My Fate

  Originally the plan was that Mrs Bentley, the principal, and I would sit in her office and Mum would call through on Skype and video chat with us late Sunday morning. But unfortunately, my mother didn’t feel that glaring at me over Skype was enough, and instead announced that she was flying up at lunchtime instead. My heart sank when Mrs Bentley broke this news to me. Mum being mad enough to book a flight and come speak to the principal in person was not a good sign.

  I sat in the front office for nearly half an hour at midday until a taxi pulled up outside the front entrance of the school. I sighed and pushed myself off my chair, clenching my jaw and heading down the hall to Mrs Bentley’s office before Mum could reach the office.

  Mrs Bentley looked up from her desk when I knocked on her door and quietly pushed it open. ‘Hi Juli.’ She smiled kindly. ‘Is your mother here?’

  I nodded. ‘Her taxi just pulled up.’

  A minute or so later, the administration lady knocked and gestured my mother inside, nodding her head towards the principal before backing out and closing the door again behind her. Mum shook Mrs Bentley’s hand in silence before carefully lowering herself into a chair. I avoided my mother’s eyes, my expression stony as I mentally prepared myself for what was coming.

  The anger radiating from Mum’s body was practically tangible as she turned to glare at me without hesitation. ‘You are so lucky I just signed a contract for those cattle, Julianne Page. You’ll be paying me back every cent of the cost to repair the mirror from your savings. And don’t even think about allowance for the rest of the year.’ She paused to suck in a sharp breath, the muscles in her jaw flexing tensely. ‘My God, Juli – I’m so mad at you right now. I’ll tell you what, if we were at home right now you’d be flogged so hard the fucking cattle would feel pain.’

  I clenched my teeth and stared at the floor, my face impassive. Mrs Bentley glanced at me with some concern in her eyes and then interjected calmly.

  ‘Mrs Page, if I may…’

  Mum’s face was pinched, her hands were trembling in her lap with suppressed rage, and she looked very much like Mrs Bentley may not, but she allowed the principal to speak without interruption.

  ‘We’ve been very concerned about the incident on Friday,’ the principal said. ‘I haven’t spoken to Juli alone yet, but from what I gather it all started with a misunderstanding at the karaoke night?’ Mrs Bentley eyed me questioningly, and I nodded stiffly without meeting her gaze. ‘If I may, it’s quite likely that unresolved stress is underlying the behavioural issues, stress that’s being caused by circumstances outside our awareness.’ Here she glanced at me again, one eyebrow raised. ‘Does that sound about right?’

  I shrugged, avoiding her eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Mum cut in. ‘I didn’t realise you were a trained medical professional.’

  Mrs Bentley narrowed her eyes. ‘Obviously I’m in no way qualified to make any sort of medical claim, but after thirty years as a school principal, I’ve come to recognise the difference between bad behaviour and a troubled student. I think it would be wise of you both to allow Julianne to be seen by the school physician, for starters. Unless, of course, you’d prefer her to visit her local GP.’

  ‘She doesn’t have one.’

  I barely heard this last statement from my mother. I was too busy watching Mrs Bentley, the lead weight in my stomach lightening suddenly and my eyes moistening a little with unexpected relief. ‘I’m not expelled?’

  The principal shook her head, a gentle smile touching her face, though her eyes remained hard as she looked between me and my mother. ‘Not as of yet. I’m hoping we’ll be able to organise more support for you, before we start thinking about punishment.’

  ‘Don’t think you’re getting off scot-free though.’ Mum shot a quick glare at Mrs Bentley. ‘It was her choice to act like a fucking delinquent, nobody else’s. There’s no excusing her behaviour.’

  ‘I am not excusing her behaviour. And I will gratefully accept payment to repair the mirror in the bathroom. However, I’m not above acknowledging that Juli has barely been here for a month, and that a teen’s mind can be plagued with many a worry us mere parents and teachers couldn’t begin to imagine. I would much rather we focus our energy on helping Julianne to settle in and providing support than disciplining her.’

  Mum fumed silently for a moment, glowering at first me then at the principal. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘I’ll issue my own punishment as I see fit. You can organise what you want.’

  Mrs Bentley nodded her head and spread her hands on top of the desk, palms facing the ceiling. ‘I have no control over whatever consequences you
see fit to administer as her parent. I can only speak on behalf of the school.’

  I found a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite the threats underlying my mother’s heated tone. ‘So I really don’t have to leave?’

  Mrs Bentley smiled as she turned to look at me. ‘Definitely not. I have heard from your teachers that up until now, you’ve been settling into your classes well and working hard. I would expect, however, that in staying at St Peter’s you make every effort to help yourself so that your behaviour is more acceptable to those around you.’

  I nodded.

  Mum frowned and interrupted impatiently. ‘So what sort of support are we looking at?’

  ‘I’m thinking we should speak with the school physician first. He’ll be able to assess Juli and determine if we can handle things from here on in with a little gentle counselling, or if something a little stronger might be warranted.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like a referral to a mental health professional.’ Mrs Bentley shrugged. ‘I’m not a doctor – I can’t say for sure how serious our approach to the situation needs to be. But I can assure you the school physician is very professional and will not do anything to compromise Juli’s health or wellbeing.’ Mrs Bentley glanced at me with a questioning gaze. ‘Does that sound alright with you, Juli?’

  I nodded, my voice quieter than intended as I replied. ‘Sure.’

  ‘I’m going to ask you to see our school counsellor as well, perhaps once or twice a week for the next month, just to give you a little therapeutic support as you continue settling in. Even if you just chat to him about schoolwork or your friends, I think it would be worthwhile. Other than that, I do not wish to bring in any form of punishment. I’m sure you understand though that under normal circumstances we don’t tolerate behaviour like that, and if it does recur I may have to take further action.’

  ‘That’s what you said last time, and you’ve done bugger all to punish her this time ’round,’ Mum said. ‘Trust me, you’ve got to use a firm hand with her, otherwise she’ll keep on doing the same stupid things over and over.’

  Mrs Bentley calmly ignored her claim. ‘Is there anything within that plan that you object to, Mrs Page?’

  Mum folded her arms across her stomach sullenly, looking like she was about to argue and then deciding not to. ‘Of course not.’ Her tone was reluctant. ‘I’m her mother, aren’t I? If there’s something wrong with her I want it fixed.’

  Mrs Bentley rotated her chair to face her computer. ‘I have the school counsellor’s timetable up in front of me. I’ll book you in for Monday afternoon, Juli, and then you and he can arrange suitable times from then. I’ll contact the school physician as soon as we’re done here as well. Now, Mrs Page, can I offer you accommodation here for the night?’

  I almost laughed at the coolness with which that offer was made, but then the reality of my mother potentially staying at my school for the night sunk in. I prayed internally that she’d decline, and thankfully, the universe didn’t disappoint.

  ‘No, I’ll be catching a taxi to the airport and flying back tonight if I can. I have animals to take care of.’ Mum took a deep breath through her nostrils. ‘I’d like to talk to Juli alone before I leave though – if you don’t mind.’

  I could see the hesitation cross Mrs Bentley’s eyes, but she couldn’t very well refuse. ‘I’ll show you to the office next door,’ she said, standing behind her desk. ‘Come let me know before you leave, Julianne.’

  I nodded and followed my mother next door, waiting in silence as Mrs Bentley gave my mother a firm look before backing out and pulling the door to behind her. I was an inch taller than my mother, but with my hunched shoulders and bowed head, I felt no bigger than when I was eight as she turned to glower at me with her hands on her hips. I looked at the floor, bracing myself for the tirade to start, when suddenly my mum let out a strangled sound of frustration and slapped me across my left cheek.

  My head jerked to the side and my eyes filled with tears as the impact left my skin prickling with pain. I bit the inside of my bottom lip to keep myself from crying out, and forced my hands into my pockets to prevent myself touching my face. My mother had smacked me before when I was younger, but never with quite so much hostility.

  ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ Her voice hissed with spittle as she tried desperately not to let it carry to the next room. ‘I sent you to this school so you could learn to behave in a civil way for once, not so you could keep up with this felonious bullshit. For God’s sake, Juli, what the hell was going through your mind?’

  I shrugged, staring at the floor and grinding my teeth so hard my jaw started to ache.

  ‘Well?’ Mum said. ‘Speak up. Tell me what happened. And get fucked with the smartass comments this time. Just tell me why you thought it was a good idea to break a fucking mirror.’

  ‘I don’t know, do I?’ I snapped. ‘We were doing karaoke, and there were just too many people, too much noise, the disco lights were flickering all different colours, then one of the girls tried to make me sing…’

  ‘On your own?’

  ‘No, in a group. But I didn’t want to, and…I don’t know. I just lost it.’

  ‘Oh, you lost it, did you?’ She sighed in frustrated and rubbed her face with both hands. ‘God, Juli, for once, could you just keep it together? I’m so fucking sick and tired of teachers calling me up like this. I’m going to leave now, and the next time the principal contacts me I hope it’s because you’ve won an award or you’ve fucking saved someone’s life.’

  I scowled and turned my face away from her as tears involuntarily started gathering in my eyes.

  She held an arm up and looked at her watch, a little of the anger sliding abruptly out of her expression. ‘There’s an evening flight back to Warrabeela and the one after that’s not until tomorrow morning. I’m going to go call a taxi out the front. I’m meeting someone about a contract for the cattle early tomorrow morning.’

  I frowned. ‘You’re not selling the horses, are you?’

  ‘Not yet.’ Her voice was sharp and her eyes hard as she looked at me. ‘I’ll see you when the holidays come ’round. Any more shit before then and I’ll be booking you into the local dog kennel for the remainder of your school years.’ She didn’t say anything more by way of a goodbye, she just turned rigidly to the door and headed back out towards the front office.

  I stood in silence for a moment, cupping my hand around my smarting cheek as tears ran silently down my face. Mum had never been this angry with me before. Sure, she’d always get pissed when I misbehaved back home, but she’d just yell at me for a bit and then she’d calm down and we’d be on civil terms again. I scrubbed my face clean of tears as I tried to push all thoughts of her from my mind. I pushed back my shoulders and hoped that my eyes weren’t too red as I knocked on Mrs Bentley’s door and let her know quietly that I was going to return to the dormitories. I kept my head bowed and partly hidden by the door so she wouldn’t become suspicious, and thanked her for her consideration before backing out, wrenching my bucket hat out of my pocket, and pulling it down over my forehead to hide my face.

  Lori and Emma were both sitting tensely on the couch in the recreation room, and after the walk back from the office to clear my head, I felt calm enough to go and let them know briefly that I was staying on at St Peter’s. They looked up in surprise as I smiled at them grimly and met them at the door. Lori frowned as she scrutinised my face. Thankfully though, she didn’t mention the red eyes or the pinkness of my left cheek, and instead pulled me into a firm hug. I was a little too incoherent to really appreciate it, but she didn’t seem to mind.

  ‘See?’ She pulled back finally to regard me with a gentle expression. ‘I told you they wouldn’t expel you.’ She started dragging me to the couch, Emma keeping close to my other side. ‘Come on, take a seat.’ Lori pushed me back into the centre of the chair as she and Emma sat down either side of me. ‘Now tell us everything.’
/>
  I knew I didn’t have the energy to dwell on it for too long, so I gave them a very brief description of the conversation with Mrs Bentley and my mother, laying out the terms of my staying on at St Peter’s.

  ‘That doesn’t seem so bad,’ Emma said. ‘Only a meeting with the physician and a few counselling sessions. At least they haven’t banned you from weekend outings or given you detentions or anything.’

  I nodded. On weekends, tenth graders and above were allowed to sign out of the school grounds and occupy themselves down the main street of the city, which was adjacent to the school. We weren’t allowed to venture anywhere else, and we had to be back on school grounds by five, but it was better than having to stay cooped up in the recreation room for two days.

  I felt a wave of exhaustion suddenly wash over me. ‘I think I might go lie down for a bit,’ I said quietly.

  Lori and Emma both nodded, looking understanding but happy that everything had worked out. I smiled tiredly and held up one hand in farewell before heading up to my room. It was comforting to know I had Lori and Emma for moral support; they’d completely negated all my fears Friday night that what I’d done would scare them away. I knew the incident with the mirror would have spread most of the way around the school by now, but knowing Lori and Emma still had my back somehow made the other students’ responses less significant.

  Thankfully, when I reached the dormitory it was empty. I climbed up to my bunk in my clothes and flopped across my pillow, falling unconscious before I could give anything else second thoughts.

  Weekend Plans

  I slept all through lunch until Lori came up to the dormitory to wake me up. She shook my foot through the sheets looking confused, smiling when I raised my head and blinked at her groggily.

  ‘It’s one o’clock, Juli. If you sleep any more today you won’t get a wink tonight.’

  I nodded blearily and sat up.

  The rest of the day passed in a blur. Harvey tried to make conversation with me during dinner time but I was so out of it he soon gave up and focused his energy on his spaghetti Bolognese. Miss Wheaton caught up with me on the way back to the dorms and asked how I was doing, saying she’d spoken to the principal regarding what conclusions we’d reached. I told her I was fine, just a little drained after so much emotional turmoil, but I was glad that I was staying on at St Peter’s. She smiled and said she was glad I was too, before we parted ways and she went to supervise the recreation room for the evening. It was lights out as per usual on Sunday night, and thankfully I was allowed to sleep in the dorm again. The other girls in the room didn’t seem bothered by my presence; I thought to myself that I’d been stupid to worry that they’d have pegged me for a sociopath by now. Shimona even offered me an ear to talk to if I ever needed it. Despite Lori’s concerns, I fell to sleep as soon as the lights were turned off at nine, and slept right through till six thirty Monday morning, when Lori shook my foot once again to rouse me.