by Laura Riley
Six am. Who could possibly want me at this hour? I rub sleep and tears out of my eyes.
The doorbell rings for a third time without pause. Whoever is outside is holding their finger on the button. I unhook my robe from a hook on the door and make my way downstairs. “I’m coming,” I yell.
I make my way into the lounge and grab the curtain, squeezing the heavy material between my fingers. The fantasist inside me is hoping it’s Seth and Ellie on a white horse about to whisk me away. The realist knows it isn’t them. Releasing the breath I’m holding, I pull the curtain aside and peer out at the doorstep.
No Seth. No Ellie. No white horse. My shoulders drop when I see Cole standing there. I’m about to close the curtain and return to bed when he looks straight at me and waves. I’ve not spoken to my brother since finding out from Darcy he was blackmailing Seth.
I feel as though a volcano has erupted inside me. With clenched teeth I hurry to the front door, unlock it. I don’t open it to welcome him in, instead I turn my back on him and storm into the lounge.
“Whoa, sis. Nice to see you too.”
I don’t hear the words that follow. I hear his threats to Seth, threatening to make him homeless, threatening to take his livelihood from him.
My nails dig into my palms as I squeeze my hands into tight balls. I can hear Cole behind me, so spin around and start pummelling my fists on his chest. He doesn’t stop me, doesn’t grab my wrists like I was expecting, he stands tall and waits. When pummelling his chest has little effect, I scream in his face and start shoving him.
He withstands my shoves and it angers me when his face is stoic and his body remains perfectly still. I start slapping his cheeks. I want him to say something, I need him to ask me why I’m lashing out.
He yawns, as if growing bored, which only ignites my anger. Making a fist with my left hand, I reel back, prepared to throw a punch. I’ve never punched anyone before. My actions are fuelled by adrenaline. I’m about to catapult my fist into his face when he grabs my wrist.
“Lizzie, stop.”
His words snap me out of my craze. My legs quake and give way underneath me and I collapse to the floor, where I curl up into a ball and sob. I sob for Seth, I sob for what I’ve lost, I sob for the brother I thought I knew, not the stranger I’m breaking down in front of. My whole world has shattered around me and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. My brother has orchestrated everything, it’s all his fault.
I can feel his hands under my arms as he attempts to lift me. “Get up, we’ve not got time for this.”
I push him away and through sore eyes and wet lashes I glower at him. “Fuck off.”
His eyes go wide and his mouth falls open. “What did you say?”
I have never been a believer in vulgarity. I believe such words are more effective when they’re not the main source of one’s vocabulary. Cole has never heard me swear before. He must know how angry I am, if not from my actions, then my words alone.
“You heard me,” I seethe. “Fuck off.”
“Whoa, what happened to my sweet and innocent sister?”
His words are like a red rag to a bull. I stumble in my attempt to stand and then charge at him. His large hand spans over my forehead, stopping me in my tracks. He takes my shoulders and pushes me back until my legs hit the settee and I fall back on my ass onto the cushion.
I jump to my feet. Cole gives me a little nudge and I fall down. We repeat this a few times until I finally give up and sit staring up at him. “What do you want, Cole?”
He eyes the space besides me. “If I sit next to you, will you promise not to hit me?” He attempts to smile and starts to lower himself down at my side.
“I will make no such promise.”
He freezes and flashes me a glance. My resting bitch face has been amplified. If I look as angry as I feel, he would know better than to sit at my side.
Clearing his throat, he makes his way to the easy chair opposite and sits. “So,” he begins, crossing one leg over the other. “I take it Seth told you about our little conversation?”
I look at the wall space directly behind him, where I hung the canvas Amber brought around. Me, Seth, Ellie and Freja are standing underwater. Nemo and Dory swim between Seth and I, and a school of fish have circled the girls. The perfect family photo, except they’re not my family and they never will be.
The leather squeaks under Cole as he turns and looks up. When I finally meet my brother’s gaze, I can see regret staring back. “Lizzie, I—”
I lift my hand. “Seth didn’t say a word to me, it was Darcy. She told me you threatened to take his home, his livelihood away, everything. Did you know his ex was blackmailing him? She was going to take Ellie to Australia if he didn’t pay her ten thousand pounds.”
“Darcy may have filled me in.”
“Of course she did. Well, I hope he’s taken every damn penny of the fifteen thousand pounds you offered him.”
Again, Cole shakes his head. “He didn’t take a penny.”
I lean my elbows on my knees. “What?”
“He came to see me last night. He returned the cheque I’d given him, along with the keys to the house.”
“What? Why?” The keys to his house? Where’s he going to live? I blink several times, trying to process what he’s told me.
Cole shrugs. “You’ll have to ask him in person.”
“Yeah, like that’s going to happen.”
Cole stands, makes his way towards me, leans over the settee and retrieves my suitcase, which was still stored in the space behind. “Pack your suitcase, Lizzie.” He reaches into his trouser pocket and retrieves a ticket and a wad of notes—not sterling, dollars.
I look from him to the suitcase. “I don’t understand.”
“What’s not to understand? I’m giving you five thousand dollars and a plane ticket. Go pack, grab your passport. You’re going to Disney World.” He turns, looking at the clock on the mantel. “Now, Lizzie.”
I sit like I’ve been shot with a stun gun. I don’t say a word, I just stare. The thought of setting foot on a plane sends my head spinning. I feel sick. I try to push the nausea aside. I need answers. “I need to understand, why? Why did you blackmail Seth? Why didn’t you want me to be happy?”
Cole glances out of the window, taking long seconds to contemplate his words, but I don’t want a rehearsed speech, I want real.
“Cole—”
Tentatively, he makes his way toward me and sits at my side. “I had to know Seth was worthy of you.”
“Worthy of me, are you for real? He’s a good man and you know that. The guy’s your best friend.”
“And you’re my little sister, damn it. He crossed a line.”
I shake my head. “Boys and their stupid egos.”
“Will you hear me out already?” He pauses for a beat, only carrying on when I agree to listen. “You’re all I have left in this godforsaken world. I have plenty of money, but only one sister.”
“I’m sorry, but that isn’t reason enough to behave how you have.”
“When I bumped into Darcy, she started going on about how Seth wasn’t over Anna and how you were just a bit of fun. Something inside me snapped. I couldn’t bear to see Seth hurt you the way Dad used to hurt Mum.” Cole slaps his hand to his mouth, as though that piece of information was not meant to leave his lips. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, go on,” I prompt.
Silence.
“Cole!”
“Okay, okay, but you’re not going to like it.”
“I can handle it.”
After a long pause he sighs, focusing on the floor. “Dad had a woman in every port.” His stare meets mine, and he waits for me to nod before continuing. “Mum was sick of being made a laughing stock. She finally said enough was enough. Their divorce was going through when she found out she was pregnant with you.”
I fall silent. All this time, Mum only stayed with Dad for me. As the years passed by, Dad’s heal
th decreased, and so she became his full-time carer. I don’t know if that makes me feel happy or sad—a little of both, I guess.
Cole’s gaze dances over the underwater canvas of us all together. “I thought if I offered him the money Anna was asking for, and a little extra for good measure, that he’d break things off with you. I was wrong, I can see how much you love each other, you can’t fake that, and I’d never stand in the way. I’m sorry. Please, take the ticket, go to Disney with him and Ellie, go be happy.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I raise my arms and lunge for my brother. Initially he holds his arms up for protection, but when he realises I’m hugging him, he relaxes and hugs me back.
“Am I forgiven?” he asks rather sheepishly.
“Not by a long shot,” I snap, “but it’s a start.”
He tenses a little in my embrace. “I’ve always thought as you like a daughter. Shit, I practically brought you up when our grandparents died and I moved home.”
He’s right. Mum had me late in life, and she and Dad retired when I was in single figures. Although they looked after me in every sense of the word, they never loved me. Mum never hugged me or tucked me in at night, Cole did. Cole was my everything, which is why his betrayal hurts so much.
“As extreme as my actions have been, I’ve only ever had your best interest at heart. I love you, Lizzie.”
“I love you.”
There’s a moment we share that I don’t think we’ll ever share again in our lifetime. A moment full of emotion that completely consumes us. Love is happiness, sadness, excitement, sorrow, hate, anger—the list is endless, it’s every emotion crammed into one.
I’m sure Seth hates me now. I’ve got to win him back.
My gaze shoots over the clock on the mantel. Although I’m petrified of flying, the thought of losing Seth scares me more. “How long have I got to pack?”
“Ten minutes.”
I can feel my eyes go wide. “Are you kidding me? You expect me to pack for a seven-day holiday in ten minutes?”
“If you don’t want to miss the check-in time, then, yes.”
I don’t think I’ve ever moved so quickly. I race up the stairs and throw whatever I can grab into my suitcase. Hangers come down as well as clothes from my wardrobe. I haven’t got time to separate them, just shove them in and hope for the best. Underwear, swimsuits, shoes, my toothbrush. I cram as much as I can in, sitting on the lid so I can zip it shut. I race downstairs.
The airport is half an hour away by car. Cole isn’t someone I’d describe as a slow driver. As soon as we hit the motorway, he glides across into the fast lane and puts his foot down.
Once at the airport, Cole drops me off in a taxi bay. I push my nerves at the idea of flying to the back of my mind and focus on Seth, what I’m going to say to him.
“Tickets, passport, money,” Cole says as I shuffle said items in my hand.
I draw ticks in the air with my finger. “Check, check and check.”
Cole gets out of the car and opens the boot, making a face when he lugs my case out. “My God, have you packed the kitchen sink?”
“Oh, shoot, do you think it’s too heavy?”
Cole nods. “Little bit, Liz. Right, stop stalling and go.” We share a look, and he ruffles my hair. “Go.”
I drag my suitcase into the busy terminal. Once inside I find the screen with my gate number, number seven. The queue is slow-moving, and glancing at all the heads, I wonder if I’ll see Seth and Ellie. Cole didn’t say we were on the same flight. Damn, he didn’t tell me where I’m stopping when I get there. I stay back, pull my phone out of my pocket and call my brother. The call goes straight to voice mail. Of course it does, he’s driving. Scrolling through my contacts to Seth’s name, I take a deep breath, wondering if I should call him or not. I count to three and press his name. Looking over the queue, I hold the phone to my ear. It rings eight times before he picks up.
“Yes.”
It’s so good to hear his voice. He doesn’t say my name. I guess he doesn’t want Ellie to know who’s on the other end. Standing on tiptoes, I try to see over heads in front of me, hoping to see Seth and Ellie.
“Where are you?”
The phone goes quiet. He’s cut the call. My eyes instantly fill with tears. I’m wasting my time. He’ll never forgive me. I take my phone from my ear and glance down at the screen.
“Behind you, apparently.”
I turn. Seth and Ellie are standing right behind me. I don’t meet Seth’s eyes, I can’t, so instead I glance down at Ellie. As I thought, she’s riding a child’s suitcase on wheels. The suitcase has been designed to look like a giant fish. She’s wearing her sailor’s summer dress and her brown hair is matted. Rubbing her bloodshot eyes, she squints up at me. The sleepy expression she harboured seconds ago is replaced by a toothy smile. She lunges off her case and wraps her arms around my waist. My heart melts as she squeezes my legs with all the strength she has.
Seth clears his throat. “What are you doing here?”
My attention leaves the little girl and I meet Seth’s cold gaze. He looks down at his phone and back up at me. Damn, he looks good. He’s wearing a blue t-shirt and grey pair of shorts, his hair is a sexy kind of mess and his beard looks longer than the last time I saw him. In all honesty, he looks as though he’s overslept and got dressed in the dark, but the just-got-out-of-bed look looks good on him.
My heartbeat speeds up and I hold my breath. I’m expecting a scene out of the movies where the guy runs to the girl, sweeps her up in his arms and spins her around, but Seth doesn’t smile, he doesn’t hold me, he doesn’t do anything. He looks down at me and down at my suitcase and repeats his question. “What are you doing here?”
I scuff my shoe on the marble floor. “I thought that was obvious.”
His eyes go wide when he sees the gate number I’m standing in front of. His expression hardens. “No way,” he says, taking hold of Ellie’s arm. “Say goodbye to Lizzie.”
Ellie only squeezes my legs firmer. When it dawns on Seth that he can’t dislodge her, he rears back up at me, his jaw ticking. “Why are you here?”
Because I love you are the words I want to yell, but don’t. Telling someone I love them in public isn’t something I’m capable of doing. I’m not good with expressing my feelings openly. Me being here, about to step on a plane and face my fears for him speaks volumes. Except I didn’t tell Seth about my fear of flying. He has no idea that in my mind I’m putting my life on the line for him. I’m petrified the plane will hit an air pocket and fall thousands of feet or worse. The thought of being trapped in a metal tube and not being able to escape has my heart pounding in my chest.
“Well?” His tone is terse, and it pulls me out of my thoughts.
“Cole—”
Seth’s head shoots round. “You’re here with Cole?”
“No, I—”
“Whatever game you’re both playing, it stops now. This isn’t fair. Ellie’s been really looking forward to our holiday and—”
“Will you shut up and let me talk?” I snap. Seth’s eyebrows rise, his forehead creasing. I don’t recall telling anyone to shut up and meaning it. I’ve always been nice, predictable Lizzie, but no more. I’m so sick of being told what to do, sick of being too polite to put me first. Well, no more. “Cole isn’t here. He bought my plane tickets. He gave me five thousand dollars’ spending money.” Standing on tiptoes, I wave the notes in his face.
“Okay, you’re going to Disney, where are you staying when you get there?”
My mouth forms an O. “I… I don’t know.”
I’m about to call Cole again when Seth grunts. He shakes his head vehemently. “Well don’t be under any illusion that you’re topping and tailing with us.”
I frown. “I wasn’t for one second suggesting I was staying with you two.” My eyes narrow at him, and I scowl. “Why are you being like this?”
My heart’s beating faster and faster. Adrenaline and fear pump rapidly around m
y body. The words I’ve been dying to say are on the tip of my tongue. I just need to find the courage to say them aloud.
Seth
Why am I being like this? Is she joking? What answer does she want? How about ‘You broke my heart and it hurts like hell to be around you’?
“I love you, you jerk!” Heads turn as she hollers so loudly her voice echoes in the large terminal. Her face turns bright red, though her eyes never leaving me. I know she’s trying to prove a point, to make things right between us, but unfortunately her words alone don’t cut it.
“Leave.” I can’t help the anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach, and I can’t help my reaction to her. She has her arms wrapped around my daughter, the same daughter she didn’t want to know. I’m a big boy, I can handle a breakup, but when someone walks out of my daughter’s life without so much as an explanation, well, that person can go fuck herself.
I haven’t got time for this bullshit. If she wants to go to Disney World alone, fine. I glance past Lizzie and at our gate. The queue for gate seven has got noticeably smaller. Picking Ellie’s small suitcase up, I squeeze the handle of mine. “Come on, Ellie, we’ve got to get checked in.”
I force a smile and attempt to pass Lizzie, who steps to the side, blocking my way.
“Where are your manners? I was here first. Therefore, you wait behind me.”
My jaw tightens. Lizzie takes Ellie’s hand and joins the queue.
I look down at my side and frown, knowing something is missing—my daughter. “Ellie, come.”
Lizzie’s eyes narrow as she glowers at me. “She’s not a dog.”
She’s pissed. I’m pissed. There’s a huge wall of tension between us and I don’t know how to break that wall down.
We stand in silence as people in front of us hand their tickets in and pass their luggage over. Before I know it, Lizzie’s having her case weighed. The lady behind the kiosk shakes her head and sticks tape on the handle that says ‘heavy’. I smile inwardly when Lizzie gets a fine. I try not to laugh out loud but can’t help it. Tossing her hair over her shoulders, Lizzie frowns at me before paying the fee.
Lizzie and Ellie stand together and wait for me. I pass the woman my flight tickets and she informs me that I’ve been upgraded to first class. I don’t argue with her. First class beats economy any day.