by Karen Deen
“I’m not sure if it’s going to be easy convincing Sophia and Miss Zara that we weren’t eating ice cream, Sammy. The green leftovers on your chin from your bubble gum flavor and the brown stain down your shirt from the chocolate ice cream could be a good giveaway. You’re such a messy eater!”
Sammy giggles while rubbing his chin and shirt.
“It’s okay, let’s just pretend it is dirt,” Sammy says, bending down and rubbing his hand in the dirt and then all over his shirt.
“Whoa, wait up, buddy! Your mom and dad won’t be very happy with me if you turn up at the hospital all dirty. I might get the sack from babysitting and won’t be allowed to look after you anymore. We don’t want that, do we?” He shakes his head so fast I fear it will fall off.
“Off to the shop. We need a clean shirt. One with no ice cream or dirt stains! Now… where do we go to buy a shirt for you, Sammy?”
“From the shop, the one with the clothes in it. The one Mommy takes us to.” He says it like I should know where his mom takes him.
“A little more information would be great, Sammy. Do you know where the shop is?” The wrinkly forehead and hand on his chin makes me want to burst out laughing. He looks like a little old man in a seven-year-old body, deep in thought.
“It’s near the donut shop and around the corner from where Mommy buys us a frozen Slurpee,” he says, looking up at me as proud as punch. Little does he know his explanation is absolutely no help to me.
“Ok, here’s what we’re going to do. There’s a shop I buy my clothes that also has a shop next door with clothes for little boys. We’ll go there and pick something out. I’m sure we’ll find something there that will be better than a dirt and ice cream covered t-shirt.”
15
Zara
Every tick on the wall seems so loud. I can hear it over the music, the ticking echoing against the thumping of my heart.
Why did I agree to dinner with Grant?
It’s the craziest thing I’ve agreed to.
I tried to tell Grant it was just two friends having dinner but who was I kidding? It’s so much more than that. I’m not prepared at all. The only saving grace is that the kids will be with us. That way Grant has to behave, but the reality is, I already know that I don’t want him to.
Just being around him makes me think things I haven’t thought in a very long time. The way he looks at me makes me shiver. The way he talks to me in that low controlling voice has me weak at the knees.
I need to have dinner with him and afterwards tell him I can’t do this. I can’t get involved with anyone right now.
Love has to wait, it’s as simple as that.
I just have to keep telling myself that, over and over again.
The music comes to an end which means class is wrapping up for the night. My heart starts beating a little faster, but I need to concentrate on the kids before I finish for the night.
“Now, I want you all to go home and practice what we learned tonight. Our concert isn’t very far away, and we want to look our best for our family and friends, don’t we?” All the kids nod and say yes in a beautiful chorus. I love my students so much. They’re all so cute and each individual is special in their own way.
“Excellent, now that’s it for class. Put in lots of practice and I will see all of your gorgeous faces next class. Ballet shoes off and have a good night.”
“Thank you, Miss Zara,” I hear in unison as they start to disperse.
If there’s one thing children learn at dancing besides choreography, it’s respect for their teachers and adults in general. In a time when teachers in school are losing general respect from their students, that certainly isn’t the case being a dance teacher. Our dance studio rules are: you respect yourself, and then your teachers and fellow students. Both are important rules to live by. I have learned over the years that you need to respect and love yourself first, because no matter what happens in life, if you show yourself respect and love, then no one else can take that away from you. I had to learn that the hard way. If I can help my students so that never happens, then that’s what I’ll do.
The chatter of kids and their parents is always deafening at first and then it gradually fades away. As I finish unlacing the ribbons on my ballet shoes and store them in my locker, I look up to see Grant, leaning against the doorframe, looking akin to a model who’s just stepped off the pages of a magazine.
The hard look from earlier has disappeared. In its place is one of pride as he watches little Sophia still dancing across the floor to the beat of her own music. She has both the boys mesmerized. For Sammy to stand still and be quiet, Sophia must have some magical twin power.
Suddenly, she realizes everyone’s watching her, so she stops dead in her tracks, looking shy and unsure towards Grant.
“Do you like my dancing, Uncle Grant? Or did I look silly? I am not very good yet. I am trying hard, but the other girls are better than me.” Her eyes drop to the floor. My heart falls to my stomach, knowing Sophia still feels she isn’t as good as the other girls and desperate to feel just like them. Her pain is real. Little does she know, she’s yards ahead of most the girls in her class. It’s just her self-image that has her feeling like this.
Grant walks slowly over to her and scoops her up into his arms. “Now, Princess, I don’t want to hear any of that silly talk again. Your dancing is just beautiful, and you make a very cute ballerina. I think you’re as good as the other girls in your class. But you now what? Even if you don’t dance as good as those girls, as long as you are trying your hardest, then that’s good enough for me. All that matters in life, Soph, is that you try your hardest at whatever you do and that you enjoy it. So, did you have fun dancing with Miss Zara today?”
She nods and smiles across at me. “Well then, that’s all that matters, isn’t it? Now how about we get those ballet shoes off like Miss Zara is doing so you can get ready for some dinner?”
I sit in awe of Grant and the way he handles Sophia in her time of self-doubt. I love that he takes all the pressure away from what she’s feeling. But more than that, I truly love the message he’s sending her. That it didn’t matter if she is the best or worst dancer. As long as she’s happy.
More children need to hear that at a young age. Maybe then we would have a society of adults who’d be happy with life and each other. They wouldn’t dismiss people so easily if they aren’t perfect or a little broken. Sophia will be lucky to continue to grow up supported by amazing adults who are teaching her valuable life lessons. Looking at Grant right at that moment, I know I misjudged him.
He may show the world his tough business-man exterior, but these two little people in front of me are helping me to see the real Grant. A man who has a heart that he just doesn’t show to the world.
One thing I know for sure is that one day he will make a great father and husband. They’ll be lucky people. Pity that won’t be me.
When I was growing up my parents always supported me. For everything I ever wanted, and tried to do, they stood behind me one hundred percent. They taught me that losing could be used as motivation to improve your skills. To also be humble in winning and remember the feelings of others. Those values have stayed with me my whole life. My parents are good people with good values. My childhood was blessed. Although in my adulthood, they have been the greatest strength to me. At the lowest time in my life, they were there. They never let me give up and they never gave up on me. Sophia, Samuel and baby Thomas are very lucky. Not only do they appear to have wonderful parents who love, protect and stand by them throughout their life, they also have a big family who’ll be standing right behind Zach and Emily.
I want that. I want to find the man who will be my protector, love me and stand behind me, encouraging me to be whoever I want to be.
That’s my dream man.
A man I will fall so in love with, our love would bless us with children of our own to cherish. The problem with that dream is that I also have another dream that’s jus
t as powerful. The dream to dance. I have never found a way to have both. Especially after Mark made me realize that unless I’m dancing, I’m not valuable to anyone. That’s hard to swallow. No matter how much I try to break free from those thoughts, they linger in my subconscious. My worth in life relies on my dancing. I need to lay this dream to bed to move on with my life.
“Miss Zara, what are you thinking about? You’re very quiet.” A gentle hand touches my hand. This brings my attention back to the dance studio.
“Sorry, sweetie. I was just thinking about a few things. Now, let me quickly get changed and then we can go have some dinner with the boys. Does that sound okay?” Her smile and the gentle squeeze of my hand let me know Sophia’s excited to get going. She isn’t one for words, but her body language gives so much away.
Turning to head into my office for a quick change, Grant’s deep voice breaks the silence.
“Need any help with that?”
With my back to him, I let myself smile. There he is, my confident ladies’ man. I had to stop myself right there. Grant is not ‘my’ man no matter how much I ache for him, he can never be mine.
“We haven’t even made it to the restaurant and it has already begun. Zero restraint, Grant. Why am I not surprised? Pretty sure I can do this job on my own. Just like I have been doing for a very long time and will continue to do.” I close the door on Grant and listen to his deep laugh.,
“We will see, Miss Zara. We’ll see.” He manages to have the last word every time. It leaves my heart in a flutter. It’s going to be a long night.
Grant
With the twins at my feet, Sammy chatters away with Sophia listening intently. I, however, cannot take my eyes off the door Zara’s just disappeared through. As the sight of her sexy tight ass vanished, my mind went with it. It’s dreaming about her, fantasizing about all the things I can do to her. But most of all, I want to know what she’s thinking. I can’t get a read on her. Her moods swing from the strong woman who won’t take crap from anyone, to the beautiful, soft vixen who takes my breath away as I watch her defenses crumble every time I touch her. I never push myself on a woman. Ever. I just wish I knew for certain what Zara wants, because I know for sure what I want and that’s the sassy-mouthed, sexy woman behind that door.
“Uncle Grant, I’m hungry. What are we having for dinner?” Sammy asks, wide-eyed. What is it with this kid and food?
“Sammy, you can’t be that hungry, we had all that ice cream not that long ago.” As I finish letting out our secret, Sophia’s eyes open wide and Zara walks across the studio.
“Uncle Grant! You weren’t supposed to tell them!” Sammy stomps his foot and crosses his arms. I laugh at his reaction.
“It’s okay, buddy. I am sure the girls will keep the secret from your mom and dad. Maybe we will have to bribe them with some more ice cream and chocolate?” Looking pleadingly at Zara to help bail me out of my mistake, she grins the most beautiful smile. It’s the most relaxed smile I’ve seen since meeting her.
“You had me at the words ice cream and chocolate. Your secret is safe with me, Sammy. What do you think, Soph? Think we can help Uncle Grant out and keep the boys’ secret?” As the words leave Zara’s mouth, I pick up Soph and start to tickle her.
“Come on, Soph, you promise to keep my secret, don’t you? Otherwise the tickle monster will keep chasing you.” Wriggling madly and giggling so much tears stream down her face, she finally gives in. Thank goodness, otherwise I think Sammy was going to stop being my friend. I’ll definitely need to be more careful next time with my secrets.
Mouthing a thank you to Zara, I slowly slide Soph back onto her feet. So, this parenting thing may not always be as fun as it looks or as easy as Emily and Zach make it out to be.
“I must admit though, I’m pretty hungry too. Let’s get going and have some dinner.” The twins run to the door and down the stairs at lightning speed. Zara follows with a little hesitation. Standing holding the door open for her, she stops.
“Zara, is everything okay?”
“Just friends, Grant. I can only do just friends.” With that, she leaves with her shoulders sagging and head down.
What the hell was that, and why do I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach? I’m caught in a moment where I can’t move or respond. It lasts a few seconds and my head clears but Zara is already out the door.
Not on your life, Zara. You want me, and you want to be more than friends. Everything in my soul tells me that, and I won’t stop until you tell me why you keep pushing me away.
Dinner was just as I expected. Sammy wants to order the whole menu and Soph has trouble deciding. The food arrives and Wild Child Sammy, swoops in and attacks his meal like he hasn’t eaten all year. Soph, very delicately eats her meal. Sammy’s still trying to talk and tell stories with his mouth full.
Zara and I don’t get to talk much, as there isn’t space to fit in an adult conversation between Samuel’s questions and life observations. It doesn’t seem to matter to Zara, though. Her facial expressions tell me she’s enjoying herself and I can’t help but watch her across the table. She has a natural beauty and ease with the twins. It’s understandable why parents love her as a dance teacher. It just flows easy for her. The twins love and trust her, trust not coming easy to Sophia.
The few times Zara catches me watching, a slight dusting of pink colors her cheeks. It’s the sweet side of her, the girl that’s been hiding from me. The innocent and vulnerable. The girl who wants to be loved. I decide I want to know this side of Zara just as much as the strong woman who sends my dick into a frenzy every time she opens her mouth to cut me down.
Time has gotten away from me with all the craziness of dinner. I need to get them to the hospital to see Thomas and let them show him off to Zara. Maybe just a part of me wants to show Zara off to Emily and Zach too. Not that I will be admitting that to Zach at all. No words will need to be spoken with Emily. She has me worked out and I think she did from the very first time we met. I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful soul in a sister-in-law.
Entering the lift at the hospital, Sammy comes out with the biggest question of the day and as usual, out of nowhere.
“Uncle Grant, is Miss Zara your girlfriend now you have taken her on a date and had dessert?”
Fuck! How can one little boy ask such an innocent question which has so much hidden meaning behind it. He may have had dessert but the dessert I want is standing right beside me.
Zara tries to stifle a laugh at the little groan that escapes my lips. How do I get myself in these situations with Samuel? He may just be the best and worst wingman ever.
Honesty is the best policy they say. “Not yet, Sammy. But I won’t lie, I would really like Miss Zara to be my girlfriend.”
Zara freezes, her face beet red. The redness travels all the way down her neck and chest, even coloring the cleavage. I have my baby on fire with my honest answer.
Sophia giggles into her hands as seven-year-old girls tend to do. Samuel however, keeps ploughing forward as he always does.
“So next time you go on a date, then she will be your girlfriend? Can you go tomorrow please because I like Miss Zara and want her to be my Aunty.”
Shit!
The thought alone has my cock hard. It’s what I want more than anything, but I need to save Zara here.
“Sammy, we all like Miss Zara, but she’s just a good friend to all of us. Maybe she might go out to dinner with me again, but it will be up to her if she becomes my girlfriend one day. If not, then she will always be our friend. Isn’t that right, Zara?” I can see she’s warring with her emotions. I reach across the elevator and hook my thumb under her chin until her eyes meet mine. “Just breathe, beautiful,” I whisper. “There’s no pressure. Although, I’m pretty sure you know what I want. The rest is up to you.”
Short breaths are all she can manage. In a small, quiet voice, Zara manages to reply. “Sammy, I like you all, too. Uncle Grant is right, I will always be your
friend.” She doesn’t elaborate. The lift arrives on the maternity level and she’s saved from having to answer anymore.
Sammy has already moved on to the next thing and that’s to beat Sophia down the hallway and get to Thomas first. That boy has way too much energy. Sophia takes off after him but at a more delicate speed and with grace. She knows she will never beat him. I reach for Zara’s hand and gently pull her to a stop.
“Zara, I am sorry if Sammy embarrassed you. Just know everything I said is true. I do want to get to know you more and I want more. You’re pushing your hardest to keep me at a distance. It’s coming from your head, but your heart and body are sending me a very different story. Now is not the time, but please just think about what I said. Listen to your heart, it won’t let you down. I won’t let you down. Trust me.” I step away and lead her down the corridor to Emily’s room. She needs time to think and I need a distraction before I scoop her into my arms and carry her home to my bed.
“We had ice cream and chocolate for dessert. Uncle Grant said I was a good boy, so I could have dessert. Sophia didn’t eat all her dinner, but she tried so I ate hers too, so she would be allowed ice cream and chocolate.”
Emily and Zach laugh at Sammy’s recount of dinner, while Sophia watches mesmerized as Thomas sleeps in the cot. She strokes his cheek ever so gently. Cutest sight I’ve ever seen. Not realizing I’m still holding Zara’s hand, I notice the stupid grin on my brother. My glare tells him to back off and keep his mouth shut. When I let go of Zara, the buzz I feel vanishes in a heartbeat. I don’t want Zack mentioning anything potentially embarrassing, so letting Zara go is a small price to pay.
“Hi, guys. I hope you don’t mind Zara coming to visit with me? The kids wanted her to meet Thomas.” Pausing, I notice the knowing look in Emily’s eyes. She secretly knows this has nothing to do with Thomas. Zach, on the other hand, has that smart-ass smirk on his face and a look in his eyes promising he’ll be finding out very soon about what’s going on. He can promise all he wants, but it ain’t happening. I turn back to Emily and ignore Zach.