Love's Dance

by Karen Deen

  Today, I’m close enough that I can see the sweat on her forehead.

  The theatre fills up quick, so I know we aren’t far from starting. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

  My heart skips a beat when I see it’s from Zara. The only words showing on my screen are in bold.

  FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

  My dick is already getting excited as to what the message might be. The seats around me are still empty so I hold my phone inside my jacket and swipe open the message.

  There she is, just like yesterday without much covering her body but this time she’s blowing me a kiss. This one will be used often when I’m home on my own. That I can guarantee.

  Me: Keep it up. I want one before every show. Just like that.

  Me: P.S. Thanks for the uncomfortable position my cock will be in, all through the show.

  Zara: There’s conditions with that. I expect pictures in return when you’re at home. Minus the lingerie of course. Actually, minus any clothes!

  Me: We will see if you’re a good girl then maybe you will get rewards. Now get your sweet little ass out on stage so I can see you wiggle it just for me.

  Zara: Your wish is my command, sir!

  When the lights dim, the noise in the theatre starts to quieten. The last people shuffle in around me, but I’m paying them no attention. I’m sitting here thinking how much Zara calling me ‘sir’ gets my blood rushing. I like the sound of it. I want to see her on her knees with the word sounding off her lips. Fuck, this is going to be a long couple of weeks apart.

  As much as I convinced Zara we can do this, I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to cope being away from her. I can’t protect her and keep her safe from a distance. I can’t touch her and comfort her when she needs me. I can’t love her the way I want to. But if this is the only way I can have her, then it will have to work. I just have to make it work. I can’t be without her anymore. No fucking way.

  Sitting in the third row, not only can I see every detail on her face, I can see how little her costumes cover of her body. I see how tight her partners hold her and where they touch. I’m prepared for how this makes me feel.

  I know I’m not very good at keeping my controlling tendencies in check, but standing at the stage door waiting for her, I try to breathe deeply. I can’t let her see me like this. I will blow it before this relationship even gets started if I become too possessive. I just keep telling myself that it means nothing. This is what dancers do. Those guys need to hang on tight to her, so they keep her safe from injuries.

  Not that it helps. It should be me keeping her safe.

  This is going to test every piece of restraint I have over the next couple of years. The gym will be getting a daily workout and I think I better book in more regular sessions with Xavier for some kickboxing. Being Zara’s friend, he will at least understand that I need to beat the shit out of someone on a daily basis.

  The dancers start to file out the stage door, chatting while heading out for a meal before their next show. This will be the last chance I get to see Zara until my next visit. I need to drag out the next hour as much as I can.

  Again, this time I hear her voice before I see her. She laughs hard about something with a group of people as she steps out into the alley.

  “Are you eating with us again, today?” one of the guys asks her as he puts an arm around her shoulder.

  So much for my restraint.

  I curl my arm around her waist and pull her against me. She’s caught off-guard and stumbles slightly.

  “No, she’s eating with her boyfriend, thanks anyway,” I growl, Ensuring I make eye contact with each of the males. Zara tries to pull out of my hold.

  “Grant,” she snaps, turning her head to give me a fiery look. I know she’s pissed off but I don’t care. She needs to know I’m staking my claim.

  “Hey, man, no problems. Catch you back here later, Zara. Have fun.” They all keep walking.

  “What the fuck was that, Grant. You don’t get to be an asshole to my friends.” She’s pissed and it’s not the way I want to spend our last hour together.

  “Well, if they keep their hands off you, we won’t have a problem.” And just like that, we’re back at it. I knew it couldn’t last forever, without us yelling at each other.

  “You are mine, Zara. I protect what’s mine and now they know that,” I growl as I walk her backwards towards the side of the building. “It’s hard enough for me that they get to touch you on stage. They do not get to do it once you are off the stage. Got it?”

  “This will never work if you don’t trust me, Grant. I’m a grown woman and I can look after myself. Just like I have been doing for the many years before you came along. Now calm the fuck down.” Her smart mouth does me in.

  I’m on her. My mouth takes her hard and I wait for her to surrender to me. At first, she pushes back but then her mouth opens and she melts into my body. She knows the only way I can get the craziness out, is by showing her what she means to me.

  “Grant,” she whispers between kisses. “You have to trust me. It’s only you. I haven’t looked at another man since you stormed into my studio that day. It will only ever be you. They are just friends. I love you. Never forget that.”

  I lean my forehead against hers and just calm my breathing. “I’m sorry. You drive me crazy. You know how I feel about you. I’m just struggling to work this out. I told you in the beginning, I don’t share well. How am I going to be able to do this?”

  Now it’s Zara’s turn to be the strong one.

  “Just like we spoke about last night. One step at a time, one day at a time. That’s all we can do. But it will only work if we trust each other. Okay?”

  “I do trust you, Zara. I do. It’s just going to suck being away from you all the time. I want you so bad, I know it will hurt every single day. I want you happy, but I wish it could be in the same city as me. Fuck!” The weight of me leaving shortly builds for both of us.

  “For both of us, it will suck, but it will be worth it for the time we are together. Cling to that. I know I am. We can do this, I know we can. I can’t be without you anymore, I just can’t.”

  Breathing her in, I pull her tighter against my chest.

  “There’s no other choice. I am not living without you, so we just have to work it out.”

  “Now let me feed you before I head to the airport. Before you run out of time.”

  “We are talking food here, aren’t we?” She looks up at me with a little twinkle in her eye.

  “Zara,” I let her know to watch her mouth. I’m already hanging on by threads as it is.

  34

  Zara

  Saying goodbye to Grant that first night at the stage door was like having half my soul walk away.

  He’d brought me a gift which made it even harder. It’s the sweetest thing I have ever owned. He really thought about me when he found it. I can always look at it and think of him. Knowing I can’t have any jewelry on stage, he purchased the most delicate silver toe ring. It was two stands of silver that intertwined with each other the whole way around the ring. It was like us. Two lives that keep intersecting and then venturing off only to be back together again. He told me the ring is round and solid, like we are. There is no end and no matter what, we’re always locked together. He placed it on the toe on my left foot that corresponds with my wedding ring finger. I’m sure, subconsciously, he’s trying to let me know this is just the start. It’s perfect. I have never taken it off. Even when I am dancing, it’s hidden under my shoes. I can feel it and know he’s always with me.

  There were lots of tears when I finally let him go. My make-up was screwed, I had to rush before the night show to get it redone in time.

  Watching him walk away again ripped my heart out. The only thing that saved me was him stopping at the end of the alley and turning back to face me. He smiled, raised his hand and gave a wave. The one that says see you soon. Every other time before then, he’d walked away and never looked back. This t
ime, he was making sure I knew he was coming back. Over and over again.

  I thought it would get easier each time we had to do the goodbyes, but it hasn’t. Every single time there’s tears.

  At first, the days following his departure, I would be depressed but put my happy face on as I walked through the theatre doors. But after a while my company friends took me under their wing and knew I needed that extra bit of love on the days he left. They also knew not to bother asking me out anywhere when Grant was in town. That time together was precious. Some weekends we only left the bed for me to do a show and then we headed straight back there.

  I was making close friends now in the dance company. I worked out which ones to avoid and then ones to be pleasant to. There’s a group of ten guys and girls who hang out on a regular basis, getting to know the city and just relaxing on our rare time off. It’s hard having friends outside of the show. They don’t understand the weird hours we work, or that we can’t drink much and have to keep in ultimate physical condition.

  There’s no way I need gym visits on the weekends Grant visits. He pushes my stamina to its peak every single time.

  It’s been a year today since my opening night and we’ve run through four seasons of different shows. I’m still part of the company and my body feels the best it has in a very long time. We have a few new members in the company this season. There have been a few retirements and one injury that made me feel physically ill when it happened. I was transported back in time to the day my world felt like it was ending.

  Two of the newbies in the company are guys and one is my new partner. We’ve been working hard to get our combination working. It’s not easy when you change who you dance with. So much of dance is about reading your partner and trusting they will be in the right spot at the right time, knowing they will always catch you. I definitely have trust issues with partners. My injury was a pure accident, but I still struggle to have complete faith in anyone.

  It has taken a few weeks, but we are finally dancing together like we have been together for years. Lewis has been hanging out with us outside of the theatre, too. He suggested we spend as much time together as we can to get to know each other so our trust would build quickly, and we would get used to each other. He’s a funny guy who makes me laugh. He’s a very affectionate person, sometimes too affectionate, but I’m used to that in the theatre world.

  Grant’s due in town for a week to help celebrate our one-year anniversary. I wish we could head away somewhere to celebrate but it just isn’t possible. You can’t take time out in the middle of a show. You may as well sign your own resignation papers.

  The only time I could make it home for a visit was for Thomas’s first birthday. Luckily, it had matched up with a week’s break I had between shows. I missed everyone so much, I sobbed the whole way back to New York.

  Grant’s family all came out in separate groups to visit me and see the show. It was never very long between visits from at least one Stevenson family member. It helped with my homesickness. Grant even brought Sophia and Samuel a few times. They were such fun times but also very challenging. How do you get down and dirty with your boyfriend, with two little kids staying with you? He always booked a hotel suite when they visited because there wasn’t enough room in my apartment. Waiting for the kids to go to sleep some nights almost killed us. Samuel had so much energy.

  Keeping quiet was also another major challenge. Grant was not patient so by the time the kids crashed he was hard as a rock and just wanting to take me over and over again. Thank God the kids sleep well otherwise they would be scared for their life if they walked into our room. How do parents with small kids ever have a sex life? I am beginning to see why Zach and Emily send the kids for sleepovers at Grant’s parents.

  I felt weird all day today about how this week would be. Something just isn’t right.

  Grant’s flight will arrive just in time for him to make it to the theatre. I know he’s in the audience, but I haven’t seen him yet. I’m aching for him. He’s been distant the last few weeks and I feel nervous about it. We’d managed to ride through the hard patches of last year. There were plenty of arguments. About stupid things. Things that if you were face to face, it wouldn’t even be an issue. The distance is not easy on our relationship, but we keep pushing through.

  I’m getting ready to send him my pre-show picture as I do every show. This time I’d taken one at home before I left. I’m laying naked on my bed with a bow around my waist which reads Happy Anniversary. I hope it gets his blood pumping for later tonight.

  The whole time I’m trying to take the picture, I’m thinking about our skype session three nights ago. Although he may be distant, there’s one thing that has Grant right there with me every time. Watching me pleasure myself under his instructions. It gets him so horny he’d blow his load all over his chest, growling my name every single time.

  The first time we try it over skype, I felt so embarrassed having him watch me. I’ve never touched myself in front of anyone before or brought myself to an earth-shattering orgasm. It didn’t take long for Grant to take control of me and push me past feeling weird about it. He makes me feel sexy and wanted. The way he talks dirty to me and tells me what I do to him has my body quivering without a single touch. There have been a few times when he’s arrived for a visit and I beg for him to take me just how he’s described he would.

  It’s never as good as being together, touching and feeling the emotions. It helps us stay connected until we’re together again. Nothing’s better than being totally taken by your boyfriend in every possible way and fucked so hard you struggle to walk the next day. How will I ever survive when we are eventually living together?

  The man is a sex machine, and I’m not complaining.

  My cell buzzes and I smile with anticipation.

  Grant: Can’t wait to unwrap my present.

  Grant: Happy Fucking Anniversary, baby. I will be reminding you later how good the fucking part is.

  Grant: That better not be what you look like backstage right this second. Or any time!

  I can’t decide whether to get Grant going by replying yes or tell him the truth so he doesn’t end up charging through my dressing room door.

  Zara: What do you think the answer is, Grant?

  Grant: Do I need to check? You know I will, so don’t push me!

  Zara: Calm down, big boy.

  Grant: Oh, he’s big all right! Especially after that little gift.

  Zara: Missing you xoxoxoxoxo

  Grant: Missing you. Now start dancing so I can get to the part of the night where you look like this. In private!!!

  My sexy impatient man. I can’t wait to see you too. The ten-minute warning sounds before we’re due back on stage. Let the show begin. This is the first time Grant has seen the new show, so I am dying to know what he thinks.

  Grant

  I’m glad the lights are flashing for the show to start. That way, I don’t have to hide that my cock is very noticeable in my pants.

  Those pre-show pictures always get me worked into a sweat, but tonight’s has me hanging on the edge. Zara will be lucky if I don’t grab her as she exits the stage door tonight, throw her over my shoulder caveman-style and march her straight home to bed.

  That might also send the message to new-guy-Lewis, who Zara can’t stop mentioning, about who she belongs to. Her first partner was married to one of the other dancers and he knew his place. Although I didn’t like it, I learned to tolerate him touching her.

  It remains to be seen how this new guy will cope. With me that is.

  Zara looks amazing on stage. She has taken a more senior role in this show as she’s the oldest in the company. It makes me proud of how far she’s come since joining. I never doubted her skill or willingness to work hard as a dancer. Obviously, it hasn’t gone unnoticed with the amount they feature her in.

  What I don’t like is the amount she dances with the new partner. He spends nearly the whole show with his hands all over her
. More than I think is necessary. I don’t like him, and that’s before I even meet him. He needs to back the fuck off from my girlfriend. Tonight, I will make sure he gets that message.

  Heading out to the stage door as usual at the end of the show, I feel amped up. So many emotions run through me.

  Sexually frustrated is at the top of the chain, followed by the excitement of seeing my girl. But now mixed with that, is frustration and anger. This guy has me on edge and I already know when I meet him, it won’t go well. It will also end up in an argument with Zara who will accuse me of being possessive. The only bonus that may come from this is the hard make-up sex that always follows.

  Our relationship and sex life can only be described as explosive.

  Zara bursts through the door running and launches herself at me. She climbs like a monkey and latches on with her arms around my neck and legs around my waist. That’s the beauty of your girlfriend being a dancer, legs that seem to be able to hold any position.

  It’s just what I need. Reassurance.

  Her face is level and her lips smack into mine. They take everything she wants from me. I’m happy to take her just as hard. This week, I’m going to get my fill of kisses. The ones that say, I love you, I miss you and I want you to fuck me right now.

  As we pull away we’re both panting for air.

  “You weren’t kidding when you said you missed me.”

  Zara giggles and snuggles into my neck for a deeper hug that re-establishes our connection.

  “I know,” I whisper in her ear. “Me too, baby. Me too.”

  “Now let’s go and celebrate. Alone and naked.”

  She drops her legs back down to the ground and I pick up her bag for the journey home. I don’t need luggage anymore as I have enough clothes and toiletries in Zara’s apartment to make it easier. I’m here often enough, and it makes it feel like home.