Going Nowhere

by Kimberly Lauren

  He maneuvered out of the black Dockers as soon as I’d unlatched them. Raising up on one elbow, he took off his shirt, as well. The silhouette of his toned physique was illuminated by the warm light of the lamp, and I let my mouth trace the curve of his bicep, wondering if I could kiss every inch of his torso.

  My lips brushed against his chest, then back up to his mouth after a shy glance at his lower body. He was straining against his black briefs, and when he pressed himself into my lower stomach, I begged for release. With eager hands, I slid his underwear down his thighs.

  Max wasted no time in ridding me of my own undergarments. First the bra, then he removed my thong, his tongue making breathtaking circles around my hardened nipples. Then I could feel his hot tip between my legs.

  He pushed inside me without much effort, my arousal warm and wet. “Kate,” he groaned, “you’re amazing.”

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and he drove in deeper. I gasped. “Shut up and fuck me.”

  Max began a relentless onslaught, one that I’d been wanting for months. He gave me all that I desired and more. Lips pressed against mine, he made me feel like a bomb about to explode. I rode higher and higher, each of his thrusts convincing enough to make me sign my life away. I could have told him I loved him. I would have married him on the spot.

  My release came when he slid his hands underneath me and pulled me hard against his groin. “Max!” I cried, spinning out of control.

  “Can I pull out?” he asked breathlessly.

  I nodded and he finished on top of me. I touched him as he trembled, amazed by his animalistic energy. Even after it was done, I still didn’t want to see him go. His very presence made me feel capable. Goddess-like.

  Max caught his breath for a moment then hopped out of bed. He came back after a moment with a warm wash cloth and wiped my stomach. Then he laid back down and pulled me onto his chest.

  I snuggled close, nuzzling my face into his neck. I didn’t want to think about the future, about what tomorrow would bring. It felt good right then, and that was all I could ask for. I didn’t want to challenge fate.

  Max managed to kick off the top bed cover and, by lifting me slightly, got us underneath it without much effort. He pulled the sheet up to my chin and held me close. “Goodnight, Kate. You’re amazing.”

  I was already falling asleep, my unexpected bed partner not delaying my long-awaited escape.

  Chapter Fourteen

  CONSCIOUSNESS KNOCKED ON my closed eyelids, invading my sleep and making the lovely dream I’d been having disappear in a cloud of smoke. I stretched my arms above my head, but the usual feeling of feline delight wasn’t there. My head felt like an overweight giant was stuck inside and trying to climb out of my ear.

  I tried stretching my legs then, and felt an unmistakable hairy man-leg. My eyes popped open.

  I felt movement beside me. Maybe it was April. Maybe she’d been lonely last night and had decided to double up with me. Sure, it had clearly been a while since her last shave, but who was I to judge?

  No, that wasn’t it. I knew exactly who was lying beside me.

  I tried to roll away gently without disturbing him. I turned my body so slowly that I felt like a chicken in a rotisserie. That wasn’t the only way in which I felt like a chicken.

  With a loud thump, I hit the floor.

  I heard Max stirring on the bed. He turned on the light. “Kate? Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine!” I cried, reaching for a pair of sweat pants that had been kicked under the bed. I tried to stumble into them, missing the right pant leg and trying to force both legs into one hole. I fell towards the bed, catching myself with outstretched hands.

  He tried to help me up. “Come sit down.”

  “No, I have to go.”

  “Where?”

  “I, uh... have an appointment to get my nails done.” I struggled into a tank top, keeping my back to him.

  “Why are you freaking out?”

  “I’m not freaking out.” I crawled away from the bed, head pounding with every move. “It’s just that I signed up for an early-morning yoga class.”

  “It’s five a.m.”

  “My body is a temple. I take exercise very seriously.”

  “Listen, we can slow down if you want,” he said, then grinned. “Although last night you kept telling me to go faster.”

  “Stop it,” I said, remembering all too clearly how I’d wanted it. “I was under the influence.”

  He started to get out of bed, naked as the day he was born. “I’m sorry‌—‌”

  “I’ll be back in a minute.” I held my hands up to my face and ran into the bathroom.

  The bright lights made me feel as though I were at a late night football game. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror and winced. I couldn’t believe Max had seen me like this: mascara smeared across my face, imprints of the sheets on my cheek. At least I had a tan.

  He knocked on the door. “Let’s discuss this like adults, Kate.”

  “Not until you put some clothing on.”

  I could hear his sigh through three inches of flame-retardant wood. “Why in the world would you need me to cover up after what we did?”

  “That’s different,” I said, but even as I spoke, I knew I was being childish. I couldn’t help it.

  I made sure the door was firmly locked, then sat on the toilet seat and rested my head in my hands. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of before. The morning after. It’s easy when you’re in the heat of the moment and will do anything to ease the desperate ache in your gut for intimacy. I wasn’t good at the part that followed.

  “Kate, open the door.”

  The tile felt cool on my feet. I wanted to lie on the floor and press my forehead against the tiles. I ran my fingers through my messy hair. “I’m fixing myself up.”

  I heard his body thump against the door, as though he’d had to press his ear against the wood to hear me. “Fine. Why don’t you take a shower?”

  Seemed like a good enough idea. If he wasn’t going to walk away from the bathroom door, I would never be able to escape. The shower would give me time to think things through. “I’ll do that. Thanks.”

  Judging from the moving shadows beneath the door, he walked away. I took off the clothing I’d just put on and got into the shower. I made the water as hot as I could stand it and let the water drench me. I closed my eyes and turned my face up to the falling water.

  I soaped up a washcloth and smoothed it over every inch of my body. Every spot Max had kissed, fondled, or licked. It was a lengthy process.

  I wanted to be angry with Max, but I knew what I was feeling was fear. I hadn’t been the only one drinking last night, so to hold him responsible for what had happened would be ridiculous. His judgment had been similarly impaired.

  And besides, we’d both wanted it. I guess that was the thing that I was having the most difficultly admitting.

  I’m not sure how long I was in the shower, but when I finally came out, Max was gone.

  I was beginning to feel like there wasn’t anything to do on the ship besides walk around and eat. Since it was breakfast time, I made a tour of every place you could get eggs until I found April in the main dining room.

  I pulled out the chair next to her. “We have to talk.”

  She took a bite of scrambled eggs and said, “You slept with Max.”

  It was said in such obvious way, as though the whole ship knew about my boudoir activities. “How do you know that? Did you come back to the room and see us?”

  She laughed. “Of course not. I know because when you left the club last night, you were plastered.”

  “True.” I grabbed her orange juice and took a sip. I gasped, surprised at the taste of alcohol, and swallowed reluctantly. “April! Did you put vodka in here?”

  “Hair of the dog, baby.” From under the table, she showed me a bottle of sublingual B12 liquid, obviously not filled with any actual vitamins. “I just tell the waiter it’s
for my stress.”

  I shook my head and drank more of her juice. “Why didn’t you stop me from doing him? You shouldn’t have let me leave with him.”

  “I was busy with my own things. I’m not your nanny.”

  “You as a nanny‌—‌that’s a horrible thought. You’d have the grape juice in one sippy cup and your wine in another, trying not to mix them up.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Why would I want to stop you, anyway? You and Max make a cute couple. What are you so afraid of?”

  I met April’s gaze. “I’m not afraid, and there is no couple. Max and I are friends.”

  “Yeah. Friends with benefits.”

  I sighed. “I was drunk and it will never happen again.”

  “You were only tipsy, and you’re dying for it to happen again.” She grinned and grabbed a piece of bacon with her fingers.

  I wanted to tear my hair out and deposit large clumps of it in April’s lap. “I didn’t want to give in so easily.”

  “Why not?”

  Absentmindedly moving the cutlery on the table around, I said, “Whenever I’ve rejected him, he’s given up too quickly.”

  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. If you turn him down, that’s the end of it. Don’t play games.”

  The waiter came by and I ordered pancakes with extra whipped butter on the side.

  After he left, April said, “I know having sex is always a little scary. I’m feeling pretty intimidated myself, at the moment.”

  “What?” The gears in my head were turning, albeit slowly. “Oh no, April. You didn’t!”

  April froze, a look of abject misery on her fair face.

  “You had sex with Sam. Why? How?”

  “If you hadn’t noticed, I was drinking, too, last night.” She yanked back her orange juice, finished it in one gulp, and signaled to the waiter.

  “So that’s where you were last night. Was it any good?”

  She shrugged. “He was quite energetic about the whole thing.”

  “I can imagine. I don’t want to, but I can.”

  “Now I’ve really screwed things up for both of us. How am I going to let him down easily? He seems to think we’re in a relationship.”

  I picked at her leftover fruit. “We have to figure something out.”

  “Do you think we could talk to Max about it?”

  “I don’t feel like I could talk to Max about anything at the moment.”

  April pushed her plate away with disgust. “I’m just going to avoid Sam until we’re back in Miami.”

  “And what about Monday morning at work?” The thought of it made my palms sweat.

  “I’ll figure something out by then.” She looked me up and down. “So what are you going to do with the rest of your day?”

  “Relax. Avoid Max and relax.”

  Sighing wearily, she looked out the window at the ocean. “We are two mature women, aren’t we?”

  “I don’t think there’s a word for what we are.” I massaged my temples with tense hands and groaned.

  Deep breath. Everything was going to be okay.

  Exhale. I wanted to enjoy the last day of my cruise. All I needed to do was find a quiet spot out on a deck by myself and focus on Kate for a while.

  Simple, right?

  “Kate?”

  It was never simple. I didn’t open my eyes, but I knew Max’s voice as well as my own. It was the only thing that could make me shiver while I lay in a bikini under the hot tropical sun.

  “Kate?” Max asked, more forcibly this time. “Are you awake?”

  I tried not to flutter my eyelashes as I remained completely still.

  “I have chocolate...”

  My hand stirred reflexively, but didn’t reach out.

  “Come on, Kate. Stop ignoring me.” Max’s shadow lifted, but he didn’t seem to have gone far. I imagined I could I hear him breathing.

  I relaxed a little, muscles releasing from no longer having the strain of staying immobile. Then I felt something brush against my foot. It tickled, so I jerked my foot away. Then it happened to the other foot, and this time, the onslaught was worse. With an angry grumble, I bent my legs at the knees so that my soles would be pressed against the wooden slats of the chair.

  “Fine. I’m going to start talking, whether or not you give any indication that you’re listening.”

  I ignored him.

  “I assume that you have some regret over what happened between us last night.”

  I kept my mouth shut.

  “I don’t see how it has to be such a tragic experience for you. All you’ve done this entire cruise is give me mixed messages. First you’re on, then you’re off, then you’re on again... I don’t know what the hell’s happening.”

  Biting my bottom lip, I kept my eyes tightly shut. I pulled my chic, floppy hat down over my face.

  “Are you afraid?”

  I yanked my hat off my face and sat up. “I’m not afraid. Now would you please leave me alone?”

  “You are afraid, aren’t you?” He towered above me, blocking the sun with his broad shoulders.

  I straightened my camisole top, aligning the charms on the shoulders. “Why would I be?”

  He sat on the divan next to me. “Maybe because of what you were telling me about your parents last night. You’re afraid to commit to one man in case you choose the wrong one and end up like your mother.”

  I planted my hat back on my head. “I have too much of a hangover to be talking about this.”

  Max rested his elbows on his bare knees, black shorts cresting an inch above. He’d paired the shorts with a plain white tee. “You should have some orange juice.”

  Before I could say anything, he’d signaled a waitress. He ordered juice for me and sparkling water for himself.

  “We can take it as slow as you want. And if you‌—‌”

  I held my hand up, effectively cutting him off. “Maybe I don’t want to take it anywhere.”

  He nodded. “I see.”

  The waitress came back with my orange juice. I took the cool glass and held it with both hands. I focused on the pulp swimming on the surface. “I’ve been avoiding you so I could think.”

  “Are you sure you haven’t been avoiding the whole issue by running away?”

  The condensation from the glass dripped cool water onto my bare legs. I sipped slowly, then lowered it back to chest level. “I’m ashamed of my behavior.”

  “Why?”

  I didn’t answer. When I took another mouthful of my orange juice, I realized how tightly I was holding onto the glass. I carefully set it down on the table beside me.

  Just then the wind picked up. And though I went to grab my hat with my free hand, it was too late. A gust had already lifted the hat from my head. “Crap!”

  I immediately ran after my hat, which was floating toward the railing. Max was right behind me, so whatever happened, one of us was sure to get the hat. I was only a few feet away from victory when the wind lifted it again.

  Jumping sideways to catch it, I felt like I was playing a mean game of Frisbee. I missed the hat by a millimeter, but Max was right there. He made a grab for it, too, but it floated higher, out of his reach. Side by side, we raced down the deck after it.

  Suddenly the hat drifted closer to the railing. I raced to beat it there, but as I watched helplessly, the wind carried it off the port side of the ship.

  Max leaned against the railing beside me. “Sorry, Kate. I tried.”

  My hat was still airborne. I watched it fly. “Maybe it will come back.”

  “Like a boomerang?”

  I leaned over the side to get a better look, feeling sweaty and uncomfortable, no longer having anything to shield my face. I thought I saw the hat rally a comeback, so I subconsciously leaned a little farther over the edge. A mistake.

  My upper body was suddenly heavier and it could only mean one thing. In the two seconds it took for me to struggle to get a grip on the railing and for Max to grab my wais
t, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

  Max pulled me back to safety. “That was stupid, Kate. It’s a hat.”

  “I didn’t mean to‌—‌”

  He waved at the sea. “If you’d fallen overboard, you’d be dead. You know that, right?”

  “I didn’t think it would be so easy to tip over the side.” If there hadn’t been warmth in his deep voice, I would have dropped him overboard with my hat. I tucked my now free-flowing hair behind my ears.

  He physically pulled me away from the ship’s railing as I moaned about my bad luck. He led me back to my lounge chair, his hand sizzling against my bare arm and branding my skin. “Did you hear about Sam and April?” he asked. “Looks like we aren’t the only ones who got up to no good last night.”

  “Yes, I heard.” I sat down on my towel and looked away.

  “Unlike you with your charming demeanor this morning, Sam is thrilled. He’s already planning the wedding.”

  I looked up at the sky and questioned what I’d done to deserve this day from hell. I couldn’t hear one more piece of bad news. I was ready to clog my ears with cotton balls. “That’s wonderful.”

  “We need to discuss what happened last night.” His hands were crossed in front of his chest.

  I shoved my sunglasses into my purse. “Why don’t you make another notch on your bedpost and call it a day?”

  “I’m starting to think that would be a good idea.”

  I stood up. “Last night only happened because we both drank too much. I think it would be a very bad idea to go out with a coworker. End of discussion.”

  He was shaking his head, eyes wide in disbelief. “I don’t know why I even bothered.”

  “Me, neither.” I said and turned away so I could no longer see his condemning eyes.

  He walked away without another word.

  So that was that. It was over.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “KATE! OVER HERE!”

  I was waiting in line for a latte when I heard Sam call out to me. I looked behind me into the busy café and saw him sitting by himself in one of two low club chairs flanking a coffee table. He wasn’t drinking anything. Judging by the way he rapidly tapped his foot against the footrest, he didn’t need any artificial means to increase his excitement.