The Sex Myth

by Rachel Hills

  “if you need an app to figure this out”: Jessica Roy, “ ‘Spreadsheets’ App Measures How Loud You Moan to Determine If You’re Good at Sex,” Betabeat, August 12, 2013. http://betabeat.com/2013/08/spreadsheets-app-measures-how-loud-you-moan-to-determine-if-youre-good-at-sex/. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “[T]o be bad at sex”: Jackson and Scott, “Sexual antinomies,” 241.

  young men who pop a Viagra: S. Anderson, “Meet His New Saturday Night Wingman,” Cleo, June 2008, 64–65.

  when they believed their partners were: Gayle Brewer and Colin A. Hendrie, “Evidence to Suggest that Copulatory Vocalizations in Women Are Not a Reflexive Consequence of Orgasm,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 40 (June 2010), 559–64.

  28 percent of sexually active men: Charlene L. Muehlenhard and Sheena K. Shippee, “Men’s and Women’s Reports of Pretending Orgasm,” Journal of Sex Research 47, no. 6 (2010), 552–67.

  “reap the blissful benefits”: Jane Katz, “Yes, You Have a G-Spot,” Cosmopolitan.com, May 21, 2009. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a2923/yes-you-have-a-g-spot-0409/. Accessed January 19, 2015.

  if you want sex with the same person: Natasha Burton, “Keep ’em begging for more,” Maxim, March 2013, 78.

  fills an important gap: Carmel Siebold, “Factors Influencing Young Women’s Sexual and Reproductive Health,” Contemporary Nurse 37 (February 2011), 124–36.

  “the easiest—and most fun—way”: Em and Lo, “The Summer Sex Plan,” Glamour (UK), June 2012, 82–86.

  “less stress, more intimacy, improved mood”: Ibid.

  “Using a plan is great”: Ibid.

  “power, endurance, and control”: Alex Harris, “Taking a Stand,” Men’s Health, March 2013, 125.

  “summer sex bucket list”: Julia Naughton, “The Summer (Sex) Bucket List,” Cosmopolitan (Australia), December 2012, 31.

  “if you’re going to be having lots of sex”: Ibid.

  “how to close the deal with beautiful women”: Christian Hudson, Felix Economakis, and Daniel Sloss, “How to Close the Deal with Beautiful Women,” FHM (UK), March 2013, 84–91.

  “taste culture”: Kaarina Nikunen, “Cosmo girls talk: Blurring boundaries of porn and sex,” in Pornification: Sex and Sexuality in Media Culture, ed. Susanna Paasonen, Kaarina Nikunen, and Laura Saarenmaa (Oxford: Berg, 2007), 73–85.

  “good, giving, and game”: “GGG,” UrbanDictionary.com. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=GGG. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “Instead of playing it safe and boring”: Burton, “Keep ’em begging.”

  “mix it up a bit and be adventurous”: “Confessions . . .” Zoo Weekly, July 13, 2009, 79.

  “Tender sex can be intense”: Siski Green, “You are 5 questions away from great sex,” Glamour (UK), March 2013, 92–97.

  A 2012 study: Tricia J. Burke and Valerie J. Young, “Sexual Transformations and Intimate Behaviors in Romantic Relationships,” Journal of Sex Research 49, no. 5 (2012), 454–63.

  “a byword for ‘sexually pedestrian’ ”: Catherine Scott, “Thinking Kink: Is Vanilla Sex Boring? Who Gets to Decide?” Bitch, July 16, 2012. http://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-vanilla-sex-bdsm-feminist-magazine-sexuality. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  an early episode of the sitcom Friends: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz, “The One with the Blackout,” Friends, season 1, episode 7, aired November 3, 1994.

  “the foot of the bed”: Ibid.

  “I just never had a relationship”: Ibid.

  “And you didn’t marry him because . . . ?”: Ibid.

  “It just seems a little wild”: Shana Goldberg-Meehan and Scott Silveri, “The One with Rachel’s Big Kiss,” Friends, season 7, episode 20, aired April 26, 2001.

  “personal pleasure hunt”: Anna Davies, “My Summer of Try-It-All Sex,” Glamour (UK), April 2013, 79–86.

  “connection to climax”: Ibid.

  “When I thought about what had gone on”: Ibid.

  “I realized I’d never have wanted to do it”: Tracey Cox, “What happens when you act out your sex fantasies?” Cosmopolitan (UK), May 2013, 194–98.

  “Fantasies about you and your partner”: Ibid.

  “Sometimes your vagina dies”: Jenni Avins, “Olivia Wilde Said a Great Many Things About Her Vagina Last Night,” Vulture, October 9, 2012. http://www.vulture.com/2012/10/olivia-wilde-has-a-lot-to-say-about-her-vagina.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  less than ten times in the past twelve months: Kathleen Deveny, “No Sex, Please, We’re Married,” Newsweek, June 30, 2003.

  “lesbian bed death”: Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, American Couples: Money, Work, Sex (New York: William Morrow & Co, 1983).

  “response anxiety”: Tiefer, Sex Is Not a Natural Act, 101–2.

  boost your immune system: Alan Farnham, “Is Sex Necessary?” Forbes, October 8, 2003. http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  releasing endorphins into the brain: Vanessa Luis, “Emotional and Mental Health Benefits of Sex,” Health Me Up, July 15, 2014. http://healthmeup.com/news-healthy-living/emotional-and-mental-health-benefits-of-sex/29015. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  a satisfactory orgasm: Christopher Turner, “Wilhelm Reich: The Man Who Invented Free Love,” Guardian, July 9, 2011. http://www.theguardian.com/books/2011/jul/08/wilhelm-reich-free-love-orgasmatron. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “the Sex-Crazy Nympho Dream Girl”: Clarisse Thorn, “The Myth of the Sex-Crazy Nympho Dream Girl,” The Good Men Project, May 20, 2011. http://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/myth-sex-crazy-nympho-dream-girl/. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “Before I had any actual sexual partners”: Ibid.

  “I just got rewarded for it so much”: Clarisse Thorn, interview with author, February 12, 2014.

  “ultimate meeting with our true (sexual) selves”: Annie Potts, The Science/Fiction of Sex: Feminist Deconstruction and the Vocabularies of Heterosex (Sussex: Routledge, 2002), 76.

  to be alienated from an essential aspect of yourself: Ibid., 80.

  “infantile” clitoral: Faye Flam, “Female orgasm: From Freud to Lloyd,” Seattle Times, October 26, 2005. http://seattletimes.com/html/living/2002583270_carnalknowledge26.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  75 percent of women: Michael Castleman, “The Most Important Sexual Statistic,” Psychology Today, March 16, 2009. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “Not only am I not normal”: Astrea Media/Chicken and Egg Pictures, Orgasm Inc., directed by Elizabeth Canner, 2011.

  “That’s wonderful”: Ibid.

  “generate healthier and more functional tissue”: Lauren Streicher, “Pain for Pleasure? The O-Shot,” Oz Blog, March 19, 2014. http://blog.doctoroz.com/oz-experts/pain-for-pleasure-the-o-shot. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “superhuman erection”: Manuel Hung, “Daddy’s Little Helpers,” Next Magazine, September 7, 2012. http://www.nextmagazine.com/content/daddy’s-little-helpers. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  “corporate sponsored”: Ray Moynihan, “The Making of a Disease: Female Sexual Dysfunction,” British Medical Journal 326 (January 4, 2003), 45–47.

  any sort of sexual difficulty for two months or more: Ibid., 46.

  “perfectly normal”: Ibid.

  8 You Aren’t What You Do: Why We’ve Got It Wrong

  The British sociologist Anthony Giddens: Giddens, Modernity and Self-Identity, 54.

  “integrity of the self”: Ibid., 65.

  the more important a belief or ideal was: G. M. Breakwell and L. J. Millward, “Sexual Self-Concept and Sexual Risk-Taking,” Journal of Adolescence 20 (February 1997), 31.

  the panopticon: Michel Foucault, Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison (New York: Vintage, 1995).

  a tool not of liberation but of regulation and control: Michel Foucault, Bob Gallagher, and Alexander Wilson, “Sex, power, and the politics of identity,
” in Michel Foucault: Ethics, Subjectivity and Truth, vol. 1, ed. Paul Rabinow (New York: The New Press, 1994).

  “If the perennial question [people] ask”: Ibid., 166.

  for the crime of “looking gay”: Faith Karimi, “Cameroon court acquits 2 men imprisoned for ‘looking gay,’ ” CNN, January 10, 2013. http://edition.cnn.com/2013/01/09/world/africa/cameroon-gay-men-freed. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  illegal in seventy-eight countries: “78 countries where homosexuality is illegal,” http://76crimes.com/76-countries-where-homosexuality-is-illegal/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  four times as likely to attempt suicide: The Trevor Project, “Suicide Prevention Resources: Facts About Suicide,” http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/facts-about-suicide. Accessed January 19, 2015.

  living with daily discrimination and prejudice: National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, “National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention Tackles LGBT Suicide,” http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.blogspot.com/2012/04/national-action-alliance-for-suicide.html. Accessed January 19, 2015.

  one in three women worldwide: World Health Organization, “Violence against women,” fact sheet no. 239. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs239/en/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  one in five women has been raped: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Division of Violence Prevention, “Sexual Violence: Facts at a Glance,” 2012. http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/SV-DataSheet-a.pdf. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  hundreds of thousands of women sexually assaulted: Outreach Programme on the Rwanda Genocide and the United Nations, “Background Information on Sexual Violence Used as a Tool of War.” http://www.un.org/en/preventgenocide/rwanda/about/bgsexualviolence.shtml. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  North Dakota: John Eligon and Erik Eckholm, “New Laws Ban Most Abortions in North Dakota,” New York Times, March 26, 2013. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/27/us/north-dakota-governor-signs-strict-abortion-limits.html?pagewanted=all. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Texas: Lindsay Beyerstein, “Texas anti-abortion law forces women to make tough choices,” Al Jazeera America, January 5, 2014. http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2014/1/5/in-texas-abortionclinicsclose.html. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Ohio: Tara Culp-Ressler, “Ohio’s New Abortion Ban Forces Women to Continue Doomed Pregnancies Against Their Doctors’ Wishes,” ThinkProgress, February 11, 2014. http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/02/11/3277111/ohio-abortion-doctors-ban/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Iowa: Tara Culp-Ressler, “Iowa Governor Must Personally Decide Whether Each Poor Woman on Medicaid Deserves Abortion Coverage,” ThinkProgress, June 25, 2013. http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/06/25/2210571/iowa-governor-medicaid-abortion-coverage/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Arkansas: Joseph Serna, “Federal judge rules Arkansas abortion law unconstitutional,” Los Angeles Times, March 14, 2014. http://articles.latimes.com/2014/mar/14/nation/la-na-nn-arkansas-abortion-law-unconstitutional-20140314. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Oklahoma: Tara Culp-Ressler, “Oklahoma Considers Enacting Texas-Style Abortion Restrictions,” ThinkProgress, February 12, 2014. http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/02/12/3281841/oklahoma-texas-abortion-restrictions/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Arizona: Alia Beard Rau, “Appeals Court to continue blocking Arizona abortion law,” AZCentral, June 4, 2014. http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/arizona/politics/2014/06/03/arizona-abortion-law-blocked-appeals-court/9917647/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Kansas: Kevin Murphy, “Kansas set to enact life-starts-‘at fertilization’ abortion law,” Reuters, April 6, 2013. http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/04/06/us-usa-kansas-abortion-idUSBRE93501220130406. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  Virginia: Dahlia Lithwick, “Virginia’s Proposed Ultrasound Law Is an Abomination,” Slate, February 16, 2012. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/02/virginia_ultrasound_law_women_who_want_an_abortion_will_be_forcibly_penetrated_for_no_medical _reason.html. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  231 restrictions on abortion: Guttmacher Institute, “In Just the Last Four Years, States Have Enacted 231 Abortion Restrictions,” January 5, 2015. http://www.guttmacher.org/media/inthenews/2015/01/05/index.html. Accessed January 19, 2015.

  “some people deserve to be peed on”: Alexandria Goddard, “Some people deserve to be peed on #whoareyou,” Prinniefied.com, August 28, 2012. http://prinniefied.com/wp/some-people-deserve-to-be-peed-on-whoareyou-2/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “you don’t sleep through”: Kristen Gwynne, “How Anonymous Hacking Exposed Steubenville Rape Case,” Alternet.org, January 4, 2013. http://www.alternet.org/how-anonymous-hacking-exposed-steubenville-high-school-rape-case. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “perverted minds”: Brian Tashman, “E. W. Jackson: Gays and Lesbians are ‘Very Sick People Psychologically, Mentally and Emotionally,’ ” Right Wing Watch, October 25, 2012. http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/jackson-gays-lesbians-very-sick-people-psychologically-mentally-emotionally. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “Homosexuality is a horrible sin”: Ibid.

  “sex is like fire”: Anthony Lane, “Sex, lies and duct tape: Science and morality make for strange bedfellows in D-11,” Colorado Springs Independent, April 8, 2010. http://www.csindy.com/coloradosprings/sex-lies-and-duct-tape-science-and-morality-make-for-strange-bedfellows-in-d-11/Content?oid=1672302. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  two pieces of duct tape: Ibid.

  Conclusion: Beyond the Sex Myth

  “getting laid is mostly a matter of luck”: Tracy Moore, “Happiness Is Not Just Getting Laid, It’s Getting the MOST Laid,” Jezebel, April 20, 2013. http://jezebel.com/happiness-is-not-just-getting-laid-its-getting-the-mos-476483024. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “If I let him spend more than three minutes”: Anonymous, “Last night and this morning . . . ,” Do Tell. http://dotellstories.tumblr.com/post/90296261541/anonymous. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “I’ve always been lucky in love/sex”: E., 24, Argentina, “I’ve always been lucky . . . ,” Do Tell. http://dotellstories.tumblr.com/post/91888644517/e-24-argentina. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “I feel like I was cruelly duped”: Frank Bruni, “Naked in New York,” New York Times, March 31, 2012. http://bruni.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/31/naked-in-new-york/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “situating the essence of the female”: Ariel Levy, “The Space in Between,” New Yorker, September 10, 2012. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/09/10/the-space-in-between. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “a gateway to a woman’s happiness”: Ibid.

  “sex is the solution”: Ibid.

  “the way you fuck is not ‘private’ ”: Jillian Horowitz, “Unpopular opinion: I’m a sex-negative feminist,” xoJane.com, July 10, 2013. http://www.xojane.com/issues/im-a-sex-negative-feminist. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “everyone who doesn’t celebrate sex”: Julie Decker, “ ‘Enjoy Your Houseful of Cats’: On Being an Asexual Woman,” The Toast, July 1, 2014. http://the-toast.net/2014/07/01/enjoy-houseful-cats-asexual-woman/. Accessed October 28, 2014.

  “as part of the fabric of routine day-to-day social life”: Stevi Jackson, “Ordinary Sex,” Sexualities 11 (February 2008), 35.

  Bibliography

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  ———. “Inclusive Masculinity in a Fraternal Setting.” Men and Masculinities 10 (August 2008), 604–20.

  ———. “ ‘Being Masculine Is Not About Who You Sleep with . . .’: Heterosexual Athletes Contesting Masculinity and the One-time Rule of Homosexuality.” Sex Roles 58 (2008), 105–15.

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  Anderson, S. “Meet His New Saturday Night Wingman.” Cleo, June 2008, 64
–65.

  Anonymous. “Last night and this morning . . .” Do Tell. http://dotellstories.tumblr.com/post/90296261541/anonymous. Accessed October 28, 2014.

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  Astrea Media/Chicken and Egg Pictures. Orgasm Inc. Directed by Elizabeth Canner. 2011.

  Astrof, Jeffrey, and Mike Sikowitz. “The One with the Blackout.” Friends, season 1, episode 7, aired November 3, 1994.

  Avins, Jenni. “Olivia Wilde Said a Great Many Things About Her Vagina Last Night.” Vulture, October 9, 2012. http://www.vulture.com/2012/10/olivia-wilde-has-a-lot-to-say-about-her-vagina.html. Accessed October 15, 2014.

  Balthazart, Jacques. “Minireview: Hormones and human sexual orientation.” Endocrinology 152 (August 2011), 2937–47.

  Barreto, Ariana. “ ‘Too Pretty to Be a Lesbian’: A Conversation with a Bigot.” In Our Words, January 5, 2012. http://inourwordsblog.com/2012/01/05/looking-gayer-a-conversation-with-a-bigot/. Accessed October 10, 2014.

  Beard Rau, Alia. “Appeals Court to continue blocking Arizona abortion law.” AZCentral, June 4, 2014. http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/arizona/politics/2014/06/03/arizona-abortion-law-blocked-appeals-court/9917647/. Accessed October 28, 2014.