Win Some, Lose Some

by Shay Savage

  It occurred to me that Mayra had lousy taste in guys.

  What exactly did that say about me?

  I probably would have asked the question if Mayra’s father hadn’t come home right about that time, completely scaring the shit out of me.

  “Oh, hey there,” he said as he walked into the room.

  I quickly sat up and scooted to the other side of the couch, wondering what he would think of me having my head in Mayra’s lap. Mayra gave me a weird look and just shook her head at me a bit.

  “Who ate half the cake?” Mr. Trevino asked, and I quickly looked to the floor.

  “I made it for Matthew,” Mayra said simply. I could hear her snickering under her breath. “I bet he would share if you asked him nicely.”

  “Well, Matthew?” Mr. Trevino asked. “Do you think you can spare a piece?”

  “Oh, um…sure,” I muttered. “I mean, of course, sir.”

  Mr. Trevino snickered as well, his laugh bearing a close resemblance to Mayra’s.

  “Well, it’s a good thing,” he added, “because otherwise I’d have to start charging you cake as couch and TV rental.”

  I glanced at Mr. Trevino and then at Mayra. They were both holding in laughter, but I wasn’t completely sure what the joke was. Humor didn’t always come easily to me, and often what I thought was funny wasn’t what others seemed to find humorous. Regardless, Mayra and her father didn’t seem to be laughing at me or anything, so I smiled a little and tried not to think too much about being caught in Mayra’s house by her father.

  Really, he didn’t seem to mind.

  Several hours and most of a Reds game later, I headed out with the last two pieces of chocolate cake in a small Tupperware container. I got into my car, placed the container on the passenger seat carefully so it wouldn’t fall when I turned corners, and drove myself home with a smile on my face.

  What made me the happiest was just how normal it all seemed.

  I couldn’t think about anything else, so I went to bed and dreamed of Mayra’s house.

  Win.

  Chapter 11—Conflict Isn’t My Thing

  “Do you want to go over it again?” Mayra asked as she looked over her shoulder and backed out of my driveway.

  I had to wonder if she was the most patient person on Earth or if she was just being accommodating to me for some other reason. I poked the little fish shape on the passenger side door of her Porsche and answered in the affirmative.

  “We’re not holding anything back,” she told me. “It’s going to be very obvious to everyone in our school who sees us that we’re together. After I park the car, we’ll walk into school together, and I’m going to be holding your hand. We’ll go to your locker. I’m going to give you a kiss on the cheek, and then we’ll go about our day as we usually do. We eat lunch together, go to ecology, and then back to your place for homework, television, and making out on the couch.”

  I laughed. She hadn’t thrown in that last part before, but it definitely gave me something to look forward to later because the next few minutes were going to be hard.

  “And,” Mayra said with authority, “you are going to be just fine with all of it.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “Positive,” she replied.

  “And after we get back to my house but before homework?”

  “Cake.”

  I smiled broadly. It was my favorite part of the whole plan.

  “But only if you keep it together today.”

  “I know.” I took a deep breath and nodded to myself.

  I was going to do this.

  For cake.

  Mayra sighed and turned onto the street where our school was located. She was quiet for a minute, and I ran over what the first part of the day might be like. I knew people were going to look at us, and I knew they were going to talk and stare and wonder why in the world a girl like Mayra would be with a guy like me. I knew that, and it made me about as nervous as I could be.

  “I want to be with you,” Mayra said quietly, and I glanced up at her, wondering if she could read my mind. “Anyone who gives you a chance would know why I’m with you.”

  I looked out the passenger window and contemplated a moment.

  “A lot of people don’t,” I finally said. “I mean, some have tried, but I can be pretty trying.”

  Mayra snickered.

  “Yes, you can,” she agreed. “Ultimately you are pretty wonderful, though. You just need to be given the opportunity to show people that. Besides, you don’t realize how the girls in our school talk about you.”

  “What?” I narrowed my eyes and looked at her sideways.

  “Matthew…how can I put this?” Mayra took in a long breath and breathed it out again slowly. “You are gorgeous. Every girl in our school thinks so, and I am going to be the envy of half the population of Talawanda High School.”

  I was reminded of what Bethany had shown me on her Facebook page, but we pulled into the school parking lot before we could really talk about it anymore. I felt my heart start to beat a little faster as we pulled into a parking spot and Mayra turned off the ignition.

  “Are you ready?” she asked.

  “No,” I said bluntly.

  “Are you as ready as you will ever be?” she pressed.

  “Probably.”

  “Okay, then!” Mayra took off her seatbelt while I remained still, trying to take a lot of calming breaths. I could see her gathering up her book bag to hoist it over her shoulder, but I still didn’t move.

  I felt her touch against my arm as she began to speak softly.

  “We don’t have to hold hands,” she said quietly. “We can just walk in like we usually do if you aren’t ready. I don’t want to push you too hard. You know that, right?”

  “I know,” I responded. I thought about it for a moment, and Mayra waited patiently for me to continue. “I want to walk in with you. I want everyone to know we’re together. I just…I don’t like people looking at me, and they’re going to look at me.”

  “We can wait until tomorrow.”

  I glanced over at her and then looked out the window.

  “Would it be any different then?”

  “Probably not.”

  “I guess we should just do it today, then.”

  Mayra opened her door, walked around to my side of the car, and waited for me to get out. I poked the fish shape twice—it had definitely become a habit, and I couldn’t even say why—before I climbed out and tentatively wrapped her fingers with mine. With a quick look to her eyes and a big sigh, we started toward the front entrance, hand in hand.

  Mayra leaned a little closer to me as a few of the kids in the swarm of students actually stopped and stared. I kept my eyes to the ground, but I could still feel their gazes as they lingered on our clasped hands. Mayra held her head high with a smile on her face, but I just kept my head down and tried to move quickly.

  Once we got to my locker, I felt like I could let go of the breath I was holding. At this point, most of the kids were either whispering in little groups or trying to look nonchalant as they walked close enough to overhear us talking to each other.

  “How are you doing?” Mayra asked in a hushed tone.

  “Okay, I guess,” I replied. I didn’t sound very convincing. “They’re all talking about us.”

  “Not everyone,” Mayra said with a nod over my shoulder. I glanced back to see one guy banging at his combination lock as he tried to get it open. While I was looking, he turned his eyes to us, and his mouth dropped open.

  “Well, he’ll probably start now,” Mayra said with a sigh.

  I turned my attention to my locker’s contents, made sure everything was in its proper place, and straightened things up a bit just to be doubly sure. The act relaxed me a little, and when I straightened back up with the folders and books I needed for my first two classes, I saw Mayra’s smiling face.

  “You are doing wonderfully,” she said through her smile. “I’m proud of you.”


  I couldn’t help but smile back, and though I couldn’t find any words to tell her how much her encouragement meant to me, I tried to hold her gaze a little longer to show her how I felt. She seemed to notice, and her hands squeezed mine briefly before she stood up on her tiptoes and touched my cheek with her lips.

  “Every girl here is so jealous of me right now,” she whispered into my ear. “I can practically hear it in their footsteps. In time, you are going to show everyone how awesome you really are.”

  “I’m not convinced of that,” I replied, glancing into her brown eyes again. I looked back to the folders I was holding and let go of her hand long enough to run my fingers through my hair. “I’m not sure you realize how big a pain in the ass I can be.”

  Mayra laughed as she placed her hand on my arm.

  “Oh, don’t be so certain,” she said with wide grin, which I returned. She gave me another quick kiss before releasing my arm and heading down the hall to her first class.

  People were still looking at me—some with expressions of surprise, some with awe, and some with confusion. I didn’t look at any of them as I turned in the opposite direction and walked quickly to my first class. If they were still looking at me, they would have seen me smiling.

  Later in the day, I stopped at my locker to exchange books and found Joe leaning against the locker next to mine.

  “So, is it true?” he asked.

  “Is what true?” I looked down at my lock as I twisted the combination but couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from turning up, which they had been doing on their own all morning.

  “‘Is what true?’” Joe said in a mocking tone. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Matthew Rohan, are you trying to be subtle or coy or whatever? Because you are a total fail.”

  I tried to hide my growing smile behind the locker door.

  “It is true,” Joe said with a nod. “Damn, I didn’t realize you were so impressive talking about bees.”

  He laughed, and I just shrugged and continued to grin like an idiot. There were a lot of murmured voices and pointed looks toward me as Joe and I headed off to our English class. I was doing my best to ignore them.

  “She’s hot,” Joe suddenly said.

  “What?” I glanced sideways at him.

  “Mayra Trevino—she’s hot,” Joe said again.

  My cheeks felt warm as I continued to look down at my feet and tried to make some sense out of the mixed feelings Joe’s words had brought forth. At first, all I could think about was the people in the school, watching me walk in with her, someone who was considered “hot.” I wondered what they were thinking about me and about Mayra, which was rather odd for me. I didn’t tend to consider what other people might think because most of the time, I already figured they thought I was crazy or something. Now everyone was talking about me being with Mayra Trevino—a girl who’s “hot”—and I also remembered what Mayra had said about me just before we got to school. She thought I was gorgeous.

  I liked that.

  I wasn’t entirely sure I believed her, but everyone was entitled to an opinion. My dad had loved pineapples and mushrooms on his pizza, which was just about the nastiest thing I had ever tasted, but it was his favorite. People liked different things, so maybe Mayra really did think that about me. I definitely agreed with Joe about Mayra though I didn’t necessarily mean just about how she looked. Mayra was beautiful, but there was a lot more to her than just that. There was a lot more behind her stunning face.

  My thoughts continued along this line as we moved into the classroom and took our seats.

  Joe was only thinking about Mayra’s physical appearance, but I didn’t think he really knew her. He was referring to her looks alone when he said Mayra was hot. Saying someone was hot was just another way of saying they looked good to you, and Mayra looked good to Joe. That meant he thought she was attractive. That meant he was attracted to her.

  And I didn’t like that.

  I also had no idea how to respond to the tightening in my stomach and the almost sick feeling that came up my throat and tasted like bile in the back of my mouth. The heat that had been on my cheeks seemed to move to my hands, and even as we sat down in our chairs, I had the strangest desire to punch Joe right in the face.

  I shook my head back and forth, and my hair flopped down over my forehead. It was distracting enough to pull me from such thoughts, and as I pushed my hair back off my face, Joe turned around in the seat in front of me and looked at me quizzically.

  “Lords is going to be pissed, you know,” Joe reminded me.

  I honestly hadn’t thought about it. Justin Lords had been in my thoughts a few times as I wondered why Mayra dated him for as long as she did, but I hadn’t thought about the conversation we had at lunch a couple of weeks ago. He said he was going to try to get Mayra back in time for prom. I had completely forgotten about that.

  “He still wants to take Mayra to prom,” I said quietly. All thoughts of being pissed off at Joe’s comment in the hall disappeared as I considered Lords asking Mayra to go to prom and Mayra saying yes to him.

  Not yes to me, like she had for our date, but yes to Justin Lords.

  I definitely, definitely did not like that.

  “I should ask her to prom,” I said aloud.

  Joe tilted his head to one side.

  “You haven’t already?”

  “No.”

  “Well, where have you taken her out?”

  “Um, nowhere,” I admitted. “Not yet, anyway.”

  “Dude!” Joe let out a low whistle. “You better fix that shit before she gets tired of waiting on you.”

  Joe was definitely right. Without question, I still owed Mayra one date, and as her boyfriend, I needed to plan more outings for the future. I hadn’t considered prom, but it was only a few weeks away, and I should probably ask her about that as well. I glanced at the back of Joe’s head, simultaneously grateful he brought it up and still a little pissed off he thought Mayra was hot.

  I was going to have to get all of this worked into my budget, too.

  Later on, I felt my heart rate increase a little as I took my lunch out of my locker and headed toward the cafeteria. I hadn’t seen Mayra since this morning, and I knew we were supposed to eat lunch together. I hadn’t eaten lunch with anyone but Joe all year, and I tried to keep it together when I realized that Mayra and I had not discussed where we would sit. Would she come to the table where I usually sat, or was I supposed to go to her table?

  I decided to hang out by the line of people buying school lunch and wait for Mayra. I fully intended to tell her I’d rather she came to sit with me and Joe, but I wasn’t sure how she would feel about that. Mayra always ate at a table full of other girls—mostly on the soccer team—and a few boys as well.

  I shuffled my feet back and forth a bit as people began to crowd into the cafeteria. I hadn’t seen Mayra yet, but her locker was in the hallway farthest from the lunchroom, so it wasn’t surprising that it would take her a while to get here. Joe was already seated at the table where we always sat, and I figured I ought to at least tell him that I was going to eat with Mayra.

  As I started toward the table, I felt a sharp pain in my ankle and the floor was suddenly very close to my face. I managed to get my hands out in front of me before I hit the ground, but my lunch was smashed under me and my knees hit the floor hard. I could hear a laugh from behind me, and I knew it was Justin Lords before I ever looked up.

  “You need to watch where you’re going,” he said as I rolled over and sat up. “You get into the wrong man’s territory, and you just might get yourself hurt.”

  I started to pull myself back up when he shoved me back to the floor with a hand to my shoulder.

  “I’m the wrong man, you fucking freak.”

  There is some kind of high school law of physics about rules being broken when teachers have their backs turned. At that point, there wasn’t a single adult in the area except for those scooping ladles
full of goulash onto plastic trays. I also knew the second law that went along with the first: If I were to retaliate, that’s when a teacher would walk into the room.

  As much as I might have wanted to hit Lords right then, I knew I couldn’t. It was against the school rules, and I was eighteen, which meant it could potentially be an assault charge. Of course he had started it, but I wasn’t going to be able to prove he had tripped me intentionally.

  I couldn’t hit him, so I just moved away and sat with Joe.

  I really hadn’t had any intention of telling Mayra about my encounter with Justin Lords, not because I didn’t want her to know, but I tended to leave those kinds of things in the past and not dwell on them much. Thinking about such things or acting on them didn’t bring anyone anything other than additional misery. Talking to Mayra about it would just have brought it back into the present again, and I avoided such conflicts.

  Joe didn’t have any similar tendencies, apparently.

  “So what are you two going to do about Lords?” he asked as Mayra sat down at our table. I had just begun pulling out my slightly squished sandwich and setting it up with my carrots. I was pretty sure there was a bruise on my chest from where I fell on my apple, but the apple itself seemed okay.

  “What do you mean?” Mayra asked.

  Joe continued before I could stop him.

  “Well, he just tripped Matthew and shoved him,” he blurted out. “I kinda doubt he’ll be done with that. He told Matthew to stay away from you, and that was before you were out of the closet.”

  He snickered, and Mayra’s eyes turned to me. I poked around at my squished bread, refusing to meet her gaze. I could feel her staring at me, and it seemed like there was heat radiating from her body to mine.

  “That son of a bitch,” she muttered. She was off the bench and stomping across the room in about the same amount of time it took me to open the zipper on my bag of carrots.

  “Shit,” Joe muttered. “She’s pissed.”

  I looked up and saw Mayra marching right over to the table where Justin was sitting with some of his football buddies. I had no idea what she was planning, but I felt compelled to follow her and try to stop her from…well, whatever she was thinking about doing. I placed my carrots next to the sandwich and slowly followed her.