Pecan Pie Predicament

by Addison Moore

  “Freeze!” Noah thunders as he points his gun our way.

  But Everett doesn’t freeze. He swipes Autumn away from me as quick as lightning and tosses the knife from her hand.

  Noah lets out a primal howl as he sinks to the floor. He pulls out his cuffs and glides them to Everett before clutching at his stomach and rolling around in agony.

  Detective Ivy Fairbanks runs into the kitchen, gun drawn and panting.

  “What the hell?” She looks down at Noah as Everett cuffs Autumn with her hands behind her back. “Was he shot?”

  “No,” I say, falling to the side. “I think he might have been poisoned.”

  Chapter 18

  Poisoned.

  Noah Corbin Fox was whisked away to Honey Hollow General Hospital and had to have his stomach pumped just to get the toxins out. The Mad Hatter, I’m presuming, laced Noah’s coffee with fentanyl. He was very good at following orders, even though I didn’t actually give them. Luckily for Noah, he wasn’t given a lethal dose. It also turns out, the Mad Hatter’s poisoning skills are still a little rusty.

  But Everett’s handcuffing skills were not. Autumn Nelson nee Frasier was arrested and booked for the murders of both Charles Nelson and Hannah Beckham. And now all of Honey Hollow can breathe a sigh of relief and focus on the holiday at hand.

  Thanksgiving Day is filled with all the culinary hustle and bustle we could hope for. Mom invited us all down to the B&B, where we took over the grand dining room and filled it to the brim with friends and family. Mom invited Keelie’s mother, Becca, and Keelie’s twin, Naomi. Of course, Keelie, Bear, and their little baby Bear are here. Lainey, Forest, and Josie, Meg, Mayor Nash, Suze, Alex, and Wiley. Eliza and Meghan came out as well, and Noah, Everett, Evie, Carlotta, and I are front and center.

  I’ve had other tasty Thanksgiving dinners before where I ate enough to put myself into a tryptophan-induced coma, but for some reason, I put away twice as much this year as I have in the past. I may have taken that whole eating for two thing a little too far. But let’s face it, the turkey was perfectly juicy, the mashed potatoes were so creamy and buttery, and that gravy? I may as well have stuck a straw in it. I had an entire gravy boat to myself. The cranberry cornbread stuffing was something I just might dream about for the rest of my life. And Becca made yams with marshmallows and a green bean casserole with extra bacon bits. I didn’t even know that was a thing, but from here on out, I’m going to have bacon on my holiday menu. There were candied carrots, a honey baked ham, and perfectly sweet and tart cranberry sauce, too—the kind right out of a can.

  The dinner rolls were all made by yours truly. I brought the dough to the B&B this afternoon, and we baked them fresh on sight. I also brought three pumpkin cheesecakes, pumpkin pies, and my now infamous pecan pies, along with several cookie platters. And to serve along with all the desserts, I provided the pumpkin spice coffee as well.

  Mayor Nash and Carlotta moan to one another while holding their stomachs. The rest of the guests seated at the table in my mother’s grand dining room start in on lively conversations as dinner wraps up.

  Holiday music plays softly in the background, but as of this moment, the room is very much decorated for fall from the silk fall leaves trimming the mantle to the bevy of pumpkins, and three-foot long cornucopia dotting the table. Mom served dinner on her finest bone china, and her amber glass goblets and her newly acquired gold plated silverware. It was a dinner fit for kings, on a table set for kings, with the kings of our people—as far as I’m concerned—enjoying the feast.

  “Well, Miranda”—Mayor Nash pats his stomach much like I am now—“you outdid yourself. And Lottie, those pies were amazing.”

  “Thank you,” I say before glancing to Noah on my right. “How are you feeling?” I whisper as the rest of the table begins to rise and mingle around the room.

  Noah looks handsome in his dark corduroys and brown cable-knit sweater. And that dark scruff on his face has filled out nicely.

  He gives his belly a pat. “Better now that I’ve put away a meal.”

  “First one in almost a week,” I say. “You went a little heroic with that fourth helping.”

  Everett’s chest pumps with a silent laugh. “He was trying to impress you.”

  Everett looks immaculate in his dark jacket and his pressed white dress shirt that brings out the I’m-ready-to-move-from-Noah’s look in his eyes. His facial scruff is so thick and soft, I reach over and give his cheek a little scratch just to feel it. The cast on his left arm comes off in just a couple of weeks, and he’s already counting down the days. He let Evie and me sign it and draw hearts all over it, but only because he keeps it hidden under his robe at the courthouse.

  Evie snorts from across the table. “Yeah, Mom. Uncle Noah is trying to be extra nice to you because he knows what you’re capable of now.”

  Carlotta nods. “That’s right, Lot. You’ve had Foxy here walking around on eggshells all week. I’ve seen it myself.”

  Lainey leans in. “You guys are all still living together, right? That’s got to be fun.” She shudders as if it was anything but.

  Noah shakes his head. “I don’t mind.”

  Everett grunts, “Well, I do. We can’t move in across the street soon enough. I’d hire movers to get us in faster, but we’re still waiting on a majority of the furniture to arrive.”

  I nod. “But shopping for all new furniture was so much fun.”

  “Yup.” Carlotta lifts her glass my way. “Especially since Mr. Sexy was footing the bill. I can’t wait to get my new massage chair and my electric lift mattress.”

  “Adjustable bedframe,” I correct. And good gravy did it set Everett back a mint. But that man took it all in stride.

  Noah sighs. “I offered to pay.”

  A dull laugh pumps from me. “You’ve done more than enough. You let us live with you rent-free for an entire month. And you gave up your bedroom.”

  He growls as he looks to Everett. “Don’t remind me. In fact, I’m in the market for a new mattress myself.”

  Keelie heads over to Lainey and whispers something into her ear, and they both head for the fireplace where they congregate and giggle while looking my way.

  Soon, Evie migrates in their direction, and they burst out laughing while sneaking glances over at me. Meg joins them as well, and it’s the very same story.

  Noah, Everett, and I rise and moan in the process.

  Everett pats his stomach with his good hand. “I’m going to have to roll back to Country Cottage Road.”

  Noah grunts, “Yup. All the way to my place. If you would have told me a year ago that the two of you would be together and sleeping in my bed at night, I wouldn’t have believed it. In fact, I would have shot the messenger on site.”

  Everett nods. “That’s because you were in a coma for most of the month of November.”

  Noah winces. “Don’t remind me.”

  Mom comes over with Carlotta by her side.

  “Oh, Lottie”—Mom gives my hair a little fluff—“you’re just glowing tonight. Have you felt the baby kick yet? You know what they say, the first time you feel the baby move, you should take in your surroundings. It’s the universe’s way of giving you a glimpse into their future.”

  “That’s right.” Carlotta slings an arm across my shoulders, the scruff on her face looks shocking, like a full beard and mustache, and yet no one has batted a lash. “I was standing in the Honey Pot Diner eating a slice of Nell’s famous pecan pie when I felt you twitching away.”

  Mom coos, “Oh, that just proves my theory! And I was in the library when I felt Lainey move for the first time. And I’m pretty sure I was watching a wrestling match with your father when Meg gave me that first swift kick. You remember to keep an eye out, Lottie. A major hint as to your little one’s destiny is coming right around the corner.” She holds up a finger. “Reckless Destiny!”

  I nod her way. “Now that sounds like a winning title.”

  Mom takes off just as a sp
ray of stars begins to appear, and I quickly take up Noah and Everett’s hands so they can hear the mysterious poltergeist that’s about to appear. And sure enough, Barry Honeycutt blinks to life, fully formed, still very much muscular, and wearing his signature red tank top.

  “Barry,” I say, glad to see him. “Happy Thanksgiving. You’re in luck, there’s plenty of food.”

  He chuckles while patting his stomach. “I just finished up a big plate with Greer and Winslow in the kitchen. Your mom may not have as many leftovers as she thinks. And for the record, those extra cheesecakes, pumpkin, and pecan pies? Lea and Thirteen went to town.”

  Everett’s chest bounces. “I’m glad we’ve got a couple extra pies back at Noah’s cabin.” His brows narrow a notch. “We’ve got extra back at the cabin, right, Lemon?”

  A laugh tickles my throat as I give his hand a squeeze.

  “You know I’m taking care of us. And don’t worry, Noah. I’ve got two full platters of your favorite chocolate chip cookies, too. Those are going to taste especially good with a tall glass of milk at midnight. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  “It’s a date,” he’s quick to declare it.

  Barry moans. “You’ve got me missing the planet already.”

  “Oh no!” I look his way. “Are you leaving?”

  “That’s why I came by. I wanted to say goodbye.” He offers a quick embrace. “Greer is pretty happy with Winslow, and I don’t want to rock the boat for them. Besides, Winslow said he could find a way to trap me in the walls forever. I sort of like my freedom. I think it’s time I head on up to paradise and see what Hannah is up to, not to mention my own soulmate. I thought I might have two soulmates like you, Lottie. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be with Greer and me.”

  “Well”—I shrug—“we already know Hannah likes you. She thinks very highly of you, seeing that you were the soul chosen to come down and help solve her murder.”

  “Hey—yeah.” His posture straightens. “I guess that means she’s pretty interested. It was nice meeting you all. Have a nice life, and I’ll see you on the other side. Don’t forget to enjoy the holidays!” His ghostly frame begins to dissipate. “Thanks for all the pie! Oh, I almost forgot. I was supposed to tell you that there are a couple of deputies—”

  “Tell me what?” I call out and half the room looks this way. “Did he say something about a couple of deputies?”

  Carlotta, Evie, my sisters, and Keelie speed this way, laughing as if they were all in on some great big joke, and I have a feeling I’m the butt of it.

  Keelie bounds over. “Aww, look at the three of them holding hands!”

  The entire lot of them breaks out into a cackle, but neither Noah nor Everett lets go of my hands.

  Meg nudges Lainey. “Go ahead and show her.”

  Eliza and Meghan step this way, as do Suze, Mom, and Wiley.

  “Fine.” Lainey pulls what looks like a postcard out from behind her back. “Keelie and I went ahead and made up your Christmas card for you, Lottie.”

  Suze groans. “Now this I’ve got to see.”

  Lainey holds it out, and not one second goes by before the entire room seems to erupt with laughter.

  “Very funny,” I say, snatching it up to better inspect it. There I am, right in the middle with Noah and Everett kissing me on either cheek.

  Evie cranes her neck for a better look. “The giant question mark on her belly was a good touch, Keelie.”

  Keelie nods. “And Lainey is the one who thought of writing who’s the daddy in a bubble up above them.”

  I wave the picture in the air a moment, eliciting more laughter from the crowd.

  Noah takes it. “Ah yes, taken the night of Everett’s now infamous birthday party.” He chuckles as he looks to Everett. “Are they still razzing you down at the courthouse?”

  “All week”—Everett ticks his head to the side—“but I’ve been a pretty good sport about it.” He looks my way. “Those cookie platters you sent over helped smooth things out a bit.”

  “I had to do something.” I make a face. “They still think it was me who had them come dressed as clowns to your party.”

  Keelie shrugs. “At least you’re not still under that curse that fell on you last month.”

  Mom nods. “Noah’s house is still standing, so that’s a good sign.”

  Carlotta chuckles. “I don’t know, Miranda. This is Lot Lot we’re talking about. Anything can happen.”

  Greer and Winslow appear from nowhere, hovering just above my mother and Wiley to my right.

  Greer leans in, her dark hair floating as if she were underwater. “Oh, Lottie, there’s trouble.”

  Winslow gives a grim look toward the door. “Brace yourself. Things are going to take a dark turn for you this evening.”

  “What?” A pinch of panic hits me as little Lea runs up, swinging her machete hard.

  “I tried to cut them off at the knees,” she snips. “But, alas, my blade is useless.”

  Thirteen hops onto Lea’s head before jumping onto Noah’s shoulder.

  “I can scratch their eyes out, Lottie, but it might cost me my time on the planet,” he yowls.

  Everett leans in. “Lemon, what the hell is going on?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know.”

  Mom gasps as she looks to the door, and we follow her gaze to see a handful of deputies looking around intently. She quickly speeds over, and the rest of us follow suit.

  Noah’s chest broadens. “What’s going on?” He nods to the men, and I’m betting the odds are good he knows them since they are from the Ashford Sheriff’s Department.

  The tall one with a stern expression, muscles for days, and serious eyes looks to Noah.

  “We’re looking for a Carlotta Lemon?”

  “Hold on there, big boy with the beefy chest.” Carlotta postures as she muscles her way to the front. “That might just be me.”

  He’s got half the name right, so I suppose it could be. It looks as if that whole lotta touchin’ she’s been doing has finally caught up with her.

  The deputy takes a step toward her. “Carlotta Lemon, you’re under arrest.”

  “What?” Carlotta squawks so loud all four ghosts in the room fly straight to the ceiling. Leave it to Carlotta to spook the dead. “I’m sorry. You’ve got the wrong woman, Mr. Muscles. That right there is Carlotta Lemon.” She points my way before scowling over at him. “Besides, I’m taken.” She yanks Mayor Nash in close and uses him like a human shield.

  Believe me, I’m moved to do the same thing.

  “You’re here for me?” My hand covers my belly protectively. “What on earth for?”

  Mr. Muscles frowns my way. “Murder for hire—the attempted murder of Detective Noah Fox.”

  “What?” Noah shakes his head. “Explain yourselves.”

  The deputy nods my way. “Mickey Amaretto, otherwise known as the Mad Hatter, was arrested this afternoon in a sweep that took down half the Canelli crime family. And he’s singing like a bird. We have surveillance video of the meeting the two of you had last week where you hired him to put a hit out on Detective Fox via poisoning. And I think we all known that Detective Fox was recently hospitalized with toxic levels of fentanyl. Mickey confessed to the whole thing.”

  “Oh no.” I shake my head as the room grows quiet. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to—” I look to Suze, who consequently looks as if she’s about to commit a murder herself, mine. “That’s not what happened.”

  “Save it, lady.” The deputy navigates me out of the room as Everett and Noah sail by my side.

  “Don’t worry, Lemon,” Everett growls. “We’ll get this straightened out in a timely manner. I hope.”

  “You hope?” I shrill. “Noah, you wouldn’t press charges, right? So I’m essentially off the hook.”

  Noah’s dimples invert. “I wouldn’t, but the state might.”

  “The state?” I gag on the words. “As in the State of Vermont versus Lottie Lemon?”
<
br />   Carlotta and the rest of the party pour out of the B&B along with us.

  “It’s that curse at play again, Lot!” Carlotta calls out.

  “Thanks for the reminder.” I shoot her a look just as I spot three different sheriff’s cruisers with their lights flashing in the night like a seizure. My mother’s guests have gathered around, and it seems as if a thousand different faces have materialized from out of nowhere to witness my demise.

  Cormack Featherby jumps from the crowd, holding that ridiculous clipboard.

  “They’re finally hauling you away!” she squeals with delight. “I won’t need to appeal to the town council after all. You’re getting the official boot from Honey Hollow, Luanna! But don’t you worry. Big Boss and I will raise that baby with the best nanny that money can buy. We might even come visit you in the pokey.”

  “Oh my stars, I’m going to prison.”

  Everett grunts as he leans in hard, “You are not going to prison.” There’s an edge of anger to his voice, and I can tell he wants to tear apart every deputy at the scene, perhaps starting with Noah.

  Mr. Muscles opens the rear door to the sheriff’s cruiser closest to us and motions for me to get inside.

  “I’m sorry, ma’am,” he says. “Standard procedure.”

  My mouth falls open as I look to Noah and Everett, and they both offer up an apologetic shrug.

  “Everett, tell me poisoning isn’t a serious offense.” Suddenly, I have both the fear of God and the State of Vermont in me.

  His lips flex. “It’s a felony. But don’t worry. I’ll drum up a solid defense team if it gets to that. You won’t serve any time.”

  “Time?” My voice hikes once again.

  Noah takes a breath. “If it makes you feel better, Lot, I’ll ride with you to the sheriff’s department.”

  “That does not make me feel better, Noah.”

  I slide into the back of the sheriff’s cruiser and wonder how this has become my reality.

  It’s clear the Hearst curse is still very much in play. First, it burned my house down, and now it’s burning my life down. Makes total sense.