by Robyn Carr
“The ex?” Charlene asked.
“The one and only. I’ll speak to him tonight and make sure he understands he can’t bring our divorce business to this office.”
Apparently it had only just occurred to Scott that Justine might not always bring home that fat check he’d always enjoyed. And what would he do? He must not have a plan. And he didn’t know what it felt like to have the pressure of earning fall to his shoulders.
* * *
Adele loved her job every day, even on the days that a client’s story made her want to cry. In fact, sometimes on those days she loved it even more because she watched in fascination as the team of social workers somehow closed ranks against a challenge and found a solution. Sometimes it seemed they just kept paddling along until they ran into a solution.
Something similar seemed to have happened in Adele’s home.
“Over summer the most surprising dynamic shifted,” Adele told Ross. “Of course you knew about Justine staying with me so she can work in Half Moon Bay, but then her girls started sleeping over and for the first time ever, we were a family. It was like Scott’s leaving was almost a good thing. Well, probably not for Justine, but it worked out pretty well for me having more time with my sister and nieces. Then as summer progressed, the girls started spending more time on the beach with local kids. Now they don’t like going home so much. They only live in the San Jose house when they have to because it’s Scott’s custody night, and that’s not going so well, which means they’re at my house more often than not.”
“What’s not going well?” Ross asked.
“He makes a lot of excuses to get home late and leave early, so the girls end up sitting home alone rather than having fun or spending time with their father. He claims it’s work, but they already know the kayak shack isn’t open late. They know it’s more about the woman in his life, and it’s not something they take quietly. Justine doesn’t go back to San Jose as often as she did last spring.” Addie sighed. “More and more of their stuff is taking residence in my house.” Then she smiled. “Our house. It’s still half Justine’s, of course.”
“I take it you’re feeling pretty good about these changes?” Ross asked.
“I’ve been feeling better about a lot of things, and it started with getting this job. I wanted to tell you something. I’m going up to Berkeley to talk with a career adviser. I was over a year into my graduate program, and now I want to change direction. Depending on how many of my credits are transferable and whether I can change grad programs, I think I’d like a degree in counseling.”
“Is that right?” Ross asked with a smile.
“You smile so much more often these days,” Adele said. “When I first met you...” She couldn’t finish. She was afraid she’d already said too much.
“I know,” Ross said. “I’m not cranky. I’m serious, that’s all. There is a difference, but not many people bother to look at the differences.”
“It’s true,” Addie said. “You’ve never been what I’d call angry.”
“Oh, I used to be pretty angry,” she admitted. “Life was hard. I had a terrible husband, a bunch of kids, trouble making money, no one to help, nowhere to turn.”
“And you turned here?” Addie asked.
Ross shook her head. “Not exactly. There were other people along the way who served a similar purpose. My church, my neighborhood, a couple of women in the same boat who I went to school with. But I eventually ended up here, a brand-new social worker when this program was just starting. It didn’t pay well but it got me by. Then I became invested in the program and the people.”
“I think I’m already invested in the program even though I don’t do anything to help.”
“Now don’t you be saying that. You’re the first face most of them see. You’re the first person they talk to. It’s your expression and your encouragement that gets them going, gives them hope. Your position is a very important one. It’s not an easy one to fill. I want you to make the most of your opportunities, but I sure hope we don’t have to replace you too soon. You’d be tough to replace.”
“I hope I can continue my advance degree while working,” Adele said. “It’s all a matter of whether I have to pick up undergrad credits before resuming my graduate studies in a new program. There are lots of possibilities. But there’s something that wasn’t available before—there are tons of online classes.”
Ross’s face grew very soft as she gazed at Adele. She looked as sweet and lovely as Adele had ever seen her.
“I’m going to give you some advice. Advice that was given to me that I struggled with. You’ve had many changes this year, starting with your mama’s death after years of being at home, caring for her. Then you began to grow in so many ways, remarkable ways. I’m so proud of you. We’re all so proud of you. I’m on your side, I promise you. And I want you to achieve your dreams. But while you’re making the decisions that will lead you there, be very careful to take care of yourself. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Don’t make yourself sick or too tired or get frustrated and angry, because what you want to do sounds rewarding and wonderful. Getting there will be hard but worth it. Please don’t overdo yourself. Remember to try to enjoy the process as well as the destination.”
“You’re right,” Addie said. “That’s very good advice.”
But Adele was thinking, It’s this job and these people who made me want to finally find a life that matters to me.
“And I want you to be able to enjoy this new sense of family you have.”
“I’m so surprised by this, and it’s my sister’s broken heart that began to bring us together. We were never really sisters before. I always loved Justine and admired her, but we never really bonded until now.”
“Life happens that way sometimes. Out of the ashes comes the beauty.”
* * *
Justine’s conversation with Scott went badly. She was frankly surprised it had not happened sooner.
“You should have told me you were planning to quit your job,” he said.
“I wasn’t planning to,” she said. “I was planning to stay at Sharper Dynamic for as long as possible, but the company is going through a merger, the positions were rapidly shifting and I was going to be moved to another department and it involved a significant pay cut. Plus my marriage was suddenly over, our assets divided as was our future. We would no longer have a team future. If I wanted to make a change, I could. And I’ve wanted to make a change for a long time. I was always honest about that. I told you I was getting burned out on corporate law years ago.”
“But you didn’t say you were going to quit! When you said you were happy to give me half your earnings for five years, you didn’t say your earnings would be down by a hundred percent! If you were so burned out, why didn’t you quit years ago?”
“Because we were playing as a team, and we had to make decisions like that together! You’re on another team now. Besides, what’s the panic? Didn’t you walk away with over two million dollars?”
“I invested in a business!”
She shouldn’t have been surprised, yet she was shocked. “Oh, Scott, you didn’t! Did you invest in that kayak shack? With the girlfriend?”
“I do have a degree in business. I managed our investments, income and retirement funds very successfully for many years,” he said.
“Except we had the advice of a professional financial planner and accountant. Did you enter into a partnership with that woman? She’s had two bankruptcies, you know. And the business is failing!”
“How do you know that?” he demanded angrily.
“Scott, it’s a matter of public record,” she said.
“You lied to me! You cheated me! You offered me support, knowing you wouldn’t have to pay it!”
“And you offered me a lifetime of marriage, telling me you loved me while you were having an affair! How long have you
known we wouldn’t stay married? Because I decided to work for myself rather than for us after you left me for another woman!”
“It’s not the same thing and you know it!”
“How is it different? Admit it, it was easy to end the marriage knowing you’d have a plush income, a healthy war chest and another woman to keep you company!”
“And you’re deliberately pulling the rug out from under me as revenge!”
“You couldn’t be more wrong,” she said. “I’ve decided on a different and more satisfying life, just as you have. The only real difference is, you decided before you were divorced. At least I waited until after.”
“How am I supposed to get by?” he asked. “Come on, Justine, I’ve spent the last twenty years as a stay-at-home dad! Supporting your career! Raising our kids! You owe me support.”
“Are we really going down that path again? You could easily have taken on a full-time job—you do have a business degree, after all,” she added, mocking him.
“You were bored and you found a woman—a woman with a kayak shack in trouble. Was she about to lose it?”
“That’s none of your business, but in the spirit of cooperation I’ll just say that if anyone can turn that business around, it’s me.”
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “You’ve committed your nest egg to Cat Brooks and her floundering business. I wonder how long ago you decided.”
“You’re doing it again, making up some narrative that leaves you blameless in the divorce. You want everything to be my fault when you ignored me in favor of your prestigious job for years. And you made sure everyone knew you were the breadwinner, didn’t you?”
“You made a deal with a woman you’re having an affair with to give her money and help her get her business on its feet, though you have no way of knowing if you can. And now you need money. I think we are finished. Except for our kids, you and I have nothing more to say.”
“We have to find a solution to this together,” he said.
“We’re not a team anymore, Scott. You wanted to be free. You wanted your half of everything we’d accrued. I asked you several times if you were sure.”
“Yeah, but you tricked me!”
“No, I didn’t. I just got on with my life. It’s a different kind of life for me now. I wouldn’t have chosen it, at least not at this time. Later. I had hoped it would come later, after the kids were through college, when it was you and me. I had no idea you were planning something else.”
“And just what am I supposed to do now?”
“Gee, Scott. Do whatever you want. And good luck.”
And then she ended the call.
Chapter Eleven
Adele’s first appointment at Berkeley was with Dr. Hennessey, a young female PhD in the department of social sciences. They had a pleasant conversation about Adele’s change in direction and a new graduate program, and it gave her a chance to sing the praises of the reentry program where she worked.
There would be a boatload of work to do to complete an application—a mission statement, all her transcripts, including her original GRE test for graduate study. There would be a series of interviews and if all went well, she could be admitted as early as spring. Dr. Hennessy looked over course programs and saw that while there were a few courses she would have to attend, she could fill in with a few online courses and required papers. At first glance it looked as though it would be no harder than her original graduate program, and ironically, that psychology class she took from Hadley. Hutchinson would count toward her counseling degree.
Adele was able to forward copies of all her paperwork to Dr. Hennessey, and she followed up with another meeting a few weeks later. It was the first of October, back to school season was in full swing, the leaves on the California hillsides were changing color. It was a time of year that always filled Adele with a sense of freshness and energy. Her nieces were going to football games and a couple of high school dances, but what was interesting was that they continued to balance their time between Half Moon Bay and San Jose, spending more and more time in Half Moon Bay.
As Adele was walking across campus carrying a cup of coffee after her second meeting with Dr. Hennessey, she heard someone call her name. She turned to see Hadley taking long strides toward her.
“Adele!” he said. “Addie!”
Curse him. Now in his forties, he was devilishly handsome. Just the slightest touch of gray graced his temples. His face was tanned, his eyes as blue as the sky and his long lean body lithe and hard. She remembered that body, all of it.
Suddenly, she thought about Scott and how he’d spent so much money on hotels and spas for his affair while Hadley had seduced her in his campus office, the front of his car or on a blanket on a hideaway beach.
“Professor,” she said, looking up at him.
His face was bright with happiness, his eyes twinkling. When she addressed him as professor, a smile broke across his lips. Oh those teeth—big and straight and super white.
“Adele, what a sight you are,” he said. “You look wonderful! It’s been years! And look at you. You’ve grown even more beautiful! What are you doing here?”
“I...ah... I was visiting an acquaintance who has an office here. And I guess this means you’re still teaching here?” She was scrambling to sound casual even though Dr. Hennessey was not actually an acquaintance and she knew perfectly well he was still teaching at the university. She checked the website regularly.
“I think about you all the time, hoping we’d see each other again. I assume you finished your degree at another university?”
“Not exactly,” she said. “It’s a long story, but I was needed at home. Listen, I’ve got to get—”
“Please,” he said. “Don’t run off. I don’t want to lose touch with you again. Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Oh, I see you have a cup. Lunch then, or something. Please, I’ve thought about you for years. Can we at least sit somewhere and catch up? For just a little while?”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asked. “We didn’t part on the best of terms.”
“My fault,” he said. “You can’t imagine the regrets I’ve had about that. Or the number of times I wanted to track you down and insist we at least talk it through!”
“But you didn’t,” she said. “I never heard from you.”
“You told me you’d never speak to me again! You were so angry. And so hurt. I couldn’t...”
That was at least partially true. Yes, there had been a fierce argument after she told him she’d seen him with his wife. She’d told him to stay away from her.
“You lied to me about everything!” she said.
“You don’t even know what you saw! Did it ever occur to you that she was emotional because I’d told her I wanted a divorce?”
“She was pregnant!”
“I know. I felt terrible about that. It happened before...us. I found out about it after us. I planned to take care of them, of course. And I have.”
“What do you mean, you have?” she asked.
“We’re not together. It’s only been a few years now, but the problems started a long time ago. I have two daughters. We work out the custody arrangements. It’s been complicated and at times difficult. But what’s done is done. Obviously my marriage was in trouble or there couldn’t have been...us.”
Adele felt her heart plummet in her chest. No, that wasn’t how it was. It wasn’t that way. He begged for more time to do what had to be done, but meanwhile, while she waited for him, she was to get an abortion. That was how it was.
“I remember it a little differently,” she said, and to her horror a tear slid down her cheek.
“Oh darling, I know how traumatic it was for you,” he said. “And you were so young. I must’ve been a monster to let myself fall in love with you.”
Yes, he had said all those words�
�that he was being selfish, that many men would want her and he would probably be her worst choice, but still, he couldn’t help what he felt.
“I just wish you’d have let me be with you during that difficult time. The baby lost, your grief...”
“It wasn’t lost the way you think,” she blurted. “I didn’t go through with it, the abortion. I couldn’t. But I lost him anyway. It felt like I was being punished...”
The look on his face could have stopped a speeding train. Shock and dread etched lines in his face. “What?”
“I didn’t have an abortion.”
“But we planned...”
“I just couldn’t. I went home. And my father had an accident so I stayed on to help take care of him. I didn’t go back to school.”
He shook his head as if to deny what she was saying. “I knew you dropped out. Of course I knew that. But I thought... I guess I thought you’d come back or finish somewhere else. I thought about looking for you but then I told myself I’d already done enough damage.” He looked around as if to see who might’ve overheard them. “Addie, we must talk. For just a little while. Come with me to Mac’s,” he said, speaking of a small, dark little off-campus pub. They’d logged many a romantic hour there, whispering and holding hands in a corner booth.
“No, I really can’t...”
“Please. I want to know everything that happened to you, and I want to tell you what happened with me. Please.”
She hesitated, but ultimately she said, “Fine. I’ll meet you over there.”
She hadn’t seen the inside of that old bar in years, but the only thing that seemed different was that it had somehow become shabbier. She remembered it as quaint and charming, but now it seemed shopworn. There were just a dozen or so people in the place, but it was midafternoon.
She saw him sitting in the back corner booth and a wave of nostalgia washed over her. She went to him and slid into the booth. He ordered them each a glass of wine.
“Tell me everything, Addie.”