by Robyn Carr
So she did. She told him how deeply hurt she’d been by the picture of love and tenderness displayed by him and his wife, their angelic little girl between them. She had confronted him that day, accused him of lying to her, told him to go to hell and never bother her again. And she remembered she was crying the whole time.
And even then, in her rage, she protected him by going to his campus office where no one would witness the confrontation.
She told him about having the baby, a stillborn boy.
“A son,” he said wistfully.
Then she told him about the years that followed and how she’d completely lost interest in her education until recently.
She heard a melodramatic story from him about being brokenhearted by her anger and pronouncement that she’d been a fool to ever trust him. “I wanted to look for you—you wouldn’t have been very hard to find. I really just wanted to be sure you were all right. But then I thought about it and told myself you were better off without the complication of me in your life. My wife wasn’t going to let me go easily. It was going to be a long, drawn-out ordeal. I told myself to just stick to my part of the agreement that I’d get a divorce and when that was done, I’d look for you. It was not an easy time, baby on the way, my wife wanting our marriage and yet so angry with me that she could barely look at me across the table. She threatened to complain to the department head that I’d fraternized with a student, but I guess alimony was more important to her than revenge.
“When the divorce was finally done, I was stripped bare of worldly goods and emotion. It was a very dark time.”
He thought about searching for her, but then realized that after all the pain he’d caused, it was a selfish thing to do. He made the decision to let go of the past and hope she’d found happiness.
“But now we’ve found each other,” he said. “It has to be fate. God has given us a fresh start.”
“God?” she said. “I doubt God had anything to do with us bumping into each other. But I am glad we cleared the air.”
“We’ll see each other again, won’t we?” he asked.
“Something tells me that would be a mistake.”
“Why? We had something wonderful!” he said. “I thought about you for years! Our passion! Our love was like poetry.”
She might’ve laughed except he was so damned beautiful. And there had been a time her love for him was so overwhelming, she could barely breathe.
“The campus rumor is that you’ve had many passionate loves.”
“Not true. After my divorce, I dated a few women but none were serious. And the campus is a fungus of gossip. It grows like weeds, and only a tenth of it is actually true.”
After two hours of talking, Adele said she had to get home. The place was filling up with college kids and others. Hadley wanted to know when they could meet again.
“I’d like to think about all the things we talked about. I’m not sure we’re a good idea.” He would never know how hard it had been for her to say that.
“Give me your number,” he said. “I’ll call you.”
“No,” she said. “Just give me yours. If I think it’s a good idea, I’ll call you. But really, as much as I once loved you, our history is not great.”
So he had relented and given her his number. On the sidewalk outside Mac’s, he put his hands on her cheeks and boldly kissed her mouth. Memories of hot, steamy kisses filled her and she nearly swooned.
But she pulled away and went to her car. She thought about Ross and her bad husband and passel of kids. She thought of Felicity and her lost husband and child. She thought about the many clients who came into the office, their options few and their hope dwindling.
Then she thought about falling for this handsome, poetic guy and having the whole scenario repeat itself, and she took a deep breath. No way.
But she cried all the way back to Half Moon Bay. Because back then, before it all fell apart, she had been so in love.
* * *
Livvie and Jared quickly became an item at the Half Moon Bay beach, spending most evenings holding hands and having deep talks. Jared’s parents had divorced a few years ago, and he empathized with Livvie’s feelings. Amber made friends as well, but there wasn’t one special boy. Rather, everyone liked her and she became popular at both Half Moon Bay and maintained her popularity at her high school in San Jose. Because of that, she was happy commuting from her aunt Addie’s house. It seemed that after the trauma between their parents early in the year the sisters were finding solace in their family life later in the year. Addie jokingly, or not so jokingly, referred to their house as The Dormitory.
The girls saw their father regularly but briefly. He frequently walked from the kayak shack to the beach where he’d run into either Livvie or Amber. The first time he brought Cat along, Livvie just walked away. Amber followed.
“So rude,” the mistress said, which made Livvie and Amber seethe.
Later, when they ran into Scott and he was alone, he said, “You’re just trying to drive me further away.”
Livvie wasn’t having it. Amber held her tongue, but Livvie said, “Hey, you’re the one who left! What you did was not okay.”
“So now you don’t have any affection for your father? No respect for me and the choices I had to make?”
She straightened her spine and said, “I love you, Daddy. I will always love you. I miss the old days when we spent a lot of time together. I miss the dad who loved and cared for me. And I’m sad that you thought it would be better for you to be with someone else. That’s your choice, I guess. You should have said, ‘No, I’m a married man and I have a promise to my wife and kids.’”
He shook his head sadly. “Maybe someday you’ll understand.”
“Someday maybe you will,” she said.
Livvie was proud of the fact that she could do as her counselor suggested and express her honest feelings, but it always left her in a funk, made her depressed and sad. There was a part of her that wanted to make uncomfortable compromises just to have her father back in her life.
She talked with her mother about that a lot. She wanted to know if Justine missed him, too.
“I miss the man I loved,” Justine said. “The man who could lie to me so easily—I don’t really know that man. Whoever he is, I couldn’t share a home with him. He’s just too selfish.”
“Daddy wasn’t selfish before,” Livvie said.
“I didn’t think so, either,” Justine said.
“Do you think you’ll ever get back together?” Livvie asked.
“That would be very hard,” she said. “I would never say never, but it would be very hard. He’s just not the man I loved anymore.”
“What happened to him?” Livvie asked.
“I don’t know, sweetie. I hope it’s worth it to him.”
It was Saturday, the second week in October when Livvie was going to meet Jared at the beach and saw Cat’s red BMW SUV driving away from the kayak shack. She had a sudden urge to see her dad, to say hello to him, manage a civil conversation not about the affair. She hadn’t been in that shop even once since her parents divorced. She decided to brave it.
She heard the running water of a hose in the back and walked around the shop. It was unseasonably warm for October, and she found her father shirtless, hosing down a couple of kayaks. “Hi, Dad,” she said.
He jumped in surprise and turned toward her. Then he grabbed his shirt off the rail that supported several kayaks. “Livvie!” he said.
“I saw your girlfriend leaving and I thought... Dad, what happened to you?” she asked.
“What?” he said, quickly shrugging into his shirt.
“You’re all bruised. You’re hurt.”
“Huh? Oh, I took a fall and got a couple of bruises. Nothing, really.”
He was covered with bruises on one side of his chest and upper abdomen. “It looks like
you were in a car accident! It looks really bad!”
“Damn wooden beach stairs,” he said. “Why’d you stop by?”
“Just to say hello,” she said. But the image of his bruises had distracted her. “I’ve never even seen this shop and when I saw that she wasn’t here...”
“Come on in and look at the place. It’s really a great little store. I’m glad you stopped by.”
He led the way through the back door into the shop.
“We have forty-two kayaks, a dozen paddleboards, snorkel equipment—that’s new since I came on. We’re going to increase inventory for next summer and add clothing, shoes, beach gear. I’m even thinking of adding a patio and getting a food handler’s license so we can sell drinks and sandwiches and snacks.”
“We?” she asked.
“Cat needs a little help turning this place around. I have a lot of retail experience, you know. Not to mention a degree in business.”
“So are you planning to work here for long?” Livvie asked.
He grinned. “Can’t beat the view or the working conditions,” he said. “We might be able to take on a little part-time labor next summer, if you’re interested.”
She was about to say not on your life, but instead she just said, “Thanks.”
He was clearly proud of the little shop, as though he’d built it or something. There wasn’t much to it—a counter, paddles and netting tacked to the walls, one room with kayaks and boards stacked on racks on either side, not a lot of moving around room. The floors and walls were weathered wood with a thin coat of sand covering the floors. She’d been around Half Moon Bay for months now, and she’d never seen many cars here, nor had she seen many kayakers or paddleboarders in the ocean just off this beach. There were many more just north of here where the water was calmer.
“We might expand and carry some scuba gear, but first we need a top-notch ad and coupon program, see if we can uptick the rentals. Maybe get into some sales by undercutting the local surf shop by a few bucks. We’ll see. Things are going to slow down over winter, and that’ll be a good time to concentrate on a new business plan.”
“I thought Aunt Addie said the woman owned it with her brother,” Livvie said.
“That was temporary. Her brother has another business in San Luis Obispo. Since I’m on board, he’s moved home.”
“Ah,” she said. “Well, I’m glad I stopped by to see it.”
“You’re not leaving already, are you?”
“I have to meet Jared. He has a little time off today and works tonight at the lodge.”
“I see,” he said. “You’re not getting serious, I hope.”
“No, Dad. Not serious,” she said. But yes, she was kind of serious about Jared. They seemed to have a lot in common, spent hours talking, got together whenever they could and had had some very wonderful times making out. Right now one of the best things about Jared was that he let her talk about her confusing and painful feelings toward her father.
“How old is your girlfriend?” she asked suddenly.
“Forty. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious,” she said with a shrug. “Gotta go. I hope your bruises are all right.”
He grabbed her upper arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Great seeing you, honey. You’ll have to come back and check out the improvements as they happen.”
“Sure,” she said.
For some reason she didn’t talk to Jared about the bruises, but it troubled her. Instead, she spent her time with him talking about his classes and his job, both of which kept him busy nearly all the time. It was a real challenge for them to find time together. While Olivia wouldn’t even consider working in the kayak shack, she was beginning to see the merits of finding part-time work in Half Moon Bay.
Jared was working on Saturday night. He walked Livvie home, kissed her good-night, promised her they’d have a real date soon and left her to go to work. When she entered the house, she found only her mother in the kitchen, chopping veggies.
“Where’s Amber and Addie?”
“Amber’s going to stay with her girlfriends in San Jose,” Justine said. “Addie is shopping and should be home before long. I’m making us dinner—shrimp lo mein. How does that sound?”
“Good,” she said, though at the moment she wasn’t feeling hungry. “I stopped by that kayak shack today. I saw the woman leaving, and I thought maybe I could see Dad without her. I don’t know why I wanted to.”
“Maybe in time you and your dad will work out the kinks in your relationship,” Justine said, chopping away. “I know he loves you. He must be all messed up.”
“That woman,” Olivia said. “I think she screwed him up.”
“Could be,” Justine said. “On the other hand, he’s an adult and is making his own choices.”
“But he never made these kind of choices before,” Livvie said. “Leaving his family? Moving in with another woman?”
Justine put down the knife. “Let’s be clear about something, Livvie. When I found out how involved he was, I knew it would be a long time before I could trust him again. Maybe never. The divorce was my idea. He agreed pretty quickly, but I was the one who—”
“Mom, he’s really bruised,” Livvie said. “He was hosing down kayaks with his shirt off, and I saw bruises all over him. On his chest, his side, even his arm. He put his shirt on real fast, but he’s banged up. He said he fell down some stairs on the beach.”
“Huh?”
“I asked him how that happened and he said he took a fall. He looks like he’s been beat up.”
Justine was speechless for a moment. “You know how active he is,” she said. “Remember when he took that fall off his mountain bike. That was ugly.”
“Yeah, but then he looked like he’d fallen off a bike—road rash and cuts and stuff. I don’t know, something about this is really screwed up. The way he insists on trying to get us to meet her, the way he’s thrown himself into her business, the way the second you found out about her, he went for a divorce? It’s like he’s not the same man. This just isn’t the Dad I knew.”
Justine sighed. “I’ve thought that a thousand times,” she said. “The hardest part about all this is we might never know the real reasons why. We might never know what happened to him to make him change all his values. I remember when his buddy John got himself mixed up with a younger woman and went off the deep end. Said he’d never really been in love before—after twenty-five years of marriage. He was leaving his wife to move in with her, and your dad begged him to get his head examined. There hadn’t been any real evidence of marital problems. Oh, after the fact, John said he hadn’t been really happy in a long time, but I suspect a revision of history. You know, making an excuse for cheating. Your dad tried to get John to go to counseling or something, but John left his wife. Then a year later, after the younger woman dumped him, he went back to his wife, saying he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.”
“And maybe Daddy will do that.”
Justine smiled sadly. She put her hand against Livvie’s cheek. “I don’t think that will happen, honey. And if it did, I don’t think I’d take him back. See, he wanted to move on. Fantasies of a new woman, a new life, a chance to start over, maybe. But I did move on. I’m starting a whole new life. I wouldn’t have chosen it, but I’m growing to like it. Maybe like isn’t the word... Let’s just say, there are pluses and minuses.”
Chapter Twelve
In the days that followed Adele’s chance meeting with Hadley, she thought about little else. She was distracted, moody and unsure of herself. She found herself remembering the days and weeks of romance they had had. He was twelve years older; she was young and tender. He was something of a poet and managed to say all the right things. I want to give you everything; I want to hold you closely forever. Just your scent makes my head swim and I forget where I am and what I’m doing.
The entire time they were a couple was three months; they professed their love for each other in two weeks. Of course she believed he had an unhappy marriage since they spent so much time together. It could be nothing else.
The landline in the house rang early one evening. None of them used it much, and the line probably should have been disconnected. Adele had it only because of her mother’s ill health—911 on the landline brought instant medical help as the address and name popped up for the dispatcher. Since her mother’s death it seemed to only ring with surveys and robo calls. They rarely answered it and invariably hung up. Justine answered and said, “Sure, hold on.” Then she held the cordless phone toward Adele.
“Hello?” she said tentatively.
“There you are! It’s Hadley. It’s taken forever to find you. But you didn’t change your number after all!”
“Um, can I call you back?” she asked.
“Sure, but when?”
“In just a few minutes. I’d prefer to call you from my cell.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “I’ll be waiting.”
Justine didn’t ask who it was and her nieces were off in their own space, one in the guest room and one curled up in the corner of the sofa. “Let me return this call and then I’ll be back to help clean up.”
“I’ve got it, Addie,” Justine said.
Addie sat cross-legged on her bed and stared at her phone. This was either wonderfully good or horribly awkward; she wasn’t sure which. But she wanted to know—was this what true love felt like or was this just an extension of an earlier mistake. The loving had been so fantastic, the breaking up so painful.
She clicked on his number, stored in her phone.
“Hi,” he said. “How are you?”
“I thought you were going to let me call you?”
“I grew impatient,” he said. “I haven’t thought of anything but you since seeing you.”
“It’s only been a few days,” she said.
“It feels like a hundred days. Listen, jump in the car. I’ll meet you in Half Moon Bay. There’s a nice little sushi bar near the lodge. It’s called...”