Home For The Holidays

by Elena Aitken

  I started to shake my head. Because I didn’t want him to remember just how much my parents had scraped by. He was rich now. Back in high school, even though I didn’t care that much, I’d noticed the differences between us. His family had a nice house with an incredible view. My parents had a tiny place. It was cute and filled with love but not much more.

  Caden angled his head to the side, his eyes starting to look downright bossy. “You don’t need to feel weird about it. My life isn’t what it once was, but what I want more than anything is something real. I never did care about money.”

  Good grief. Apparently, he could read my mind. “Okay, fine. You can drive me home and then you get your one kiss. But that’s it.”

  “Did you rent this?” I asked as Caden turned a black SUV onto Main Street and drove out toward my parents’ house.

  He nodded. “Yep. My only requirement was four-wheel drive.”

  I looked around, taking in the evergreens, their color standing out amidst the other trees stripped bare of their leaves. A layer of snow blanketed the landscape. The mountains loomed in the distance, and the view was so familiar, my heart almost ached for it. Even if I had come home under not so ideal circumstances, Alaska was home for me and would always hold a piece of my heart. The beauty was truly spectacular. Nature threw all her tricks at you here. Mountains, the ocean, dark winter nights, the sky painted with the northern lights, sunsets to make you forget everything but the beauty of the universe, and sunrises that took your breath away, calling for you to forget your petty worries.

  “Do you think of Willow Brook as home?” I asked. As I slid my eyes sideways briefly, my belly did a little flip at the glancing contact with his.

  “Always.”

  A few minutes later, he rolled to a stop in the little circular drive at my childhood home. I still thought of it as my parents’ house even though my father had passed away several years ago. It was a square two-story home with two dormers upstairs, looking like cute square eyes to the house.

  I almost laughed when I belatedly realized Holly had left me behind at Wildlands without a ride home, considering she’d picked me up earlier. I was relieved my mother wasn’t home for now. I wasn’t quite up for her to react to seeing Caden. I climbed out quickly, and my hands were actually sweating as I walked up the steps to the front door. Caden was right behind me. I turned around abruptly on the top step when he was still one step below. He stopped there, and our eyes were almost level. He was so tall that he still stood a shade above me.

  My heart took up its clanging rhythm, and I tried to get a breath to tell him this kiss thing was crazy and stupid. But I couldn’t seem to speak with his eyes locked onto mine.

  We stared at each other, and just when I thought I couldn’t take it, I recognized an old glimmer in his gaze—the boy I’d known before flickered there. It was different than the careful, guarded look held in his eyes only seconds earlier.

  Impulsively, I stepped closer. I didn’t know who moved first, but our lips met in a brush. That subtle touch was searing hot, a contrast to the biting cold air outside.

  “Again,” he murmured, his lips moving against mine. Then he stepped closer, sliding his arm around my waist and pulling me flush against him. He palmed my cheek with his other hand, his touch gentle but commanding and assured.

  Brynn

  A piercing shock of pleasure rippled and bloomed through me the second I felt Caden’s body against mine. Another brush of his lips, and then he angled my head to the side and claimed my mouth.

  This wasn’t a kiss from a boy. This was a kiss from a fierce man. My youthful memories blew away like tumbleweeds in this kiss—masterful, devouring, and turning my entire body molten.

  When Caden’s tongue glided against mine, I couldn’t help the little moan that escaped. I felt the press of his fingers as his palm slid to curl around the back of my neck. The low groan from his throat in return vibrated through me. His body was warm, and I craved the feel of it. One hand slid around his back, feeling the corded muscles there as my other palm unfurled over his chest, feeling the thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat.

  He was both familiar and new at once. I lost all sense of time and had no idea how long that kiss lasted. His lips were warm and mobile against mine as our tongues teased each other. By the time he lifted his head, I was breathless and ridiculously needy.

  I was grateful for his strength with his arm holding me firmly against him. My breath came in ragged heaves, misting in the cold air. I tucked my head against his shoulder as I scrambled for purchase inside, trying to gain some semblance of control.

  Because right now, I wanted to lead him by the hand inside and take things to the next level with him. All those years ago, we’d only had a few encounters that moved beyond kisses and touches. We’d been each other’s first, and everything since then had been a letdown. I never could tell if it was me, or if I’d magnified the memories to an unrealistic pinnacle. I was home in Alaska, feeling burned and cynical about love. Along came a rock star, my old boyfriend, and he kissed like a hot, hazy dream.

  I was relieved to feel the rapid beat of his heart. I couldn’t imagine he was as undone as I was, but at least his pulse was racing. After a few moments, I lifted my head. His eyes met mine. We stared at each other quietly, and I wished I could read his mind.

  I expected him to say something suave and smooth. He startled me when his hand slid from my nape, cupping my chin as his thumb traced my lips. I could feel a subtle tremble in his touch.

  “Well, then,” he finally murmured.

  “Where are you staying?” I heard myself asking.

  “At my father’s old house. Have dinner with me tomorrow.”

  “Like a date?”

  His lips twitched before curling into a slow smile. Butterflies spun, tickling my belly. I hadn’t fully recovered from our kiss, and my knees were still wobbly.

  “Yes. Like a date. I’ll pick you up and everything.”

  I suddenly felt nervous and anxious. “Caden, I’m terrible at dating.” I surprised myself with my blunt honesty. “You’re a rock star,” I added as if that was somehow relevant.

  He blinked, his eyes searching mine, something flickering there that I didn’t know how to interpret. “Who broke your heart?”

  Emotions wound inside. My throat felt tight, and tears stung the backs of my eyes. I hoped he couldn’t tell. Because, good Lord, he was not uncomfortable with eye contact. He never once looked away.

  I swallowed and managed a shaky breath. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Have dinner with me,” he repeated quietly.

  “Okay,” I whispered, wondering if I’d completely lost my mind.

  The last thing I needed was to have a fling with my old high school boyfriend who’d broken my heart once before. Because I couldn’t imagine he wanted anything more than a fling with me.

  He smiled again, sending the butterflies in my belly into a tizzy. He left me at the door on the heels of another breath-stealing and mind-melding kiss. After I watched his headlights disappear, I walked inside and collapsed against the door. My hips slid down to the floor as I rested my elbows on my knees and took a deep, shuddering breath. I’d come home to lick my wounds and because I had no other choice.

  Dinner with him was a bad idea. I told myself I would text him and cancel tomorrow.

  Caden

  Caden, it was really great to see you. I need to cancel our dinner date. I’m glad you’re doing so well.

  What the fuck? Oh, hell no. Brynn was not canceling on me. I knew she was probably panicking and thinking I wanted a little fun for old times’ sake, but this was so much more than that. She was that girl to me, and Christmas was coming. Fame had hemmed in so many corners of my life, but I wasn’t going to let this one wish slip away.

  I didn’t know who made her so cynical and guarded, but I was ready to slay her dragons. First, I had to convince her to let me.

  With that in mind, I needed coffee. I aimed my SUV
rental toward Firehouse Café. When I pulled up in front of the little café, it actually felt as if my body smiled at its familiarity. Before I moved away with my mom, she used to bring me here when I was a little boy. Then in high school, I worked here part-time and I’d meet Brynn here after school.

  Firehouse Café was housed in the town’s old fire station. I walked inside, marveling that even the chime above the door sounded familiar. The former garage had been transformed into the dining area with a bakery and kitchen in the back. Fireweed flowers, Alaska’s beloved and beautiful weed, were painted on supporting poles. Artwork decorated the walls, and tables were scattered about with a counter that offered additional seating.

  Nostalgia slammed into me. I thought coming home was only about finding Brynn. I felt so distant from the boy I’d been. Fame could do that. You could lose sight of who you were underneath the glitz and glam of the façade. Even though our band was billed as an alternative folksy rock band, it still came with shackles and loads and loads of attention that was hard to deflect. I was more nervous walking in and seeing Janet James behind the counter than I’d been playing at concerts with thousands of fans.

  Nobody seemed to notice me just yet. The café was quiet with a low hum of conversation as people chatted at the tables. The scents of rich coffee and sweet and savory baked goods assailed me. It was warm in here, a cozy contrast to the cold winter morning outside.

  When I got to the front of the line, Janet James had her head down. She jotted something down with a pencil on a small notepad. To the side of the high-end cash register was a sleek computer tablet. Things had been upgraded since I worked here.

  I waited quietly, wondering if she’d recognize me. She lifted her eyes, smiling instantly when she saw me. Maybe she had a new register and computer tablet, but Janet was the same. She still had dark hair streaked with silver, and it was twined into her usual style of a simple braid. She was round and warm, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her. The feeling was as profound and instantaneous as when I found Brynn’s card. While Janet meant something very different than Brynn, they both represented a sense of the heart. While I’d been aware fame had blurred the edges of my life in strange ways, I hadn’t realized how thoroughly I’d buried some memories. And how much I craved the palpable sense that a person knew me—the me behind the image.

  “Look at you! Our very own rock star come back to town.” She rounded the counter, swinging her braid off her shoulder. “Give me a hug,” she ordered.

  I didn’t hesitate. Janet gave the best hugs. She was shorter than I recalled but still warm and motherly as she wrapped me in her soft embrace and gave me a firm squeeze before stepping back and briefly pressing her hands on my shoulders.

  “Hey, hon,” she said, a warm understanding contained in her voice that I didn’t even know I needed.

  “Hey, Janet,” I said, feeling abashed.

  “Come back here,” she said, gesturing for me to follow her.

  She rounded the counter and went into the kitchen through a waist-high swinging door that was more like a gate than a door. I obediently followed.

  She called over to a young man standing by the sink. “Can you cover the front?”

  “I’m on it,” he said quickly, drying his hands before dashing out front.

  “Sit,” she said, pointing at a stool beside the table in the middle of the kitchen.

  I looked around. Shelves lined the walls with large baking ovens on one side, and the pastry refrigerator and another massive walk-in refrigerator on the other.

  When my eyes made their way back to Janet, my lips tugged into a smile. “It looks exactly the same.”

  She shrugged as she reached into the oven and pulled out a tray, sliding it onto the stainless-steel table. “No need to change something that works. I heard you were back in town, by the way.” She fetched a plate from one of the shelves and slid a pastry on it before handing it over to me along with a napkin.

  “Oh, I get breakfast?” I teased.

  “Absolutely. Plus, it’s your favorite—a ham, brown sugar, and Swiss popover. Shall I run up front and get you a coffee?”

  “I’m never going to say no to coffee, Janet, but you really don’t have to. Plus, please let me pay. I don’t work here anymore.”

  She pursed her lips, shaking her head as she hurried to the front. “Absolutely not.”

  I chuckled to myself when I reached for the pastry and took a bite, closing my eyes and letting out a sigh as the flavors broke across my tongue. When I opened my eyes again, Janet was already returning with a coffee in hand along with one for herself.

  She sat down across from me and slid the coffee over the table. “Catch me up on everything. And what took you so long to come back?”

  “Where should I start?”

  She cocked her head to the side. “I don’t know. Rumor has it, you were seen with Brynn at Wildlands last night.”

  I was accustomed to people knowing my business ever since our band became famous, but news never traveled so fast as it did in a small town. It was like a match tossed in dry kindling, the rumors traveling as swiftly as air rushed in and flames took hold.

  I chuckled and set the pastry down before taking a sip of coffee. “Delicious,” I offered as I lowered the cup. Janet simply arched a brow. “Yes, I saw Brynn last night. As for why I’ve been gone so long, well, I’m sure you know my parents’ divorce wasn’t pretty. Then I was in college and then…” I circled my hand in the air.

  “You’re a rock star. And probably too big to be bothering with us these days,” she teased warmly.

  “Janet, that’s not it at all. I don’t have any good excuse, other than I have been insanely busy. Before that, you know how ugly things were between my parents. It’s not like I had the money to fly myself back. I did see my father, but it was easier not to come back. He left me his house.”

  “So, that’s why you’re back?” she pressed.

  I contemplated her question for a moment. Ostensibly, that was a part of the reason I was in Willow Brook. But if I was being honest with myself, I could’ve arranged for Grayson to deal with my father’s old home. He’d been the one who arranged for someone to mail the boxes from storage to me in Seattle. The very boxes that contained the card from Brynn.

  I shook my head. “Not really. I heard Brynn was here, and I wanted to see her.”

  Janet was quiet for a long moment before a smile stretched slowly across her face. “Well, then. Good.”

  “Good?” I pressed, curious for her to elaborate.

  She took a swallow of her coffee. Setting the mug down, she drummed her fingertips on the table. “Perhaps. She was teenage heartbroken when you moved away. It’s good if you’re trying to reconnect with her because she really means something to you. But it’s absolutely not good if it’s some kind of fun passing fancy for you. You are a rock star, after all.”

  For a split second, I felt like that teenage boy who used to work for Janet. When it came to relationships, I’d learned more about what I didn’t want than what I wanted since I’d moved away from here. Brynn remained the most genuine relationship I’d ever had.

  I took a quick gulp of my coffee. I needed the fortification. “I’m not here to take advantage of her. Maybe it’s crazy, but I came across a card she sent me back in high school. And it reminded me how much I missed her. It’s hard to know who’s genuine in my position. Brynn is.”

  Janet regarded me quietly. “That’s understandable. Don’t you dare hurt her, though. She’s already been through enough.”

  “What do you mean?” I was genuinely curious. I knew from Grayson that she’d been married and divorced. But that was it.

  Janet pursed her lips, shaking her head and letting out an annoyed huff. “Her ex was an asshole. They met through business. She had a florist business in Seattle, and he cleaned her out. She hasn’t said a word about it since she came back to Willow Brook a few weeks ago, but her mother told me she’s close to completely broke. Sh
e came away with nothing. I suppose she could have put up a fight, but it sounds like she just wanted out.”

  Anger twisted like a cold fist in my gut. “Why did they get divorced?” I pressed.

  Janet shrugged. “I don’t know all the details. In the end, it sounds like he married her to steal her business right out from under her nose.”

  The wheels were spinning in my brain. I could find a way to make her ex pay. There were some advantages to having enough money to make life messy for others. As if Janet could read my mind, she shook her head. “You know Brynn won’t like you interfering.”

  I cast her a sheepish smile. “Since when did you become a mind reader?”

  “You’re not that hard to read,” she said pointedly.

  Someone called her name from up front. She stood from the stool, draining her coffee and then crossing over to set the empty mug in the industrial-sized dishwasher in the back of the kitchen. When she returned to the table, she smiled over at me. “Are you staying for Christmas?”

  “That’s my plan.”

  “Where would you spend Christmas if you didn’t come here?” Concern flickered in her eyes.

  “Probably in Seattle. I do have friends. Don’t go thinking I’m all alone.”

  That was true, but with both of my parents gone now, I didn’t have any family. My band was my family.

  “I think you should stay. I don’t know what might happen with you and your girl, but you know you’re welcome for Christmas dinner with me. I still do it every year.”

  “I just might take you up on it.”

  Someone called Janet’s name again. “I have to get back to work. You can let yourself out the back or come through the front. Take your pick. If you need a little extra cash, I always have shifts to fill.”

  I burst out laughing as Janet waved and hurried to the front. I finished my coffee and popover, contemplating what to do next. My father’s house felt like walking into a time warp. I supposed I could call a realtor. The moment I considered that, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to sell it. Maybe I needed a place far away from my usual life to escape to. Maybe Willow Brook could be that for me. It felt like home in a way no other place did.