His to Seek

by Elena Aitken

  “Nat.” She handed her back the water glass. “How could that not upset me? He banished my brothers because of me and the choice I made. A choice that isn’t even remotely as bad as the one I eventually made. If he kicked us all out of the clan just because I ran off with a bear he didn’t think was suitable, can you even imagine how badly he freaked out when he heard I mated a wolf? And I’m pregnant with twin bi-shifters?” She shook her head and laughed a little. “I mean, seriously. Even if I did want to talk to him, there’s no way he would have anything at all to say to me.”

  Natalia sat down hard in the chair. “That’s not true.” Suddenly it became very important for Nat to bridge the gap between her cousins and their grandfather. “I think he would surprise you. I told him I was mated to…” She let her words drift off, unable to say the words out loud. “Anyway, it didn’t matter. I know it wouldn’t matter to him that you and Nash…and…well…he’s dying, Kira. He’s an old man and he’s dying.”

  Kira closed her eyes, her hands still on her stomach. After a moment, she opened them. “Is it really that important to you?”

  “It is.” Nat nodded. “But it should be important to you, too, Kira. I know that he made some terrible decisions.” That was the biggest understatement she could have made and they both knew it. “But I truly believe that he was doing the best he could with where he was in that moment.” Kira eyed her, but let her continue. “We know better, we do better, right?”

  Kira gave her a reluctant nod.

  “Well,” Nat continued. “He knows better now. And really, I think he’s trying to do better and make better choices. Especially when it comes to us.” She reached out and squeezed Kira’s hand. “At the end of the day, Kira, he’s our grandfather. He raised us. He loves us. And he’s dying.” She swallowed hard. “There will never be another opportunity to make things right. Don’t let it end this way.”

  By the time she finished her speech, there were tears in both of their eyes and Kira nodded. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  She nodded. “You’re right. Besides, it’s not like he can do any worse to me, right? I mean, he already kicked us out. And everything happens for a reason, right? If he hadn’t, I never would be here right now with Nash and these babies who I swear to God are trying to kill me from the inside out.” She nodded again. “Okay. I’ll see him.”

  “Absolutely not!” Nash stood in front of Kira’s bed and crossed his arms.

  Natalia didn’t know the wolf shifter that well, but in the little time she had known him, she’d never seen him so protective and assertive.

  “Nash, she needs—”

  “No,” he interrupted her. “What Kira needs to do is stay in this bed and focus on her babies. The very last thing she should be doing is going anywhere, let alone to her grandfather’s house for a confrontation. Are you crazy?”

  “It won’t be a confrontation.” Nat looked to her cousins and Ryker, who stood along the wall. She’d made similar speeches to all of them, and one by one, they’d all agreed to see their grandfather. All except Kade. He’d refused.

  “That’s exactly what it will be,” Nash continued.

  Nat could see a small vein in his temple start to throb, and for the first time, started to think that she wasn’t going to win this particular argument.

  “Look, Nat.” He softened his voice and continued. “Even if it wasn’t going to be a meeting fraught with the possibility for high emotions—which I think we can all agree, it will be—it’s too dangerous for her to go that far. Even if she did have the energy to do it, the doctor ordered bed rest and we’ve already been pushing it more than we should for the occasional family dinner here and there.” He shook his head. “She’s not leaving this bed. Kira’s number one job is to keep those babies safe.” He turned his back to Nat and looked at his mate.

  Even from where she stood, Nat could see the love in his eyes. The fear and concern. It struck her that Nash—a wolf shifter—was doing the exact same thing to Kira that Cyrus had done to her: protect her.

  Because he loved her.

  The realization struck her.

  Maybe Cyrus’s behavior hadn’t come from a place of control or feeling that she was weak and couldn’t handle herself? Maybe it had come from a place of love?

  She shook her head hard. She couldn’t think about that right now. One thing at a time. Besides, Cyrus wasn’t there. She couldn’t allow herself to worry about it.

  Natalia focused and unabashedly eavesdropped on the conversation between Kira and her mate.

  “I know what this will mean to you.” Nash had dropped to his knees at her bedside, and had one hand on her stomach and the other cupping her cheek. “I know how important your grandfather is to you, and I agree with Natalia—I do. You shouldn’t let those terrible memories be the last ones you have of each other. But I can’t let you do this. It’s too dangerous for you and for the babies. I won’t risk any of you. I can’t.”

  Kira closed her eyes and Nat saw the tear slipped down her cheek to be wiped away by Nash’s waiting hand. “I know you’re right,” she said after a moment. “It’s not safe. I need to think of the babies first.”

  Natalia knew it was the right choice, but her heart broke for her cousin. There would never be another chance, and in their hearts, they all knew it.

  “Maybe there’s something else we can do.” Luke stepped away from the wall. He hadn’t originally been too keen on visiting their grandfather at all, but his mate, Chloe, had talked him into it. Although he still didn’t seem totally convinced, at least he was there. “After all, we do have technology.” He grinned and held up his phone.

  With his body exhausted, but his bear still not as quiet as he would have liked, it was dark when Cyrus made his way up the lane to the little cabin Phillip had rented them. He collected his clothes from where he’d left them in the snow and tugged them on quickly. The sun had long since set and the winter air was chilly. Not that Cyrus noticed. Not really. The only thing he noticed was the intense ache in his chest. An ache that had only grown deeper and more insistent as the hours passed.

  Smoke came from the chimney as he walked toward the front door, only hesitating a little at the reminder of the last little cabin he’d stayed in.

  With Natalia.

  But he couldn’t stay outside all night, so with a sigh, Cyrus pulled the door open to see Phillip at the small table, his laptop out, a beer in front of him. The rich aroma of beef stew hit him as soon as he walked into the warm room.

  “Feel better?” Phillip leaned back in his chair and tipped his bottle of beer to his lips. He cocked an eyebrow and waited for the answer. “Because you still look like shit.”

  “Thanks.” Cyrus couldn’t help a small smile at his friend’s forwardness. “And no, I don’t feel any better. But at least I don’t feel like I’m going to rip the head off the next person who talks to me.”

  “Thank God for small miracles.” He swallowed deeply and used his foot to push out a chair for Cyrus. “Sit.”

  Cyrus stalked past him to the fridge in the corner of the room and grabbed a beer for himself. “I’m too wound up.”

  “Sit,” he said again, this time with an edge to his voice. “After the last few days, you owe me that much.”

  Cyrus couldn’t argue with that. He’d largely left Phillip to pick up all the loose ends and he’d left a lot. Cyrus cracked his beer and sat hard in the chair.

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me.” Cyrus took a deep swallow from his beer. “We both know I should be the one doing the thanking.” He took another deep drink from the bottle and slammed it down, almost empty, on the table.

  Phillip raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment. After a minute, he got up from the table and grabbed two more beers. He set one in front of Cyrus. “So, are you finally going to tell me what’s got you so fucked up? Or should I say, who?”

  The last thing Cyrus wanted to do was talk about Natalia or how he’d sc
rewed up the best thing he’d ever had. It would make it too real, and if he could only just stick his head in the sand a little bit longer then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly and the ache in his chest would finally go away.

  But he owed it to Phillip to at least try to explain why he’d been left to hold down the fort while he’d run off to the Montana mountains. So for the next thirty minutes, that’s exactly what he did.

  When he was finished talking, Cyrus sat back and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Part of him had hoped that talking things out would have helped to clear his head, but all it had done was get his bear fired up again and the ache in his chest only intensified.

  “Well,” Phillip said after a minute. “I knew it had to be serious to blow everything off the way you did, but a fated mate? A fated grizzly mate?” He shook his head with a laugh. “I never would have guessed that.”

  Two weeks ago, Cyrus never would have guessed that for himself either. The idea of meeting his fated mate and having his life so completely tossed upside down was so wildly out of his comprehension. At least it had been.

  Now, it was all too real.

  “So what are you going to do?”

  Slowly, Cyrus lifted his head and looked at his friend. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, what the hell is your plan? She’s there and you’re here, and from where I sit, that doesn’t seem like the ideal location for either of you. Besides, you’re acting like an uncontrollable ass.” He chuckled a little and Cyrus had to fight back the urge to punch his best friend in the face. “So, I get it, you’re here because I needed you here. And she’s there because—”

  “She decided to be head of her clan.” Cyrus slammed his fist on the table so hard the empty beer bottles shook and fell over. “Without asking me. Without even taking me and what I needed into consideration.”

  Phillip shook his head and didn’t even bother trying to hide his laughter this time.

  Cyrus growled and pressed both hands flat on the table. “What the hell is so funny?”

  “You,” he said, when he could pull himself together. “Who would have thought you would turn into this chauvinistic asshole alpha the second you mated. I mean, I know it’s a Kodiak thing. No. It used to be a Kodiak thing. You don’t hear of it happening so much anymore. And I definitely didn’t expect it from you.” Phillip stared at him. “But maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised. You’ve always been a strong alpha. You do see it, don’t you?”

  Cyrus gritted his teeth and took a deep breath and then another one. Finally, he sat back in his chair.

  He did see it.

  “Dammit.” The ache in his chest spread to a sharp pain in his head as a headache took hold. “I didn’t even realize what I was doing.”

  But now, looking back, he could see it all too clearly. He’d never considered himself a traditional man. Not even growing up on a remote island the way he had. Hell, he didn’t even have any examples of relationships that weren’t complete partnerships. He’d certainly never wanted one for himself.

  “I didn’t do it…I didn’t mean to…dammit.” He brought his fist down again on the table and pushed the chair back sharply. Cyrus paced the small cabin and ran his hands through his thick hair, tugging on the roots before turning around to look at Phillip, who’d stood and was waiting with his arms crossed. “What have I done?”

  Had he ruined everything by acting like a Neanderthal? Had he lost her forever just because he was trying to protect her and keep her safe?

  “Phillip, what the hell have I done? I need to go to her. I need her to see that…this isn’t me. It’s just my…what the hell is it?”

  His friend shook his head and laughed. “You know, for one of the most eligible bachelors in America and one of the richest men in the world, you’re pretty friggin’ stupid.” He grabbed his cell phone and tapped a few things on his device before looking up again. “It’s instinct, Cyrus,” he finally answered. “And just like anything else, you’re going to have to learn how to control it so that this mate of yours and you don’t keep hitting heads. Because from the sounds of it, she’s quite the match for you.” He glanced down at his phone. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  Cyrus blinked hard until his friend came into focus again. He felt as if he’d been hit by a truck. He couldn’t formulate any thought beyond Natalia. “Where are we going?”

  “I never thought I’d say this.” Phillip shook his head. “But we’re going to Montana. The car should be waiting outside.”

  “What? Now?”

  “Can you think of a better time?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The next morning, a fresh snowfall provided a crisp, white blanket over the yard of Natalia and Ryker’s grandfather’s house. Nat stood on the porch and looked over the familiar yard where she and her brothers, along with her cousins, used to spend their days playing. On a snow day like this one, they would have been on the hill, just off the side of the house, where they’d take turns dragging their sleds up to the top before running and sliding down to the bottom.

  Her eyes drifted to the clearing at the bottom where they’d inevitably crash in a white puff of snow, laughing and shrieking as the snow slipped down their jackets or snow pants and reached their skin.

  She took a breath and turned to find the pond to the south of the big house. Every year, they would eagerly wait until their grandfather finally declared it frozen thick enough to skate on. Then they’d spend hours shoveling it clear before building a fire on the edge to warm up. When it was finally clear, Axel would drag an old wooden bench down so they could sit and lace their skates before competing in all kinds of various races from end to end, spinning competitions, and, of course, the pickup games of hockey.

  Nat laughed at the memory. They’d always been a competitive group of kids. But they’d been close. It was on that pond where Liam had patiently laced up her skates for her because she could never get them quite tight enough. And it had been Liam who’d picked her up time and time again when, as the youngest, she would trip over her feet trying to keep up with her older cousins and brothers.

  They’d always all looked out for one another, but it had always been Liam who’d really been there.

  She wrapped her arms around herself, more for comfort than to ward off the cold.

  “It’s a chilly one today.” Ryker came up behind her and slipped his arm around her shoulders for a half hug before releasing her. He followed her gaze to the pond. “It’s a shame there’s no one here to clear it.”

  Nat looked at her brother for a moment before turning back to the currently snow-covered pond. The snow was so deep, only the shape of the bench could be made out.

  “I wonder how long it’s been since anyone skated on it?”

  It was a rhetorical question because they both knew it had been at least five years ago. Even before the Jackson brothers had been banished, in those final years that they were all together, everyone had become so busy working and growing up, they’d lost that childlike innocence and carefree attitude. It was almost as if it had happened overnight. And then, after the banishment, Nat couldn’t even bring herself to remember those memories.

  “Maybe later we can get some shovels and clear it?” She smiled up at Ryker, who nodded, most likely just to appease her. They both knew why they were there and it wasn’t to have fun.

  The creak of the porch door grabbed their attention and they both turned at the same time to see Kristine Jackson, their mother, step outside. Nat moved by reflex and gave her mother a hug.

  “Sweetheart. It’s good to see you,” she murmured in Nat’s ear. “I wish it were under better circumstances.”

  Nat nodded and stepped back. She waited while Ryker and Kristine shared a quick hug. Even though Ryker had moved to the ridge to be with Nina, Natalia knew that mother and son still met regularly for lunches to catch up. She felt a twinge of guilt for traveling so much in recent years, and not calling home as much as she should have. But then again, there were enough things
to feel bad about at the moment; she didn’t need one more.

  “Where’s that mate of yours, Nat?”

  The question took her off guard and a new flash of guilt ripped through her, along with a stab of pain at the thought of Cyrus. His absence had left a huge aching hurt in her chest that had only grown more intense with every minute that passed. She’d done her best to ignore it because they had other things to deal with, but she wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t be able to ignore it forever. “How did you…I don’t…he’s not…” She let the words trail off in a sigh.

  Kristine exchanged a look with her son and then focused again on Nat. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No.” Nat dropped her head. “Well, it’s just…” She looked up sharply. “Wait, how did you know? I mean, it all kind of happened and I didn’t really have a chance to say anything and then…well, it’s just…”

  “I met him,” Kristine said softly. “When you were here last. He didn’t tell you?”

  He had. But with everything that had happened, she’d forgotten.

  “He was waiting for you on the porch and I introduced myself,” Kristine continued. “I like him.” Her mother smiled warmly, but the smile faded quickly when Natalia didn’t return the smile. “What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head and looked down again. The last thing she wanted to do in that moment was talk about her own messed-up love life. She had bigger problems and way more urgent things to deal with. “Let’s not worry about it right now, okay? I think the bigger issue is Grandfather.”

  Her mother’s face fell. Nat knew that her mother and her grandfather had a complicated relationship.

  Gordon Jackson hadn’t even known about his daughter until Kristine herself was a mother. It wasn’t until Kristine’s mother was on her deathbed that she confessed that Kristine had been the result of a one-night stand with Gordon Jackson. She’d been a young, proud grizzly and knowing that they weren’t fated mates, she’d made the decision to raise Kristine on her own.