Light My Fire: A Contemporary Winter Romance

by Lucy Snow

  I nodded, feeling flushed all over, and warm enough that were I alone, I wouldn’t be wearing this dress. I grimaced, chastising myself inwardly for thinking such naughty thoughts around a guy I at least thought I didn’t like. Maybe a little break from the booze was a good idea after all.

  “Tell me more about the work you did.”

  Alex leaned back in his chair and glanced at the ceiling, lost in thought, and I could see the memories of his time overseas playing back in front of his eyes. “I got to see a lot of things. I learned just how the rest of the world lived, and I, uh…realized that I had no appreciation for just how lucky I was.”

  “So you decided to do something about it?” This was a side of Alex I didn’t know existed, which was an odd thing to say about someone I’d met this morning, but it felt like Alex and I were way past that.

  Alex nodded. “It’s more than that, though. I didn’t do anything to deserve the luxury I grew up with - I was just lucky to be born into my family.” He leaned forward, a pained yet hopeful expression on his face. “I…didn’t know whether there was enough that I could do to make up for that.”

  Suddenly Alex looked like a lost boy instead of a man, and my heart jumped out to him. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and pull him close and tell him that everything would be OK.

  “It’s not your responsibility to fix the world, Alex,” I finally got out, trying to lower the pressure I could see he put on himself.

  “I know that,” he snapped, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “That doesn’t change anything. I could help, so that’s what I did.”

  “How long did you do that?”

  “Years. Whenever I could. All over the place — disasters in the Caribbean, Southeast Asia, helping people get water in Africa, I tried it all.”

  “Tried it?”

  Alex looked stricken, like he’d said something he shouldn’t have, and was hoping I wouldn’t catch it. “Y-yeah,” he said, sighing. “I was hoping I’d find something.”

  “What kind of something?” I was on the edge of my seat, and through the slight haze of the percolating alcohol, I was enthralled. I’d spent this entire day thinking Alex was a complete asshole, just absolutely the wrong person to associate with on any level.

  But this was another side of the guy, and it was shocking to have him open up like this to a complete stranger.

  Alex looked at me, but it was like he was almost looking through me as he spoke. “I don’t quite know what it was. But I never found it in Meridian, so…” he shrugged. “I figured I’d look somewhere else.”

  “Did it work?”

  “For a little while, yeah. I did so much that I didn’t have time to think, didn’t have time to search for anything. It felt incredible, you know? Like I was actually starting to make a little bit of a difference. Like I was…putting in instead of taking out.” The way Alex’s face looked, I could totally feel the satisfaction he must have gotten from helping people. “There’s nothing like helping a village get water for the first time.”

  He trailed off, and I could see a spark of sadness show up in his eyes. “It…didn’t last?”

  Alex took a deep breath. “Nah. Didn’t last. It was good for a while. But then I figured that out, and I had to add more, had to try something else, something new. There’s aways evil and unhappiness in the world — and eventually you get tired of trying to take it all on.”

  If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought Alex was describing a drug addiction.

  “So now you’re going back to Meridian?”

  Alex’s face hardened. “I have responsibilities there. You wouldn’t understand.”

  The scowl on Alex’s face turned me off, and we both sat in silence for a minute, occasionally popping a chip from the bowl between us into our mouths, just staring at each other, each daring the other to speak next.

  “Your turn,” Alex finally said.

  “For what?”

  “What’s your story?”

  “I’m just going home for the winter break.” I shook my head. “Nothing exciting.”

  “All alone? No frat guy boyfriend to come with you?”

  There it was - Asshole Alex emerging again. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I hissed. “I was going home to see my parents.”

  Alex cocked his head to the side and winked. “I can tell there’s a story there, Princess.”

  He just didn’t know when to quit, did he?

  “You know what?” I said. “I’m feeling a bit more tired than I thought. I’m gonna head up to bed.” I smiled at him as sarcastically as I could. “I want to say that it’s been a nice evening getting to know you, but I don’t want to lie to someone I’ve just met.”

  I stood up from the table, less woozy than I thought I’d have been, and did my best impression of the storm outside as I charged out of the dining room and back up the stairs to my room, only stopping to take a breath when the door was closed behind me and I’d put at least one wall between me and Alex.

  I didn’t want to let him affect me like that, but I couldn’t help it, and it tore at me. I was in a daze as I got ready for bed, even though only the clock on the bedside gave me any indication of what time it was. Outside the window the storm raged on into the night, just like had been for hours.

  At this rate it felt like I would be trapped here forever.

  With a gorgeous man that I couldn’t spend more than hour around before we wanted to attack each other. In the wrong way. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the next couple days, or however long this storm lasted. The fact that Alex could go from being a dick to actually showing there was a brain and a heart to go with that body, all the way back to being a dick, inside of 20 minutes made my head swirl with frustration, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

  I pulled the tight, old, dress off over my hips and off me, folding it as nicely as I could and starting a separate pile of clothing, before inspecting the other stuff and trying to decide what to wear tomorrow. I pulled on the only pair of pajamas in the pile and went to the bathroom, washing my face and staring at myself and how tired I looked for a little too long.

  I didn’t hear any creaking on this floor, so I figured Alex was still downstairs. Probably drowning himself in what was left of the whiskey. Good for him.

  Even though I knew I looked tired, something had gotten me all amped up and even when I got into bed, I tossed and turned for a while, unable to fall asleep, which was totally unlike me. Finally, after getting really frustrated that I couldn’t find a spot to get comfortable, I ended up turning on the small lamp on the end table and sitting back up to finish the story of the duke and the maiden.

  The duke had just traveled a long distance to reunite himself with the maiden after parting due to a misunderstanding, and as the story picked back up he declared his love for her regardless of her station, damning the consequences and proclaiming that they’d build a life for themselves together wherever possibly, unbound by the chains of polite society.

  I was getting really into it, hoping the maiden would make him work for it after he had treated her so dismissively, despite obviously being in love with her. I couldn’t stop turning the pages, eager for the next drop of the age-old story.

  Just as I was getting to the maiden’s final rebuke, when I was sure she’d crack and declare her love for him in return, there was a knock at my door.

  I almost jumped out of the bed with sudden fright, like right out of a horror movie. It was if I’d almost forgotten that there were other people in the inn with me. I held my breath in and hoped whoever it was would go away. I had a book to finish! I looked at the old alarm clock next to the bed — 11:07pm.

  The same knock, again — stronger this time.

  I set the book down on the bed and pulled back the covers, trying to take soft and quiet breaths as I stood up and tiptoed over the cold wooden floor to the door. Again I waited to see if they’d knock again.

  The same knock, again — e
ven more forceful.

  This time I grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door.

  Alex stood on the other side. He had the bottle of whiskey in his hands, and he held it up, as if to show me that most of it was still there — hadn’t had anymore after I left. Then he set the bottle on the floor outside of my door, and stood back up, looking at me.

  I didn’t say a word. His look spoke volumes. I didn’t need to say anything.

  He reached out his hand, and without even thinking, I took it, feeling his strong fingers curl around mine as he pulled me into him. I threw my free arm around his neck and melted into him as he kissed me, hard.

  The dull roar of the storm outside disappeared. The creaking of the old house around us disappeared. Everything disappeared in that moment as Alex kissed me. We’d only known each other for 12 hours, but it was a kiss that felt like it had been brewing for years.

  All around me I felt enveloped by his strength and scent and warmth, and for a moment I didn’t know where I ended and he began. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, swaying in each other’s arms, connected by our lips. Our tongues feinted to and fro around and into each other.

  It was magical. Unlike anything I’d ever experienced before, and I knew already that this wasn’t the last time he’d kiss me like that. I wouldn’t let it be the last time.

  Then he was picking me up, and I felt giddy for an instant as my feet left the floor and I surrendered to him, secure that he’d keep me safe. I felt his hand at the top of my head, pulling me down and closer to him as he walked us slowly but surely into my room. I felt his fingers brush against the top of the door frame, and then we were in.

  My eyes were closed but I heard the door creak shut behind us, and we were alone. Our lips had only separated for long enough to breathe in, and occasionally run our tongues over, before we were back at it. I clung onto Alex as he walked, wanting to pull him even closer and closer to me.

  Neither of us had said a word. No words were necessary.

  We stood as one jumbled mass together over the bed for a long time, till I started wondering in the back of my mind in between kisses whether Alex’s legs and back would start to hurt, but he stood like a tree unbowed by whatever the weather could throw at it.

  Eventually though, he leaned over, without shaking, and dropped me on the bed, leaning over me and planting his hands down by either side of my head, still kissing me.

  I groaned and wrapped my legs around his waist, still trying to pull him closer into me. We lay like that, partially on the bed partially off, pausing to stop moving again and keep kissing.

  Each time I briefly opened my eyes, I saw Alex’s dark eyes flutter open and watch me back, sharing a bond that I’d never felt with anyone else before. It all felt so new and so rushed, but I couldn’t help just going with it, like a surfer on a wave when the tides came in. I held on and kissed him back, and realized for the first time just how amazing a kiss could feel.

  Alex pushed me up the bed and then climbed on himself, rolling to the side, making me turn to face him so our lips would stay connected. His arm wrapped underneath my head like a pillow, cradling me into him, and when he reached down and gripped my butt, pulling me into him even further, I could feel his hardness through both of our clothing.

  I wanted him. I wanted him so badly. We were all alone; who knew where Marty and Clara were — all we had to do was take off our clothes and keep going. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more.

  And then…he stopped. Alex broke our kiss, and I thought he was just moving so I didn’t think anything of it, but as the moment stretched into seconds I opened my eyes, confusion clear on my face.

  Alex had pulled back, his mouth open, his eyes far off, like he’d suddenly been transported somewhere else. He pulled away, falling to his back on the bed next to me, staring up at the ceiling.

  I rolled over next to him, still not sure what was going on. Was he having second thoughts? Did I do something wrong?

  I opened my mouth to speak, to ask the questions that jumped all through my mind, but then I closed it again without saying a word — something felt different in the room, like a line had been crossed.

  Alex took a deep breath and sat up. I reached out and touched him on the upper arm, squeezing him, trying to reassure him, but he didn’t pay any attention and just stood up.

  I lay there on the bed as he went to the door, turning around and giving me one last look of sadness before he opened the door and left the room, closing it behind him.

  I was aghast - I had no idea what had just happened, and neither of us had spoken a word during the entire time he was here. I glanced at the clock and saw that 23 minutes had passed since the knock on my door.

  I lay there in bed until sleep came, completely flabbergasted at what had happened. I felt his kiss on my lips, felt his arms around me, keeping me close to him, and even after just a few minutes together, I found that I missed that feeling, missed that bond that we had shared for only a little while.

  Sleep took a long time that night.

  CHAPTER 10 - ALEX

  I woke up the next morning and stayed in bed a lot longer than I was used to. Part of that was the light hangover, but in truth, it was because my bed here was more comfortable than any bed I had enjoyed in years. Of course that wasn’t the entire story, though.

  I didn’t want to get up because I couldn’t face Naomi and what we’d done together last night. I didn’t know what had possessed me to go to her room that late, and once I saw her standing in the doorway, a question on her face, something had taken me over and I had done what came naturally.

  It had been amazing. Just a few minutes, but a few life-changing minutes. Even now I could feel her body, smell her scent, all over me, assaulting all of my senses. I wanted more; I needed more.

  And I knew she wanted more, needed more, too. That was clear on her face and the way her body arced toward mine when I touched her. There was no confusion there.

  So why had I stopped? Why had I locked up like that? Why did I get up without saying a word and hightail it out of there, back to the safety of my own room, even if that room was just 10 feet away from her’s?

  None of this made any sense.

  I turned to look out the window and saw that the blizzard outside was just as strong as it had been last night, covering the overcast day in snow and making everything out the window almost blindingly white. I couldn’t stare out there too long before my eyes started to hurt, so I turned back, rolling inward till I faced the door to my room.

  I lay there wondering just what had stopped me from undressing Naomi and taking her right there, when we both wanted it so badly.

  After a while I began to feel like there was something in the back of my mind telling me that this was a mistake, that getting closer to this girl was all going to go to waste because as soon as this storm cleared out we’d be on our way back to our own very separate, very different lives, and that nothing would come of anything we created while here.

  Was that what stopped me? Was that what kept me from going all the way with her?

  I liked sex just as much as the next guy, but I had gotten past the point of sex for its own sake - I’d had encounters and relationships like that enough to last for a couple lifetimes at least. Maybe I was turning over a new leaf? Looking for something more real?

  And I wasn’t going to find it with Naomi. We were too different. We just so happened to run into each other after some crazy circumstances, and when that temporary glitch in the system corrected itself, we’d move on and things would go back to normal.