by S. C. Wilson
She lifted her dress and ran her hand over her stomach. She knew she was being paranoid, but she couldn’t help it. Time was plotting against her. Soon, she would no longer be able to hide her condition. The thought stirred her insides and made her feel sick. She lowered her dress, took a seat in the chair next to the fireplace, and cried into her hands.
Meanwhile, Jesse led the way, pole in hand, with Toby a few paces behind. He moved quietly for a large man. She kept glancing back over her shoulder to make sure he was still behind her.
“What?” Toby asked.
“Just making sure you’re still with me. You’re so quiet. It’s kind of strange. You were always the one that led the way. You remember?”
He nodded. “I remember.”
The siblings continued in silence, each lost in memories of their childhood days together. It seemed like a different lifetime. They’d been different people before having their youth so viciously stripped away.
They came to what Jesse considered to be the finest fishing hole on the mountain. Usually clear, today they found the water murky with brownish foam clinging to the rocks that broke the surface. Dragonflies swarmed the wildflowers growing in bunches along the banks, perfuming the air with their fragrance. The smell always reminded Jesse of fishing with her brother. She looked back, still in awe they were together again.
They stopped underneath a large oak. An old turtle, sunning himself on a log, swam away when he saw the pair emerge beneath the low-hanging branches. After collecting a few worms, Jesse watched Toby toss out his line.
“We’re going to have to make you your own pole,” she said, picking up a twig off the ground next her. “Do you remember our fishing hole back home? I loved that place.”
He turned his head and met her gaze. “I remember. I re-remember a lot of th-things.”
She pictured the boy she used to tease relentlessly. “Toby, I’m sorry for picking on you when we were little. I was such a brat.”
He smiled. “Hey, th-th-that’s what little sisters do.”
“Still, I’m sorry. I’ve missed you so much. You being here is like living a dream. I still can’t believe you’re here.”
“I’ve missed you too. It’s just…” He scratched his head. “Well, wh-why do you look like that?”
“You mean why did I cut off my hair or why don’t I wear dresses?”
“Both. You d-don’t look like the s-s-sister I remember.” Toby tapped his temple with his finger.
“A lot has changed since we were kids. I’ve had to do this. It was to keep me safe, but I don’t have to pretend anymore.”
Toby nodded, digesting the words. A more serious look came over his face. “Me either.”
“What does that mean?” Jesse asked with a wide-eyed look.
“I’ve p-p-pretended too. When I woke up, after th-this,” he pointed to the jagged scar on his forehead, “I couldn’t talk like I used to. My words don’t come out r-right. People just thought I was st-st-stupid and I just went along with it.”
“Oh, Toby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you—”
“Not your fault. You didn’t know.”
“Maybe it’s time we both stop pretending then,” Jesse said, tossing the twig off to the side. “It’ll be nice not having to hide who we really are anymore.”
Toby smiled as if a weight had been lifted. He leaned closer and asked, tone shifting, “Do you think Ab—” A fish tugged on his line, demanding his attention. He stepped into the water and reached down. “Hey, it’s a nice one,” he said, holding the impressive trout up by the gills. Its dotted scales sparkled, catching sunlight from different angles as it flopped in his hand, continuing to resist. “Haven’t caught one like th-this in years.” After hooking a fresh worm and tossing out his line, he continued. “Do you th-think Abby likes me?”
“Of course she does. Why?” Her eyebrows narrowed. “Did she do something to make you think otherwise?”
Toby shook his head. “No. It’s just…I like her. She probably th-thinks I’m stupid because when I’m around her she makes my stutter worse. She makes me nervous, but I like the feeling.” He nudged Jesse’s shoulder with his own.
Jesse, suddenly dizzy, reached out a steadying hand, bringing it down hard on a large boulder. “You mean…you like her…like her? Like you want to court her?”
“Yes. You two are close and I wo-wondered if you know how she f-feels about me. I wanted to ask you before I say anything to her.”
The revelation, although she knew it shouldn’t, stunned her. Why wouldn’t Toby be attracted to Abby? She simply hadn’t imagined her brother having those types of feelings before. In her mind, he was still the silly boy she grew up with. “Uh…have you courted anyone before?”
“Kind of—once. A g-g-girl back in Granite Falls. But when her father found out, he said if he ever caught me speaking to her, he would sh-shoot me.” Toby jerked the fishing pole, setting the hook. Never missing a beat, he pulled in another keeper as he continued. “Said his daughter wasn’t going to be with some st-stupid stable boy.”
Jesse watched him retrieve the fish with a sinking heart, instantly overwhelmed with guilt. She would lay down her life for her brother and wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. So lost in thought, she was oblivious to Toby speaking in the background.
He reached over and shook her by the shoulder. “Well?”
“Um, I want you to find someone...I really do. I just don’t think Abby is the one.”
“Why not?”
Jesse cleared her throat, buying time while she scrambled to find the right words. “Uh…because, she is already spoken for.”
“She is? Oh, I didn’t kn-know.”
“Sit down,” Jesse said, patting the rock next to her.
Toby pulled his line out of the water, set down the pole, and took a seat next to her. He’d grown so much taller than the last time they’d sat beside a fishing hole, but the feeling was the same.
Jesse scratched the back of her neck. “I’m not sure how to tell you this, so, like Mother always told us, I’m just going to say it. Abby is…” She paused, losing the words again. She let out a long sigh. “Well, I love her and she loves me.”
“I know you two are close. That’s wh-why I wanted to ask you first. I didn’t know she was spoken for. Is he in Ely?” Toby asked, rubbing the stubble on his chin.
Jesse smiled inwardly at the gesture. It was exactly what their older brother Daniel did when he was deep in thought. She remembered Toby imitating him, back when he only had pimples on his chin. Now a grown man, Toby had more hair on his face than Daniel was ever able to grow. An eternal teenager in Jesse’s thoughts and heart, her oldest brother never had the chance to see what manhood would bring him.
She shook off the memory and let out another long sigh. “It means we love each other…like Mother and Father loved each other.”
A series of confused expressions painted his face as he processed the information. His eyebrows arched when he finally understood. “You mean—”
Jesse cut him off before he could say it out loud. “Yes.” Her ears burned. “I don’t understand it either, but we can’t help the way we feel about each other.”
Toby sat in silence as he continued to turn it over in his head. “You two can’t be together—like that!”
“Why?”
His brow furrowed. “Because, it’s not right. What would Mother and Father th-think?”
“I hope they’d be happy for me, like I want you to be. That girl you liked in Granite Falls, what’s her name?”
“Amy. Why?”
“The way you were attracted to Amy is the way I’m attracted to Abby. We can’t control who we’re attracted to. We’re just drawn to certain people.” Jesse’s voice broke. “I tried not to be, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
An awkward silence hung in the air, broken only by a gentle weeping and the buzz of a nearby bee.
“Don’t cry,” Toby said. He nudged her shoulder ag
ain.
Jesse’s body stiffened. She hurried to wipe away the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. “I just don’t want you to think less of me—or Abby.” She placed her hand on his arm. “No one will ever have to know about us. It’s our secret. I just couldn’t keep it from you. I’ve—we’ve lost so much. We only get one life, and it could be snuffed out in the blink of an eye. I’ve found my happiness with Abby and what we do, well, it doesn’t harm anyone. Can’t you be happy for me?”
Toby sat in silence, forehead wrinkling as he thought about what she said. “I want you to be happy, but don’t you want to get ma-married and have a family?”
Jesse smiled. “I already have a family. You, Abby, and me.” She could see the tension slowly slip from her brother’s face.
He leaned over and said, “Well, to be honest, I never could see you settling down with a man.” He finished with a lighthearted jab to her ribs.
“So, you aren’t mad or disappointed in me?”
“No. It’s just…I’m not sure I understand it, but I want you to be happy,” he said. “I r-really do.”
“I know it’s a lot to take in. I don’t really understand it myself, but I do love her. I can’t help it.”
A smile spread across his face. “You never were the girly kind. It’s like I had a little b-brother more than a little sister.” He tugged on her short locks. “Looks like I still do.”
She punched him in the arm, and they both laughed even though things still felt strained between them.
“Do you ever think about them?” Toby asked.
He didn’t need to explain. She knew exactly who he was referring to.
“Every day.”
“No ma-matter how hard I try, I can’t remember that day. Will you tell me wh-what happened?”
Jesse bent her legs and rested her arms on her knees. “I went fishing that morning by myself. Father and Daniel were out hunting. You drove Mother and Jamie into town. You remember any of that?”
He shook his head. “No.”
She paused, considering how best to tell him the rest of the story without going into too many of the gory details. “Well, you all got back from town first. You were in the barn tending to the horse when I got back. That’s when we heard the screams. You hid me in the stall with Dakota, grabbed your rifle, and took off. I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life as I was watching you run out that barn door.”
“Why’d they scream?”
“Four men were there. And not the good kind.”
“Did Father know ‘em?”
“No. I don’t think so.” She blew a calming breath as she stalled to find her next words. “I think they were there to rob us. Somehow you managed to get away but they caught you. From where I was hiding I couldn’t see what they did to you, but the best I can figure is they hit you in the head with a rifle.”
Toby rubbed the jagged scar on his forehead. “Must’ve been a helluva wa-wallop. Where were Father and Daniel?”
“They hadn’t come back yet. I wanted to run out of the barn and do something, but I was too scared. I couldn’t move.”
Toby placed his hand over hers. “Being scared is probably the th-thing that saved you.”
“I suppose,” she said, although the thought always left a raw spot in the pit of her stomach, burning as if she had downed a bottle of whiskey. “Anyway,” she continued, “after you were hurt I saw two of the men get on their horses and ride away. I was hoping, praying that the other two would do the same—but they didn’t. They were inside when Father and Daniel got back. I wanted to warn them. I tried to yell but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. They had no warning. They were ambushed as soon as they opened the door.”
His chin trembled. “So, they shot Mother and Jamie too?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “Two more shots came right away.” She had no intention of telling her brother what had really happened to their mother and sister. She may be smaller, but she was strong enough to shoulder that burden alone. “They didn’t suffer.”
“I know it can’t be easy for you to talk about, but thanks for telling me.”
Already the day was shaping up to be beautiful, the warmth of the sun chasing any hint of chill from the air. The birds had found their voices and all around them the trees vibrated with lighthearted trills. The few white clouds scudding across the sky cast shadows on the surface of the water. They were nothing compared to the ones in Toby’s mind as he contemplated everything he had heard.
“I lied to you when I said I didn’t know the man who shot me,” Jesse said, interrupting his thoughts. She had thought it better to lie to him rather than admit to being a murderer. If she were going to be honest with him, then she would tell him everything, even if it meant he thought less of her. “Those two men that stole our family from us…well, our paths crossed again when I went to Granite Falls. That’s why Abby went to the waterfall that night. She led them there for me. I took care of them, but one of them managed to get off a shot first.”
Several minutes went by and Toby still hadn’t said anything.
Finally, Jesse couldn’t take it any longer. “Well say something,” she said, scared to hear the next words coming from her brother’s mouth.
“You’re horse shittin’ me?”
Jesse’s forehead wrinkled. It was not what she had been expecting him to say. “No, I’m not. I really did shoot them. I watched them die right in front of me.”
The thought of his little sister having the tenacity to kill two men in cold blood was something he couldn’t fathom. “You really did—swear it.”
“Yes,” she said. “I swear it.”
“Pinky swear it.”
She held out her little finger. “Pinky swear it,” she said. She hadn’t thought of their childhood vow in years. It brought a smile to her face despite their solemn conversation.
He hooked his little finger around hers and nodded in understanding. “And when Abby and I went back to the woods that night—”
“She was looking for me, but I wasn’t there. I tried to ride back to Granite Falls but passed out somewhere along the way.”
“So, Abby knows what really happened?” he asked.
“Yes. And now you do too. Do you think I’m a bad person?”
“Hell no. I’d of sh-shot ‘em myself if I had the chance.”
“You know, I never asked you. Why did you follow Abby out into the woods that night? You didn’t even know her.”
He laughed. “You’re one to talk. Suppose you’d just met her and she asked you to go somewhere. Are you telling me you wo-wouldn’t go?”
Jesse chuckled. “You make a good point. Speaking of Abby, we should probably start heading back and check on her.”
Jesse, Abby, and Toby fell into the simple rhythm of life over the next two weeks. The trio worked together, getting as much done as possible before the upcoming trip to Ely.
Toby didn’t understand his sister’s attraction to another woman, but the more he witnessed them together, the more natural their relationship seemed. How could he have any reservations when it was obvious they cared deeply for one another? It wasn’t what he was used to, but the abundance of love he saw between them was all the evidence he needed to know this was good and right. Besides, he knew it was nothing short of a miracle to have his sister back in his life and he would accept her with open arms—no matter what. Having suffered enough heartache, he was grateful his sister finally found her happiness.
Although Jesse moved slowly through her chores, her wounds continued to heal. She had her big brother back and Abby by her side. Life couldn’t have been more perfect.
For Abby, anxiety and stress filled those two weeks. Worry about the life growing inside of her plagued nearly every thought. She had already started suffering from morning sickness. Her morning ritual usually began with a struggle to make it outside before vomiting. At night, she tossed and turned from nightmares in which Jesse found out about her sit
uation. Terrified Jesse would notice the obvious swelling in her stomach, she used the sickness as an excuse not to be intimate.
Two days before setting out for Ely, Abby rested inside, too sick to help with morning chores. Toby chopped wood outside. Jesse was coming back from the lean-to for another load when he buried the axe in the chopping stump and pointed to the edge of the woods.
Jesse looked toward the tree line, relieved to see Aponi approaching. She hoped Aponi knew a different remedy to help Abby. The one she knew how to concoct did nothing to ease this unshakable ailment.
Food and fun filled the evening, culminating in Toby’s spirited demonstration of the native dance. Jesse did her best to learn the steps while Abby and Aponi watched from the warmth of a blazing fire.
After exhausting himself, Toby went inside and made a blanket bed in front of the fireplace so that Aponi could sleep in the loft.
Jesse stood. “I think I’m going to have to call it a day, too.”
Abby reached up and took hold of her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I won’t be long,” she said.
“All right. It’s chilly out here, do you want me to bring you a blanket?”
Abby smiled up at her. “I’m fine. You go on in, I’ll be in soon.”
The moment the cabin door closed, Abby took hold of Aponi’s arm. The expression on her face worried her friend even before the words came out in a panicked rush. “I need to talk to you.”
“What is it? Are you all right?”
“No. No, I’m not. I can’t believe this is happening—now. It’s bad and I don’t know what to do.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, glistening in the firelight.
“You don’t have to stay here. We can take you off mountain,” Aponi said, wrapping her arm around Abby.
Abby pulled away to face her. “That’s not it. I’m with child. I wasn’t sure at first, but I’m certain now.”
A small gasp escaped Aponi. “How far are you?”