The Devil Behind Us

by S. C. Wilson

  “I’ll be honest with you. I was really hurt and angry when I first found out. But I had no right to be. I was the one who kept pushing you away. You did nothing wrong.” Jesse looked into her eyes. “All I know is that I love you and I want to be with you. No matter what.”

  “I love you too.”

  “I promise to be there for you and this child, if you’ll allow me. And look, Edith already thinks I’m the father, so why say anything?”

  Abby turned her head away. “But—”

  “Look at me. Frieda taught me a lot of things, but the most important thing was you don’t have to be a blood relative to be family.”

  “But you don’t want children.”

  “I never considered it a possibility. I never wanted that life for myself. To marry a man and have children.” She shook her head. “That’s not the life for me.” She took hold of Abby’s hands. “I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean for you to think I ran off on you. I had to ride down to Big Oak.”

  “Didn’t you just get back from there this morning?”

  “I did. But I had to go back for something.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. “I wanted to have this just in case,” she said, pulling it open. “I’d like to do right by you and this baby.”

  Abby’s eyes widened at the sight of the shimmering gold band. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying—asking if you’d consider being Mrs. Jesse McGinnis?”

  Abby gasped. Her heart wanted nothing more than to say yes. Her conscience, however, couldn’t allow it. “No, Jes,” she said, chin trembling. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?” Jesse asked, reaching out to stroke her hair.

  “Because,” she said, placing a hand on her stomach, “I can’t put this burden on you.”

  Jesse fired back. “Burden! This child is not a burden. It’s a blessing, and I want to help you raise it. I’ve never wanted anything more.”

  Abby’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. So, what do you say?” Jesse took her hand and slid the ring on her finger. “I hope I got the size right. It fit my little finger so I figured it might be your size.”

  A little large for her petite finger, the ring slid on with ease. Abby held out her hand, staring at the interlocking hands formed in metal. “Oh, Jes! Yes!”

  Jesse rubbed her finger along the band. “The guy in Big Oak told me it’s called a Fede ring, imported from Europe. Anytime you’re scared or need me, just look at this ring and rest assured I will always be there to hold your hand no matter what life might throw at us.”

  Abby cupped Jesse’s face in her hands and left a lingering kiss on her lips. An intruding thought made her pull away. “But I thought you didn’t want to keep living like this. You didn’t want to live this lie anymore.”

  “If I have to live the rest of my life as Jesse McGinnis so that I can be with you, then so be it.” She shrugged.

  Abby looked down at the ring. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “Believe it. It’s just the beginning for us.” She scratched the back of her neck. “I have to admit, I’m nervous. I don’t know anything about babies. Never been around one before.”

  “I’m new at this too, but I’m sure it will come naturally to you. To us.”

  She placed her hand on Abby’s stomach. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “And how do you know it’s a girl?” Abby asked with a raised brow.

  “I don’t. Just a hunch. Hey, do you still have that blue dress?”

  “It’s in Mabel’s room.”

  “Did you give it to her?”

  “No. She’s keeping my things for me. Boone hired someone to replace me. He gave my room to her.”

  “That’s great news,” Jesse said, nudging Abby’s shoulder with her own.

  “Great news?”

  “Yeah, Boone did you a favor. You didn’t want that life anymore anyway. Now you don’t have to feel guilty about quittin’ on him.”

  “I didn’t think of it that way.”

  “Anyway, you’re going to have to go get that dress. I just met with Frank Whitaker. Do you know who he is?”

  “Yes, he’s the justice of the peace around here.”

  “Well, you and I have an appointment with him tomorrow afternoon. He’s already drawing up the paperwork so we can make this official.” Jesse stood and reached for her saddlebag. “I need to get out of these,” she said, glancing down at her clothes.

  Jesse unbuttoned her shirt and tossed it aside.

  “Let me help you with that,” Abby said, reaching to help remove the breast binding. “It’s wet.”

  “Yeah, we got soaked last night,” she said, holding out her arms, letting Abby unravel the strips of fabric. She savored the gentle tickle of her touch, but said nothing. She kicked off her boots and removed her pants while Abby watched. When she bent down to remove her damp socks, the muscle along the side of her abdomen flexed.

  Abby didn’t mean to stare. She just couldn’t help herself. She was drawn to Jesse’s exquisite form and couldn’t resist the temptation any longer.

  “You have an incredible body,” she said, inching closer.

  Jesse stood rooted in place, emerald eyes taking in the woman approaching her.

  “I’ve missed being with you, touching you,” Abby said, resting her head on Jesse’s chest, arms wrapped loosely around her. She trailed her hands up Jesse’s back, playing toned muscles like piano keys.

  Jesse held her tight. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  Abby stood on the tips of her toes and put her mouth next to Jesse’s ear. “I want to be with you,” she whispered, nibbling a path along the side of her neck.

  Stifling a yawn, Jesse said, “I’m sorry—”

  “Oh, you poor thing,” Abby said, realizing the obvious. “You’ve been up all night. Why don’t you get some sleep?”

  Jesse yawned again and looked down at her pruned toes. “I bought some things this morning, and I have to go get them off of Felix’s wagon.”

  “It can wait.” She handed Jesse a pair of long underwear. “You get some rest.”

  Her urge to argue about it was outweighed by fatigue. “Don’t let me sleep too long.”

  “You just get some sleep,” Abby said, picking up her damp clothing. “I’ll be back later.”

  Jesse stretched out on the bed. “You don’t want to lie down with me?”

  “I need to go apologize to Edith. I’ll take your stuff and let the sun dry ‘em out.”

  “Um hmm.” Jesse groaned, asleep before Abby reached the door.

  Abby watched her sleeping form. “Sleep well, Jes,” she whispered as she closed the bedroom door behind her on the way out.

  A few hours later, Jesse woke to the sound of humming. She stayed silent, watching Abby at the bureau, writing on a piece of paper. On the floor were several sheets that had been wadded up and tossed aside.

  Jesse looked at the mess. Better get used to that if we’re going to have a life together. Something about Abby made her seem even more beautiful than usual. She bit her bottom lip as she puzzled over what was different. Then she remembered. She’s with child!

  Jesse focused on the knotty pine ceiling, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. A baby. I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl. Then, it was as if she had been punched in the stomach. A baby! Her smile vanished. She lay there, mind racing. The cabin is so small the way it is with Toby, Abby, and me. Now a baby. Will it be healthy? What if Abby has problems like her mother did? The thought alone made her jerk.

  “Oh, you’re—” Abby stopped when she noticed Jesse’s strained expression. “Are you all right? You’re not having second thoughts are you?”

  Jesse’s eyes widened. “No. But I’ve been thinking. Do you want to have this baby on top of a mountain? What if something goes wrong?”

  “Jes, I’ll be fine. Women have babies all the time. Besides, we d
o have help. I’m sure our friends on the mountain have helped plenty of women birth babies over the years.”

  “What about the cabin? It’s so small.”

  “The smaller the better. It will keep us close,” she said, smiling. “Stop worrying about everything. We’re going to be just fine. Relax, we have plenty of time to figure it all out.”

  “I just don’t want anything to happen to you or the baby.” Her thoughts scrambled, like a squirrel looking for a lost nut. “What are you writing?”

  “Can’t tell you, but you’ll find out tom—”

  “We should go.”

  “Where?”

  “To get you something to eat. You’re eating for two you know.”

  Abby smiled and made her way over to the bed. She sat and leaned down to kiss the scar on Jesse’s forehead. “I have a feeling you’re going to be really good at this parenting thing.”

  Chapter Six

  The hardwood floor in the back of the trading post dug into Jesse’s hipbone. Knowing an unwed couple sharing a bed would be frowned upon, she gave Abby her room at Edith’s. It wasn’t ideal, but she was grateful to Felix for offering her the lodgings.

  Unable to get comfortable, Jesse tossed back the blanket and got dressed. She found Felix up front, tallying money from the cash drawer. “Are you nervous?” she asked.

  “Hey, morning. Not too bad—yet.” Felix grinned, hiding any lingering anxiety behind his teeth. “How ‘bout you?”

  Jesse ran moist palms on her pants. “Terrified, really.”

  “Just remember to breathe and you’ll do just fine,” he said, leaning against the counter.

  Jesse wondered if it could be as simple as he made it look and sound. She studied his attire. The striking suit, finished off with a black bow tie, made her feel insecure about her own appearance. She glanced down at her clothing, what she now felt were little more than rags. I can’t show up dressed like this.

  “I know you’re not opening the store today, but could I get a couple of things?”

  He waved her on. “Go ahead and get what you need.”

  She headed to the back of the store to change into a light blue shirt and black leather vest. She felt a little better. At the very least, she wouldn’t stick out like a nun in a saloon.

  A small group of women had gathered in Edith’s bedroom, their mood apparent from the chatter bubbling out into the hallway.

  “You’re beautiful,” Abby said. “One look at you and Felix will be so tongue tied he won’t be able to speak.” She pinned a flower in Edith’s hair, stepped back, and checked the placement. It was passable, but it took another slight adjustment to achieve perfection.

  Edith beamed. “Thank you for all your help. All of you. What time is it?” she asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

  “A little after eleven,” one of them said. “Don’t worry. We’ll get you to the church on time.”

  A knock at the door was followed by the deep voice of a man. “Hey Sis! You in there?”

  “Teddy!” Edith exclaimed, rushing to open the door.

  The two hugged in the doorway for a long moment before she finally let go. “Let me see you,” she said. “It’s been so long. Where are Carol and the kids?”

  He’d barely started his reply when two boys came tearing down the hallway, their cries drowning out his words. “Aunt Edith!” they hollered, practically bowling her over.

  She hugged them before peeling them off. “Let me see you,” she said, taking a step back. “Wow, you two are as big as men. How’d that happen?”

  “Boys. Mind her dress.”

  Edith extended her arms. “Oh, Carol. So good to see you.”

  “Good to see you too,” Carol said, returning the hug. “It’s been way too long.”

  “It sure has.” Edith looked around the room, feeling joy at the sight of each and every person. She could have savored the feeling forever. She might have, too, if she hadn’t noticed the time or lack thereof. She could feel the big moment rushing up on her.

  “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to make it,” Edith said.

  “Stage was running behind,” Teddy said. “But better late than never.”

  Edith turned and faced the women in the room. “Everyone, I want you to meet my brother, Theodore, and his wife, Carol. And these two handsome lads are my nephews, Tanner and Harrison.” She introduced the women in the room, pointing as she said each name. “These are my dear friends: Fern, Hazel, Margaret, and Abby.”

  Teddy doffed his hat. “Nice to meet you ladies.”

  “You can put your things in the room across the hall,” Edith said, pointing to the suitcases at his feet. “I’m almost ready.”

  When her relatives went across the hall, Abby said, “Edith, I’m going over to the church to check on things.”

  “All right. We’ll be there shortly.”

  Jesse’s reflection stared back at her in the mirror. She buttoned the vest and straightened her shirt collar. The stiff garment seemed to be doing its best to choke her. She wet her hands in the washbasin and combed her fingers through her hair, irritated that the unruly strands wouldn’t stay down.

  Why did she cut it so short? She cursed inwardly at Abby. Noticing Felix’s ointment on the bureau top, she decided to try it—just a smidge. She parted and smoothed out her hair, forgoing her hat in an effort not to mess it up.

  She went back to the front of the store and paid Felix for the clothing. “Hey, I’m going over to the—”

  The bell above the door jingled and a man called out, “How’s the happy groom!”

  Felix put his hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “Hank, this is Jesse. Jesse McGinnis. Jesse, this is my good friend, Hank Johansen.”

  Hank and Jesse greeted each other with a simple nod.

  “So, you all ready for the big day?” Hank asked Felix.

  “I think so.”

  “Good. Good. The wife made so many pies last night the house looked like a damn bakery. But boy, did they smell good. I tried to sneak a taste, but she wasn’t havin’ it…”

  Their conversation faded into background noise as Jesse silently cataloged all she needed to get done. The mental list seemed to dwarf the time she had to finish everything. Felix and Edith’s wedding ceremony was to take place at noon, with a gathering to follow right after. Then, she and Abby were meeting the justice of the peace at two o’clock. Plus, she still had to pack up, load the horses, and get to the river crossing by nightfall.

  “I’m heading over to the church,” she said, placing her hat on the counter, eager to get started on her day.

  Felix reached behind the counter for a decanter of Scotch whiskey. “How about having a drink before we go?”

  Jesse considered it, but declined. Today was too important. She wanted to have all her wits about her. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. You fellas go ahead.”

  “All right. We’ll be over shortly,” Felix said, pouring whiskey into one of the shot glasses.

  Jesse couldn’t help but notice how different Ely seemed. It was almost eerie. Nothing moved as she made her way down the street: no people walking about, businesses closed for the day, grim silence instead of the typical hustle and bustle.

  As she approached the end of the street, a line of wagons greeted her like a wooden snake basking in the sun. At the same time she noticed a slight hum, which grew as she neared the church. By the time she walked around to the back of the building, the din had grown into a full-blown clamor. She would have sworn the entire town was there.

  Flower bouquets topped white linen tablecloths. Women arranged food dishes on long tables and men stood around, chatting in small groups. Several gentlemen hovered around a hog roasting on a spit. A few young ladies huddled together beneath a tall oak.

  Jesse, still barely comfortable with town living, was overwhelmed by the throng of people. She noticed one of the women beneath the tree point her out to the group. Whatever the young lady had said made the others chuckle and blush.
Jesse’s whole body tensed when the one who pointed her out walked toward her.

  “Hi, I’m Claudine,” she said, laying a hand over her heart.

  “Jesse.”

  Claudine stepped closer, erasing the distance between them. “So, are you a friend of the bride or the groom?”

  “Uh…both, actually. How ‘bout you?”

  “Edith and my mother are friends. I see you’re here alone. Would you like to—”

  “Jesse,” Abby called out, cutting Claudine off mid-sentence.

  Jesse turned around. The sight of Abby in the periwinkle blue dress made her heart flutter.

  “He’s with me,” Abby said, hooking her arm through Jesse’s. Her gaze took in Claudine, sweeping over her from head to feet and back up again.

  Jesse, unsure of what to say or do, stuffed her free hand in a pocket and squirmed. She didn’t want to be rude, but had less of an idea about what to say or do than she had seconds earlier.

  A few awkward moments passed before Claudine finally spoke. “Oh, I see,” she said, turning to leave. “I should go. My friends are waiting.”

  Not wanting to be impolite, Jesse called out to her, “Enjoy the wedding.”

  “Looks like I can’t leave you alone for a second,” Abby said. Seeing another woman flirt with Jesse only increased her attraction for her.

  “Abs, y-y-you look lo-lovely,” Jesse said, stammering, awestruck by her beauty. “Ha. You have me sounding like Toby now.”

  Abby took in Jesse’s appearance. She was glad to have her arm for support because suddenly her legs felt in danger of collapsing. “You don’t look so bad yourself,” she said, her look one of yearning as she ran her hands down the soft suede of Jesse’s vest. “I missed you last night.”

  “I missed you, too. How’d ya sleep?”

  “Not too good. I think I’ve gotten used to having you beside me. Hard to sleep when you’re not there.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “We should go in and get our seats,” Abby said. “It’ll be filling up soon.”

  The couple made their way inside and took their seats on a wooden pew, four rows back from the altar. Jesse watched as people filed in, tipping her head in acknowledgement at the few she recognized.