The Devil Behind Us

by S. C. Wilson

  Jesse squinted as she followed the men back out into the bright sunlight. Cut off from the sun, she’d forgotten it was daytime. Or was that another effect of the pipe? She still felt strange. She plopped down on the grass beside Abby and almost fell over.

  “What happened to you?” Abby half-shouted, taking hold of her bandaged hand. She cradled it gently.

  “I’m fine. It was part of my…I guess you could say initiation,” she said, eyes glossed over. She leaned over and whispered in Abby’s ear, “I wish we were back at the lake.”

  Jesse felt like she had no self control. She wasn’t normally so blunt, but it was as if whatever was on her mind came spilling out of her mouth.

  Abby smiled and whispered back, “Maybe we can sneak off later and—”

  “Are you hungry?” Jesse asked. “I’m starving.”

  Whatever she had smoked was making it hard for her to stay focused.

  Abby looked at her more closely. Only a hint of green remained visible in the narrow slits of her eyes. “Have you been drinking?”

  “Nope. Smokin’,’” she said with a chuckle. She fell back to the ground with a grunt. Though she made no move to get up, Abby could tell from her grin she was doing just fine.

  Abby knew right then Jesse was inebriated from whatever she had smoked. “Let me get you something to eat.”

  Before she could stand, Jesse called up to her. “You’re a good woman, Abigail Flanagan!”

  That evening they joined the others in celebrating Jesse’s induction. They danced, feasted, and commemorated the newest member of the Ponak Tribe well into the early morning hours.

  Chapter Nine

  Fortunately for Jesse, Frieda had taught her the proper way to treat and dress a wound. With the aid of a salve she made from pine tree sap, the laceration on her hand was healing nicely. Even so, it was still a hindrance. She took added precautions in everything she did in an effort to keep the cut from reopening. The last thing she needed was an infection. If she lost her hand, she’d be nearly helpless. Helpless on the mountain was as good as dead. Simply feeding the horses took time and patience. Extra time was a luxury she didn’t have.

  Even before the weather turned bitter cold, Jesse brooded over the upcoming winter. She had to. Too many lives were depending on her. From the first hint of dawn, until everything around her was swallowed in shadow, she pushed herself. She was tireless in her efforts, racing against the calendar. It was a race she didn’t intend to lose. As the daylight hours grew shorter, her anxiety grew stronger. She agonized there wouldn’t be enough time for her to finish everything that needed to be done.

  Abby’s concern grew as well when, night after night, Jesse entered the cabin with boots dragging across the floor on legs too tired to lift them. She could see the toll the winter preparations were taking on her even with Toby’s help. Regardless of how hard she and Toby worked, the list never seemed to dwindle. There was always more game to hunt, traps to check, meat to smoke, berries to collect, and hay to bundle.

  No matter how many times Abby pleaded to help, Jesse refused, thinking her condition too fragile for such strenuous activities. Much to Abby’s chagrin, Jesse preferred to keep her safely tucked away in the cabin, working on a project she considered perfect for someone in her state. Not only would it make Abby feel like she was contributing, it would also give her some semblance of privacy when the baby came.

  Abby, with a stockpile of Jesse’s old tanned animal hides at her feet, opened the sewing kit Edith had put together. She selected one of the sturdiest needles and the heaviest string in the basket. While she liked the idea of a curtain to hang beneath the loft, and the privacy it would afford, she did not like being treated like a damsel in distress.

  Abby pulled two of the hides onto her lap and began stitching them together, rehearsing what she was going to say when Jesse returned that evening. When they had taken their vows, nowhere did it say one of them had the right to shut the other away in the cabin, like some captive seamstress. She explicitly remembered Jesse stopping the ceremony to have the word obey removed from the vows.

  When Jesse came through the door that evening, Abby took one look at her and forgot every rejoinder she had planned. Even the smile Jesse offered her looked tired. Her heart softened. She knew Jesse was only doing what she thought was best for her and their unborn child. Crossing the room, Abby wrapped her arms around her, vowing silently to be less argumentative.

  Did I put away enough wood? Do I need to smoke more meat? Will there be enough hay for the horses? Jesse knew those questions would taunt her in the days to come. She was in a trance of exhaustion by the time she came through the door each night with barely enough energy to sit at the table and eat the meals Abby prepared. Afterwards, she cleaned up and went straight to bed, falling asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

  A couple of weeks later, Abby set the baby blanket she was sewing in her lap and rubbed her tired eyes. It had been yet another evening alone by the fire, and in the low light of the cabin, she felt more lonely than usual. Yawning, she got up and closed the curtain that Jesse had hung earlier in the day.

  She undressed as quietly as she could in an effort not to wake Jesse. As she was about to slip on her nightgown, she was startled by a ragged whisper.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Jesse murmured, her voice raspy from sleep.

  “Oh,” Abby said, quickly moving to cover her ample body. “I thought you were asleep.”

  Jesse sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to take hold of Abby. “Don’t hide yourself. You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now.” She pulled Abby’s hands closer, kissing each one in turn.

  Abby looked down at her distended belly. “I’m so fat.”

  “You’re not fat. You’re carrying a baby.” Jesse leaned in close to Abby’s stomach. “Tell your mother she’s beautiful?” She placed her ear against Abby’s swollen abdomen as if listening for a response. “She agreed with me,” she said, kissing Abby’s belly. “Good night little one.” She stifled a yawn. “We’ll see you soon.”

  “If I’m so beautiful then why don’t you touch me anymore? Are you not attracted to me?”

  Despite her exhaustion, Jesse wanted nothing more than to be with Abby. Sometimes it took every ounce of willpower she had to stop herself from initiating something between them. Fearing harm to the baby, she would keep feigning fatigue whenever an opportunity presented itself.

  “Nothing could be further from the truth,” she said, faking a yawn. “It’s just been a long day and I’m tired.” Her statement was followed by a genuine yawn this time. “Let’s get some sleep.” She crawled back under the covers.

  By the time Abby had slipped her nightgown on over her head, Jesse was sound asleep. She crawled into bed beside her. Their bodies were so close Abby could feel the heat coming off of her. How can two people be so close and yet so far apart, she wondered?

  Even before the start of winter, the frigid temperature was too bitter to venture outside for any length of time. Jesse had years of experience to draw on when it came to cabin fever, and this time she planned accordingly. She had set aside a pile of hand-hewn wood in one corner of the cabin. It was the perfect time to build the cradle she had already started constructing in her mind.

  A couple of weeks into the project, Jesse and Toby sat working, their attention focused on assembling the framework. Abby sat in the rocker, knitting on a baby outfit. Pops and crackles from the fire went unnoticed, dwarfed by the ever-present winds howling through the pines.

  Abby was engrossed in her work, humming to herself, when her rocker came to an abrupt halt. Her eyes widened. “Jes, come here!”

  “What is it?” Jesse asked, hurrying to her side. “What’s wrong?”

  Abby took hold of her hand and placed her palm flat against her stomach. “Do you feel that?”

  Jesse wasn’t sure what she was supposed to feel. “No. I don’t feel anything.”

  “Wait.” Abby s
tayed completely still, keeping Jesse’s hand pressed firmly in place.

  A few moments later, Jesse felt something shift against her hand. “Was that—“

  “Yes.”

  Jesse wrinkled her nose. “Does it hurt when she moves like that?”

  “No. It feels more like a flutter.”

  Jesse shifted her hand, and waited. She smiled when she felt the gentle sensation once more. “She sure is active this morning.”

  Abby chuckled. “He sure is.”

  Long winter days turned into even longer winter nights. When Jesse wasn’t busy working on the cradle, she worked on the plain wooden box she had given Abby for her birthday. Initially, she’d planned to give her the cameo necklace. Her plan had changed when she’d had to exchange it in order to be able to afford her wedding ring. The box would never be as beautiful as the necklace but at least now, with so much time on her hands, she could give it the attention it deserved. As she sat for hours carving intricate flowers into its top, she glanced at Abby from time to time. Pity pulled at her insides.

  Abby’s stomach had grown considerably larger in a short span of time. Jesse knew she drove the others crazy with her constant pacing but she couldn’t stop herself. While she was overjoyed at the idea of the baby coming, at the same time, she had never been more terrified in her life. Especially knowing Abby’s own mother had died giving birth to her sister. She didn’t know what she would do if something were to happen to either Abby or the baby.

  Abby was miserable. Her own body had betrayed her. Everything hurt from her engorged breasts, to her lower back, all the way down to her swollen feet. She no longer had ankles. Her fingers were so swollen she couldn’t even wear her wedding ring. Something as simple as bending had become impossible. At night, if she was lucky enough to find a comfortable position in the bed, it wouldn’t take long before she had to move due to bouts of indigestion.

  Jesse and Toby figured out when to come close and when they should give tear-prone Abby her much needed space.

  Jesse did anything she could think of to make Abby more comfortable. She rubbed her swollen, achy feet, massaged her lower back, and did her best to assure her everything she was going through was only temporary. Even though they had moved the outhouse closer to the cabin for Abby’s convenience before the weather had turned, it became clear by Abby’s waddle the short jaunt was too much for her. Jesse offered to bring her the old pan Frieda had used. The fury in Abby’s eyes was colder than the ice coating the windowpane. Some things she was willing to sacrifice for her unborn child, but her dignity while using a chamber pot was not one of them. It was bad enough Jesse had to help her bathe. So, in an effort to help Abby maintain her last remaining thread of normalcy, Jesse and Toby were diligent in keeping the path to the outhouse clear of snow. It was the least they could do for her.

  On January 31st, Jesse dragged the cradle over to the bed where Abby lay. She already knew the answer, but asked the question anyway. “Pain is pretty bad today. Isn’t it?”

  Abby’s sleep had been sporadic. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t find a comfortable position. She’d tossed and turned all night long. Jesse had wanted to shove a pillow over her own head in order to drown out Abby’s groaning. She knew better than to do it, though, or risk finding herself sleeping in an uncomfortable position.

  “I don’t recall ever feeling so miserable in my life,” Abby said. “I’m never going to go through this again. That you can be sure of.” She released a long slow breath, moaning as she arched her back in an effort to alleviate the pain.

  “I’m sorry you feel so bad. I wish there was something I could do.”

  “Did you get it finished?” she asked, attempting to take her mind off the pain.

  “Almost. It still wobbles a little when it rocks though.” Jesse gave it a push to demonstrate. “I think it just needs a little more taken off the—”

  Abby sat up with a grunt. A protective hand, guided by instinct, went to her stomach when a strong contraction shuddered through her. She thought she had felt them intermittently throughout the night, but hadn’t been sure. This time there was no doubt in her mind. “I think the baby might be coming today,” she said, her voice smothered with worry.

  Jesse sprang to her feet, her hands laced through her hair. “But you aren’t due for at least another month.”

  “I don’t think he cares,” she said through clenched teeth.

  Chapter Ten

  Strong gusts of wind had been relentlessly buffeting the cabin. Toby could hear the creaking and moaning of the log timbers in between Abby’s intermittent groans. As he knelt to place a log on the fire, another violent squall swept across the porch, rattling the door on its hinges. He glanced over his shoulder at Jesse sitting vigil beside Abby. Neither one of them seemed to notice anything outside the realm of their bedroom. He paced around the table in the center of the room and stopped when Abby cried out again as another contraction ripped through her body. I wish I could do something to help her, he thought, pulling the curtain closed to give her some privacy.

  “Will you hand me that blanket?” Abby asked Jesse through gritted teeth. She shifted her body, trying to find a comfortable position. It was as if her own muscles conspired against her. Nothing felt natural. Jesse started to cover her with the blanket, but Abby grabbed her arm. “No. Put it under me.” She lifted her bottom slightly, allowing Jesse to slip it beneath her.

  A few minutes later, Abby’s eyes widened and she grabbed her stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.” She quickly put her hand over her mouth.

  Jesse fetched an old pan and held back Abby’s hair each time the sickness overwhelmed her, keeping a cool rag pressed on the back of her neck.

  Abby’s breath came out in one long rush. She pushed a balled fist into the small of her back, her face twisted in pain.

  Jesse stood up. “Here, why don’t you roll on your side and I’ll rub your back.” She helped Abby turn and then set to work kneading the muscles, sore from months of straining. The tension had formed knots like stones beneath her skin.

  A few minutes in that position were all Abby could tolerate before her body demanded something different. She rolled onto her back, clutching a piece of the blanket in her fist.

  “It should all be over with soon,” Jesse said.

  Abby pushed out what she intended to be a calming breath. “Not necessarily. A friend of mine was in labor for nineteen hours. I’m not sure I can do this. I’ve never been in so much pain before.” The words spilled out in an anxious gush almost as violent as the purge that had roiled her minutes earlier.

  Jesse blotted her forehead with the cool rag. “Yes, you can. We’ll get through this together.” She bent over and kissed Abby’s cheek, blotched from the heat of her efforts. “I can’t wait to meet her—” She stopped when Abby’s eyes went wide. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Abby clutched her arm. “I think my water just broke.”

  Jesse heard the door open and close, but the sound barely registered as background noise. Her attention was focused solely on Abby. She pulled back the cover and saw a damp shadow spread on the blanket beneath Abby. “Let’s get you out of these wet things,” she said, helping her lean forward. Jesse gingerly pulled off the nightgown, careful of Abby’s swollen belly and tender breasts, and then covered her up with a blanket.

  Abby grimaced at the sight of the nightgown. She had been wearing it for the last three months, the only clothing she could fit into. The garment was her own work, sewn out of material from Frieda’s old dresses. She never wanted to see it again. “I can’t wait to burn that thing,” she said, clenching her teeth through another contraction.

  “Abs, I’m so sorry.” Jesse took hold of her hand. “I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain.”

  Abby blew through pursed lips. “You just stay here with me and like you said, we’ll get through this.”

  Time crawled over the next several hours, it’s passing marked
only by the increasing tempo of Abby’s contractions. Waves of pain, which had been coming at intervals of twenty minutes near midday, now came within minutes of each other. Her pain was visibly, audibly more intense now. The contractions came consistently, urging her along, until finally, her body’s insistence was too compelling to resist any longer.

  Abby said, “I need to push.” She leaned forward, grabbed hold of her bent knees, and bore down. Her pulse slammed in her ears, getting louder with each quick beat of her heart. After a few seconds, she released her grip and lay back. “Will you look? Hopefully, you’ll see a head.”

  Jesse cautiously peered underneath the blanket, unsure of what to expect. She tilted her head in surprise. The part of Abby she had become quite familiar with now looked engorged and red. She pushed the thought from her mind. “No. I don’t see anything.” Jesse asked, “Do you think something is wrong?”

  “I don’t think so. I just think he’s going to be stubborn about this.”

  “She.” Jesse clarified with a wink. She wrung out a cloth and dabbed the beads of sweat from Abby’s forehead. “Do you know you’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now?” She tucked a stray strand of Abby’s hair behind her ear.

  “Oh, I’m sure I look—”Abby cried out as another sharp contraction rippled through her. She moaned. “It hurts so— ” Pain racked the words from her mouth.

  Jesse held Abby’s bent knee. “Do you want to try pushing again?”

  Abby leaned forward and bore down. She pushed for as long as she could, eyes squeezed, face reddening, and then leaned back, winded. “Do you see the head?”

  Jesse looked again. She shook her head. “No.”

  Abby tossed and twisted in the bed as the worst contraction yet hit her, fighting hard for control of her body. She arched her back, head pressing almost through the pillow. Her lips quivered as a moan escaped. “I think something might be wrong,” she cried out, each word more breathless, worry painted on her face. “You should be able to see the head by now.”