by Susan Stoker
“Give it up,” Mary echoed, staring at Brian.
Brian leaned in and tapped her on the nose before straightening. “Yeah. It took longer than I thought. The guys all thought for sure you’d be an easy lay because of who your mom is, so who would’ve thought your legs were all but chained closed? But I gotta say, once I got them pried open, you were one hot lay.”
Understanding finally dawned, and Mary clenched her teeth before saying, “You said you loved me so I’d sleep with you?”
“Yeah, Einstein. There’s no way I was gonna stick with you much longer anyway. The game had gotten old and there’s a new batch of freshman cheerleaders I wanna take for a ride before I graduate.”
“Fuck you,” Mary said in a low, controlled voice.
All her mama’s warnings echoed in her head. Her entire life, she’d thought her mama was a drunk, bitter old woman. But she’d learned a harsh lesson—Mama was right. Men sucked. All of them. The boy she thought loved her, and who she’d wanted to marry and have babies with, had used her.
Thank God, she’d made him use a condom, even when he’d complained that it dulled his pleasure.
“No thanks,” Brian said flippantly. “I’ve had my fill. You were a fun diversion, but way too much work. I gotta go. Andi is waiting for me in the lunchroom. I have it on good authority that she wants me, and who am I to deny a bitch my cock?”
And with that parting shot, he spun on his heels and walked away. Leaving Mary standing in the middle of the hallway.
Mary stared after him, her heart slowly hardening.
Despite everything her mom had told her. Despite seeing man after man parade in and out of their trailer, she’d still believed in fairy tales. She’d lain under her bed many nights, dreaming of her own Prince Charming. Dreaming of a man telling her and showing her without words how much he loved and cared about her.
But at that moment, watching Brian walk away the day after he took her virginity, after admitting he did it just to see if he could, Mary felt her heart shrivel up. She’d never believe tender words of love again.
Mama was right. She’d never trust another man as long as she lived. Never.
* * *
8 Years Ago, Age 22
* * *
“Men suck.”
Mary turned to look at the woman who’d spoken.
She’d recently moved to Dallas after getting her college degree and was sick of sitting in her apartment by herself. She’d found the small hole-in-the-wall bar and decided to go out for a drink or two. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have anyone to go with.
She’d been sitting there for about twenty minutes before the other woman plopped herself down on the barstool next to hers. She’d ordered a Midori martini before sighing and giving her commentary on men.
Mary grinned. Now here was someone after her own heart. “Agreed.”
“I swear to God, I don’t know why I keep trying.”
“Because they make you feel good in bed?” Mary offered.
The other woman laughed. “Yeah, there is that.” She turned to Mary and held out her hand. “I’m Rayne. Rayne Jackson.”
Mary shook her hand and said, “Mary Weston.”
“I think I like you, Mary Weston,” Rayne said.
“Likewise.”
They grinned at each other, and Mary held up her bottle of beer in a toast. “Here’s to men sucking.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Rayne said, and clinked her glass with Mary’s bottle.
* * *
4 Years Ago, Age 26
* * *
Mary closed her eyes as another bout of nausea overtook her. She felt Rayne’s hand on her back as she leaned over the toilet and dry heaved.
“Easy, Mare,” Rayne said as she tried to soothe her. “When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll help you back to bed.”
It took ten more minutes before Mary felt like the nausea had passed. Rayne helped her limp back to her bed and she fell onto it with a sigh. “I hate this,” Mary said.
“I know,” Rayne agreed.
“Not the cancer,” Mary argued. “That asshole said he’d be here tonight.”
“Men suck,” Rayne murmured.
“I know. I can’t believe I fell for his bullshit. Why didn’t you kick me in the ass, Raynie?”
“Because I really thought he was going to be the one,” Rayne answered, wiping Mary’s brow with a damp cloth.
“My mama told me a long time ago that if a man says he loves you, he’s full of shit. That I should never get attached and only use them for a good time.”
“That’s not true,” Rayne protested. “I mean, yes, some men suck, but there’s got to be some good ones out there.”
“I don’t think so. I mean, who tells a woman dying of cancer that he’ll be there every step of the way and after the first sign she’s struggling, he bails?”
“Reggie Milsap,” was Rayne’s dry response.
Mary chuckled, even though that made her head hurt even more. “Yeah. Him.”
“Remember that promise we made to each other a few years ago?” Rayne asked.
“Which one?”
“That we’d wait to walk down the aisle until we both had men who had proven they were reliable, loved us for real, and we could do it together?”
“Yeah.”
“I meant that,” Rayne said, her eyes piercing in their intensity.
“I know.”
“I’m not letting you use cancer as an excuse to get out of it either.”
Mary chuckled again, but protested. “It’s really kind of silly, Rayne. I mean, I don’t think I’m ever going to get married. I can’t trust anyone enough to go that far. And I would never want to hold you up from marrying someone you loved.”
“Yeah, okay, I wouldn’t want to hold you up either, but don’t give up on finding someone. Men suck, but I’m holding out hope for a hero.”
Mary rolled her eyes. “You and that song.”
Rayne grinned. “How’s this…if one of us finds someone that we really, really like, and there are no prospects for the other on the horizon, we’ll go ahead and get married. But if the other is dating or something, then we’ll wait.”
“Deal,” Mary said immediately. She knew there wasn’t a chance in hell of her falling in love. It didn’t exist. She’d been proven right time and time again. Reggie Milsap was simply the latest to dash her ridiculous hope that her mama was somehow wrong.
Mary knew Rayne would eventually find someone, she had no doubt. Rayne was a good person inside and out. She was adventurous, brave, funny…Mary could go on and on about her best friend. How could a man not fall in love with Rayne?
But her? Even if she lived through this bout with breast cancer, she knew deep in her bones no man would be able to get past the shields she’d put around her heart. She was too snarky and came across to others as a complete bitch. She couldn’t help it. It was easier to keep people at arm’s length than to risk them hurting her. Because they always hurt her. Always.
So she used sarcasm and snark as a shield. Mary knew the day she got married was the day she believed in fairy tales again. And it would be a cold day in hell before that happened.
Chapter One
“Mary! Kassie’s having her baby! You need to get to the hospital, now!” The panic was easy to hear in Wendy’s voice. Kassie was overdue by at least a week and was more than ready to have her baby.
Mary hadn’t been sure anyone would even call to let her know when she went into labor, but Wendy and Casey hadn’t taken sides in her current drama, and had kept her updated on Kassie’s progress.
She’d done some shitty things in her life, but pushing her best friend away and getting married behind her back—and keeping it secret for months—was low, even for Mary.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m not sure I can get off work early,” Mary told Wendy. She knew frustration was leaking into her voice, but couldn’t help it. She’d used up all of her sick and vacation
time at the bank during her recent second bout of breast cancer, and she couldn’t afford to take any more unpaid time off work. She couldn’t be terminated because of the time she’d taken already, thanks to the Family and Medical Leave Act, but her boss wasn’t exactly thrilled. There was no way she’d approve of Mary leaving an hour early.
“Get here, girl!” Wendy practically yelled. “I think she’s gonna have this kid sooner rather than later. You don’t want to miss it!”
And Mary didn’t. Even knowing most of the women in their circle were upset with her, she loved all of them.
Rayne had been her best friend for years. But through her, she’d gotten to know and love Emily, Harley, Kassie, Bryn, Casey, Sadie, and Wendy. She couldn’t imagine not having them all in her life…so the last couple of months had been torture. Mary knew it was all her fault, for marrying Truck and not telling anyone, especially Rayne. But the last thing she’d wanted to do was admit to her friends that she was using the man for his insurance.
Okay, that was a lie. She never would’ve married anyone for money. No way in hell. The insurance was the reason she clung to, but the truth was that she cared about Truck a hell of a lot.
Shit, who was she kidding? She loved the man. She’d practically moved into his apartment. Now that the cancer was gone, she could’ve moved back home. She could’ve put space between them. She could’ve told him that she wanted a divorce, for God’s sake.
But the truth of the matter was that Mary liked sleeping in Truck’s arms. Liked waking up to his tousled hair and grumpy morning attitude. She liked coming home from work and having him there. She liked cooking for him, and letting him cook for her. She liked pretty much everything about him.
The bottom line was that Ford “Truck” Laughlin was a good man.
Way too good for the likes of her.
She was Ann Weston’s daughter. The spawn of a town whore. She was born white trash and she’d always be white trash. Too brash. Too snarky. Hanging out with Rayne and the other women made her feel less worthless, but when push came to shove, she was exactly like her mama. Using Truck for what he could give her.
But she couldn’t quite make herself push him from her life. She couldn’t imagine him not being there. And that scared the shit out of her.
If she felt this way about him now, when they were basically living as roommates and not lovers, not like a true man and wife would live, how would she feel if she let down all her barriers?
Mary didn’t even want to get into the small fact that the thought of being intimate with Truck freaked her out. Not because of him; she could never be afraid of him. But because of what the cancer had taken from her. Namely, her boobs. It was silly. It wasn’t like two mounds of flesh made a woman a woman, but the thought of baring herself to Truck now that she wasn’t sick, letting him see exactly how disfigured she was, made her physically sick.
It wasn’t as if Truck didn’t know…he did. He was fully aware that she’d had a double mastectomy, knew what the radiation had done to her skin and nerves there. He’d see her when wearing clothes was too painful because of the radiation burns on her skin. But it was a whole different thing to willingly bare herself to him…or to anyone…now that she wasn’t “sick” anymore.
“Mary?” Wendy asked.
Mary jerked back to the present. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. If Kassie has her daughter before I get there, tell her congrats for me.”
“I will. See you later!”
Mary hung up the phone and ignored the glare from her boss. She wasn’t allowed to make personal phone calls during work hours, but fuck that. Kassie was in the hospital having her baby. And it wasn’t as if she’d been on the phone for hours.
Taking a deep breath, Mary gestured to the next customer in line.
An hour and a half later, Mary rushed into the hospital and ran up to the lady behind the reception area.
“I’m here for Kassie Caverly. She’s having a baby. Might have already had it. Can you tell me what room she’s in or where the waiting room is?”
The woman smiled, obviously having dealt with many panicked patrons over the years. “The waiting area for obstetrics is on the third floor. The elevator is behind you on the right.”
“Thank you!” Mary told her and hurried toward the elevator doors. She pushed the button and turned to glance at someone she saw out of the corner of her eye—and froze.
It was Ghost. She hadn’t been alone with him since it had come out that she’d married Truck.
She knew Ghost was pissed. Rayne had refused to marry him until she could walk down the aisle with Mary.
Ghost didn’t take his eyes from her. He didn’t look mad, not really, but his gaze on her was uncomfortable.
Because she felt uneasy, Mary did what she did best…brought out the snark. It was her defense mechanism, and how she’d been taught to deal with intense emotions. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she told him, and inwardly winced at the childish taunt.
But her words didn’t seem to faze the Delta Force soldier. He merely leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his broad chest and continued to stare at her.
Mary fidgeted and prayed the elevator would hurry the hell up. Of course, when it did arrive, she was going to have to get in the closed box with Ghost. That would be worse. She began to pray that someone else would arrive and get in the elevator with them. That way, he couldn’t say anything that would slice her to ribbons.
Not that she would blame him. It was her fault Raynie wouldn’t marry him. Well, that and the stupid pact they’d made while drunk one night. She’d tried to convince Rayne to marry Ghost, but she’d refused. Now it was a huge mess, and Mary was right in the middle of it.
The elevator dinged with its arrival and Mary bravely stepped in, Ghost right on her heels. The second the door shut, he spoke.
“How are you, Mary?”
“Fine.”
“No residual effects from the cancer?”
Mary didn’t understand why he was being so nice. She wished he would go ahead and lambast her and get it over with. “My fingers tingle, and some days I can’t really feel them, but otherwise, I feel okay.”
“Good.”
She waited for the other shoe to fall. When he didn’t say anything else, she took a deep breath and looked up at him. “Go on, say it already.”
“Say what?” Ghost asked, looking completely unruffled.
“Yell at me. Tell me I’m a bitch. Tell me that you’re pissed at me for hurting Raynie.”
“Believe it or not, I understand why you married Truck and didn’t tell anyone.”
Mary gaped at the larger man. “You do?”
He nodded but didn’t elaborate.
Hell, Mary hardly knew why she’d kept her marriage a secret. Well, part of it was that she simply hadn’t wanted to disappoint Rayne by not having that double wedding she had her heart set on. Another part was because she was afraid. Rayne had put her entire life on hold the first time Mary had fought the cancer. Had spent every moment she could helping Mary get through it. The guilt Mary felt that her friend had done so much for her was almost overwhelming. She couldn’t have put Rayne through that again.
But more than that, the last thing Mary had wanted was for Rayne to watch her die.
Mary had decided she wasn’t going to go through the treatments again. And without the chemo, the cancer would eventually kill her. And she hadn’t wanted her best friend to have to watch her fade away.
She’d kept the cancer from her best friend for Rayne’s sake.
Mary had made peace with her life and was ready to die, but then Truck stepped in. Kept on her and wouldn’t stop. He basically shamed her into fighting a second time. When he learned that she didn’t have the money for the treatments, he offered to marry her so she could be on his Army insurance.
Mary wanted to decline, but in the end had taken him up on his offer. She wasn’t an idiot, she’d known the man had feelings for her, but she�
��d pushed that to the back of her mind and put all her effort into the agony of going through the chemo and radiation treatments a second time…and keeping her best friend at arm’s length so she didn’t find out.
For Ghost to say he knew why she’d done what she had was laughable. He had no clue.
“You don’t know me,” Mary whispered. “You have no idea what my motives were.”
Ghost took a step toward her then, and Mary retreated before she could stop herself. Once she realized what she’d done, she straightened and crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at Ghost.
“I know you love Rayne. I know you’d do anything in your power to look out for her. To protect her. You did it when I dicked her over, and you did it when you didn’t tell her about your cancer returning. I don’t know your history, I don’t think even Rayne knows all of it, but what I do know is that you’ve probably been treated like shit. You love deeply, but have no idea how to express it. Your way of expressing that to your best friend was to push her out of your life when shit got tough, for her own protection. I understand that. I do. And to a small extent, I’m grateful, because Rayne would’ve done everything in her power to make sure you recovered. Would’ve put everything and everyone else to the side, including me.
“But you’re also correct that I’m pissed. You denied Rayne the chance to be there for you. You essentially denied her love. I’ve already forgiven you, Mary. But you’re going to have to work for Rayne’s forgiveness. You hurt her. Bad. I’ve never seen her so devastated. She cried the entire night after she found out about you and Truck. About your cancer. Not because of a fucking wedding ceremony. But because you wouldn’t let her be there for you. That’s what she’s upset about. Whoever taught you to be so selfish should be shot. Love freely given is the best kind of medicine out there.”
Mary stared up at Ghost in dismay. His words slashing at her and hurting worse than the last bouts of radiation had, when her skin was already raw and burnt.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened on the third floor. Without waiting for a reply, Ghost strode out of the small box and headed down the hall.