Broken

by Tia Sirrah

  "Slice it like this," I instructed, as I sliced a few pieces for demonstration. We worked side by side while I softly sang R&B oldies from my playlist, which resounded throughout the kitchen. Conner learned months ago that I cooked all my meals to Rhythm and Blues music of the 60s. It reminded me of cooking dinner with my father’s mother, Grandma Rose. Luckily, I inherited Grandma Rose’s vocal ability, so Conner’s ears didn’t bleed as I sang along to Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s If This World Were Mine.

  After slicing the onions, scallions, and garlic, Conner was still only on his second sausage link. "You okay over there?" I called over my shoulder, as I dipped the battered chicken into hot grease.

  "I think I got it," he chuckled.

  I’d asked Conner to give Javier and his housekeeper, Mildred, the day off. We could surely manage the kitchen on our own. I put Conner on dishwashing duty, while I finished up the gumbo. At times, the overpowering aroma of the gumbo made me a bit queasy, so I made sure that the windows were open and that the ceiling fans were spinning. While the gumbo simmered, we cuddled on the sofa, sipping wine and kissing, while my R&B 60’s soundtrack continued to play in the background.

  Later that evening, with our stomachs full, we lounged out on Conner’s temperature-controlled deck. Conner proved to still have a healthy appetite as he feasted on my honeypot, licking every drop, as I reclined back with my hands threaded through his hair. After my third orgasm, I returned the favor, licking and sucking his rock-hard cock until he exploded in my mouth and down my throat. Afterward, Conner rested his head in my lap, as I lazily ran my fingers through his silky mane. We stayed like this for a while, basking in the sun and enjoying each other’s company.

  "Sorry I missed your call last night while I was out with Amy. You wanna talk about whatever was on your mind yesterday?" I reluctantly broached.

  He raised his head up from my lap, and he laid down beside me. He laced our fingers together and focused his eyes down on our joined hands. "It’s about Amy."

  I turned to him. "Is everything okay? Did Quentin do something? She was really emotional last night."

  He hesitated for a moment as if he were warring with what he was going to say next. At such an inopportune time, my queasiness returned. "Hold that thought. I think I’m going to be sick." Bile rose up my throat, and I hurriedly bolted from the lounger. I ran towards the balcony doors, but vomit spewed from my mouth and into a nearby potted plant. In an instant, Conner was beside me, squatting down and holding my hair back as I now dry heaved. I wiped my mouth with the hem of my dress. "I’m so sorry. I killed your plant."

  "It’s okay," he soothed. He helped me stand to my feet before swooping me up in his arms. "Let’s get you inside," he consoled, as he carried me through the balcony doors which opened to his master suite.

  "I need to brush my teeth. You can put me down." He ignored my request. I felt so light in his arms, as he effortlessly carried me to the master bath. Once planted on my two feet, I grabbed my toothbrush and proceeded to brush the vomit stench out of my mouth.

  Conner went over the jetted tub and drew a bath for me. He poured a few drops of my favorite bubble bath and oils into the water and turned on the low jets. He then proceeded to undress me. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail before climbing into the jacuzzi style bathtub.

  Conner sat down on the edge of the tub and began massaging my shoulders as I tipped my head forward, enjoying the pressure from his skilled hands. He washed my back with a sponge, warm water running down my shoulders and breasts. After my bath, he wrapped me in a cool lush towel and led me over to the massive bed in the center of his room.

  I slipped between the cool sheets, already dozing. "I’ll go get you some soda crackers and ginger ale."

  I nodded. The last thing I remembered was Conner pulling the blanket up to my neck and kissing me on my forehead.

  ∞∞∞

  I STIRRED AWAKE TO find Conner sitting in a nearby chair by the bedroom windows. He was staring aimlessly out of the window at his million-dollar view of acres of green forest. "Hey, babe," I said, through a yawn and stretch. I sat up against the headboard.

  Conner rose from his chair and sat beside me on the edge of the bed. "You don’t suppose you’re pregnant?"

  "What? No. I’m on birth control, remember?" I pointed to the implant in my arm.

  "When was your last period?" he asked calmly.

  "My periods have always been irregular." He just stared at me. "It’s impossible Conner. I mean, not impossible. But the implant is 99% effective. I’ve had it for three years. Don’t worry." If only I could take my own advice.

  "I’m not worried," he said matter of factly as he brushed his knuckles along my cheek.

  "I would never try to trap you by getting pregnant." I’m not like my mother.

  He reached out and gently palmed the sides of my face in his hands. His green eyes bore into mine. "You’re probably not pregnant. But if you are…it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere." He kissed the tip of my nose, before tucking a few loose curly strands of hair behind my ears. "I love you. I’m in love you. You need to know that. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I was just to chicken shit to admit it to myself…to you." He leaned his forehead into mine.

  I closed my eyes. It felt as if a million tons had been lifted off my shoulders. "I’m in love with you, too."

  "I still don’t know why you love me, but I’ll take it. Because I can’t live without you," Conner said, his voice a husky whisper.

  Our lips met. We kissed hard and clumsily, our teeth thrashing against each other's. We nibbled and bit each other’s bottom lips, and our tongues wrestled as he climbed on top of me. I needed him inside of me like I needed my next breath. I quickly unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down over his muscular ass. When he thrust inside of me, I choked on a gasp, the intense feeling of our connection momentarily overwhelming me. We made passionate love into the night and orgasmed at the same time. That night, when we fell asleep, he spooned me from behind with his palm splayed across my abdomen.

  Chapter 13

  I AWOKE WITH A start, jumping up and running to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before dry heaving into the bowl. Conner’s side of the bed was empty. He was an early riser and was most likely downstairs in his gym, pumping iron. I eased myself up from the cool marble floor. I had a delicious ache between my legs from our night of lovemaking.

  After washing my face and slipping on my robe, I stared at the box which sat beside my toothbrush holder. I picked up the pregnancy test box, my heart hammering inside my chest. Does he just have these things lying around? When did he go out and get a pregnancy test? I dropped the box like it was the plague. I reached for my toothbrush and decided to brush my teeth instead.

  This could not be my life right now. We were not ready to have a baby. Conner and I had only been together for a few months. My dad hadn’t even met him yet, and Conner’s mother had made it perfectly clear that I was not her favorite person.

  I’d always imagined being a bride before a mother. My dad would be livid if he knew his little princess was in this predicament. I chuckled at the thought, but nothing was funny. Welp, he could just add it to the list of disappointments. He reminded me of them every time I spoke with him, which is why I hadn’t been around much lately.

  What would Conner think if I was pregnant with his child? Just a few months ago, he was a perpetual bachelor. Now he was faced with the possibility of becoming a father. My thoughts were interrupted by Conner’s presence in the doorway. His large hands gripped the top of the doorframe. He was shirtless with a pair of low hanging sweatpants on. His body glistened with sweat; his hair was damp. "I had Mildred go to the store," he said, gesturing over to the pregnancy test.

  I rinsed and wiped my mouth before responding. "I wondered if you had these things just lying around," I said dryly.

  "Not exactly. I’ve never entertained women in my home. And I’ve never been in this predicament.
I’ve never had sex without a condom before you."

  I glared at him. "Oh, so this is my fault?"

  "No. I didn’t say that. Shit happens, you know." How was he so calm about this?

  "Well, I don’t want to think about you and other women have sex while I’m standing here with a pregnancy test."

  He held his hands up in mock defense, then crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame.

  I picked up the pregnancy test box. "It’s probably just the stomach bug. You know it’s been going around."

  He stared at me, amused almost. "Just take the test," he calmly urged.

  "Okay." I took a deep breath. "Let’s just get this over with, so we can see that I’m not pregnant." I looked up at him and waited for him to excuse himself. "I’d like to pee in private, if that’s okay with you," I grouched.

  He rolled his eyes before stepping out, closing the door behind him.

  I opened the box and tore the plastic wrapper off the testing stick. It was one of those easy to read kits with precise results that displayed Pregnant or Not Pregnant. I followed the instructions from the pamphlet and placed the pregnancy test stick on top of some wadded-up tissue. While washing my hands, I stared down at the test stick as it computed. Then I look down at my flat abdomen. There wasn’t even the slightest bulge. I examined my fingernails. I needed a manicure. I looked closely at the ends of my hair. I needed a trim. I made a mental note to call Fatima later to set up an appointment. I needed a facial. My pores looked huge. I would call and make an appointment for Helena and me. I also needed to call Amy and check on her.

  "Anything yet?" Conner called out from behind the door.

  I opened the door and stepped aside. "I haven’t checked it yet. It says to wait three minutes."

  Conner held up the testing stick. "Conner, I just peed on it. The results won’t be ready that—"

  The look on his face made me halt my words. He looked over at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

  I snatched the test out of his hand. Pregnant. We both stood there, stunned by the little stick.

  My hand felt as if it went numb, and I dropped the stick into the sink. Conner instantly wrapped his arms around me. "It’s okay," he soothed while holding me tight. That only made me cry. He leaned down so that we were face to face. "It’s going to be okay," he said as he searched my face. I was too stunned to speak. The words were caught in my throat. "We’re having a baby," he said. "You’re having my baby." Something that resembled elation shone in his eyes.

  "We’re having a baby," I said as tears fell from my eyes. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around his waist. We held each other like that until my tears subsided.

  We cuddled between the sheets after we showered together. "What did you want to tell me about Amy?" I was ready to hear whatever he had to tell me about my bestie. What else could shake me to my core, like the news we’d just received?

  "Nothing important. This is all that matters," Conner said as he tightened his embrace. "I love you so much, angel."

  "I love you, too."

  ∞∞∞

  I CHANGED INTO my workout clothes and laced up my sneakers. A brisk walk through town was just what I needed. I secured my cell phone into my armband pocket and grabbed a bottled water.

  My doorbell rang as I was about to open my front door. I wasn’t expecting company and was not prepared for who I saw through my peephole. I pinched the bridge of my nose before opening my door partially. "Marcus, what are you doing here?"

  "You won’t answer my calls, so you left me no choice."

  I hesitated, suddenly feeling underdressed in my black yoga pants and matching lycra halter. No time like the present, I told myself, as I opened the door wide and stepped aside.

  Even with dark sunglasses on, I felt Marcus’s eyes slowly roam over my body. I instinctively folded my arms over my barely-there breasts. "Is your bodyguard here?" he asked, a sarcastic undertone to his voice.

  I rolled my eyes. "It’s not cool to show up unannounced like this."

  "Well, hello to you too, Novalee. Me, I’m doing great. Thanks for asking," he said dryly while his eyes perused my place. "It feels like forever ago since I was here last."

  "It has been a while," I replied.

  Marcus never had any problems attracting the ladies. With his smooth chocolate complexion, angular face, full lips, and sharp nose, he was a girl’s wet dream. The kind of visual eye candy that girls used when masturbating. Why he was so stuck on rekindling something between us, was beyond me.

  I closed the door and headed to the refrigerator. I retrieved a bottled water for Marcus before opening mine and taking a drink. "Let’s talk." I leaned against the center island, and Marcus sat on a barstool across from me.

  "Is talking even allowed? It seems like your new man has you on a tight leash." He tilted his head slightly. "Since when do you like the overbearing type?"

  Marcus, who was usually pretty even keel, bristled with animosity. I mimicked his head tilt and narrowed my eyes. "Excuse you?"

  "You heard me," he asserted. "You think I forgot? All the talks we used to have while you were in my arms, in that very bed?" He pointed to my bedroom. "You hated how overbearing your father was. Well, congratulations, Novalee. You’re dating a man just like him. I guess it’s true what they say. A girl finds a man just like her daddy."

  "You don’t even know Conner." I shook my head defiantly. "And what you’re not going to do is sit here and talk about him or our relationship. Both are none of your business." I seethed with anger.

  He studied me for a moment. "You’re different. Not as much of a pushover anymore."

  "Gee, thanks," I deadpanned.

  "There’s more of an edge to you. That’s good. Something tells me you’re going to need it." He rested his forearms on the granite island slab and leaned forward. "Do you know him, Novalee? Like, really know him?" He regarded me intently.

  "What type of question is that? Of course, I do. Oh, and he saw the text messages, by the way."

  "I assumed he did. Seeing that he paid me a little visit last week." Marcus took off his sunglasses and revealed a fading bruise under his right eye.

  "What happened?" I asked, my gut twisting in knots.

  He shrugged. "He rolled up on me at school last week. Found me in the parking lot. At first, I didn’t know who the hell he was. Ole’ boy pulls up in the parking spot next to me in a Porsche 918 Spider. He gets out of the car, fully suited, looking like the freaking mafia. He taps on my window, signaling for me to get out the car."

  I stood there, dumbfounded. Conner had no right. A couple of text messages from Marcus didn’t warrant this. I was not a child. I was not some damsel in distress. I could have handled this myself. Text him back. Handle your shit. You really don’t want me to. Things could become very…complicated for Marcus. Conner’s words came back to me. I leaned forward against the kitchen island and remained silent.

  "When I got out of the car, it immediately donned on me who this dude was. I remember seeing the two of you on t.v. You guys were on the red carpet at some Hollywood movie premiere." Marcus shook his head as he chuckled. "Long story short, he told me to stop contacting you. Dude threatened me and told me I didn’t want to fuck with him. That he always gets what he wants. That I had no idea who I was dealing with." Marcus's eyes bore into mine. "He got the girl, so I guess that’s true." I fidgeted under his gaze as he unabashedly took me in.

  "And he just…hit you?"

  "Yeah. After I told him to go fuck himself and that his threats didn’t mean shit. That I was from Compton and didn’t scare easily." Growing up in Compton, California, Marcus had his fair share of run-ins with bullies. Being the smartest kid in class who spent most of his time in the library, rather than on the basketball court, didn’t do him any favors when it came to his street cred. But although he wasn’t popular in high school, the neighborhood O.G.’s respected him. They were all proud of him when he graduated from high school
as valedictorian and got a full college scholarship to an HBCU in Texas.

  "What happened after that?" I massaged my temples with my fingertips.

  "I told him that I was in love with you." My head snapped up to his. "That there was nothing he could do to change that." I shook my head at his admission. "I loved you when you were with Andre, but I couldn’t compete with his millions. When I finally got my chance with you, and then things didn’t work out between us, I thought maybe our timing was bad. You had just gotten out of a relationship. I made my move too soon." He ran his hand over his shadow fade. "Then I see you with this white dude, and I’m like… I have to try to get you back. I just couldn’t sit on the sidelines anymore."

  "Marcus, I’m sorry, but—"

  "But you love him. And I’m sure the billions don’t hurt either."

  "That’s not fair. I don’t care about money, and you know that."

  "You say that, Novalee. Yet here you are again, with another rich dude with commitment issues."

  "You don’t know him," I said, in a much lower voice.

  "I know he gets around. I know there’s a dark side to him. Dude is seriously fucked up underneath the suits, the women, and the fast cars. I told him as much." I winced. "I also told him that the Novalee I knew was sick and tired of people controlling her life and calling the shots. I told him that I didn’t trust him. That I saw right through him and that eventually, you would too." Our eyes met. My dark brown to his light brown. "I could tell I struck a nerve. He grabbed me by my shirt." Marcus shrugged, amused. "I told him I would be there to pick up the pieces when you left his ass." I palmed my face before heavily sighing. "Then, he decked me." He chuckled. "Dude can throw a punch. I’ll give him that."

  "Oh, my God."

  "I shoved him away from me, ready to box it out with cuz, but then campus security rolled up. And you know how those flashlight cops are. They immediately thought I was the aggressor and threatened to call the boys in blue. So, I held my hands up and backed away. I’m no fool. I know how things could have ended up."