If I Love You

by Tmonique Stephens

  Kensley rushed to the bed and took his closed hand. “All right. That’s enough. You’re behaving exactly like one of those patients you’ve always complained about.”

  A nurse rushed in, and Kensley caught Dr. Howard’s, she glanced at the name imprint on his lab coat, whisper, “Two milligrams of Ativan.”

  Dr. Fitzroy’s lips screwed together, and he reared back affronted. “I beg your pardon. I never have nor will I ever be compared to—”

  “You’re being an asshole.” Four words barked out in a deep rumble from a voice from over her shoulder.

  Way to go, Noah. Pour gasoline on the situation. But instead of Dr. Fitzroy further exploding, he stared at Noah. He probably hadn’t noticed his presence during his tirade. Now, her boss stared at her boyfriend? Lover? She’d yet to give them a title. Dr. Fitzroy studied Noah as if he were a patient on his exam table.

  “Who. Are. You?” Dr. Fitzroy demanded.

  “I’m with the woman who saved your life and who’s waited hours in the hardest chairs ever created to make sure you hadn’t croaked.”

  That got the anger in Dr. Fitzroy’s eyes dialing down along with the machine, though that didn’t stop the young doctor from administering the Ativan in Dr. Fitzroy’s IV drip.

  “Are you the one she was incarcerated for?” Dr. Fitzroy’s glowered at Noah.

  Noah didn’t flinch under the loaded stare. “She didn’t go to prison. She spent one night in jail, and I bailed her out.”

  “Bailed her out? She wouldn’t have needed bail if it weren’t for you,” Dr. Fitzroy scoffed. “She has a career, saves lives, and you put all of that at risk.”

  This had gone far enough. She couldn’t let Dr. Fitzroy or Dr. Howard think Noah was some criminal entity. “It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t lead me astray. I take responsibility for my actions, just like you are going to do the responsible thing and stay in this bed until Dr. Metcalf gets here.”

  Slowly his anger turned into an annoyed grimace. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re managing me like I’ve seen you do with hundreds of patients.” He sighed heavily and seemed to shrink in the bed. Without the anger inflating him, he aged before her eyes. “Fine,” he groused. “I promise to stay if you go home and get some rest.”

  She shook her head. “I’m staying—”

  “No, she’s not.” Noah’s hand landed on her shoulder. “I’m taking her home right now, as long as you give her your word you’ll be here, in this hospital, in the morning when we return.”

  He said we. She hadn’t missed it, and neither did Dr. Fitzroy. A new understanding entered his drowsy eyes, and he grinned his approval. “You have my word. Now get her home.” With that dismissal, Dr. Fitzroy closed his eyes.

  Noah didn’t wait to usher her out of the room. She didn’t protest when he held her coat open for her to slip on. He even helped her zip it up. Dr. Howard exited the room. “I need to talk to him.”

  Noah studied her, the question in his glare weighed her commitment to follow through on leaving the hospital. She squeezed his hand. “I swear I’ll only be a minute, then we’ll leave. I do want to go home, with you.”

  His hand came up to caress her cheek. “Take your time. I’ll warm up the truck.”

  Dr. Howard saw her approaching and straightened from his slouch against the nurse’s station. She understood. Dr. Fitzroy was more than a handful. “How is he, really?”

  Dr. Howard dragged a hand across the scruff on his chin. He was a tall man, though a few inches shorter than Noah, and thin. The lab coat and scrubs gave him the illusion of volume his sharp collarbones peeking out of the vee of his top couldn’t hide. “Well, between two professionals, his heart has suffered some damage. Also, this isn’t his first heart attack.”

  Surprised, she stiffened.

  Dr. Howard nodded. “You didn’t know,” he sighed again. “Patient confidentiality, I can’t give you much. Dr. Fitzroy is ill. He should’ve retired years ago. If he were my grandfather, I’d have made sure he was on a golf course in Palm Beach, not shoveling snow so he can go back to work.”

  Kensley couldn’t deny the truth Dr. Howard dropped on her. “I didn’t know.” Not that there was much she could do.

  “I asked him if he had any family members. He refused to answer.”

  “I know of a sister and niece he visits once a year in Tucson. I’ll find their phone number. Thank you for taking care of him.”

  “It’s my job.” He paused as if weighing what to say next. “He’s lucky you were there. I don’t have to tell you what could’ve happened.”

  No, he didn’t. She was well aware of what she or someone else would’ve found in a few hours or a few days especially with more snow was expected. “Goodnight, Dr. Howard.”

  “Goodnight to you.”

  She found Noah on his phone in a quiet corner of the waiting room. “We’ll be there in ten.” He ended the conversation and smiled. “Ready?”

  “We’ll be there in ten?” Exhaustion nipped at her heels.

  “Chinese. We’ll pick it up on the way to your house.” He led her outside into the blistering cold. Together they hustled across the parking lot to his truck. He helped her inside then climbed into the driver’s seat. Lukewarm air blasted from the vents. It was better than outside. Boneless, she slumped into the heated seat.

  “We have to make a pit stop. Dr. Fitzroy’s sister’s number is in his Rolodex at the office. Yes, he still uses a Rolodex. I need to get it and give her a call.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  She shook her head. “Tonight. By tomorrow there’ll be more snow. I should’ve thought about it earlier.”

  “You were too afraid to leave in case something happened,” he said.

  How did he know? Her head dropped forward, and she closed her eyes. Him understanding her so soon after knowing her for such a short time, well… She didn’t want to overthink it.

  “All right. We’ll head their now, then get take-out, and get you home.”

  Home. Yeah. Back to her grandmother’s. Her thoughts drifted to Noah’s cabin. She’d rather be there than at her home. She lurched upright, worried all over again for a new reason, and latched onto his thigh. “Oh God, what about Bear. He’s been alone all day. No food. No water.”

  He pried her hand off his thigh and brought it to his lips. “He should be okay. I installed a large doggie door in the mudroom so he could come and go. I have his food on a timer, and if he runs out of water, he’ll eat snow. He won’t like it, but he’ll be okay.”

  “You should go home. Drop me home and go back to the cabin.”

  He studied her, a smile on his face. “I’m going to take care of you first. Get you fed and in bed. Once you are taken care of, I’ll go check on Bear, and come back.”

  He was coming back. Warmth spread through her chest, sending a tingle up to her hair follicles and down to her fingers and toes. Her heart did a stupid little flutter, and she bit her lips to contain her joy. He leaned in and she met him halfway but stopped inches before sealing the deal. “You go check on Bear…and bring him back.”

  “Yeah?” he grinned. “You really want Bear in your house?”

  She like the pleased surprise in his voice. “Yeah. I want both of you in my home.”

  He stroked a single finger down her forehead to the tip of her nose. The same finger hooked her chin, and he brought her in for a kiss. Slowly, sweetly, he plied her mouth with his tongue until the day fell away and left just the two of them. “I can do that,” he said after a final, lingering kiss.

  Twenty-Two

  Noah entered Kensley’s home quietly. Well, as quietly as he could with an inquisitive Malamute straining his leash. “Behave,” he whispered and gave him free rein. Bear took off investigating, first the living room, then down the hall, straight to Kensley’s closed bedroom door. He sniffed and turned away, trotting back to the living room. Satisfied, Bear wouldn’t destroy the place, Noah hid the dog food in the garage.

  Returning, Noah eyed
Kensley’s closed bedroom door. He wanted to see her but didn’t want to disturb her rest. Plus, Bear was in the dining room, sniffing around the table, eying the open Chinese containers. Bear wolfed down some dog food before leaving the cabin, but what dog didn’t prefer human food. Plus, the roads had been plowed and salted, making the drive less treacherous, still, it had taken hours.

  Bear whined for some food, his paws clicking as he paced back and forth, drooling. Noah split the rest of the boneless chicken for him and refrigerated the remaining portion. Even with the noise they made, no sound came from her bedroom. He showered in her bathroom with the pink and white tile and floral shower curtain. Dressed in his last pair of clean sweats, he ordered Bear off the sofa and took his place. The house was warm enough with the heater going without a fire in the fireplace.

  His phone rang. Shit. A call at midnight was never good. No one ever called with happy news. A glance at the screen confirmed it. Hoping it wasn’t news of a death, but knowing he’d never get that lucky, he swiped his thumb across the screen. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Noah.”

  The relief in her voice echoed between the distance separating them, which layered the guilt onto his shoulders. “Everything okay, Mom?”

  “Yeah.” Irritated.

  He could see her mouth twisted in a frown, her eyes shooting daggers at him even though they were in different states. “Are you coming to your grandfather’s birthday celebration?”

  “You called to ask me that now?”

  “Well,” she snapped. “I tried calling you at a decent hour and got no answer. Three months I haven’t heard from my only child. Didn’t know if you were dead or alive.”

  Something else to feel guilty about. “I’m alive, Mom, and sorry.”

  She snorted but kept her opinion about his lame apology to herself. Not that the discussion about his absenteeism was over. He couldn’t get that lucky. She’d shelve it for another time, then she’d whip it out and browbeat him over his failure as a son.

  “So. Are you coming to your grandfather’s birthday?”

  That wasn’t a yes or no question. Seeing his family—mother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins—he wasn’t prepared for the prying questions and sympathetic glances. He wasn’t prepared for the pats on the back and the praise. He wasn’t ready to rehash the deployment, the battle, the blood, the bodies, not with his well-meaning but clueless family filled with weekend warriors and PTA moms. Not fucking ready. But he didn’t want to disappoint his mother. Not yet.

  “I’ll let you know, Mom.”

  A beat of silence, then, “Noah. You are not alone. We are here for—”

  “Yeah. I know, Mom. I know.” And he didn’t need to hear it again. “I got to go. I promise to call next week. Swear, I will.” He took the coward’s way out and hung up…on his mother, then turned the phone off before she called back. Because she would call back.

  He stretched out on the sofa, and Bear, whining softly, stretched on the rug next to him within reach for a scratch beneath his chin. “Alright.” Noah relocated to the floor, allowing Bear to stretch out, half on Noah’s lap. His dog was still a puppy and needed comfort. He understood the sentiment and scratched behind Bear’s ears. A happy growl rumbled from his dog, and he made himself comfortable by dropping his head into Noah’s lap, a clear sign to continue.

  If only everything in life were so simple. A muffled sound came from the hallway. Bear’s head shot up from his spot, his ears twitching, and his attention shifted to the closed bedroom door. His tail thumped against the ground. He was on his feet before the door opened, waiting for her. Suddenly, there she was, standing at the mouth of the hallway, dressed in the ugliest flannel nightgown ever made. Long sleeves with a high neck and granny lace around the edges. Still, she stunned him.

  Bear tackled her, but she saw it coming and braced for the full-body assault. “Hey, big boy. How you doing?” She went to her knees, and Bear couldn’t get enough of Kensley. Noah understood the feeling.

  She stared at him over Bear’s head, the hint of a grin gracing her lips. Bear got a final pat, then she stood and propped a hand on her hip. “Why are you on the floor?”

  He could’ve blamed it on the dog. Instead, he brown-nosed it. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

  She came closer and propped her hip on the arm of the sofa. He wanted to grab her and drag her onto his lap. Instead, he pointed to her spare set of house keys tossed on the coffee table. “Thanks for the trust.”

  “It’s easy to trust you.”

  Her words should’ve been a comfort. Instead, they highlighted his guilt. He had to tell her about his decision. “Kensley,” He started to rise, but she hiked up her nightgown and straddled him. Her core landed right on the semi stirring in his sweats.

  “Yes?” she nuzzled his neck, ran her cool hands under his shirt. “You smell good, edible.”

  His hissed, the sound a mix of surprise and lust. There went any noble intentions. He stripped the nightgown from her lush body and drank in her round breasts, the slight roll of her tummy, and soft thighs spread over his hips. Her freckles varied in size, some a rash of dots over her nose and cheeks, others snowflake sized on her shoulders, breasts, and abdomen. He wanted to play connect the dots with his tongue. Not tonight but soon.

  He scooped her off his lap and carried her to her bedroom. She had a big brass bed with a floral bedspread, which he laid her on. Stretched out naked on the bed, Noah drank in her creamy skin, coral tipped nipples, and the cropped strip of blonde curls between her legs. Freckles decorated her chest, breasts, and abdomen, spanned her hips, and dwindled to a few random flecks on her thighs.

  “Mmmm,” she groaned. Her hands stroked from her inner thighs, over her hips, over her abdomen to cup her breast and squeeze her nipples. She writhed on the bed, teasing as she chewed on her lower lip and tweaked her nipples.

  I should be doing that. Not her.

  But… she stopped. Her hands dropped from her breasts, and her body stilled. He frowned, puzzled at the change as she drew the comforter over her. “Don’t.” He snatched the comforter away.

  “You standing there makes me nervous,” she snapped, her legs crossed and her arms shielded her breasts. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked. We did have sex already.” She returned his frown with one of her own, her gaze now wary and confused.

  Which was his fault because he got lost appreciating the view. “True, but I didn’t get a good look at you.”

  The tension in her body eased, but she kept her legs crossed and her breasts hidden beneath her arms. “You’re making me feel like a piece of meat.”

  He could see how that could be, but he couldn’t get enough of her. He yanked his sweater over his head and stripped off his sweats. Now it was her turn to ogle. Her gaze was a tangible caress on his chest, down his abdomen to his stiff cock. He had three condoms waiting in his wallet, which probably wasn’t enough since he planned to screw her all damn night—after she came on his tongue.

  He kneeled on the bed and took her foot in his hand. She stifled her giggle but couldn’t stop herself from squirming. Her breath hitched when he pressed his thumb into her arch. “You’re ticklish.” Good to know. She shook her head, but her pursed lips and wide eyes told the truth. He pressed a kiss to her arch, then dropped a kiss on her ankle. Her breath caught, expectation in her gaze as a fine tremor had her limbs shaking.

  Prey to his predator.

  Never one to disappoint a lady, he trailed kisses up her leg, enjoying each torturous gasp tumbling from her parted lips until he settled between her soft, trembling thighs. He nuzzled her, nipped her inner thighs, and soothed the sting with a lick. She shuddered and let go with a throaty moan. And he hadn’t done anything to her yet.

  Her scent filled his nostrils—sweet, slightly musky—poured into his bloodstream, made him hungry.

  “Oh, do that again, that thing with the beard.” She begged with a roll of her hips.

  Gently, he rubbed his stubble ag
ainst her flesh and dragged his tongue through her slick folds. Her taste hit him like a narcotic. Instant addiction, he sucked, slurped, thrust his tongue into her. Kensley fisted his hair hard enough to hurt. A garbled sound came from her, and she rocked her hips, grinding her core against his mouth.

  The sting only urged him on, mimicked his throbbing cock. He wanted inside her. In a moment, he would be after he made her explode. He wrapped his tongue around her clit and sucked.

  Kensley came off the bed, her hands went to her breasts, squeezing and tugging on her puckered nipples. She bucked, lost in the power of her orgasm. Only his grip on her thighs kept him locked on target.

  “That’s right, baby. Let it go.” He shoved two fingers into her. He flicked his tongue over her clit, relentless in his desire to have her come apart again in his mouth.

  “Noah!” she cried out, and her thighs clamped onto his head. She came apart. Limbs flailing, hands slapping the bed, she arched, and a deep shudder traveled the length of her body. The taste of her heady on his tongue, desperate, he slurped each delicious drop.

  By the time he rolled a condom over his cock, she was limp and panting and waiting for him, legs splayed, eyes glazed. He crawled up her body, sighing when he settled between her welcoming thighs. He sucked on her bottom lip, nipped and licked it until she came alive with a long shudder followed by a demand. “Fuck me.”

  He rocked his length between her swollen folds. “Yes, Ma’am.”

  Lips parted with the tip of her tongue playing peek-a-boo, her eyes were mere slits, watching him. She reached between their bodies, gripped him hard as if she owned his cock. And damn it, she did. Not just his cock, but all of him. Everything he was, she owned. “Take me home, baby.”

  With a grin that was pure sin, she guided him into her heat. She was wet, so wet and hot. God, she scorched him. And she was tight, her walls gripping him, urging him to sink into depth unknown. Their rhythm was a hump and grind that had him drilling deep and ending on a hard grind. She brought her arms up and latched onto the headboard. She stretched, her body undulating, causing her freckles to dance. He surged into her, merging their bodies again and again as he palmed her breasts and rolled her nipples between his fingers.