Better Than Heaven (The Bachelor Brothers Book 1)

by Honey Holloway

  The library is actually pretty cool. Looking up, the ceiling reminds me of the roof of a sunhouse. The smell of coffee and books is always inviting, and though we don’t stay long, I can imagine Willow here, typing away on her laptop at the speed of light, inspired by the productive environment. Whenever I imagine Willow now, she’s writing, and somehow, that’s the best image I can conjure in this world.

  After we come out of the library, we spend at least an hour in the Walker Art Gallery. Willow stands close to me as we’re looking at each painting, and even though there’s no signs telling us to keep quiet, she whispers as she explains the story behind each painting. I nudge her arm.

  “How do you know all this stuff?”

  She shrugs. “I come here quite a lot...I mean, I learned some of these stories as a kid. Our school brought us on a trip here once. But sometimes, I come during my lunch break. It’s right by the library, after all.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with someone every now and then? Like, grab a coffee with someone or something?”

  Willow shrugs. “Socialization is expensive. And addictive. If I spend an hour with a person, I want to spend a day with them. And since I don’t have time for that...it’s easier just to be lonely than to be a half-hearted friend.”

  “Willow…”

  “I don’t choose to be a loner...it just worked out that way,” she says. For the first time, I see some sadness in her eyes, but she quickly finds a way to cover up her emotions. She’s clearly an expert at it. I wish I could figure out what led her to this place, but I know she’s not going to open up right now, and I wouldn’t want her to. I want her to have a good time today and leave her troubles behind. Before I can tell myself it’s a bad idea, I slip my arm around her waist.

  “Well you’re stuck with me today,” I murmur in her ear. She looks up at me and smiles. In a split second, she’s back.

  “That doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me.”

  From there, we take a walk around the docks and the Tate, trying to figure out whether we love or hate the modern art pieces we pass. Then I insist that we go inside the Beatles museum, even though it’s a little pricey to get in. I’ve never been before and I say as much, so Willow relents and allows me to pay for us to go inside. I feel a little bad as we’re looking through all the memorabilia and costumes and original lyric books. After all, Violet said she wanted to bring me here and I blew her off to go with someone else. But I can’t help feeling like this is the right thing for me. I have to push her to the back of my mind. For once, I’m thinking about myself. For once, I don’t care what anyone else says or thinks.

  This is my time.

  Willow

  I can’t claim to have been on many dates before, but this day has to trump all dates that I’ll ever go on again. Spending the day just wandering around my favourite city in Oliver’s company is like a dream come true. As first dates go, this one has been enchanting, and it’s leaving me hungry for more...something I never expected to happen with the pompous posh boy from my lectures.

  But the date isn’t over yet. As mid-afternoon approaches, Oliver guides me to the waterfront once again and pays for us to take a trip along the Mersey. As much as I don’t like that he’s spending this money on me, I tell myself that I’ll pay for whatever we do next time...if there is a next time, of course. Maybe guys like Oliver take you on one date that you know you’ll never be able to forget and then leave you high and dry. I don’t want to think that way, though. I’m willing to believe he’s one of the good ones.

  His hand slips into mine as we get onto the boat and for some reason, it shocks me. I knew we were here on a date, and yet holding his hand feels so serious. Kisses in dark rooms and sexual desires that run around your head when you’re alone...those are different. Somehow, holding hands seems more intimate than anything we could do between the sheets.

  The wind whips my hair as we head to the top deck of the boat. It’s cold out here, but the sun is still beating down on our shoulders. Spring is well and truly here. We take a seat, our thighs pressed close together and our hands still locked. The boat sets off with only a few other tourists on board, making it easier to pretend that it’s just me and Oliver here. He cranes his neck, eagerly watching the sights pass by as though he hasn’t lived here for three years. A smile plays on his lips.

  “This really is a beautiful city,” he says, shouting to be heard over the wind. I lean close to his ear.

  “It’s the best.” As we pass by the Liver building, I point at the two birds standing proudly on top of it. “Do you know what they say about the Liver birds?”

  “Enlighten me…”

  “According to local legend, the one facing the city is a man who is looking to see if the pubs are open.”

  “Standard.”

  “And the front one...apparently it's a female who is looking out to sea to see if there are any handsome sailors coming into the shore.”

  He turns to me with his winning smile. “Shall I give her a wave then?”

  I laugh, shaking my head at him. “You think you’re so smooth, don’t you?”

  He leans closer to me, still smiling. “And you don’t?”

  My eyes search his for a moment. I hold my breath as my heart pounds against my chest. I’m so dangerously close to something good, so close to getting what I want that it makes me anxious. But I know that I deserve something to go right. I’ve done things I regret, but I know in my heart I’m a good person. All I want now is someone to share myself with.

  He leans in to kiss me and it takes my breath away. He’s still holding my hand and his thumb brushes across the back of it as he kisses me. But the kiss is short and sweet. The kind of kiss that you give someone you’ve been with for a long time. It’s the kind of kiss that should just feel comfortable and natural, but it’s hard to imagine a kiss with Oliver being that way when he’s got my heart thumping at a million miles an hour. If it’s affected him, he doesn’t show it, looking back out over the water as though me and him kissing is ordinary behaviour. But I’ve never felt more on edge. I want to grab him and kiss him again just to convince myself that this is real. I want him to show some signs of being shaken up by this. But he’s cool as a cucumber, which shouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. Even as his hand squeezes mine, I feel the tiniest seed of doubt planting itself in my heart.

  Do I want this more than him?

  “I’m glad we did this today,” he says, but he’s not looking at me. He’s looking out to the land, just like the Liver Bird. But I’m not looking out to sea.

  I’m looking at him.

  We spend an hour on the boat and when we get off, my legs feel a little wobbly from the choppy waters. His arm snakes around my waist as though to steady me, and I find myself once again unable to breathe.

  “Where to next?” he asks breezily. “We could head for a drink? Or we can chill at home...whatever you want.”

  The thought of taking him home again is a dangerous one. The things I’d do there given the opportunity would have me losing my final scrap of control. Maybe I should call it a day. Maybe this is the perfect place to end the date when everything is going so well. He tugs me in a little closer and I wish I had the confidence to kiss him right now. Out here in the open, it feels like I’m not allowed. It was different on the boat when no one cared what we were doing. Now that we’re back on solid ground, I’m feeling the pressure.

  “Well...I don’t mind, really. I mean, it would be nice if we-”

  “Oliver.”

  The familiar voice has my stomach in knots. I turn and see that Violet is standing a few metres away at the Pier Head. This is the worst possible person we could’ve run into, and I get the feeling she’s about to put a stop to all the fun we’re having. She looks me up and down icily as though I’m a slug that’s invaded her home territory. I guess she kind of sees Oliver as her’s, but it’s hard to have sympathy for her when she’s spent the past few weeks so determined to hate me. I’
ve never wanted to fight with a woman over a man, but I think that’s exactly what she wants me to do with her.

  “Violet,” Oliver says calmly. “How are you?”

  “Can I talk to you?” she says, ignoring his polite small talk. “Without her?”

  “Violet, you’re being rude,” Oliver says, but without much force. I should’ve expected that - he’s still treading on eggshells with her -- but I wish he’d put up more of a fight for me. I roll my shoulders back, letting go of his hands. I’m forgetting one small detail.

  I don’t need anyone to fight for me.

  “I’ll go,” I say quietly, immediately wishing my voice had more power to it. Oliver’s eyes widen.

  “Willow...we were going to-”

  “It’s okay. You guys need to talk things over. It’s fine,” I say. I really want to not be selfish about this. I know he’s having a hard time over this whole thing with Violet. But I wanted him to myself today, and it feels like a stab to the heart knowing that really, he’s picking her over me again. What should I expect? They have years of history and he and I are just getting started. I’m being ridiculous.

  But I still wanted to come first.

  Oliver tries to take my hand again, but knowing how much it’ll hurt Violet, I step away. I watch his face fall, but what else was I meant to do? For a smart guy, he really is clueless about this stuff. I nod to Violet as pleasantly as I can manage.

  “I’ll see you guys around.”

  I can feel two pairs of eyes burning into the back of my head as I walk away. And with each step I take, the tears forming in my eyes sting a little more.

  Chapter Ten

  Oliver

  Watching Willow walk off has left a stone in the pit of my stomach, weighing me down. Everything was going so damn perfect until Violet showed up. She might be my closest friend, but right now, she feels more like an enemy. I know we only bumped into one another by chance, but the way she just sabotaged my date is making me feel like she’s on a mission to ruin everything for me. I turn to her, unable to hide the hurt from my face. She crosses her arms.

  “Nice date?”

  “It was,” I say through gritted teeth. “Violet...whatever this is...couldn’t it have waited?”

  Violet has the sense to look a little guilty. “Look...I’m not trying to ruin things. I’m really not, I promise. I just thought you should know something about her...something I found out lately.”

  “About Willow? And since when are you an expert on her and her life? You don’t even know her.”

  Violet sighs and rolls her eyes as though I’m the one causing trouble here. “Look, you don’t have to stay. Chase her down if you want. It’s none of my business. I’m trying to be a mate here. Let’s go and sit down, have a drink-”

  “No,” I say bluntly. “We’re not turning this into some kind of social occasion. I just blew her off for you because you made it seem important. If it’s so urgent, you can tell me here.”

  Violet looks shocked at my response. I don’t think I’ve ever been so blunt with her. If only I’d mustered the courage to say that when Willow was still here. I can see her crossing over at the traffic lights now and I wish I was with her. But Violet is fumbling for something in her pocket with her lips pursed, so I wait, trying to remain patient with her. I can still see the hurt in her eyes when she looks back up at me.

  “I just thought you should know...there’s stuff she’s keeping from you. That’s what I’m about to show you.”

  I want to roll my eyes, but I keep my voice level as I respond. “How can you be so sure of that? She could’ve told me anything.”

  “Trust me. She didn’t tell you this.”

  She shows me the screen of her phone and I stare at it, wondering what I’m meant to be looking at. The website looks a little seedy, like it’s for something that I shouldn’t be looking at. I frown and glance up at Violet.

  “What is this?”

  “It was Rob’s birthday last night...you missed it.”

  “Well, yeah. It was at a strip club. You know I’m not interested in going to places like that.”

  “I know...this is the website for the place we went. It hasn’t been updated in a while. But we found something on here that you’re going to want to see…”

  She scrolls through the site for a minute and then turns the screen back toward me. My heart is beating hard as I lean in to see what it is that she’s showing me.

  There’s a black and white picture of Willow right before my eyes. She looks a little younger and her hair is longer. Her lips are painted a dark color and she’s smoldering at the camera. I can’t understand why I’m seeing this picture at all.

  “What is this?”

  “It’s a gallery of the employees, Oliver. She works there...or she used to. And there’s more...of her in action.”

  I feel a jolt right through my heart. If this is true, then this is a huge thing for her not to tell me. But she’s told me about her job...she’s always so busy with her freelancing and her cafe job...is it possible that she’s been lying to me?

  I shake my head, trying to make sense of it all. Willow seems so upfront, so honest, so open...but now, I’m questioning everything I know about her. The evidence that she used to do this is before my eyes right now. I guess it’s not my business how she makes money to live on, but I just wish she’d told me.

  Violet slips her phone back into her bag and eyes me up, looking for a reaction. “Well? Are you shocked?”

  I take a step back from her. I can feel anger rising inside me like a volcano about to erupt. “Is that what you were hoping for? That this would be like some wake-up call to me or something? That I’d lose interest?”

  “No, I just-”

  “Why can’t you just let me be happy?” I snap. “I’ve met someone that I click with. I was having a great day with her, and you’ve just waltzed in and tried to ruin it.”

  “I just thought-”

  “Honestly, Violet, I don’t want to hear it….I’d really appreciate it if you left me alone for a while,” I tell her, already walking away from her. She jogs to keep up with me.

  “I’m being a good friend…”

  I shake my head at her. “If you want to be a good friend, just back off...please. I really don’t think I can be around you for now.”

  She doesn’t follow me as I continue walking off. I’m shaking with fury. It doesn’t matter to me suddenly that Willow hasn’t told me about this. That’s her business. But listening to Violet trying to expose her like that is a step too far. Why did she have to stick her nose in and try to make things more complicated than they already are?

  I don’t even know where I’m going right now. I want to talk to Willow, but I get the feeling that she’s pissed off at me. And with every right. I made the choice to stay here and listen to Violet, but she’s used and abused every chance I’ve given her. I might’ve messed up our friendship, but she’s digging its grave even deeper.

  I hear footsteps behind me and blink in surprise as I turn and see that Violet is rushing toward me. I come to a stop and she prods her finger into my chest.

  “I’m not taking the blame for this,” she snarls. “You led me on. You know you did. So what if I don’t want you seeing someone else? You were supposed to be with me, Oliver. How do you think I felt seeing you with her today? That’s why I told you.”

  “What, so just because you’re happy, no one can be?” I scoff. “Look, Violet, I’m so sorry if I hurt you, but I made it clear from the start-”

  “Clear? You call sleeping with me twice a week clear? You call all those nights we spent together clarity? Fuck you.”

  There are people looking at us now and I wish I could just slip away, but this is my life. I have to face up to it. I look Violet right in the eye, breathing hard.

  “Violet...I want to date Willow. I always saw you as a friend...and I’m sorry that I couldn’t make myself feel more. You need someone who gives you as much love as you give out
. But I can’t be that person. And you can keep punishing me for that, but don’t try and stand between me and Willow. I know you and you’re not that selfish. So let’s pretend this conversation never happened and move on with our lives.”

  Walking through the centre of the town, I feel like all eyes are on me. My cheeks are heating up and my heart is racing, but I’m finally being honest with myself and everyone around me. I can’t hold back anymore. I don’t want my chance with Willow to be screwed up because of this.

  I have to go and speak to her before it’s too late.

  Willow

  Coming home after the date felt like returning to reality after a particularly nice dream. The real world isn’t quite so inviting. I sat down on my battered sofa with a cup of coffee and told myself to forget it all. I’m putting too much pressure on him - and on myself - to make this happen, but maybe some things just aren’t meant to be.

  I try to continue a piece of coursework that I’ve started, but I can’t concentrate. He’s consuming my mind. I’ve never had much time for romance, and yet this one with Oliver has swept me off my feet. My lips are still tingling with the sensation of the kiss he left on my lips on the boat trip. Did it mean nothing to him? Is it easy for him to just dismiss this?

  I want to bury my face in a pillow and scream. When you spend a lot of time alone, you find that you forget how others can make you feel. You forget the deep ache of loneliness, the sharp knife of betrayal, the keen pang of lovesickness. Now that Oliver has wormed his way into my life and my heart, everything feels amplified. Crazy as it sounds, it feels like I’m suffering from a broken heart.

  I have to remind myself of the things I’ve endured in my life. My life before I came here to this shitty flat was a whole lot worse. The way people have treated me my whole life doesn’t compare to the disinterest of a man I barely know. And yet, I feel like this matters more than anything right now. I’ve heard people say before that romantic feelings can send you crazy. They can make you think that the way you’re feeling is the centre of all things. I guess I just never believed that until now.