“She was also like nine months pregnant and hot, and her husband pretty much could break us over his knees.”
“Is that a daddy kink I didn’t know you had?” she asked, and I snorted, grateful I had set down my glass of wine.
“He was all silver foxed with that gray and white right at his temples. It was pretty hot. But no, daddy kink is not my thing.”
“Oh, well.” Zia shrugged, her eyes filled with mischief. “Anyway, you have four months until you can get in with Callie, which is amazing. I remember when Callie was still the apprentice there. She’s doing so well for herself.”
“You’ve known the Montgomerys a long time, then.”
“Yes. Through Bristol first, before I met the rest of them down south. They’re all different, and they’re one huge family that constantly adopts people into their fold when needed.” Zia shrugged, frowning. “They adopted me.”
“I’m glad they did. You have people.”
“Yeah. I need people.” She looked at me then, and I wondered what she was going to say, but she looked as if she shrugged it off before looking back at the ivy along her ribcage.
“I wasn’t expecting you to get it so big.”
“That’s what she said,” Zia said offhandedly.
“Thanks for that. Now I’m going to have dick jokes in my head for the rest of the evening.”
“I always have dick jokes in my head, it’s a process,” Zia said, grinning back at me.
“So, what are you going to get?” she asked.
“I have three or four pieces on my docket, and I’m still trying to see what fits me the most. Callie and I are going to have a conference call where she can go over some of the art again before I even sit down with her. It’s pretty cool.”
“They’re the best of the best. They have a family branch in Colorado Springs and in Denver, and I’m trying to convince them to come up to Boulder and even Fort Collins, where the other cousins are.”
“There are that many?” I asked, laughing.
“There are probably more that haven’t even been unearthed yet.”
“We do sort of take over the world.”
“You just said we as if you’re a Montgomery.”
Zia blushed. “Force of habit. I’m used to Aaron and Bristol telling me I’m already part of the family and join in on the jokes.”
“That makes sense to me. I already feel like Bristol and Aaron are trying to get me to join them.”
“Resistance is futile,” Zia said.
“So now they’re the Borg?” I asked with a laugh.
“I think so, but they get a little testy when you mention that.”
My lips quirked as I studied her lean lines and subtle curves. “Seriously, that ivy’s gorgeous, it looks like it’s real, dancing on your skin.”
“Because I’m a little swollen right now. It’s not going to look as 3D when I’m not bleeding and oozing plasma.”
“Sexy,” I grimaced.
“Movies tonight? Or are we still going out to dinner?”
I looked up at Zia’s words and shrugged. “Whatever you’re up for. You’re the one who was on your side for hours getting that done.”
“I’m not tired. We can go out. I’ll have to wear a different shirt so it’s not lying directly on the new ink.”
“Okay. You can find something.”
“You know,” Zia said, her voice soft and hesitant. “This is the sixth time this week we’ve hung out. I’m surprised you aren’t tired of me yet.”
I didn’t freeze, but I did slow down a bit, not knowing what to say.
I wasn’t ready for these types of questions, and I was surprised that she had been the one to bring it up. Maybe it was because we had spent so much time together and had talked about family. I wasn’t sure, but I hadn’t told her everything about my past, and I didn’t know all of hers. And I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready to talk about that. Though until I was, if I was, I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, even if it would be with Zia.
“I guess you’re okay,” I teased and noticed the light dim in her eyes for a bare instant before it came back as if I hadn’t seen anything.
I was truly a horrible person, but I had been honest when I’d said that I wasn’t ready.
I needed time to figure out what I wanted, and what she wanted. And I wasn’t good enough for her yet. I wasn’t whole enough. I had thought we both understood that, but I guess I had been wrong.
Now, I needed to figure out what the hell to do about it.
“How about that Thai place?” Zia asked out of the blue. I blinked, trying to come back to the conversation.
“Thai place?”
“The Thai place. For dinner? We were just talking about where to go. Unless you’d rather I go home. It’s been a long day, a long drive, and all of that to Denver and back. I didn’t know if you were planning on spending the whole day away from the house or not.”
I heard the easy out she’d left me in her voice, and I hated that I had done that to her.
I was such a fucking bitch. I needed to get my head on straight and figure out what I wanted. Because if I didn’t do it soon, if I didn’t figure out exactly what I needed, it would hurt her beyond reason. And I would deserve whatever came to me.
In answer, I leaned forward, brushed my knuckles across her cheek, and then kissed her softly.
“I think Thai sounds great. But promise me I’ll only eat half of my meal, and you’ll let me take the rest home.”
I snorted. “Yeah. I don’t think I can do that. You know I always overindulge with you.”
“Okay, fine. But you’re going to have to help me roll out of the place.”
“I’m the one with the new ink. I shouldn’t be rolling at all.”
I licked my lips and leaned forward, biting hers.
“We can always order in. And you can come. We can always order in, and we can stay home. And I could see exactly what you look like with that ink. And only that ink.”
Zia let out a moan that went straight to my pussy. “We’re going to have to be careful if we do that.”
I didn’t know if she meant about the ink or her heart.
Or mine.
I took another step closer to her, my lips a breath from hers.
“Hi,” she whispered.
I smiled, licked my lips, kissed hers. “Hi.” I stuck my hands in her back pockets, careful of her new ink.
“Should we order first and see how many times I can get you to come before the delivery boy shows up?”
“I think that sounds like a plan. However, I’m going to get you off, too,” Zia said with a wink.
I laughed, smacked her on the ass once she ran away from me, and went to get the takeout menu.
We ordered way too much food, and I was thankful because that meant I wouldn’t have to cook for the next couple of days. I was just leaning down to kiss her again when the doorbell rang.
She frowned and looked at me.
“Okay, I know their delivery is quick, but not that quick. Our pants are still on.”
She pouted, and I shook my head. “I’ll see who it is. Probably somebody trying to sell me something.”
“You need a no soliciting sign.”
“That doesn’t help. Believe me.”
I went to the door and opened it, freezing and knowing I should have looked through the peephole. I had been so complacent. Had gotten so used to happiness and warmth and the woman behind me that I hadn’t stopped to think.
My nightmare stood before me, my past, my present.
“Meredith? Who is it?”
“Ash,” I breathed.
“I knew I’d find you,” my ex-husband said, a glare on his face, but his hands were in his pockets.
The same hands that had wrapped themselves around my neck just once. But once was enough.
“I’m going to ask you again, what are you doing here, Ash?”
“We need to talk. You didn’t let me talk after the divor
ce. So, I thought I’d find you.”
“The fact that I had to hide myself pretty much means I don’t want to talk to you. That you didn’t need to find me.”
“You shouldn’t have run away. You were mine.”
“Go away, Ash.”
I took a step back, ran into Zia, and cursed.
He used that moment to move forward and put his hands on the door.
“Is this your bitch? I always knew you liked pussy, but now you’re bringing whores home? Into a home that should’ve been mine? You took my money. You took everything from me. And now you’re here, cheating on me with this piece of trash?”
“Who the hell are you?” Zia asked, her chin raised. I wanted to crawl into a hole and forget this was even happening, but I couldn’t.
I also couldn’t get Zia out of here quick enough.
This was my shame, my bad choices.
I was the one who had made the decision to stay with Ash. I was the one who had married him.
He was evidence of my terrible selections.
And now Zia was seeing them.
Perhaps she was the choice I knew I couldn’t make.
“Go away, Ash. We’re not doing this.”
“You and me? We’re divorced. For a reason. You and I used to live in a community property state where we got half of everything. And I went away.”
“You took some of my money since I made more than you.”
“I thought that was ours, baby,” he snapped.
“Go home. Wherever you’re living now, you’re not wanted here.”
“That’s not what you used to say to me when I fucked you hard.”
“Okay, that’s enough. I’m calling the cops,” Zia said.
“Call them. It’s only a disagreement between a wife and her husband.”
“You’re not my husband. You’re my ex. And Zia’s welcome to call the cops because I don’t want you on my property. You have thirty seconds before I remove you. Forcibly.”
“You always were a butch bitch.”
“Take your bigoted ass off my property. Go. I’ve been done with you for a long time. I don’t want you here.”
Ash snarled, but I lifted my chin again. “It’s over. You lost. There’s no point to this. You’re never going to win. You’re never going to get me back. All you’re doing is showing me what a small man you are.”
“You’re going to pay for those words.” His breath was warm and putrid against my skin as he leaned forward.
“Phone’s out,” Zia said, and I heard the fear in her words. I hoped like hell Ash couldn’t.
He had scared Zia. Precious and sweet and unflappable Zia.
And I would never forgive myself for that.
“Go away. Three, two…”
He didn’t make me finish. Instead, he turned on his heel and walked away. I would call my lawyer soon. I would figure out what I needed to do. I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do next. What was I supposed to say?
“He’s gone?” Zia said, sliding her hand around my waist. I flinched, moving away from her, and I watched her face fall, tears filling her eyes for an instant before she blinked them away. She swallowed hard and moved back.
“That was your ex?”
I closed the door after I made sure that Ash was indeed gone and locked it up tight.
“Yes. That’s my ex-husband.” Heat flashed over my skin, embarrassment covering my body. “You should go,” I said quickly, knowing that I needed to get her out of here. I needed to feel something, needed to do something, and I couldn’t do that when she was watching me.
I had to be the strong one. And I couldn’t do that if she was here.
She looked as if I had slapped her.
“What? No. I’m not leaving. Let’s talk about this.”
Fear made me speak next. “We don’t need to talk about everything, Zia. What do you want to know? That’s my ex-husband. He belittled me, hated me in the end, and is a horrible human being. And he also never liked to lose. He was the perfect football player, the perfect athlete. He practically never lost a game because his school had enough money to get the best things. He never lost until he got old enough for people to finally tell him that he was wrong. And I didn’t see him for what he was until it was almost too late. Apparently, he figured out where I lived, and that’s something I’ll have to deal with later. But it’s over. I made mistakes, as you can tell.”
“I’m sorry. But you’re not responsible for his mistakes.”
“I chose him. And I really don’t have good taste from the looks of it.”
The barb hit, and I hadn’t meant it to. I had only meant it to be about my failures, but once again, Zia looked as if I had struck her.
“I’m going to let you deal with whatever you need to because you’re lashing out at me. Something you never do. And I don’t like it. No one gets to treat me like that.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to be aimed at you. It’s just about my ex. But you should go anyway. I need some time to think.”
“Maybe you do need time to think. But know this, I care about you.”
I swallowed hard.
“This isn’t the time, Zia,” I said. I was so fucking scared that she would tell me something more. Something that would break me.
Because she was so amazing, so sweet, practically perfect. And I was anything but.
“No. I get to say this. You can call me a bitch later for making you listen. But I care about you. And I’m falling in love with you. Imagine that. Me? Falling in love again. Shocking, I know.”
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but she held up her hand.
“I need air. Because I don’t know what to do about you. Or what you’re going to do. But you need to think long and hard about what you want. I know you said you didn’t want anything serious, and I can see why after meeting that ex of yours. But I’m not him. And you don’t need to punish me or yourself for his shit. So, think about it. I need to breathe.” And then she went to the door, unlocked it, and walked away, leaving me standing there in the doorway as our delivery man showed up with our food, too much for one person.
And it was all my fault.
I deserved this. I deserved to be alone.
I was good at it.
Chapter 8
Zia
* * *
I stood on my front porch and watched the delivery man walk away, entering his car again, arms now devoid of food.
Our dinner was at Meredith’s house, and I wasn’t there. I had left. Hurt, yes. But I had left.
I couldn’t believe that I had actually walked away like that.
No, this was not happening. No way.
I swallowed hard and stomped my way back to her house.
Meredith stood there, the bag of food in her hand, her face pale, holding the edge of the door. I didn’t know what to say.
“You came back,” Meredith said.
“That’s what Beast says to Belle before he dies. Spoiler alert.”
Meredith frowned, and I didn’t blame her, I wasn’t making any sense.
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re sorry because you have no idea what I’m saying? Or are you really sorry?”
“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that. But maybe this isn’t working out.”
“Fuck that. No. You and I are going to talk this over. Do you get me?”
“Zia.”
“We’re putting the food in the fridge because I don’t want it to go bad because it’s expensive and I love it, and I refuse to ruin it.”
“Zia.”
“Don’t say my name in that condescending tone. You are not the boss of me. We’re going to talk this out. That man scared you. Hell, he scared me. And I don’t like that. I don’t like that he made me feel as if I had no control for a moment. And now you’re trying to take away my control as well. I’m not letting that happen.”
“Zia.”
“Again. Stop saying my nam
e unless I’m fucking you. Okay?”
That made her laugh, and I took the food from her and stomped away. My side hurt, the ink was sore, and all I wanted to do was eat food, fuck my girlfriend, and actually be able to call her my girlfriend. Fuck it, we were going to talk about this. Even if I had to scream my way to make it work.
I shoved the food into the fridge, knocking over a creamer as I did, grateful that the lid was still on. I put it back, slammed the fridge door, and whirled on Meredith, who was standing so close behind me that I could feel the heat of her on my body.
“You don’t get to push me away.”
“Maybe it’s for your own good,” Meredith said.
“Fuck that.”
“Zia.”
I growled. Actually growled. “What did I say? Is your mouth on my pussy? Is mine on yours? No. Then you don’t get to say my name right now.”
That made her lips quirk into a smile, but I was too angry to smile back. “We’re going to talk. Something that we should have done anyway. I know we’ve both been scared. I saw the fear in your eyes, and that’s why I’m back. Because we shouldn’t walk away when we’re scared. We shouldn’t walk away when we’re angry. They say you’re not supposed to even fall asleep angry, because what if one of us doesn’t wake up? So we’re going to talk.”
She started saying my name, then stopped, snapping her mouth shut.
“That’s what I thought. No mouth on pussy, no saying my name.”
This time, she did smile.
“Your ex sucks. I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry for what he did to you. And when you’re ready to tell me everything, because I know there has to be more, I’m here for you. Because like I said, I’m falling in love with you, and I’m like a barnacle. It’s going to be really hard to pry me away from your life.”
“I make bad choices. I don’t want those choices to hurt you,” she whispered.
“Ash was a bad choice. But I’m not.” I swallowed hard, keeping the tears at bay. “I don’t get to be a bad choice again.”
“You’re not a bad choice, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“No? Then why do I feel like it is? I fell in love before. Twice before you. And I thought those were the right decisions.”
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