About Last Night

by Adele Parks

  ‘A dance floor?’

  ‘Upon which you are going to gyrate and whirl regardless of rhythm. You, Julian Blake are going to dance until you are clammy.’

  FIVE MONTHS LATER

  It had been decided that the day after the trial, Stephanie, Julian and the boys, Pip, Robbie and Chloe would go to the beach for a picnic. After the months of tension and a day in the stale courtroom Steph knew she would have a need to breathe sea air, for the wind to catch her hair and for her to feel sand beneath her toes. When she’d mooted as much to Julian, he’d at once agreed that it was a brilliant idea. His office had been very generous with regard to him taking days off work, possibly because both his manager and Julian knew it was only a matter of time before he had to resign from the company and find a new position elsewhere. Even without Kirsten’s presence, the scandal simmered. Julian realised that while he probably deserved to be the object of ridicule and speculation, he didn’t much enjoy it. He’d be better off starting with a clean slate in a new company. He didn’t really mind too much if the new role meant less money, as long as it meant fewer hours.

  Once Pip heard about the plan to picnic on the beach, she’d asked whether she, Chloe and Robbie might come along too. Stephanie gracefully accepted the addition to the party; some things never changed and Pip crashing her plans was probably one of them, for which Steph was secretly grateful and relieved. Steph wanted Pip to be at the picnic, it was an occasion. The party Steph had promised Julian at his hospital bedside was planned for next month, it wouldn’t have been right to have a party straight after the trial. That party was a celebration of Julian’s return to health and somehow that had to be kept separate from the trauma and drama of the trial. But, getting through the trial was a milestone and ought to be marked in some way.

  They settled on the unspoilt sands, in front of the picture-perfect colourful beach huts, and they faced the sparkling sea. Julian and Robbie set to work erecting wind shields, because it was notoriously nippy at West Wittering beach, especially now in late summer. The men set up deckchairs and debated where the rug might best be positioned.

  ‘They are like a couple of tom cats marking out their territory,’ whispered Pip with a grin.

  Steph just rolled her eyes and concentrated on rubbing suncream on the limbs of the fidgeting boys. Chloe was carefully applying her own cream. Once the men and children had scampered off to the sea edge to jump waves and even swim if they got the nerve, Steph and Pip started to unpack the food.

  Pip had been planning her contribution to the picnic for a week now. She wanted to make an effort. She’d made three different types of sandwiches (cheese and pickle, ham and bacon and egg and cress). She was fully aware that there wasn’t a single sane human being on the planet, let alone on the picnic, who actually enjoyed eating cress and no doubt she’d find herself picking out the green stuff from Chloe’s sandwiches but she believed the cress necessary as it added a bit of colour and pizzazz, although that might be overstating the case. She’d baked too – a blue cheese and broccoli quiche and flapjacks. Plus (and this was possibly her triumph) Chloe and she had visited a local farm on Sunday and picked punnets full of organic strawberries. Pip pulled out the food from her rucksack and laid the Tupperware boxes on the picnic rug with the sort of reverence that is usually reserved for ancient religious artefacts.

  Stephanie felt the waves of self-satisfaction and pride her friend was emitting and duly commented, ‘Wow, those sandwiches look yummy.’

  Pip beamed, for once she was satisfied that her efforts might not appear too pathetic in comparison to Stephanie’s superior domestic goddess skills. But, almost instantly, her beam was replaced with an expression of stunned incomprehension – Stephanie was unpacking shop-bought sandwiches, a huge tub of shop-bought hummus and another of tzatziki from her wicker picnic basket.

  Steph caught Pip’s expression and laughed. ‘What? I’ve bought a few convenience bits and pieces, I haven’t sacrificed my firstborn on the picnic rug, get over it.’ She laughed. ‘Besides, I chopped my own carrots and I did bake these brownies.’

  ‘Oh, thank God. I thought you’d been body-snatched,’ giggled Pip.

  ‘I’ve found it necessary to cut a few corners recently. I don’t have the time I had before. Thank goodness. I can’t tell you how boring it was that my biggest triumph of the day used to be that I’d baked a delicious fish pie. A pie that the boys and Julian would devour without comment or notice, I might add. Over these past few months I’ve had to think about different things. Julian’s health for one but after that as well.’

  ‘You’re really enjoying your life coaching course, aren’t you?’ asked Pip.

  ‘Love it,’ nodded Steph as she reached for one of Pip’s sandwiches, bit into it and made appreciative noises.

  ‘We should have thought of it before. You’re just the perfect person to become a life coach. You are a wonderful listener and you have a great ability to ask questions which get to the real heart of the issue.’

  ‘Do I?’

  ‘Yes! And you are a fantastic motivator. You even managed to motivate me.’

  ‘How are things going with Selfridges?’ Steph asked this question from time to time but tried not to ask too often. She wanted to show her interest and enthusiasm but she didn’t want it to appear that she was continually checking up on Pip.

  ‘Fab. Other than that very first order the buyer placed, I’ve hit all my deadlines. Perhaps this is because she’s an experienced buyer and has ordered cautiously, aware that I’m a one-woman show,’ added Pip.

  ‘Or perhaps it’s because you’ve found your confidence and niche at last,’ replied Steph.

  ‘Yeah, maybe. I’m beginning to grow into who I thought I might be. You know. I’m not quite ready for Philippa yet, but I’m halfway there, I’m certainly Pippa. Who knew growing up would take so long?’ Pip flashed a wide grin.

  Stephanie glanced up and took a moment to watch her husband and boys play in the waves. The children were all in swim gear but Julian and Robbie had only rolled up their shirtsleeves and trouser legs. Now great splodges of fabric had been made darker by the children’s energetic splashing. Julian didn’t seem to have noticed, or if he had, he didn’t care. He chased Harry, Alfie and Chloe in circles, spraying and splattering anyone in his way until they were all doused. Stephanie watched as Julian noticed (the very moment she did) that Freddie looked a bit out of it and was probably moments away from frustrated tears, being the youngest he never had any hope of winning a game, sometimes he struggled just to keep up. Julian swooped down and hoisted Freddie on to his shoulders and then together they chased Robbie further into the sea than he wanted to go. ‘We didn’t think of my life coaching before because I wasn’t ready before,’ mused Steph. ‘The time is right now.’

  It was true that the course was perfect for her. A nurse had suggested she ought to think of possibly trying to gain a few formal qualifications as a life coach, after having observed Steph throughout Julian’s recuperation.

  At first Steph had protested. ‘Oh no, I’m no Florence Nightingale,’ she’d laughed.

  ‘I’m not saying you are. It’s just that people like talking to you. You get so many people to open up to you, patients and their visitors alike. I think you’d be a natural,’ the nurse had insisted.

  Stephanie had been surprised when over the following weeks she realised that she hadn’t entirely dismissed the idea. She kept imagining what it would be like to go on a course, gain a qualification and reenter the workforce. Not full-time. That wouldn’t suit her at all. The boys needed her to be around now more than ever and frankly she needed to be around them now more than ever, but if she could find something to do during school hours, that would be ideal. Something other than have lunch with charming men who believed they were in love with her. Something she could chat about with Julian when he arrived home from the office. Something that rooted her and helped her feel more robust in her own right. Yes, it would be better all around.r />
  Julian had loved the idea and had been very encouraging. In fact Julian seemed to love everything about Steph at the moment. He complimented her on her apple crumble (she hadn’t ruined the moment by admitting that, too, was shop-bought), he complimented her on her appearance (he’d said her new haircut was ‘very modern and suited her’, and neither she nor the Visa bill had prompted him to notice). He took a greater interest in her day’s activities and thanked her when she reported calling his father for updates and news. He carefully listened when she told him about her dalliance with Subhash and, while he struggled, he found it in him to admit that Subhash sounded like ‘a decent bloke’, although he had demanded reassurances that she would never see him again; that she didn’t want to do so.

  Yes, Julian seemed to love everything about Steph and Steph loved Julian. She loved him on days like this, days that were full of chatter and laughter, when the white wine would flow and the kids would collect pebbles and go home smelling of sunshine. But she also loved him on the occasional days when she fought great surges of anger that flowed through her body and seemed desperate to gush out all over him, maybe even drown him. She loved him when she yelled at him, ‘How could you have done it?’ and when he held her close, stroking her hair, telling her over and over again that he was sorry, so very sorry, and he would never make the same mistake again. She loved him enough to be sure she believed him.

  Julian had helped find the life coaching course. Steph had been terrified the moment she entered the big town hall, which smelt of new paint, to join the seminar. But it hadn’t taken her too long to realise that the place was full of people just like her. Not just full of women who were a certain age, a certain class and recovering from a certain heartache, no, not that. The delegates came in all shapes and sizes, there were stressed-out city execs looking for a new direction, there were middle-aged women teachers who realised they had a lot to give, there were recently retired men not at all ready to call it a day, there were survivors of crime or illness, optimists, dreamers, planners, good Samaritans, idealists and realists. Some were younger than Steph, others older. Some were fatter or thinner, more facial hair or less hair on their heads, one man was in a wheelchair and one woman was accompanied by a guide dog. Probably the only thing they all had in common was that they were all rather wary about coming through the door and committing to the course. They were all a little bit terrified but they wanted to give it a go. Give helping a go. Give life a go. By the morning tea break Steph realised that the fluttering in her stomach was not so much nerves as excitement.

  ‘I’m glad you love the course so much,’ smiled Pip.

  ‘It’s funny but training to be a life coach has taught me such a lot.’

  ‘Like what?’ Pip was sitting in one of the two deckchairs the Blakes had brought along. She was nibbling a carrot and gazing at Robbie but her attention was on Steph, which Steph understood and appreciated.

  Steph thought that the course was helping her to move on from the past and break through the self-imposed blocks that might have held her back, she was addressing confidence issues, partly, and also she was resisting pigeon-holing herself. She was a mother and a wife, a great mother and wife, but she was also Stephanie, an individual. It felt good remembering as much.

  ‘Oh, you know, I’m getting better at solving my own problems.’ Steph was sitting on the rug, she was barefoot and liked the feel of burrowing her toes into the sand.

  ‘I think you’ve always been pretty good at that.’

  ‘Do you?’ Steph was pleased and surprised.

  ‘Absolutely. To the point where it seemed you didn’t have any.’

  ‘But we all have problems,’ pointed out Steph.

  ‘I know.’ Pip felt uncomfortable. She had never quite managed to get over the guilt of letting down her best friend when she was most needed. Her shame and remorse was sharp and persistent. She’d apologised numerous times and sincerely tried to explain how scared and confused she’d been, but neither her regret nor the fact that Steph always gracefully accepted her apologies and said that she understood seemed to have a soothing effect on her conscience.

  Pip knew that now the trial was behind them she had to apologise again. Maybe this time would be the last time. Could things ever be completely forgiven and forgotten? Pip hoped so.

  ‘You know I’m so very sorry, don’t you, Steph? Sorry I didn’t give you the alibi.’

  ‘Yes, I know that. And you know I’m sorry I ever asked you to do so. It wasn’t fair of me.’

  Usually the two women stopped this conversation here but there was something else that Pip knew she needed to say. She took a deep breath and then said, ‘But I think you’d have lied for me.’

  Steph shrugged, uncertain. ‘You know what, I don’t know whether I would have, I’ve thought about it a lot since. I don’t know what I would have done when it came to the wire. That’s the point, isn’t it? Sometimes we don’t know ourselves as well as we think and that’s when we start to make a mess of things. When we lose ourselves, or misjudge ourselves.’

  ‘Or when we lose others, misjudge others,’ added Pip shyly.

  ‘Quite.’

  Stephanie and Pip both stared out towards the sea. The waves rolled rhythmically on the shore. The sound was comforting and soothing; its peaceful hypnotic qualities couldn’t be disturbed even by the noisy children on the beach or the screeching seagulls in the sky. Steph thought that perhaps people were attracted to the sea because the waves were so consistent and so persistent. Always there, rushing on to the shore. Always coming and going and coming again. Humans were the same. We try our best. Sometimes we run all the way up the shore and other times we fall short of target. So we have another go. Endlessly. Hopefully.

  ‘How do you feel about the sentence?’ asked Pip, deciding to address the elephant on the beach.

  ‘Suspension of her driving licence for two years and fifty hours’ community service seems perfectly correct to me. We didn’t want a custodial sentence for Kirsten. Not after her mother came and visited me.’

  ‘That must have taken some courage.’

  ‘Yes, but we’d all do it for our children, wouldn’t we? Mrs Elton helped me see that Kirsten isn’t much more than a child. She made a mistake. Mrs Elton thought they had too, as parents. She was distraught, couldn’t stop talking about how much they’d indulged Kirsten. They’d given her everything she could have dreamt of materially and they’d encouraged her to think of little else other than her looks but, understandably I suppose, she’d become a brat and they’d lost control. They thought they were teaching her a lesson when they cut off her cash flow but it was too little too late, it led to more desperate behaviour. By then Kirsten had come to believe that older, rich men were her only career option.’

  Pip glanced over to Chloe. She felt some sympathy for Mr and Mrs Elton; it was hard for a parent to deny their child goodies or to resist telling them they were adorable. At least being hard up meant that she’d never be able to ruin Chloe. ‘I guess they did make mistakes, didn’t they?’

  ‘Which of us didn’t, in this entire mess? I think Kirsten’s learnt her lesson. Her mother said she’s seeing a really nice boy of her own age now.’

  ‘I think that’s the bloke who was with her at the hospital. He was in court too. Wow, he must be quite some amazing guy to stick around through all this. Hot too. Did you notice him?’

  Steph shook her head.

  ‘I hope she knows how lucky she is,’ added Pip.

  Steph couldn’t comment. She found it hard thinking about Kirsten. She hadn’t believed the girl ought to be punished any more severely for the hit-and-run than she had been; after all, the circumstances were extraordinary. The court had made attempts to understand the mental state of the hit-and-run driver and Julian had testified that Kirsten knocked him over by accident, that there was no ill intention. Steph would never know for certain whether this was true. No one other than Kirsten could know for sure. She might have panicked. Sh
e might have wanted him dead. It was the other crime that Kirsten had committed that Steph still found extremely hard to deal with. Admittedly, it was becoming easier, day by day, as Julian continued to reassure her and to show his love for her, but the fact was Kirsten would never be on Stephanie’s Christmas card list.

  At least Subhash had been kept out of the mess; that was something Steph was grateful for. Julian had supported her in that decision and, as the case had become much more straightforward following Julian’s recovery and Kirsten’s confession, there was no need for Subhash to testify. Steph was relieved that his wife would not be embarrassed or embroiled. She hoped that Subhash had found a way to reignite the passion between him and Paadini or if not that, then she hoped he’d found some other way to be happy. She’d never know about that either. She had not seen Subhash since the day at the police station and she didn’t want to.

  ‘She looked like a different girl in court from when I saw her in hospital that day,’ pointed out Pip. ‘No heels, hardly any make-up. Of course she might have been dressing for court, her lawyer might have advised her to appear more demure.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘No, nor do I. She looked subdued and repentant. I don’t think she could have faked that.’

  Pip decided to pretend that she hadn’t noticed just how beautiful Kirsten’s new vulnerability had made her. If there had been anything to criticise about Kirsten’s looks, it was that she appeared too confident, almost brassy. Her new fragility and uncertainty was immensely more attractive. When the judge passed the sentence, it seemed that the entire court had sighed with relief, Kirsten more than anyone. She’d thanked the judge, her lawyer and then tightly hugged her parents and boyfriend, she looked weak with gratitude. Yes, she was someone who had learnt a lesson. Her first.