Consumed By The Lost Highlander (Steamy Scottish Historical Romance)

by Maddie MacKenna

  I hate myself for doing this, but I have to do what is right. We cannot be together.

  Juliana sat on the rock beside Andrew on his log. She could feel the tension between them. The relationship had shifted, and they both knew it.

  “I want tae apologize,” started Andrew. “I shouldnae have kissed ye, I know that now. I am supposed tae be takin’ ye tae the Laird, and I’ve failed in me duty. I cannae express how sorry I am.”

  Juliana wanted to respond, but she could not. She had come to tell him the same thing but was at a loss to hear him say the words. There was nothing that she could do to remedy the situation. After an eternity passed, Andrew spoke again, this time with more conviction in his voice.

  “Ye know what, I’m not sorry. There, I spoke me piece. I’m glad that it happened, even if it cannae ever happen again, and I know that ye’re too. I felt it when ye kissed me, and dinnae worry, the Laird or anyone else willnae hear of this, ye can count on that. It was a moment that I’ll treasure forever, if that’s all that it was, and it was braw. Ha! That makes it sound like I havnae lived. I’ve lived. I’ve killed people, kissed women, been places, but nothin’ compares tae that. I wanted tae say it, and I have.”

  Juliana was speechless once more. She could not even turn her head to face Andrew, the tears coming thick and fast to her eyes. She brushed her hand up to wipe them away and stared at the lake in front of her. She could see Andrew doing the same, the two of them lost in the water.

  There is so much beauty here, and so much heartbreak.

  “No, I cannae dae this,” said Andrew, his voice growing louder and more passionate. “This is not how the story ends. I’m lyin’ tae myself, and I know that ye are lyin’ tae yerself too. I dinnae want tae take ye tae the Laird. There must be another way.”

  Juliana could hear cracking in his voice as he spoke the last word. That only brought more tears to her eyes, and she turned away from him, from the lake, from everything, to face herself.

  She thought about it long and hard, trying to find a way, a reason to abandon everyone and everything, but she knew that she could not. There were things in life more important than her own happiness. When the tears had run dry, and she had wiped the last from her cheeks, Juliana turned to face the Highlander.

  She wanted to cry again, just seeing the look on his face. Gone was the man who had come to collect her and, in his place, was a vulnerable and frightened boy. She did not think that Andrew had ever been frightened by anything or anyone in his life, but the prospect of losing her was more fearsome than anything else could ever be.

  Juliana needed something. She searched for anything to make this situation better, a word, an action, a person, but she was alone in the world. She had this gallant Highlander before her, with her, yet she had never felt more alone. She steeled herself to say the words, mustering all of the courage that she had.

  “I am sorry,” said Juliana. Her breathing intensified as she spoke. “I cannot be with you.”

  9

  The Truth

  Juliana let out a sigh of relief, not at telling Andrew what needed to be done, but at being able to do it. There was pain in her face, but strength in her heart. She would forgo her own happiness to save her family. She could not sacrifice everything that she had been given just to steal another kiss from the man before her. She had made up her mind, she and Andrew could not be together, no matter how much she wanted it.

  “I’m the one who should be sorry,” said Andrew. “Ye are promised tae the Laird, and I’m tryin’ tae seduce ye. I’m the selfish one, wantin’ ye for myself and forgettin’ about me duty.”

  “It is not only you who is to blame.” She took Andrew’s hand in her own. “I wish that things were different and I could have more time with you, but it cannot be.”

  “We could run away together.”

  “Please,” said Juliana. “Let me talk. Let me explain it all to you, give you the truth. You deserve at least that.”

  Andrew kept quiet.

  The two of them stared straight ahead one more time. Juliana wanted to cry some more, but she did not think that she had any more tears to muster. The tears had run dry, and her heart felt empty. She wanted to resent her father for how he had handled the family finances, but she could not. She knew that her father had always tried his hardest, and it was not his fault that they had lost their money.

  I agreed to all of this, so I have to take some responsibility too. If it was not for Andrew, everything would be fine. I resent that I had to meet him like this, but I treasure that I have.

  “My father was not born into wealth but, with hard work, he made his fortune. The King appreciated the financial donations from my father through many wars and appointed him as a Baron,” said Juliana. The emotion was gone from her, and she stated the facts, plain and simple.

  “I’ve no idea what that is,” admitted Andrew.

  “It does not matter,” said Juliana with a small smile. “He did well for himself, that is all that matters. He worked hard, built a fortune, was appointed Baron, and built a wonderful house. It was not long after that that he met my mother. They fell in love.”

  Juliana choked up at the last part. She wondered if this was how they felt. She knew that she was falling for Andrew. Did her mother and father feel this way? She hoped that they had.

  “They built a life together and started a family. That was when I came into the world,” said Juliana.

  “A wonderful day,” interjected Andrew.

  “Oh, stop,” said Juliana. “I was a beautiful baby if my mother is to be believed, but that does not matter to the story. I do not claim to know everything about my father’s business, nor how the businesses work, but I do know that he owns multiple farms and properties. He is a man of wealth and good sense.”

  “The first time that he lost some money, he blamed himself. After talking with my mother, he realized that if he was the one who had lost the money, then he would be the one to gain it back. He worked harder and grew his fortune to larger than what it was before. I was still young then, so I do not remember.

  “Over the years, money came and went. We always had everything that we needed, even when money was tight. This last time, however, it was different. He made some mistakes, but there were other factors too. Again, I cannot claim to understand it all but, when I spoke with him, I knew that it could not be fixed as easily this time. He formulated a new plan.”

  “The Laird,” said Andrew, finally understanding the situation.

  “Yes,” said Juliana. “It was the only way. He could not marry me to one of the Lords in the area, they already knew about our finances. He sent out word across the land, but there was no one willing or able. Your Laird was the first Laird to reply with acceptance.

  “You see, I could say no to the promise of marriage, and we could spend time together, perhaps more, but to do so would be to leave my family in ruin. I cannot live a happy life knowing that, no matter how I feel toward you. I said yes to the Laird to save my mother and father, and I must do that, despite my feelings,” said Juliana, resigning herself to her fate.

  “There must be another way.” There was the same look in his eyes, the one he had when he had pleaded for Juliana to change her mind. He was a small boy, a wounded animal.

  “I wish that there was,” said Juliana. “I have been thinking about it since my feelings developed for you, but there is no way. This is about money, pure and simple. You can give me so much, but can you give me that?”

  Andrew sighed. “I cannae.”

  Juliana sighed too. For a moment, she wished that he was secretly rich, or the Laird in disguise sent to test her. Would she have passed the test? Nothing mattered anymore. She had felt sad and alone when she had been promised to the Laird, and that had only intensified.

  “I understand,” whispered Andrew after they had sat in silence for a while. “Ye have yer duty, and I have mine.” There was another agonizing silence before he added, more stoically, “We can stil
l enjoy our time together.”

  “I hope that we can,” mumbled Juliana. She knew that Andrew did not believe that they could, and she did not believe it either. What they had together had been stripped away by the truth. The matter was a simple one. They both knew what they had to do, and nowhere in there was there room for them to be together.

  “Money or not,” said Andrew. “I dinnae deserve tae be with someone like ye. Ye deserve so much better. Better than the Laird, better than anyone that I’ve met.”

  “You do not need to put yourself down,” countered Juliana. “You deserve happiness, even though you do not think so. I am the one who does not deserve you. After all that we have been through in such a short time, you do not hesitate to still do your duty, knowing that it will help me and my family. You are the one who deserves so much more.”

  “Maybe we deserve each other then.”

  “I know that you are right.” Juliana winced. She could not keep going on like this, it was too hard. “I should try the rabbit. I love freshly-caught rabbit.”

  “Aye,” said Andrew. “I couldnae wait while ye were gettin’ dressed, not that I looked or anythin’, and took a wee bit of the meat. It’s juicy and delicious. Just…here, try some. Sorry, I’m just makin’ peace with everythin’.”

  “I am too. It is hard for me also.” Juliana could feel the turmoil bubbling below the surface.

  “Aye,” agreed Andrew. He passed Juliana some of the meat, along with a chunk of bread. She took bites of each, savoring the taste.

  It tasted delicious. Juliana sat and stared at the lake. She had swum in there, a beautiful moment, followed by another, and another. There was a deep shroud of sadness on what was a day also full of joy. Juliana hated fate and its devious ways.

  There was some conversation between the two of them, but it was stunted and only contained pleasantries. They talked of the beauty before them and the journey ahead to the next village. The bond between them was unrecognizable, the deep friendship had dissolved into an acquaintanceship. Juliana wanted to cry some more, but she would not let herself. She did not think that she had ever felt sadness as deep as the one that she felt today.

  Andrew’s bag was packed up again in preparation for riding toward the village. It was not far, and they would make it there before night fell. Juliana spent the last few moments before the ride staring into the abyss of water and dreaming of swimming out into it, never to return. Her own sadness would be diluted, but nothing would be solved, her family would only become worse off.

  Juliana felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Andrew standing there. It was time to go. They stood staring at each other once more, but the mood was gone, and he was the one who turned away first, going to his horse and mounting it.

  I tasted freedom when I swam here, but that has been taken from me, and I only have myself to blame. I have wrapped myself up in the bonds of family and marriage, and that has stripped me of my independence.

  She followed soon after, glad for the bumpy road. Her whole body was jerked up and down as they rode, and it masked the sight of her trembling shoulders as she found her tears once again. She rode behind Andrew this time, instead of beside him. She could not face him just yet, she did not have any words anyway. She hoped that he would turn and say something, but he did not.

  The only thing that kept Juliana’s spirit alive was the scenery around them. She did not think that anything could beat the sight of the lake with the mountain behind it, and nothing did, but it was beautiful all the same.

  They rode the path, not seeing anyone else around. It felt as if they were the only two people left in the world. More mountains rose around them, tall and intimidating. They became rockier as they rode farther, but the dark grey tones were still inviting. There was another lake, and Juliana was sure that she saw a fish leap from it before plunging back into the water. She almost shouted out to Andrew to alert him to the fact.

  I love this place, and cannot wait to make it my home, but only because of what I see before me in the physical world. When I look to the future, I do not want to live like I will have to.

  Andrew slowed his horse and moved toward the trees lining the side of the road. He reached up and plucked an apple from one of them. As Juliana rode up beside him, he passed her the apple before plucking one for himself. Still, the silence persisted.

  Juliana bit into the apple, tasting the sweetness within. Her horse stopped for a moment, sensing the satisfaction in her, and reached up to grab an apple in its mouth. As they rode off again, Juliana was sure that she could sense a smug satisfaction in the horse. She wanted to laugh.

  Juliana was starting to suspect that they would not speak to each other until they got to the next village. Even then, she did not know what they would say to each other. Did they have anything to talk about anymore? She worried that he would not speak to her at all, and would hand her over to the Laird without a word. His next words came soon after her thoughts.

  “Stay close,” said Andrew, alert in his saddle. He slowed the horse down so that they were side by side and positioned himself on the other side of her.

  Juliana looked up ahead to see a horse standing on the side of the road. As they got closer, she could see a man sitting just off of the road, he was rubbing at his leg.

  “He looks hurt,” said Juliana.

  “Do as I say.” Andrew had a wary look in his eyes.

  The words filled her with fear. She could feel the tension in both of the horses; they picked up on the tension that Andrew was displaying. When they got closer, she could see the man staring at them. He looked to be hurt, but there was something more in his eyes, something that Juliana did not like.

  Andrew did not stop as they rode past the man, but he did shout so that he could be heard. “Are you well?”

  “I’ve hurt me leg, Sir. If ye could help me up onto me horse, I’m sure I could make it tae the village,” said the man.

  Juliana got a better sight of him. He had a rough and ragged beard, and it was dirty looking too as if he had not washed in at least a month. His clothes looked ragged, but the saddle on his horse, and the attached bags, were not. A glint from the man’s hand caught her attention, and she spotted a ring on the man’s hand. She did not have time to look at it properly, for her eye was drawn to the hilt of a sword on the man’s belt.

  A man with a sword was nothing out of the ordinary, but she could not shake the feeling that the man wanted to do harm with the sword. She looked up and could see that the man was looking her in the eye. She quickly looked away and was thankful when Andrew spoke again.

  “Keep riding,” said Andrew.

  The two of them rode on, keeping the slow pace. When Andrew picked his up to a trot, Juliana did too. When he looked behind them, Juliana followed suit. Her heart leaped in her chest when she saw the man stand up and mount his horse. She could not take her eyes from him as he matched their pace, following close behind.

  “Eyes forward,” said Andrew, “and be ready to run.”

  “Who is he?” asked Juliana.

  “I dinnae know what he is doin’ out here, but I dinnae think that he is alone. They usually keep tae the busier roads.”

  “Who?” asked Juliana.

  “Bandits.”

  “He will not catch us, will he? What will you do if he does?” Her warrior was with her, and she imagined him fighting off the attacker and protecting her.

  “It’s not him that I’m worried about.” He shifted his head slightly from side to side. “Dinnae look, but there is one in the trees tae yer left and one tae my right. Ye see that clearing up there? That is where they will come out. When I give the word, ye run as fast as the horse will take ye.”

  “And what about you?” asked Juliana.

  “Dinnae worry, I’m comin’ with ye. I’m tasked with protectin’ ye. I’m not fightin’ three men and leaving ye ridin’ off by yerself. Hey, dinnae look for him, we dinnae want them tae know that we can see them. Ready?”

&n
bsp; “I’m ready.” Juliana steeled herself.

  The clearing was a hundred yards ahead.

  “Hyah!” shouted Andrew.

  Juliana tightened her grip on the reins and beat at them. Both horses sped up into a gallop, the wind rushing through Juliana’s hair. She heard the noise from beside her, and could not help but look. She could see the blur of a man on a horse behind the trees. A look to the other side showed the same. She did not dare look behind her.

  They pulled ahead as the clearing neared. They ran past the clearing in the trees, right before the two men on horses burst from them. Juliana gasped as her horse almost collided with another. The horse dived to one side before righting its course.