by Megan Boyle
7:05pm: nicholas texted something about still feeling apprehensive about me liveblogging tonight. i texted ‘off the record.’
7:46pm: parked on metropolitan ave, near bedford ave.
8–11:38PM: ate at wild ginger with nicholas. ordered summer rolls and red curry. not going to elaborate via nicholas’ request. walked to ‘cameo’ and bought ticket. there were giant iridescent ‘chandelier/stalagtite-like’ LED rainbow lights in a formation descending from the ceiling. no one was onstage and nicholas and i went out into the other bar-like room and talked. then we went back in the room. a man in a baseball hat who seemed to enjoy the sound of his own voice sang onstage next to a girl standing by a macbook who i thought of as ‘his slave.’ nicholas and i went to the other bar-like part and sat and talked again. then we went inside again and prinzhorn dance academy was on. i liked them. the guy left the stage and i said ‘they broke up’ to nicholas. the guy came back holding a bottle. nicholas said ‘and only over a beer.’ couple in front of nicholas and me. the guy was jonah hill-like and the girl was ‘looks like she’s in the supremes’-like. jonah hill was drumming on the speaker with a drumstick.
11:39PM: after the show nicholas and i wanted to use the bathroom. there were three guys and one girl in line. i said ‘usually it’s the other way around right, more girls? more of a line for ‘girls?” no one said anything. the jonah hill/supremes lady couple stood in line. supremes lady was holding the drumstick. i said ‘is that from the band?’ jonah hill said ‘yeah.’ i said ‘are you keeping it?’ supremes lady said ‘hell yeah, this is mine now.’ i thought ‘jonah hill thinks i think it’s bad to keep the stick, how do i let him know i think it’s okay.’
jonah hill and supremes lady were still in line when i exited bathroom. didn’t see nicholas. i said ‘if only you had gotten the wishbone, not the drumstick, you know,’ and continued to a not-seeming-to-‘get-it’ jonah hill, ‘not the drumstick, the wishbone, so you could have a wish!’
11:42pm: waited for nicholas on a wooden table by the bathroom. i told him the ‘wishbone’ thing while we walked to my car and he thought it was funny. we passed a couch and a shelf with a lot of appliances on it. i said ‘oh great, a blender! i need a new blender.’ nicholas said ‘i’ll take the frying pan for you.’ i picked up the blender. it was sticky. nicholas said ‘it seems a little sticky.’ all the appliances were sticky. i said ‘yeah no, don’t worry about the frying pan, just leave that there.’ i drove him to his apartment and parked. we hugged. i said i wanted to have him over sometime this summer for a beach party. watched him walk into his building. thought ‘nicholas.’
11:45–11:59pm: downloaded ‘all these things that i have done’ by the killers. sang along to it and ‘born to run’ and got really into it and a little lost.
MAY 28, 2013
2:36am: back at apartment. texted with mira. wished her happy birthday. ate 1mg xanax and drank the last woodchuck and felt catatonic. ate handful salt & vinegar chips and two ‘sugar-free date products.’ brushed teeth. applied nightgown. ate two tylenol and drank water. watched the beginning of an ASMR video.
9:08AM: woke from dream where i was peeing to me peeing. i was peeing. peeing in the bed. i peed myself in the bed. it happened. i just cleaned it. oh god. there was only a little pee, like a fist-sized amount. ate 1mg xanax.
1:13PM: woke. the pee was gone. cats were on the bed. read seven new emails. thought ‘i am responding to three of these emails today.’ read ‘frowns need friends too.’ ate remaining ‘sugar-free date products’ and felt heavy and lethargic, like gravity had become stronger in my apartment. feet are ‘extra-attached’ to floor and body is ‘extra-attached’ to bed.
1:29PM: mom called. she said attorney’s office called her with an accident settlement offer. i told her i peed the bed and she said ‘i hate it when that happens.’
1:51PM: called attorney. soon i will have $3901.42 because a drunk driver rear-ended mom’s car with me in it in 2011. so much money. i could get 39 $100 bills and give them to people on the street. 39 temporarily happier people.
2:14PM: danny the landlord called. last month’s check bounced, this month’s rent is due. meeting him tonight with non-bouncy checks.
2:59PM: dad called. talked about navy and job things. i said i’d visit soon, to see the new offices and say ‘hi.’
3:20PM: sitting in bed. i didn’t repay thai rock or make ‘taipei’ photo album yesterday. wrote a to-do list in notebook. here is a more organized version:
TO-DO ‘CREATIVE:’
• stories for ‘self yelp’ and ‘readwave’
• ‘taipei’ photo album
• article for alt citizen
• review ‘you private person’ for richard chiem
• decide if i want to try to get liveblog published as a book or continue updating
• articles for thought catalog and vice
TO-DO ‘SOCIAL:’
• respond to emails
• call chelsea to see if she’s still living here and wants to hang out
• hang out with nicholas and mira and sam cooke more
• wednesday 6/5: tao reading/book release at powerhouse
• thursday 5/30: marie calloway reading/book release at st. mark’s
• thursday 6/6: my/mira/scott mcclanahan reading in baltimore
TO-DO ‘SHIT OF LIFE:’
• call lieutenant
• apply to organic avenue, book stores, libraries, more
• go to DMV to sort out ‘officer wrote the wrong name’ ticket, pay parking tickets
• get car inspected
• mail masha package
• find new gynecologist to give me birth control
• hang up clothes/laundry
• groceries
• buy lightbulb
• get $200 ‘move-in fee’ refund
• find out when garbage people pick up large items, throw out moldy ass mattress
• repay thai rock
• repay amahd
• exercise
i’m afraid to call the lieutenant until ‘using cell phone while driving’ ticket and parking tickets are paid.
5:28PM: post office closed, going to fedex. still feeling strong gravity in apartment. hard to move. giving thai rock ‘extra large tip’ via two day delay. fed cats. walked in and out of the bathroom several times, looking in the mirror and thinking ‘you forgot something’ every time. rubbed coconut oil on legs. applied ‘stop looking so tired’ beige stuff under eyes.
5:44pm: heard ‘heard it through the grapevine’ playing loudly as I walked downstairs. It was coming from mark, working on his old apartment I think, on the first floor. Checked mail. Thought ‘now is the time to ask mark about getting your check back and throwing away the mattress.’
5:54pm: young-looking cashier named Hamid, who I have sort of flirted with/‘accepted the flirting of because he seems nice’ rang me up for a ‘monster zero’ and 16oz sugar-free red bull. I put them in my bag. Hamid said something. I said ‘oh, no bag.’ he gestured to the straws. I smiled and said ‘oh, straws, I see, no, no straws either’ and left. Man smoking outside ‘concrete fixer-man deli’ was still there when I left pickles & pies. Felt him looking at me and avoided eye contact as I passed. Approached man sitting on street and smiled. He said ‘fitty cent?’ I said ‘what do I got, I got a dollar.’ he took it, said ‘thank you’ and stood, like I had just passed a relay stick to him and now it was his turn to walk.
6:03pm: have been hearing a signal-like whistle sound periodically since leaving apartment. Sitting in car now. It is raining. Driving to Thai rock, then FedEx.
6:23pm: wandered around thai rock area and ‘bungalow backyard bar.’ All doors were closed. Thai rock restaurant/seating area seems totally closed, it just runs from the person’s upstairs apartment. Walked upstairs and knocked on door. The smoking man from the other night appeared. I said ‘hi, it’s me from the other night, I wanted to pay you guys back.’ I gave him $41
. He said ‘oh, you?’ and looked confused. I said ‘yeah, I didn’t have cash.’ he said ‘oh you! You look different I din reconize you!’ I said ‘yeah I look different’ and made ‘I understand’ face, felt myself blushing. I said ‘thank you guys.’ he said ‘thank you.’ walked to car.
The mcdonalds next to Thai rock is boarded up. Someone had graffitied ‘Nothing here 2 take u r 2 late :)’ + ‘Trust me save your Energy!!’ + ‘Someone beat u here already’ on the restaurant and ‘we were already hit! Don’t bother! U R 2 Late ;)’ on the playplace.
6:34pm: Danny texted ‘Hey i like to meet u tomorrow i work late tonite’
So…
7:08pm: circled around looking for free parking. Got that shit on lockdown. Dropped e-cigarette. In line at FedEx now. There has been some confusion about what line I’m supposed to be in, some confusion about a ‘purple white form.’ Now things are on the up and up. Definitely less confused about where I’m supposed to stand. Filled out the form. Everything’s coming up Megan. Asian man wearing bright mint green shirt, khakis, and skate shoes that appear to say ‘rmax’ (Carmax? No the label has been revealed they are not skate shoes they say ‘airmax’) is looking at his phone. Can hear mother and child behind me oh I have been summoned
7:19pm: FedEx man said I checked the wrong box. Okay it went like this:
FedEx man: you want it there by tomorrow morning?
Me: yes please, if possible
FedEx man: you supposed to check ‘FedEx priority then’
Me: oh, oh no, sorry
FedEx man: [puts my box into another box labeled ‘small box’]
Me: busy time-a day huh?
FedEx man: yeah we actually just getting ready to close
Me: [looks at desk] oh doh. Sahwee (this…Jesus…can’t believe it came out like that)
FedEx man: [types stuff]
Me: can I get this too [holds up package labeled ‘help i’m tired’ caffeine pills]
FedEx man: oh nah, he’s gonna have to ring you up for that
Time: [passes]
FedEx man: so that’ll be [amount]
Me: oooh-kay [hands card]
FedEx man: [does stuff with card, hands my card to another FedEx man]
FedEx man 2: [looks at me with deadpan expression, then other FedEx man] what’m I sposed to do with this
FedEx man: oh shit, I thought I was giving you the box, she gotta get rung up for that [points to ‘help i’m tired’ box in my hand, gives me credit card back]
Me: [big idiot grin]
FedEx man 2: [maintains deadpan expression and eye contact] I thought I just got some free money, I was about to go shopping
Me: nope, not today
FedEx man 2: [walks to register and starts to ring up ‘help i’m tired’] we’ll go shopping after this
Me: okay, after this
FedEx man: [gives me receipt] here is your FedEx receipt
Me: thank you [walks to other register]
FedEx man 2: ‘help i’m tired’ huh. You tired?
Me: [uncontrollable ‘ren and stimpy’ ‘public encounters with people vibrating grin face’] yee-up [hands him $10 bill]
FedEx man 2: I need like four of these
Me: me too
FedEx man 2: well it comes with eight, you wanna split it?
Me: [grinning] uh, no, I can’t afford to after that package
FedEx man 2: you’re not tired, you like, wired
Me: no I’m just good at covering it up
FedEx man 2: you’re good
Me: thank you, I’ve had a lot of practice
FedEx man 2: how many years of college you got?
Me: uh, like seven. And you?
FedEx man 2: [deader-than-deadpan expression] three [hands me change]
Me: [takes ‘help i’m tired’ and change, starts to walk away] well, good luck
FedEx man 2: you too
Me: [turns to wave and smile while walking out the door]
7:48pm: still in parking space. Took hot pic of ‘help i’m tired’ pills. They are 200mg caffeine. I just bought them for the packaging, I’ve seen these thingies and thought ‘whoever buys that is a sucker for packaging.’ Chewed one pill with front teeth and swallowed it with water. Still feeling ‘strong gravity’ heaviness. Going to grocery store now. Okay. Then laundry. You got this baby. Big baby Megan doing weal peepool fings aw day wong, whudda good baby Megan! Good baby! Wook attda good baby smoking her play-toy in her parky-warky-poo-poo spot! Dawwww. Oh honey, take a picture! Look honey she’s gonna suckle her play-toy again, quick, get it! Get it!
8:45pm: have been looking at instagram and other things on phone in waldbaum’s parking lot for unknown amount of time. Sky has darkened. No idea what groceries to buy. What could I want to eat.
8:49pm: ‘forcing’ myself to get green juice materials. Okay. Entering the shit outta this waldbaum’s.
9:34pm: exiting. Sitting in car now. There were issues with the self-ringing-up-thingy kiosk. Candy (waldbaum’s employee I sort of remember from around the time I moved in, a night I didn’t go to a party…he had left waldbaum’s after midnight and I was sitting in my car, typing something and watching him enter a van playing traditional Mexican-sounding music). I scanned the celery and it said ‘please place on scanner to weigh your item.’ I did. Nothing happened. I did it again and nothing happened. Tried again and was approached by an older woman with a clipboard. Candy had plastic gloves. He said ‘lemme do it, I got it.’ he tried the same things I did, then walked rapidly between me and the ‘overseer of self-checkout register/kiosk station’ in the middle of the self-checkout aisle. Candy looked at me and said ‘it’s a quantity issue.’ Then he walked back over. The celery scanned. He started scanning my groceries. A man in a waldbaum’s apron entered, riding one of those motorized wheelchair things grocery stores have. The clipboard woman said ‘where you think you’re going with that thing?’ Candy was scanning my things with the intensity I imagine arguments about ‘magic the gathering’ can reach during games. He said ‘we need a pineapple code, someone get me a pineapple code.’ The clipboard woman didn’t seem to hear. She stood close enough to me that we might be considered ‘interacting’ to passersby. I said ‘sorry, mine seems difficult.’ She said ‘it’s just that they keep freezing. We don’t want it to get frozen, because then it’s really bad.’ Candy picked up a garlic bulb, which I had selected after an embarrassingly long period of indecision resulting meekly with ‘I might want this for the future where I’m more interested in cooking food with garlic in it,’ and exhaled sharply through his nose and looked at the ceiling as if the PLU code for garlic was somewhere in the ceiling. The man with the mechanical wheelchair was clowning around in the background this whole time, garnering infrequent attention from the clipboard woman. Candy bagged my things as he scanned. Scanning and bagging me. I thought ‘I know Candy is no one’s dad. Maybe, though. I don’t think Candy wants to be anyone’s dad. I don’t think he’s ever even thought about being anyone’s dad.’ that sounds negative but I wasn’t thinking it negatively. He said ‘how you wanna pay?’ I said ‘card, uh. Credit.’ He pushed buttons and disappeared and I ‘took over machine duty.’ He reappeared with a shopping cart and said ‘here, this makes it go faster, put it in here.’ I said ‘oh no, it’s really okay, my car is just right there. Thank you, though.’ he didn’t protest and the woman with the clipboard didn’t seem to notice any of it but remained in her ‘close enough to be considered interacting with me/Candy’ position. Walked towards exit. Heard the mechanical wheelchair employee say ‘that’s the way you roll out.’
9:57pm: another song I like to sing is ‘all these things that I have done’ by the killers. Seems like people would be surprised to hear I listen to Bruce springsteen and the killers. NOW YOU KNOW. HO HO HO. OOLIE-CACA HAN SOLO HO HO HO. Estimate <2% of people reading will get that that’s a ‘star wars’ reference for reasons besides ‘han solo.’ it’s not even a full ‘star wars’ reference because I forget what jabba the
hut says. It’s a Matt reference. My friend Matt used to say ‘OOLIE CACA, HAN SOLO. HO. HO. HOOOO.’ I am sitting in another parking spot now. It is the parking spot where my car will be all tonight while I am sitting in my room. Thought ‘how am I going to survive tonight.’ how am I going to get out of this car. That is step one: leaving the car. Next I just have to put away groceries and maybe make green juice or…I don’t know. I have to do things until I fall asleep. That is the one thing I can count on. I will be doing things until I fall asleep. Maybe I will wet the bed again tonight. Hot nights. Hot rockaway park nights. Star bet-wetting 27-year-old motherfucker lobotomy princess of queens, new york. The wettest beds, the hottest cats, the most unwanted groceries, the least deserving of this meager lonely existence: all right here. I’m not being whatever. I’m not being cute. No I am, I’m being cute about something I don’t feel cute about.
10:06pm: liveblogging opening my door. I already did it. It’s opened a little, propped by my knee.
Put e-cigarette and keys in pocket
Had to stop to rewrite that one because at first I had only put the keys in
Door is a little more ajar
Car is approaching behind me gonna wait
Okay unlocked door
Leg is out but not on ground
Foot is on ground
I can hear another car or movement
Looked at road behind me and slid ahead in seat a little but stopped putting other leg forward to write this
A person is walking to my right now they have passed
Airplane has almost fully passed
Two more cars
Still one leg out
Now the airplane sounds closer
I live by JFK, the airplane is probably doing one of those circle things before it lands
Can almost not hear it
Still hear a little
Mostly hear light rain
Uh oh another person to my right
I looked, there was a man in a red t-shirt and a bike