by J. L. Beck
Thomas grabs me a beer and I open it, taking a small sip. Normally I would be getting shit faced and finding something to sink my dick into, but tonight, the beer won't even be able to numb the pain, and no amount of slickness from another chick is going to help me forget the one person I truly want.
I nod, smile, and talk to people, acting like nothing is wrong, all while I'm slowly being eaten alive inside by guilt. Jules’ image haunts me every time I close my eyes, and when my eyes aren't closed, she's right there in real life fucking with my head and my heart.
I’ve regretted hitting play on my phone so many times that I wished I could go back in time and punch my fucking self for being such a selfish prick. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to swallow down the pain she had caused me. I had only hurt myself by letting others in on my sick need to hurt her.
“Oh, hey Rem, I didn't know you were here.” Layla saunters up to me, her hips swaying. She wraps her hand around my forearm and leans into me. “It’s really loud in here, wanna go upstairs?” she coaxes, batting her eyelashes at me.
“I just got here, maybe later.”
She gives me a disapproving pout and before I can stop her, she reaches out, wrapping her other hand around my cock. My dick twitches, but not because of Layla’s hand, no, it’s because at that exact second, I spot Jules across the room.
“Feels like he wants to go upstairs,” Layla coos, stepping even closer while rubbing my dick more vigorously. Of course, in that same moment, Jules looks up and sees me with Layla glued to my side like a leech. Even from across the room, I can see the anger simmering in her eyes right below the hurt and disappointment.
She expects better of me, hell I expect better of me.
When Cally sees me, she takes Jules’ arm and pulls her away, and together they disappear into the kitchen. I push Layla off of me and head that way. Now’s my chance to apologize for being a fucking asshole over and over again. I weave through the crowd, trying to get to her, but it seems like the forces are fucking against me. When I catch a break in the crowd, I take it, but I make it all of two steps before Cole’s frame steps in front of me.
“Hey dude.” From his tone alone, I can tell he’s nervous. I’ve known Cole since we started college. There was nothing particularly special about him, but I did consider him to be a friend, at least until he started hanging out with Jules.
“What’s up?” I keep my eyes on the entrance to the kitchen.
“Listen.” He scratches at the back of his head nervously. “Since you are done with Jules and the bet is over, I’m going to try to get with her,” he starts to explain, and already I can feel the jealous rage beating at my chest, waiting to be unleashed.
He smirks, and I want to punch that fucking look right off his ugly face. “I went on a few dates with her and I’m pretty sure I’m going to get some tonight. All I’m asking is, please don’t mess this up by pissing her off. She really hates you, man, and I don’t want her in a bad mood. Can’t get laid if she leaves the party.”
“Who said I was done with her?”
Cole’s eyebrows lift and he gives me a surprised look. “No one, but I mean it’s kind of your thing. You fuck them and leave them. I’ve never seen you with the same girl twice.”
It’s not like he’s lying. I’ve never had sex with the same girl twice, and because of that stupid audio, I all but shoved Jules into Cole’s and any other asshole’s lap.
I shrug, taking a drink from my beer. “Maybe her pussy is just that good.”
“I guess, but seriously…not tonight, Rem. I want her. I’ve worked really hard, and you already won the bet. Let me at least try.” Desperation coats every single word, and I don’t know why I really care. I can’t stop Jules from doing something she wants to do.
She doesn’t belong to me, hasn’t for awhile. If she kept going on dates with him, she must actually like him. Maybe seeing her want someone else is what I need.
“Sure. I won’t interrupt,” I grit the words out. Cole gives me a nod and a slap to the back as if I just did him a favor or something.
“Thanks, Rem. I owe you.”
Bringing the beer bottle to my lips, I tip it back, guzzling it down. I need all the fucking alcohol I can get if I’m going to be subjected to sitting here, and watching Cole seduce the only girl I’ve ever loved.
He walks away and in the direction, I was just going to go. I didn’t expect her to show up here, parties don’t really seem like her thing. I had tried to drag her to a party or two when we were teenagers. She went once and never accompanied me to another.
Like an idiot, I stand there in the middle of the crowded living room staring at the doorway leading into the kitchen.
“Yo Rem! Beer pong?” Alan yells over the music, and I twist around to see the bastard. I find Thomas, Kia, and Alan of course staring at me waiting for my response. I sigh, what the fuck else am I supposed to do? I don’t want Layla, and drinking isn’t doing it for me tonight. I guess I could leave, but there’s no way in fucking hell I’m leaving Jules here, at least not until I’m one hundred percent sure she’s hooking up with Cole.
“Rem, you going to play or what?” Thomas yells this time and I shake my head, pulling myself from my chaotic mind.
“Yeah, give me a fucking second,” I yell back and walk into the kitchen to grab another beer. As soon as I enter, I feel her eyes on me...they blaze a path of fire up and down my body. I do my best not to look at her, but the pull she has on me is magnetic. My heart literally fucking beats for her, it always has.
I grab a beer from the fridge and look at her out of the corner of my eye. Her and Cally sip on their drinks, laughing at something Cole says. The bastard takes that moment to wrap an arm around Jules, pulling her into his chest. Her body language is off, making it seem like she doesn’t want him to touch her, but her smile, the way she’s looking up at him as he talks, says otherwise.
Fuck it. I toss the cap to my beer over my shoulder and walk back out into the living room to find the guys. I don’t deserve Jules anyway...not that Cole does either, but I’m not going to meddle in her life anymore. I’ve hurt her enough and hurt myself in the process. I can’t look at her without feeling like I betrayed her, like I fucking physically slapped her. This is what I get…to be eaten alive by guilt, to be suffocated with shame.
Deep down I know she’s right…
I’m not worth saving…
I’m not worthy of her, or love.
I’m just Remington now.
Not her best friend...or her love...not even Remmy.
Just a heartless bastard who took his need for revenge too far.
10
Jules
The music is loud and while the drink in my hand is cold, it does nothing to cool me off. Sweat slicks my body, there are tons of people in this house, that has to be why I feel like I’m literally on fire. My jaw feels funny and I have this constant need to lick my lips for some reason. I have no idea what is going on, but I’m thinking I’ve had too much to drink.
I look around the crowded room trying to find Cally. She was with me just a little bit ago, or at least I think she was. I set my drink down on the counter. I shouldn’t drink any more tonight, in fact, I’m certain I should go home. I feel so off, and unlike myself and I don’t like it. My eyes scan over all the faces surrounding me, but none of them are Cally, or even someone I know. The only familiar face is Cole’s, and he is standing right next to me. Our eyes lock and a warmth washes over me.
I blink, unable to make the warm feeling go away. Then I smile, and for some reason, I’m just over the moon happy to see him.
“You look like you should sit down, let’s go upstairs for a bit,” he tells me while his hands run over my lower back. His touch is warm and soothing and sends an electric current of pleasure straight through me. I’ve never felt anything like this before and all I want is more of it. I nod my head, agreeing and let him usher me up the stairs.
He wraps his arm around me,
and I lean into his body wanting more of this weird connection I’m feeling. Earlier, Cole was the last thing I wanted, but now he’s the only one that seems to matter. He leads me into a bedroom and deposits me on a bed. In the back of my mind, a tiny voice whispers...telling me I should be scared, that I shouldn’t be letting this happen... but the feeling to those emotions never comes, and I don’t want to give up the happiness and warmth encompassing me right now.
“You look like you’re burning up, are you hot?” Cole’s voice has changed slightly. It’s darker, but I can’t latch onto it, because all I feel is joy with him.
“Yeah.” I’m so freaking hot right now I could take an ice bath and still not be cooled off.
“Want to take off some of your clothes?”
His question surprises me. I swallow, but my throat feels like gritty sandpaper.
“I don’t know…” I respond, but Cole is already helping me out of my top. I should tell him to stop but his touch feels so amazing and when my shirt is finally off and the cool air washes over my blazing hot skin my need to tell him to stop vanishes.
“Doesn’t that feel better?” Cole whispers while slipping my bra straps down over my shoulders before reaching around me to unhook the clasp. I press my hands to his firm chest, but I don’t know if it’s to push him away or pull him closer. There’s this dizzying need, and pressure deep between my thighs that begs to be touched.
“Just relax, baby. I’ll make you feel real good. Just relax and lie back,” he coaxes gently, pushing me against my shoulders until I’m lying flat on my back, the sheets scratching against my inflamed skin.
“Hot. I feel so hot,” I mumble.
“I know, that’s why I’m helping you out of your clothes, silly.” He flicks the button on my jeans and pulls them down my legs. It feels so great to be free of the harsh fabric, that a moan escapes my lips as soon as they’re gone.
“Yeah, that’s better.” I think I hear him rasp, but I can’t be sure. “Why don't you close your eyes for a minute and just enjoy how good this feels?”
I do what he tells me and close my eyes, only instead of the darkness that usually accompanies closing your eyes… I see hundreds of colors dancing across my vision.
When I feel the bed dip next to me, I pry my eyes open and find Cole lying down on the bed next to me. Confusion mars my features… I don't know when he took his clothes off or even how long we’ve been lying here, but he’s shirtless, showing off his toned chest. I look down and find he has also stripped off his jeans.
He’s wearing his boxers, and I can feel the soft cotton of my panties against my hips, confirming that they’re still there. I open my mouth to say something, but the words never come, and the next thing I know, Cole is crawling over top of me.
Using his knee, he nudges my legs apart before he settles the full weight of his body on top of mine. He feels good, sparks of pleasure rocket through me, but my mind is still confused, telling me I shouldn't want this. It’s almost like my body and my mind are not on the same page anymore.
“I think I should go home,” I whisper, looking up into his eyes, but they aren’t the same eyes I’ve come to know. They’re darker and hold a darkness. I wait for the fear to come, but it never does. I don’t understand why I’m not scared, why I’m still lying on the bed.
“No, you don’t, you like this. I know you do. Just let me make you feel good and then I’ll take you home, promise.” His voice drops. His lips find my skin and he peppers sloppy kisses against my throat. His lips on the tender skin is overwhelming my senses, but the voice in my head is nagging, telling me that this is wrong, and it’s getting louder with each kiss he gives me.
He grinds his pelvis into my center and I can feel his hardness rubbing between my legs. Why does this feel so good when I know it shouldn’t? My body is telling me to give in, to just take this mind-blowing pleasure but my mind, my brain, is fighting back, demanding I stop this.
Cole lifts his head and tries to kiss me, but I twist my head just in time so his lips press against my cheek instead. I know I don't want to kiss him. I’ve only ever wanted to kiss Remmy.
My best friend. My protector.
Remington.
Something inside my brain snaps. I don't want this…I don’t want Cole. I’ve only ever wanted Remington.
“Stop! I don't want this.” My voice is much smaller now than I want it to be, but Cole doesn't stop touching me. This is wrong, so wrong.
I shove at his chest, but he doesn't budge, in fact, he uses his weight to press me farther into the mattress, making it hard for me to breathe. His fingers dig into my flesh, holding me in place, making it impossible for me to escape. He’s holding me hard enough to leave bruises, but I feel no pain. I feel nothing but this deep primal need to let him keep going. But this isn’t me, and he isn’t who I want.
“Please, stop,” I try again, wishing that Remmy was here now.
I don't want Cole all over me, but I don’t have the strength to push him off. I whimper, struggling once more against his grip. His teeth sink into my earlobe and I shove him again.
Suddenly, I hear what sounds like a door opening. My vision is blurry, and I can’t tell who it is that’s stepped into the room. In the next instant, Cole’s body is ripped away and for once I feel like I can breathe. My gaze swings around the bed, trying to figure out what’s happening. Where did Cole go?
As if my silent prayers were answered, Remmy appears before me. He’s standing next to the bed looking down at me with nothing but pure rage in his beautifully haunted eyes. I should probably be scared, but for some reason, all I can feel is an enormous relief. He looks like a Greek god, and normally I would be hating his presence but, in this instance, I just want to wrap my arms around him and ask him why he hates me so much.
“Did you give her something?” His voice sounds like a thunderstorm and the lightning in that storm is about to strike Cole dead.
“I just gave her a little E.”
“You gave her ecstasy? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Remmy’s voice seems to grow louder and louder with every word he says.
“What’s it matter? She wanted it. She was pawing at me, asking to come up here.”
Remmy’s eyes move between Cole and me, and I wonder what he’s thinking. His gaze rakes over my naked body. I should feel the need to cover up, but I don’t. I don’t understand what is wrong with me, all I know is that there is in fact something wrong with me.
“Is this what you wanted, Jules?” Remmy finally breaks the silence.
“No,” I answer honestly. “I asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t.” Then as if my confession has sparked a forest fire inside Remmy, he’s on Cole, his fist smashing into his face. I watch emotionlessly as Remmy pummels his face into the floor, never giving Cole a chance to come up for air.
“I’ll fucking kill you for touching her...kill you,” he growls. “You’re nothing but a piece of shit, a fucking rapist.”
“Remmy!” I call out to him, but he’s still caught up in his aggression, so I get up from the bed, and pad over to him, my body zinging with pleasure as I grab onto his bulging bicep. My eyes move over Cole’s bloody and bruised face, but no emotions come. I should care, it’s not like me to not care, but I don’t.
“Remmy!” I say his name a little softer this time and he releases Cole, letting him slump against the floor. A moment later he’s whirling around on me. The look in his eyes is wild, feral… and I want him. Only him. Always him. I shiver, reaching for him once more. He looks like he might ravage me, and right now, I would let him. I’d let him have me over and over again.
“I want you,” I whimper. The look in his eyes diminishes almost instantly, and before I can say another word, he’s gathering up my clothes and grabbing a blanket off the floor.
“No, Jules. I’m not fucking you with that drug in your system. I’m an asshole, a monster even but I will not take your fucking innocence like this.” His response is almost like a slap to the face,
and I want to fight him on this, tell him how much he means to me, but the stupid words won’t come. In fact, nothing will. I feel lifeless, like I’m floating on a cloud in the sky.
“Come on, you need to get dressed,” he says, already pulling my shirt over my head. I awkwardly pull my arms through and a shiver runs down my spine when the fabric runs over my bare nipple. I forgot he took my bra off. My hands move all on their own and I reach out for Remmy, letting my fingers run over the hard planes of his chest. The need to touch him far too much to ignore. My pulse quickens, and a throbbing begins between my thighs. This...this is what I should’ve felt with Cole.
His chest rises and falls so rapidly I know he wants this too, so why isn’t he reacting to me in the same way I am him. He takes a couple deep breaths and kneels down in front of me. I look down at him, confused until I realize he is holding out my jeans for me.
“Step in,” he orders. I almost fall over when I lift my foot to step in, but he grabs my hip and steadies me. His hand against my bare skin is like heaven and I moan out in pleasure. “Hold on to my shoulders.” His words are restrained.
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I grab his shoulders with both hands, enjoying the feeling of his muscles flexing beneath his shirt as he moves. Sucking in a deep breath, I inhale his scent. The smell of beer is on his breath, but his natural scent, the one that makes him, him is what I really smell...soap and just Remmy.
“We’re going to walk out of here like nothing is wrong, okay?” He pulls my jeans up and over my ass and zips up the zipper. I’m too focused on his hands against my most sensitive areas to remember what he’s saying.
“Okay?” he repeats, and I see something inside his eyes, something that looks a lot like shame, and maybe even pain. I want to ask him what’s going on, why he feels the way he does, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just want to kiss him, feel his hands against my skin.