by Zane Menzy
“If that’s your thing,” Jenna groaned, flicking through her magazine. “Just as long as you don’t bring them to the house unbathed.”
Damon nodded, grinning. “True. I would hate for them to dirty the carpets when they pass out.”
Jenna looked up, smiling. “Terribly hard to get junkie juice stains out of furniture too, I imagine.”
Damon laughed. “You really wouldn’t care, though, would you?”
“Care about what?”
“Who I’m friends with?”
Jenna sighed. “Like I said, Damon, who you hang out with is your business.”
Damon pondered over her response, feeling a sense of pride of having Jenna for his mother. “That’s quite cool how you don’t judge people like that.”
Jenna rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. You should know by now that I judge every single one of your friends that walk through that door. I just don’t need to share my opinion about it. You’re a big boy and can make your own decisions.”
Damon watched as his mother returned to reading her magazine. He didn’t know why he was pussyfooting about. He knew he should just come out with it and tell her what he knew. But he didn’t want her to feel like she was being attacked, that it wasn’t an even playing field. Before he could even think his plan through, his mouth tumbled out with a confession, “I had sex with a guy.”
Jenna slowly looked up, frowning. “Did you?”
“I did.” Damon nodded. “More than once.”
Jenna shook her head, a slight smile crossing her lips. “Would you like a medal?”
“You don’t care? I had full on sex with a dude, Jenna. No lies.”
Jenna sighed, stretching out her arms. “Damon, stop kidding around. We both know you’re about as bent as an arrow.”
“Huh?” Damon frowned.
“An arrow, Damon. They’re straight. Very straight. Like you.” She looked at his face. “Now I know you may be a little scared of girls after Zoe slashed you, but I can’t see you being that scared to run into the arms of another man.”
“I did it while she was away on holiday.”
Jenna narrowed her eyes, starting to look suspicious. “Okay then, do I know who this imaginary boyfriend is?”
“They’re not imaginary and they’re not my boyfriend. It was just a few times.”
Jenna didn’t believe him. She dropped her attention back to the pages of her magazine, ignoring what she assumed to be a prank.
“It was Matt,” Damon said frankly.
“Matt… our cleaner Matt?” Jenna stared at him in disbelief and laughed.
“Yep. Him.” Damon crossed the room, sitting down at the table with his mother. He held her gaze, not shying away.
Jenna stopped laughing. “You’re telling the truth, aren’t you?”
Damon nodded. “Yes, I am.”
“Okay, I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting to hear that today,” Jenna looked around the room like she was looking for the appropriate words. “Are you two going to be seeing more of each other.”
“I don’t think so,” Damon exhaled.
“That’s a pity. I like Matthew. He’s quite lovely.”
“You don’t care? I thought you would.” Damon said, astonished by her calmness.
“You should know that sort of stuff doesn’t bother me,” Jenna said. “Quite frankly, I don’t give two hoots if you dated a flaming monkey, Damon. You can be friends with who you want and date who you want.” She gave him the warmest look she knew how. “But try not to date a monkey if you can help it.”
Damon laughed. “I’ll try not to.”
“I must say you have good taste. Matt’s a very good-looking boy.”
“He is, isn’t he?” Damon said, nodding in agreeance.
“I would hope you think so, you slept with him, not me.”
Damon racked his knuckles across the table. “The thing is… I don’t think I’m that way and I wasn’t too nice to him, even though he was stupidly fucking nice to me.” Damon said nervously. “He was so bloody stupid, it was like he worshipped the ground I walked on.”
“Why would that make him or anyone stupid?” Jenna said firmly. “I worship the ground you walk on and I can assure you I’m not stupid.”
“You do?” Damon saw the look Jenna gave him and he quickly added, “I mean, I know you do. But he’s not my parent.”
Jenna tilted her head, giving him a thoughtful smile. “Life is short, Damon, and it’s hard to find people who truly like you. And I mean truly like you. Your handsome and come from money, people won’t always worship you for the right reasons. So, when you find someone who does, it’s best you hold on to them.”
The familiar feeling of guilt presented itself in the pit of Damon’s stomach. “So you’re saying I should patch things up with him? Try and say sorry?”
“Only you know if Matt worships you for the right reasons. And if he does then I’m sure he’ll accept your apology.”
“Thanks, Jenna.”
“No problem. I think when you were born part of the motherhood contract stated I have to give advice if it’s ever needed.” She laughed quietly. “Why are we having the weirdest I’m-not-gay-after-all-coming-out-story, anyway? It’s not like you to ever want to have a pep talk.”
“Because I trust you with my secrets and I want you to know you can trust me with yours too.”
Jenna looked away. Her immediate response told Damon that his mother only had the one secret. “Todd told you, did he?”
“I worked it out.” Damon reached across for his mother’s hand. “He isn’t going to be bothering us ever again, he won’t even fucking whisper a word. It’s taken care of.”
Jenna kept averting her gaze, slightly nodding. “Thank you.” She took a deep breath and faced Damon. “It isn’t what you think… it was—”
“My mother taught me it doesn’t matter what I think,” Damon replied.
“Your mother sounds like a wise woman.”
“I wanted to say sorry if you didn’t think I was there for you when Victoria died.” Damon felt his throat tighten. “I know I should’ve done more.”
“Don’t be stupid, Damon,” Jenna snapped. “It’s not your job to be there for me.”
“Well, I’m telling you that is. It’s my job if you like it or not. You’re my mum, Mum… and I love you.” Damon squeezed her tiny cold hand, letting her know there was warmth between them.
“Thank you, Damon,” she whispered.
“And I also want you to know that dad’s a fucking cock. He doesn’t know how good we really are.”
Jenna laughed. “That’s exactly what I think about him too. I know he’s your father but the man’s a fucking idiot.” Jenna’s beautiful green eyes glossed over with a fog of emotion. But no, she didn’t cry. Not this strong woman. Not Damon’s mum.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE:
Team
Life was empty. With everything that had happened with Damon and then with Jason leaving, Matt felt abandoned. Completely alone. It felt like there was nobody left on his team. Nobody to tell him things would get better.
Matt spent the rest of the day and night after Jason left, walking around the house in a daze, crying every ten minutes from his sad predicament. When he crawled into bed that night he cuddled his pillow, staining it with tears, consumed with loneliness. It didn’t seem fair. Life wasn’t fucking fair.
The reality was that his only friend left in town was his father who wouldn’t be back ‘till Saturday. And parents don’t count, he reminded himself.
Jason would get lost in his new life in Sydney and probably forget all about him. And if he did come back for a holiday then how could Matt possibly compete with all the new and exciting people Jason would have in his life by that stage.
Matt lay in his bed, ruminating, letting his mind throw a pity party devoted to his problems. Work and money being one of them. Thanks to Damon’s fist-happy fiasco with his face, Matt knew he could never work for Jenna again. Now he wouldn’t be able to s
ave up the deposit needed for the hostel next year. His only option would be to stay at home, commuting an hour each way on the bus. Fucking life!
It became pointless, this mental moaning to himself. He couldn’t fix things, it wasn’t as if he were God. God. Matt looked at his dark walls, knowing that in the blackness lay his equally dark posters of the bands Jason had called shit when he suggested Matt try talking to God. It seemed absurd. Praying is for desperate saddos, he thought. Then it dawned on him he was desperate, he was a saddo.
It seemed strange at first, closing his eyes focusing on some invisible entity that he wasn’t even sure existed And if they did, would they even be listening?
Matt prayed anyway, trying to lay his burdens down. It felt weird at first, not knowing if his messages were being heard. But then he figured it would be good practice for tomorrow when he would be making a trip to do something quite similar. A trip he did every year on October 17.
∞
Matt nestled down on the grass with his six pack of bourbons, ready for his yearly visit with his brother. He dug a small photo out of his pocket, one of him and Aaron at a rugby match. He propped it up on the small step of the headstone, preparing himself to have a good catch up.
Just like the Andrews family, Aaron’s headstone was nothing fancy—plain and to the point. This was Matt’s third trip to see his brother, three years of being an only child. It still felt weird not having him around.
This year would have been Aaron’s twentieth birthday. They would have had a huge party for him, not a sombre drink at the family dinner table like the one they had—only a week before their mother left.
Matt ripped the tag off one of the cans of bourbon, held it up and began pouring it over the earth of his brother’s grave. “Drink up, Aaron. I hope you’re thirsty.” The drink fizzed and frothed, bubbling above the ground before seeping down into the dirt. Matt ripped open a second can, sculling back on the tasty drink.
Matt shook his head, laughing. “Well, Aaron. I don’t know where to start. The last year has been all sorts of fucking crazy.” He stared at the photo, looking into his brother’s eyes. “Mum left Dad. Yep. She came home one day, packed her bags and walked out the door. The best part is who she left dad for. Wait for it… another woman. No shit! This chick called Stephanie.” Matt smiled at his brother, knowing his brother would be shocked. “Anyway, Mum didn’t ring, she didn’t visit. Just disappeared. But then Jason found out where she was and took me to go see her.” Matt paused, remembering his mother’s new look. “She has pink hair now.” Matt laughed, knowing his brother would find this funny. “Super can’t fucking miss it pink! And it’s really short.”
Matt turned his head to look out at the beautiful view in front of him. Port Jackson township and its sparkling harbour lay out below the hill the cemetery sat on. The beautiful day with its blue skies and warm wind permeated shades of an early summer.
“You sure do have a nice spot here.” Matt fell out of the connection he was sharing with his brother just for a moment; wondering if he was really there at all. He closed his eyes, bringing back a sense of closeness, thanking Aaron for being near.
“I know you obviously don’t hang around here all the time. Heaven’s gotta be way more cool than coming down to just hang out with your loser little brother.” Matt chuckled, wiping his nose with his sleeve. “Sorry, I forgot the rule,” he said, remembering Aaron never liked it when Matt called himself a loser.
He continued with updating his brother on their parent’s breakup, Jason moving to Sydney, his upcoming exams, plans for university next year and how he had been to his first party. Matt rubbed his bruised face, knowing he was leaving out a rather important milestone of the past year.
“I have some other big news.” Matt went quiet on purpose, knowing his brother would be chomping at the bit to know what the big news is. “The impossible finally happened. I lost my virginity!” Matt blushed, embarrassed by what he was about to share, worried what his departed brother would think of him. “And it was with a guy.”
Matt looked down at the ground then smiled at the photo. “I don’t know how you would have taken that if you were still here. Mum being gay and then me… sort of gay. If it helps, it wasn’t just any guy. It was Damon Harris. Probably the coolest, best-looking guy on the planet.”
Matt sighed, shrugging. “Not that it matters. He hates me now. I don’t even know why I did it. I don’t think I’m even into guys—well, not really—but he just…just made me feel good ya know.”
Matt took another sip on his drink. He took a deep breath and let all his anger and sadness tumble out of him in a shaky voice, “Everything’s just so fucked up, Aaron. It’s just fucking shit is what it is. And it feels like there’s nobody left on my team anymore…”
A deep voice quietly responded, “I’ll be on your team.”
Matt nearly dropped his can, thinking Aaron had spoken back to him. He turned his head and was immediately torn between embarrassment and fear when he saw his former lover standing behind him holding a bouquet of flowers.
Damon smiled at him. “If you’ll have me that is?” He took a step forward and Matt flinched, scrambling to his feet. Damon’s smile faded when he saw how scared Matt was of him. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Matt.”
Matt stared back at him, trepidation in his eyes. He wanted to run. Fast and far.
“I’m really sorry about the other day,” Damon said. “I was a fucking arsehole for what I did to you.”
“How long were you standing there? What did you hear?” Matt didn’t care for apologies, he just needed to know how much of his private moment Damon had intruded on.
“Only the last bit about needing people on your team.” Damon’s eyes widened, insisting he was telling the truth. “Honest. That’s all.” He held up the flowers. “I was just on my way to put these on my sisters grave.”
Matt gently nodded.
“What do you think?” Damon asked, holding up the flowers.
“They’re nice,” Matt said, still trying to make his mind up whether to leave or stay.
“Yeah. They’re from Jenna’s garden.” Damon lifted them to his nose, inhaling their scent. He extended them out to Matt to have a smell. “Have a smell. They’re really good.”
Matt took a cautious step forward, lowering his nostrils to one of the petals and sniffed. “They smell pretty.”
“Yeah. I come every Friday and bring new ones for her.” Damon pointed to the cans of bourbons on the ground. “I can’t say I come as well equipped as you do though.”
Matt slowly backed away.
Damon sighed in frustration. “Matt. I’m not going to launch into attack mode. I can assure you.”
“Sorry,” Matt mumbled.
Damon laughed. “And don’t be sorry. You weren’t the prick. I was. I was gonna come visit you after dropping these off and say sorry.” He looked at Matt’s discerning frown. “I really was, no lie.”
Matt dug his hands into his pockets. He didn’t know what to do. He looked at the flowers in Damon’s hand and changed the topic, “I liked Victoria. She was really nice.”
“Yeah. She was,” Damon agreed. “She got all the niceness in the family.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
Damon smiled. “Thanks, Matt.”
“I was meaning your mum,” Matt said with a cheeky grin.
Damon laughed and pretended to whack him with the flowers. “Good one.” He looked down at the photo of Matt and Aaron. “Is that you and your brother?”
“Yeah. It’s one of the last ones taken before he died.”
Damon knelt down to have a better look. “I remember your brother from football.”
“I thought he was too old to be with your grade,” Matt said.
“He was but he used to help our coach out at some of the training sessions. I always remember Aaron being heaps of fun. He was fucking cool your brother. A maniac, but very cool.”
“Yeah, he was definitely a maniac.
”
Damon chuckled, looking up at Matt. “I’m sorry but I’ve gotta say it… you were fucking fat back then, buddy.”
Matt gasped, trying not to laugh. “The camera adds ten pounds, Damon.”
“I know and it looks like you ate fifty of them.”
Matt gave into his laughter. “Well, I don’t eat fifty of them anymore.”
“Nope. You replaced it with the breakfast of champions.” Damon cringed as soon as he said it. “Sorry, that came out wrong” he muttered. “What I mean is… you look good.”
“Thanks,” Matt said with a tender smile.
Damon looked back at the photo. “Yes, crazy, cool Aaron, just between you and me, your little brother grew up to be one of the best-looking guys in town. He lost weight, has started to wear cool clothes—thanks to someone who shall go unnamed—and is one of the kindest and most genuine people I’ve ever met.”
Matt stood there, pleasantly surprised by such praise.
Damon shrugged, still looking at the photo. “But the problem is, Aaron, I don’t think your brother knows all those good things about himself. He’s fucking clueless as to how special he really is. And I didn’t help by being a complete dickwad saying a bunch of shit that I didn’t mean… stuff that I know if you were alive you would have beat the shit out of me for.”
Damon took a deep breath and asked the photo, “Do you think he would forgive me if he knew how sorry I am? Would he invite me back to his place for a drink and to hang out so I can apologise properly?” Damon looked up at Matt, his face a mix of wishing and dread as he waited for an answer.
Matt rolled his eyes. “Damon. Would you like to come back to my place for a drink after here?”
Damon grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO:
The Promise
After they had both finished sitting with their respective loved ones at the cemetery, Damon drove them back to Matt’s house. The car ride was quiet with neither talking freely.
Once inside, Matt grabbed two glasses and poured them a drink each from the remaining cans of bourbon. They went and sat in the lounge on opposite sides of the couch, a safe distance between them. Damon seemed just as nervous as Matt. Maybe even more so which was out of character for the cocky rich kid. Something seemed to be on his mind and weighing him down.