by Zane Menzy
Maybe he was ugly even without the black eye. Damon obviously thought so. As sad as Matt was to be rejected by his new friend, the pain had made him wake up to reality. The whole bullshit of thinking he was falling in love, the bliss he had felt each time he saw Damon’s face, the physical pleasure his body had embraced from the sex… none of it was true. It had all been a lie. An illusion he had created.
His mother’s words of wisdom reverberated through his mind. The way we see things isn’t always the truth. What she forgot to mention though was that even imagined things can leave behind pain that felt all too real.
Whenever he thought about his desperate pleas for kisses, begging to be fucked or to suck Damon’s cock, he cringed. He hid his face behind his hands and would groan aloud. What the fuck was I thinking? The shame of wilfully giving himself and his innocence away was enormous. He felt tainted by a badness like his body had been injected with a poison by giving in to Damon’s shady desires. And he literally had been injected. Injected by Damon’s dick which had pumped him full of a vicious venom.
None of it could be undone, that was the problem. He couldn’t turn back the pages of time and reclaim his virginity. It just wasn’t an option. Instead, Matt would have to learn to accept what he had done, that he had let a member of the same sex use and abuse him, treating him like a cum rag. Just like Jason had warned.
Matt could see the funny side of it all; a straight boy so desperate to be liked that he was willing to suck dick for a friend. It was just so fucking tragic that it went past being sad to becoming laughable. But Matt wasn’t laughing. Not yet, anyway.
Every kind and wonderful thing about Damon had been a façade, a mere ruse to bend Matt to his will. Yet, despite all of this, Matt still missed the fucker like crazy; he missed the pretend love they had shared and Damon’s hard-edged body that had made him feel so safe. Because right now, hidden naked under his bedsheets, Matt didn’t feel safe from anything.
The inconvenient noise of the phone blaring raided Matt’s eardrums. He covered his face with his blanket, willing whoever it was to just fuck off. He rolled over, refusing to budge. But the phone kept ringing, not giving in. Finally, Matt threw the covers off his body and ran to answer it.
“Hello,” Matt grumbled.
“Crikey, you sound like I just woke you up,” said his father.
“Dad! How are you?”
“I’m good, son. How’re things holding up at the Andrews castle?” His father chuckled.
“Yeah, things are fine here. I haven’t burnt the place down yet.”
“Good man, good man. I hope you’ve been throwing lots of wild parties while I’ve been away and having loads of birds around.”
Matt laughed. “Yep. Every night without fail.”
“That’s the spirit. I was just calling to let you know that I’ll be back on Saturday. We’ve wrapped up work a week ahead of schedule.”
“Oh, okay. I guess that means I better stock the fridge back up for you.”
“No need, Matty. Save your money. I’ll buy a dozen on the way back for us.”
Matt wondered if he should mention how he had seen his mum, that she was back in town. “Hey, Dad…”
“Yes, son?”
Suddenly, Matt thought better of it. He took a breath, stalling for words. “I’ve really missed you, Dad.”
If a smile had a sound, then Matt could hear his father smiling down the line. “I’ve missed you too, Matty.”
Matt felt good knowing at least someone on this earth missed him.
His father cut the moment short. “I’m sorry, Matty, but I’ve gotta get back to work. I’ll see you in a few days, okay?”
“Sure thing, Dad. See you soon.”
When he hung up, Matt decided it was time to put some clothes on and try facing the world again. His father’s early return gave him something to look forward to. Maybe that is what he had to try and do from now on? Look forward, not back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE:
Fun, Laughter and Acceptance
Matt used his new-found outlook to be productive. He spent the rest of the afternoon in the back garden, tackling the weeds in the sad-looking flower beds his mother had once fussed over. It was nice to see that underneath the choking overgrowth was nests of pretty petals, baby flowers fighting for their slice of the sun. He tore the weeds out like he was tearing away his life’s problems, digging his hands in deep ‘till his fingernails were caked with dirt.
“Somebody has a case of green fingers I see.”
Matt craned his neck around to see Jason standing behind him, dressed in a tight black singlet and a pair of yellow raincoat pants.
“And I see the biggest fucking bumble bee that’s ever been in our garden,” Matt replied, smiling at his friend.
“Watch out for my stinger, Matty Pie.” Jason walked towards him, racing the last few steps when he saw Matt’s bruised face. “What the hell happened to you?” Matt didn’t even get a chance to respond. Jason’s protective instinct kicked in and hogged the talking. “Who did this to you? I’ll fucking make sure they get seen to.” He grabbed Matt’s chin turning his face to inspect the damage. “Tell me, Matty. Who did this?”
“Nobody. I’m fine.” Matt said, brushing Jason’s hand away.
Jason squinted his eyes, not buying into Matt’s blasé response. “You don’t look fine. You look like someone beat the fucking shit out of you.”
“I told you, it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt that much… if people don’t grab my face,” Matt smiled, trying to get Jason to laugh.
“If you’re so fine, why won’t you say how it happened?”
“Because it doesn’t matter how it happened,” Matt said defensively.
Jason nodded. He turned his face away and ran a hand through his hair. “Motherfucker,” he muttered under his breath. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
“Sorry?” Matt said. “Who are you talking about?”
“Who do you think, Matt? Damon fucking Harris. That’s who.”
“It’s not—”
“Don’t feed me bullshit, Matty Pie. I know it was him. I can tell by the look on your face and I’m not talking about the black and blue,” Jason said, scowling.
“Yes. It was him, mind reader.” Matt raised his hand. “And I don’t want to talk about it. You were right, I was wrong. You win, I lose.”
“How the fuck do I win by that bastard beating you up?” Jason looked hurt.
“Sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just…”
“You don’t have anything to apologise for. Just tell me—your friend— what happened. Please.”
Matt didn’t want to rethatch the whole miserable story. He had only just buried it from his mind but Jason’s boiling gaze was not going to stop fizzing ‘till Matt told him. “I left love bites on him—by accident—and when Zoe got back on Monday they went to have a shower together and she saw them and blew her fucking top big time. Anyway, I was at the house cleaning when it all went down. She storms off screaming after scratching his face to shreds and when he saw me he just lost his shit. Now here we are, with me looking like a fucking smurf.”
Jason shook his head. “Why the hell would he be stupid enough to take a shower with his girlfriend when he has love bites from someone else.”
Matt blushed. “Because they were in a place he didn’t know.”
Jason frowned. “Where?”
“On his arse cheeks,” Matt whispered.
Jason snorted. “Oh, that is quite brilliant. Not only is he busted with love bites but they’re on his arse. Good fucking job. Zoe will have fun spreading that around town.”
“I imagine so,” Matt said.
“Still, that is no fucking excuse to attack you. What a fucking wank stain. I hope Zoe scratched him really fucking good.”
Matt smiled, nodding. “Yeah, she made a good job of it.”
“I never liked that girl, but maybe now I do just a little bit,” Jason said. “Did you want me to get my spooky heifer s
ister—love her to pieces—to beat the shit out of him for you?” Jason laughed then whispered, “She could get someone to give him a hiding if you want? No shit.”
Matt felt oddly honoured by the offer. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”
“If you change your mind, just say the word.” Jason tapped his fists together, giving Matt an evil glare.
“You’ll be the first to know.” Matt gestured towards the house. “Did you wanna come in for a drink?”
“I can’t sorry,” Jason said, a flash of guilt tinting his pretty face. “I was just popping in real quick. I’m sort of in a mad rush.”
Matt bent down, picking out another weed. “That’s okay. Next time. Or maybe I can come see you tomorrow at the café. I don’t think I’ll be going to school ‘till next week at least with the way I look.” Matt waited for Jason to make a joke about his appearance or at least some derogatory comment about Damon. When no insults came, he looked up at his friend who was smiling but his eyes looked sad. “What’s wrong, Jason?”
Jason flapped his hands in front of his face and sighed. “Oh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, fuck it.” Tears welled up in his bloodshot eyes.
“Why are you sad?” Matt asked concerned.
“I won’t be able to meet up for a drink tomorrow,” Jason took a deep breath, restoring calmness to his voice. “I won’t actually be able to meet up for quite a long while.”
Matt’s stomach tied up in a knot. He didn’t like where this was going. “Why?”
“Will officially asked me to go with him to Sydney. He got down on his knee, asking me like it was a fucking marriage proposal.” Jason shook his head, smiling. “It was so fucking cheesy and romantic all at the same time. I couldn’t say no.”
Matt felt is throat tighten, his own eyes beginning to dampen. “When do you leave?”
“In about three hours,” Jason bit down on his lip. “He only asked me last night. I tried ringing you all morning to tell you but you weren’t picking up. My bags all packed and Mum and my sister are taking me to the airport to meet him as soon as I leave here.”
Matt felt the first tear run down his cheek. “How long are you going for? Will you be back for visits?”
“I guess I will be gone for as long as it works out. And I’m sure we will fly back for visits.” Jason nodded, trying to reassure his upset pal. “Yeah, we will definitely be back sometime soon for a visit.”
Matt found himself terribly scared. Looking forward seemed just as sad and scary as looking back. He couldn’t fight of his sadness any longer, with a snotty snivel he unleashed his tears, his chest heaving as he gasped for air. “But… but I’ll really fucking miss you, Jase.” He wiped his face, turning away.
Jason reached out and rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, Matty. You’ll be fine. I’ve got your number and I will ring you and write to you. We won’t lose touch.”
“It won’t be fine. You’re the only friend I have.” Matt shook his head. “You’ve always been my only friend.”
Jason started crying too. He stepped forward and wrapped his skinny arms around Matt, offering just as much safety as any strong arms ever could.
Jason spoke into Matt’s ear, “Well, that’s because people in this town are fuckwits and they’ve never known what they’re missing out on. You will go to uni next year and you’ll make loads of new mates. People who will see just how awesome you are. Trust me.”
Matt blubbered into Jason’s shoulder. Hugging his best friend tight, never wanting to let him go. “I don’t think you know how much I’m gonna miss you.”
Jason pressed his wet cheek against Matt’s neck. “I do, Matty Pie. Believe me, I do. Because I am going to miss you just as much.” Jason’s chest heaved with a pained breath and he started to leak out a whispered confession, “I’m so sorry for being such a shit friend the past year, Matty. I know since I’ve left school I haven’t included you as much as I should have.”
Matt lifted his face from Jason’s shoulder, wiping his eyes. “You’ve never been a shit friend, Jason.” Matt blinked, releasing tears stuck to his eyelashes. “You’ve always been a best friend. The very fucking best friend.”
Jason touched Matt’s bruised face with gentle kindness. “I hope you know, Mattie Pie… I love you to pieces.”
They both burst out laughing at the same time for no good reason. Each of them wearing defiantly hopeful smiles. The same smiles they had worn so many times growing up as outsiders in a town that despised them.
It made no sense, but when did they ever make sense together? Maybe it was because they knew it would be the last time they could share in the beautiful anthem and signature of their friendship—fun, laughter and acceptance.
CHAPTER FORTY:
Damon’s Mum
The ride home with Lexi had been an uncomfortable one. Damon just wanted to drop her off home and pretend like the day had never happened. His hand felt sticky and tainted from the sweat of Todd’s cock and precum. His mouth still tasted of it too.
As they drove along he could feel Lexi’s eyes burning on him, her mouth wanting to open and release awkward questions. Damon kept his sight on the road in front of them, not willing to even offer her a peak in case she jumped on it as a way to open discussion. As he parked up outside Lexi’s house, waiting for her to get out of the car, Damon felt relieved that this ride from hell was over.
“Thanks for helping me earlier,” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He smiled at her, hoping that would be all that was said. But Lexi didn’t budge from her seat.
“This is just fucking stupid. Us not talking about what happened today.” Lexi shook her head. “You know I don’t care about any of that stuff.”
Damon tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Yeah. I know that.”
Lexi took a deep breath. “But there’s one thing that really hurt me more than anything, Damon.”
Damon squirmed, wanting to melt into his seat and disappear. “What’s that?”
“I think you know.”
“I don’t, sorry.” He frowned, completely clueless at what she was getting at.
“You know, keeping something like that from me. Something so personal, but something I feel like I deserve to know.”
“Oh, umm,” Damon stuttered.
“It’s just not good enough. We’re friends, Damon. We shouldn’t have secrets like this.”
Damon nodded. Tolerating her lecture out of necessity, not willingness.
“And you still haven’t got the balls to tell me. It’s just rude is what it is.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Lexi,” Damon said defensively.
“Well, I beg to differ.”
Damon stomped his foot on the floor of the car. “Okay. Fine! What is it you want me to tell you?”
“I think it’s quite obvious, don’t you?”
“No, Lexi it isn’t.”
Lexi’s cool face gave way to a giggly smile. “What I can’t believe is that you know how big Matt’s cock is and you never bothered to tell me.” She burst out laughing.
Damon threw his head back, shaking his head. “You fucking, bitch. You really had me going.” He joined in with her laughter.
“Gee, what else did you think I may have been referring to?” She asked, teasing him.
“You know,” Damon whispered. “If I’m… gay or not?”
“Oh, come on, Damon. We both know you don’t bat for that team,” Lexi said astutely. “I think what we have here is a case of a drunk greedy rich boy who likes to open the toys before any of the other kids get a chance to play with them.”
“I don’t know if I would put it quite like that,” Damon groaned.
“Anyway. You still haven’t told me. How big is Matt’s cock? Wait, I should probably ask first, is he even attracted to women?”
“Yes, don’t worry, he’s into women,” Damon said, smiling. “What I think we have a case of is an equally drunk boy who couldn’t wait any longer to be played with.”<
br />
“Said beautifully.” Lexi blew him a kiss. “Now, tell me. How big?”
Damon blushed, chuckling. “I don’t know if a gentleman should be divulging such information.”
“You’re a slut, Damon. Not a gentleman. Now spill.”
Damon’s eyes widened and he whispered, “Big.” He held out his hands, showing Lexi with his fingers a rough estimate of Matt’s cock size.
“No way!” Lexi said excitedly. “You have got to invite him to your party so I can have a turn.”
“Oh really,” Damon said.
“Only if you’re finished with him of course, darling.”
“Piss off, Lexi,” he said in a laugh.
Lexi leaned in and gave him a quick hug. “Sorry about Todd and the whole shitty mess of a day you’ve had. Just so you know, your secrets are safe with me.”
“I know.” Damon smiled. “They always are.”
∞
When Damon got home from dropping Lexi off, he found Jenna in the kitchen, nursing a glass of wine in her hand, reading a magazine.
At first, he was going to ignore the truth Todd had spilled. Go up to his room and just do his best to forget. But that didn’t seem right.
It was going to be uncomfortable and not the type of conversation a son should have with his mother, but Damon knew it would be to Jenna’s benefit to know that Todd would no longer be a problem.
“Hey, Jenna,” Damon said, flicking his mum a friendly wave. He grabbed himself a glass from the pantry then went to the fridge to pour himself a juice.
“Where have you been?” Jenna asked, sounding distant.
“I was just over at Todd’s.”
“Oh. Okay,” Jenna replied icily.
Damon sipped on his juice, registering the real depth of her coolness towards Todd. “Do you not like me being mates with Todd?
Jenna didn’t even look at him. “You can be friends with whoever you like, Damon. It’s none of my business.”
“So, I could go be friends with a one armed bikie chick with a heroin habit?”