by Zane Menzy
Keegan bit down on his tongue, bracing himself for Garth to see the scandal on his neck. He felt like he was the one underwater, running out of oxygen. When Garth broke the surface, he shook his hair around like a wet dog, torpedoing water over the legs of Keegan’s jeans. He looked up with a huge smile that instantly pulled back when he saw the mark.
“How’s the water?” Keegan asked pointlessly.
Garth nodded, treading the water. “Pretty wet.”
“Funny that.”
“How was your granddad?” Garth asked. Before Keegan could come clean about his earlier lie, Garth added, “He looks like a brutal kisser.”
“Yeah, about that.” Keegan rubbed his neck. “I didn’t go see Granddad.”
“I sort of guessed that.”
“I went to see Liam. He wanted to meet me to apologise about being such a dick to me back home.”
“He sure said sorry by the looks.” Garth let his head sink half under water, hiding his mouth from view.
“It was only a kiss. I swear. He wanted to do more, but I said no. I didn’t want to.”
Garth brought his head up again. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, blondie.” He smiled but it didn’t hide the sadness that floated in the pool with him.
“I do. I was a fucking moron. I don’t know why I let him give me the love bite. You’re the one I like.”
Garth grabbed the concrete side of the pool and hoisted himself out of the water. He walked over to a blue towel sitting on a deck chair and started to dry himself off.
“I feel like I have really fucked up, Garth.”
“What did you fuck up? It ain’t like we are dating,” Garth said, towelling his hair.
Keegan walked over to him and placed a hand to his shoulder. “I was kind of hoping we would.” He exhaled through his nose. “You know… Date.”
Garth stepped backwards, lowering the towel to dry off his legs. “You don’t have to say shit you don’t mean, Keegan. Its fine. I get it.”
“But I do mean it.”
Garth shook his head. “Like I said. It’s okay. I get it.”
“Get what?”
“You got what you wanted from me.” Garth dropped the towel down and threw on his shirt. “You wanted to fuck me and you fucked me.”
“I like you more than just a fuck.” Keegan could tell by Garth’s fake smile and wounded eyes that he was hurting.
“No you don’t. If you did, then you wouldn’t have lied about where you were going. You wouldn’t have done what you did,” his voice came out screechy. Keegan went to touch him again but Garth put his hand up stopping him and shook his head.
Garth dropped his face, trying to hide his eyes. When he looked back up Keegan could see the formation of tears waiting to shed. “I really liked you, Keegan. I trusted you.” Garth mashed his lips together tightly. “I gave you a piece of me that… that I can never get back. I thought you were different. I thought you were special.”
“Garth, I’m so sorry. I’ll never lie again.” Keegan felt his own eyes begin to burn.
“Nope. It’s fine. You’re eighteen. You wanna have fun. And fuck guys like Liam Corrigan. Why wouldn’t you want to have fun with him. He’s a fucking supermodel compared to me.”
“No he’s not. I think you’re way hotter.”
“Stop lying,” Garth snapped. “We both know that’s not true.”
“I’m telling you that it is. Yes, Liam’s hot but you’re sexy. Probably the sexiest person I have ever met.” Keegan meant every word but wanted to say more. “Everything about you is fucking sexy. Every inch of you turns me on. Wherever you are I want to be, you make a room sexy just by walking into it.”
Garth looked like he was about to relent and smile but he frowned instead. “I think its best I go.”
“Go where?” Keegan asked with urgent concern.
“Back home.” Garth sniffed loudly, wiping his face. “I can’t stay here forever. I have to go home and find a new place to live and get a job and all that shit.”
“We can do that up here. You and me. Find a flat together.”
Garth stared at him like he was playing the fantasy in his mind. “No,” he said coldly, shattering the dream. “It’s best I go.”
“Please don’t,” Keegan whispered. He wanted to reach out to try and grab him one last time but the wild hurt in Garth’s eyes told him not to even try.
Garth ran a hand through his wet hair, composing himself. “I am gonna go inside now and pack up. I want to say thank you for giving me one hell of a fun crazy week and for you and your father’s hospitality.”
Don’t go. Don’t do this. I am so fucking sorry! Keegan screamed internally. Garth’s broken body language told him there was nothing he could say or do that would change his mind.
Garth offered a feeble smile. “I don’t mean to be rude but is it okay if you stay here while I get my stuff.”
Keegan gave a pained stare in return. His feelings sloshing around inside.
“I don’t want to go inside and your father see me cry.” Garth laughed pitifully. “And if you’re around I think I might.”
Seeing anyone sad was painful. But to see someone you didn’t know capable of tears, well that was a sight sadder than a funeral. Keegan nodded, giving Garth what he wanted. He owed him that. “Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll stay here.”
“Thanks, man. I’ll only be ten minutes.” Garth picked the rest of his clothes up and carried himself away in woeful steps.
Keegan watched him walk away, disappearing outside. He had no one to blame for this predicament but himself. His own stupid fucking self. He had wanted too much. Pushed too many limits. Damon, Liam, Garth. Now he had no one. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t feel like he deserved to let himself shed a tear. He crouched down, rocking back and forwards on the balls of his feet and closed his eyes. He was now little more than a body bag with a beating heart. The beautiful glue that had held him together the past week was leaving and Keegan feared he might just come undone.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The week was flying by and Matt was burying his feelings under the preparations for Jason’s wedding—which was only two days away. He was busy tying brightly-coloured Chinese lanterns to tree limbs, adding another touch of daydream Jason had on his wish list. The backyard was looking unique to say the least. He had spent all morning trying these lanterns to trees and staking solar lights throughout the garden.
Garth had left unexpectedly over the weekend, leaving Keegan and Matt alone in the house. Matt didn’t ask his son why Garth had gone. He suspected there was more to it than Garth’s short line about needing to get back home for a job interview. Keegan had moped about for two days looking as sad as Matt was feeling about Damon. Despite the bleak mood, Matt was enjoying the chance to be alone with Keegan a bit more, learning more about him; his favourite shows, music, food. Tonight, Matt was going to attempt Keegan’s favourite dish; spicy tortillas. Chances were high he would fuck it up but then the Chinese takeaways was just down the road for an emergency backup meal.
The meal was to be in honour of Keegan’s new job. The one that he was attending an interview for right that moment. Matt had pulled some strings with a former client who ran a small call centre in the city. It wasn’t the job of the century but it was a very good starting point. Unbeknownst to Keegan the interview was a mere formality, unless he fucked up spectacularly then the job was his.
Matt lifted his shirt and wiped his brow. He drummed his fingers over his furry tummy dripping with sweat. It was hot today even with the slight summer breeze. The muggy air felt like breathing under water. He was tempted to strip his shirt off, expose his pale skin to the harsh rays of the sun but the sound of a car engine rolling into his driveway made him decide against it.
The noise of the car door slamming followed by a high-pitched zap of the vehicle locking told him it was Jason coming to inspect the makeshift venue. He didn’t have to bother going and letting Jason in, this was on
e guest who had no problems walking in like he owned the place. Matt waited for his mate to stroll through the house and find him outside.
“Arigato, heeeey,” Jason called out, waving a flimsy wrist covered in bright bangles.
Matt looked over at his pal wearing a mesh black top and mustard-coloured chinos. “Hey. Have you come to inspect the mess otherwise known as your big day.”
“I sure have.” Jason stopped in front of him, slowly nodding at the numerous lights and lanterns dotting the yard. “It looks perfect!”
Matt wasn’t sure if this was the case. It looked tacky as fuck and he worried if Jason may just be being polite. “Are you sure?” He tried to word the state of the yard diplomatically. “You don’t think it’s a bit much?” Matt pointed to a rainbow-coloured wind wand that towered high into the sky. The kinetic piece of art drooped in the small breeze like a limp cock.
Jason giggled at the subtle hint. “Of course it’s a bit much but that’s just what I want.” His smile crumbled as he squinted. “Have you heard from you know who?”
Matt felt his body go stiff. He shook his head. “Nope. The bad news is yesterday’s news.”
Jason nodded. “Are you okay about it?”
“Just like when you asked me yesterday and the day before and the days before that. Yes. I am fine, Jason.” He knew his friend was only showing his worry but Matt wished he wouldn’t. Each time Jason enquired it made him want to give in and make contact with the scoundrel of the century. In the heat of the moment, hitting Damon in the face and propelling himself out of the dickhead’s life was simple. It was easy to do when running on raw emotion, but when the anger stopped stinging his blood, the adrenalin emptied out of his veins then all he had found himself left with was the sadness. An overwhelming grief, mourning for twenty years of friendship.
“I just want to make sure. You’re fine.” Jason said. “I worry about you.”
“You really don’t have to, Jason. I’m a big boy if you hadn’t noticed.”
Jason’s eyes dropped to his crotch. “No need to turn the conversation dirty, girl.”
Matt laughed. “I wasn’t meaning that.”
“Good, I would hate to have you trying to flirt with me only two days from my wedding, Matty.”
“I can assure you that is not the case.”
“Phew,” Jason sighed. “It would be tough to break your heart when I tell you you’re not my type,” he teased.
“Piss off,” Matt laughed. “You’re not my type either.”
“Who is your type?” Jason’s eyes flickered. “Who is next on your hit list?”
“Nobody,” Matt muttered. For the first time in his life he was embracing loneliness. Too scared to think about who or what came next.
“Really?” Jason squawked.
“Yes. Really.”
Jason chewed his lip. “But if you were looking would they be male or female?”
Matt instinctively went to say female like Jason’s question was absurd but he stopped the word leaving his lips. “Who knows,” he said with a laboured breath.
“Interesting.”
“Why is that interesting?” Matt frowned, puzzled by the look of delight on Jason’s face.
“It means I may still be able to swap dirty stories with you about guys. It also means I may be able to fix you up with someone.”
“No way. Don’t even think about doing that.” Matt gave Jason a stern look.
“Oh, why not? It’ll be fun. Some of our friends are arriving from Sydney tomorrow for the wedding and a couple of them are mighty cute.”
There was no way Matt was going to let Jason try and fix him up. He could only imagine the type of guy it would be. “No, Jason.”
Jason slumped his shoulders. “Gee, way to ruin my fun.”
“Your fun is supposed to be the getting married part, not worrying about finding me a date.” Matt scanned the yard and the zany setup. “And you are sure this is what you want?”
Jason laughed. “Is this tragic fairy tale not how you envision a wedding, Matty pie?”
The concerned look on Matt’s face must have answered for him.
“Matty, stop worrying about it. I know how it looks. If anything, I wish it were even more garish.”
“But why? This is yours and Will’s big day. I don’t understand why you aren’t going all out with something more… swanky. It’s not like you both can’t afford it.”
Jason’s lips curved thoughtfully. He pat Matt on the shoulder. “Because, sweet cheeks, have you seen me?” He tugged on his mesh top. I’m not about the type of swanky you’re thinking. The type of sanky Will’s parents—who hate me for no good reason—will be expecting.”
“So you are going out of your way to mess up your own wedding just to get at your in-laws?”
Jason laughed. “Not just that. I mean that is an indirect bonus, but it’s also about giving my friends a day they won’t forget. Imagine how many years they’ll be able to tell everyone about the time they attended a wedding with a glitter speckled pony and a rainbow wind wand.”
Matt smiled. He began to understand the appeal a bit more.
“And yes, it will be camp, and yes, it will be trashy as all out hell.” Jason chuckled. “But while everyone is busy taking all that in, the only thing I will be focused on is Will and just how bloody lucky I am to be marrying my soul mate. I don’t care about the noise around us. I don’t care if that pony shits up the whole joint. My eyes will only be on that dashing, sweet man with all the patience in the world who has put up with my bullshit all these years.” He laughed softly as his eyes glossed over. “That is my moment. That is what is making my day so special. Him.”
Matt was stunned. He had never heard Jason be so sentimental before. He was jealous and happy at the same time for his friend. It was in Jason’s voice. The way he spoke. He really loved Will. The emotion struck a chord and Matt found himself wiping his cheek.
“You’re not crying are you,” Jason said; he looked almost uncomfortable. “Oh god, you are crying.”
Matt snivelled away another tear. “That was just really fucking sweet.”
“I swear, sometimes I wonder if you actually have an ovary in you somewhere.”
Matt laughed, wiping his eyes dry. “Sorry. I can be a bit of a cry baby.”
“Don’t be sorry. It just means you care.” Jason smiled and leaned in, giving him a hug. A hug that he really needed.
Chapter Forty
Keegan wandered along the waterfront admiring the army of yachts in the harbour. It made sense why they called it the City of Sails, he thought. Walking through town in black dress pants and a choking business shirt was not how he wold normally dress, but he had just left from a job interview. He had been so nervous beforehand, but his father had told him to be confident or at least fake it. Keegan faked it.
He managed to blitz the typing and numeracy test and stumbled his way through the interview questions. He didn’t think he had answered anything terribly but he was surprised when at the end of the questioning the manager shook his hand and welcomed him to the team. He would be starting next Monday and go into the training room for three weeks before “hitting the floor.” Keegan was grateful and pleased with himself but he also suspected that it wasn’t his own skill that landed him the job but the fact the woman was a former client from his father’s firm.
The first thing he had done was call his mum once he got outside, telling her excitedly about how he had just gotten his first job. She squealed in delight for him, offering endless congratulations. He had worried she would be upset that this meant he wouldn’t be coming home but when he asked if she minded she was adamant it didn’t matter what she thought. That it was his life to lead and his decision.
Walking along, heading towards the transport station, Keegan wondered about his decisions. There was every chance that this job was the first step of having a future as sunny as the day beating down on him. But what good was a bright future when your mood was as black
as night.
Since Garth had left, guilt had made itself at home in Keegan’s chest; sapping him of his energy. He missed his pretend boyfriend like crazy. Garth had been the one to bring him up here, convincing Keegan to take a risk. And how did Keegan repay him? By shitting all over his feelings.
I really fucked up.
With Garth gone, Keegan had no option but to hang out with his father. The evenings in talking nonsense in the living-room while watching tele had been nice. A good opportunity to become more familiar with each other. Nothing too personal thank goodness. He had no desire to offer up what had happened with Garth or to ask his father about his romance with Damon. Their romance still had Keegan confused. Damon had made his feelings clear the day he punched Liam but Keegan had yet to hear his father voice similar emotions. Damon hadn’t even been to visit since then and his name hadn’t been spoken once. Perhaps his father was just too embarrassed to mention anything.
Keegan walked past a group of teenagers huddled together with leaned-in-heads and hushed voices. Seeing the bunch of friends looking like they were plotting naughty shit to do made him miss his own pals back home. He may have been surrounded by a sea of faces in a city of a million people but Keegan was sure he had never felt so alone in his whole life.
He wasn’t just missing Garth. He was missing having mates. Any mates. Maybe once he started work he would make friends with co-workers. Maybe. Keegan ambled towards the bus station with his head dipped down like he had been defeated. Then an idea struck him. Maybe he did have a friend he could visit.
Damon…
He stood still and let the rush of people go around him as he deliberated if it were a good idea or not.
Does it matter? You’re bored shitless and need to chat to someone who isn’t your parent.
Keegan thought, fuck it. Even if the weirdness hadn’t dissipated between them yet, Damon would still let him in and talk. Of that, Keegan was sure. He didn’t care what they talked about. He just wanted to be with someone who would listen and be with someone he could listen to. With a bounce in his step, he headed away from the bus depot and zig zagged through the city streets towards Damon’s apartment, hoping he was home.