29 Dates

by Melissa de la Cruz

  Austin sat up and pulled her closer to him. There was no space between them now. Jisu worried she might be pinning him down, but he kept kissing her all over, on her neck and down to her chest, reassuring her again and again. She put a hand on his chest. He pulled it down and guided her under his shirt. He touched her neck with his other hand, and she led him down to her chest, following the trail of kisses he had left moments ago.

  The loose, baggy sweater Jisu had worn came off easily. She had forgotten which bra she was wearing and was relieved it was the frilly blue one and not the ratty nude one. Austin’s shirt came off just as easily. They had already seen each other like this at the beach. But Austin looked different seated underneath her legs, knowing that the heat of her lips still lingered on his. It was frustrating how she couldn’t keep looking at all of him and kiss him at the same time.

  Jisu felt Austin’s fingers climb up her spine and slide under the back of her bra. They were long past where she had been before and she let him lead the way. Everything felt right with him.

  The light pole they were parked next to flickered, as if to apologize for the abrupt intrusion.

  Austin checked the time on the dashboard. “Shoot. My uncles are going to come out any second.” He leaned back and grabbed his shirt from the back seat, where it had been tossed aside.

  “Okay,” Jisu said. She slid back into the passenger seat and wiggled back into her sweater.

  He turned the key in the ignition. Before he drove out of the parking spot, he leaned over. Jisu felt like a newer, bolder version of herself. She met him halfway and kissed him. They could’ve quickly resumed where they had left off, but somewhere outside they heard a door open and shut. Before either of them could check to see if it was Tito Ron or Jhun closing down the restaurant, Austin sped away.

  * * *

  When Austin pulled up to the Murrays’, it took every bit of effort for Jisu to peel herself out of the passenger seat. All things, even a perfect day, had to end at some point. She quietly crept into the house. Hours ago, she had texted Linda, saying she was binge-watching Riverdale with Hiba at her house and would be home late. All the lights were out. The Murrays were all fast asleep. Even if Linda were to appear in the hallway with her arms crossed and unleash a lecture about breaking curfew, it couldn’t break Jisu’s good mood. Her legs carried her through the door, up the stairs and into her room, but the rest of her was floating higher, somewhere outside, beyond the roof and up in the sky.

  One question lingered in the back of her mind. What happens now? If her supposed go-with-the-flow attitude was what he liked so much about her, would he get scared off if she wanted something more? Did she want something more?

  Austin could be the end to all the seons. God, she was not looking forward to more of them. Everyone she’d met was either boring, full of himself or friend material. The thoughts of seons swarmed in her mind like an annoying flock of mosquitos. She swatted them away. She would deal with the seons when they started again.

  If they started again.

  AUGUST 20

  DATE NO. 14

  NAME: Park Hongki

  * * *

  OCCUPATION:

  Student, Soccer Team Captain

  * * *

  INTERESTS:

  Stock Market, World Cup, Poetry

  * * *

  HongkI: Jisu! It’s nice to meet you.

  Jisu: Yeah, sorry I’m late. The subway was super delayed.

  HongkI: Don’t be. Really. We’re here now!

  HongkI: So what’s Daewon like? I almost went there. But my high school has a better soccer team, so I ended up there instead.

  Jisu: Daewon’s great. I mean, it’s super competitive like any other major high school. But I really like all my teachers and everyone in my class.

  HongkI: Everyone thinks American universities are hardest to get into. They should try getting into Seoul National University, or even just surviving a Seoul private high school.

  Jisu: Seriously! So, what do you want to study in college?

  HongkI: I wanna study business, then get an MBA in Finance, probably be an analyst for a few years and then see what happens.

  Jisu: Live your whole life...and then see what happens?

  HongkI: I know, I know. It’s like a fifteen-year plan, not a five-year plan.

  Jisu: So, what else do you like, outside of school and work stuff?

  HongkI: Well, I really like keeping track of the stock market. I like to stay on top of stuff like that. Always good information to know.

  Jisu: Sure! What about soccer? I think you mentioned that you played?

  HongkI: Oh, that. I’ve been playing since fifth grade just kind of out of necessity.

  Jisu: Necessity?

  HongkI: Yeah, gotta have at least one sport on your résumé if you wanna get into a good college.

  Jisu: Right, right.

  HongkI: Do you play any sports?

  Jisu: I played on the school volleyball team my freshman and sophomore year. And then it just got too intense for me, so I play intramural. For fun.

  HongkI: Nice! Yeah, soccer’s not that fun for me anymore. Hasn’t been in years. Honestly, I can’t wait to get into college and stop playing.

  Jisu: If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t do it!

  HongkI: I mean, I’ve come so far already, haven’t I? And it’s for school, so...

  Jisu: Hongki, you’re allowed to have a life outside of school. You’re allowed to have interests outside of your fifteen-year plan. You know that, right?

  HongkI: I know, but what if I don’t want to?

  Jisu: Why wouldn’t you want to?

  HongkI: I don’t know. I think I’m just the type who likes school way too much.

  Jisu: Yeah...you might be.

  HongkI: Honestly, I’m so happy summer’s over and we’re back in school. Just means we’re all that much closer to getting into the college we’re going to attend.

  Jisu: I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say that they’re happy summer is over in earnest.

  HongkI: I mean, it’s kinda boring, right? There’s like nothing to do.

  Jisu: I’m sure you could find something you enjoy that’s not related to school.

  HongkI: Yeah, maybe. But hey, you were the one that missed our date last week because you were cooped up in hagwon.

  Jisu: Oh, yeah...right...

  HongkI: You can’t tell me to live my life if you’re not living yours!

  15

  Click. Jisu hit the Submit button. She exhaled deeply. The first of ten college applications was done. The thought of having to do this nine more times grew more daunting the more she thought about it. That pesky number nine. Jisu wanted to quickly get another application out of the way so the number would be eight. But she let herself take a breath and rest easy. She’d gotten one out of the way. Completed. Checked off the list.

  “Did you do it?” Hiba whispered. Jamie and Tiffany also peeked at Jisu from behind their laptops. The four of them were spending all of study hall at the library.

  Jisu nodded enthusiastically. They high-fived each other lightly and did a quiet little celebratory dance in their seats. They were trying their best to be as silent as possible so the librarian wouldn’t shush them again and threaten to kick them out.

  Jisu relaxed back into her seat. She felt a tiny sliver of relief. Her grades were solid, and she had good recommendations lined up from both Daewon and Wick. But there were still nine more applications to go—six non-Ivies and three Ivies, the last of them being Harvard. Jisu took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, like she had reached the peak of a steep hill. But it was a tiny hill and she still had the rest of Mount Everest to climb. And the more college applications she completed and crossed off her list, the closer and more eager her mother was to set up her Korean-American seons.

  J
isu checked her phone again. No new notifications. Nothing from Euni or Min. And nothing from Austin. Ugh. Since she made out with Austin in his car, Jisu had been weightless and without a single worry, but two weeks had passed now, and she hadn’t heard from him.

  They didn’t share any classes, and she hadn’t run into him in the cafeteria or in the parking lot like she usually would. Jisu had never gone from feeling confident and unstoppable to jittery and anxious in such a short amount of time. He’s probably just busy. Maybe his uncles needed him at the restaurant. Or one of his siblings is sick and he needs to take care of them. Or he’s sick. I hope he’s not sick.

  Jisu opened and closed her messages. The last exchange was at 12:38 a.m., shortly after Austin had dropped her off at the Murrays’ that night. That perfect night.

  I didn’t want today to end!

  It was the kind of text that had made sense to send when she’d sent it, her head all the way up in the clouds. He had replied with a simple smiley face, and she’d buried her smiling face under the covers, all of a sudden coy in front of no one, before falling asleep.

  But the more time passed without another exchange, the more she felt shortchanged by his wordless response. Should she have played it cool and not texted him until the next day? What did Mandy’s magazines have to say about that? A few silent days later, Jisu tried to pry the conversation open and texted Austin a photo she took of him at the beach. But there was no response.

  “Don’t tell me you’re constantly refreshing your emails now. You literally just hit submit!” Hiba must’ve noticed how often Jisu was checking her phone. She quietly closed out of her messages and placed her phone facedown on the table.

  “It’s not that.” She hesitated, wondering if she should tell them about Austin. But why shouldn’t she? They were her friends. This was the exact kind of stuff you confided in them about.

  “So, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Austin,” Jisu said. “Like a good amount.”

  Hiba slammed her laptop shut. Jamie and Tiffany put down their books. Jisu had their full attention now.

  “Austin Velasco?” Jamie asked.

  “Yes. We’ve been hanging out...as friends. Or so I thought. Until he kissed me the last time I saw him.” Jisu wasn’t sure how much to tell them. She wished Euni and Min were sitting with her instead.

  Jamie clasped her hands. “Which was when?” she asked.

  “About two weeks ago,” Jisu answered, unsure if this was a normal amount of time to go without being in touch with someone you were on top of and making out with late at night in an empty parking lot.

  “Kaylee is going to be pissed when she hears.” Tiffany broke into a fit of giggles.

  “No! Please don’t tell anyone,” Jisu said. The last thing she wanted was for people to find out what was happening between her and Austin before she even managed to define it herself.

  “I don’t know, Jisu,” Hiba said. “Have you guys been dating-dating? Or you’re going to start dating? I didn’t think Austin was the dating type.”

  “Yeah, are you trying to date him?” Jamie asked.

  “I don’t know,” Jisu said. “But I’ve been getting to know him pretty well. I think I might like him.”

  Tiffany looked at Jisu with more concern. “Austin’s a friend, and he’s fun to be around,” she said. “But he does have a tendency to go from one person to another.”

  “Didn’t he ditch Amy Saunders right after they hooked up?” Hiba asked.

  “Yeah, but she was acting possessive,” Tiffany said. “She was going to Europe the whole summer and wanted him to be her long-distance boyfriend.”

  “Okay, but I heard that summer he hooked up with like half the lifeguards he worked with,” Hiba said.

  “That sounds like an exaggeration,” Jamie said. “But it’s probably true.”

  Jisu groaned and buried her face in her hands. It was a mistake bringing this up. All this backstory—whether any of it was true—was the last thing she wanted to know.

  “He is really cute,” Tiffany said, head down as she scrolled through her phone. “I mean, look at that side profile.” She held up her phone for all of them to see.

  It was Austin’s Instagram page. And the latest photo...the one Jisu had sent him weeks ago only to get no response...was posted two days ago. There he was on Tiffany’s screen at Pacifica State Beach, sitting on the sand and looking into the sunset. His surfboard was perched upright by him. The sunlight hit his hair and wet suit in a way that revealed that he was only partially dry. Jisu had taken this photo to remember how he had shared a passion of his with her and taught her something new.

  Never not surfing. Always a good, easy surf at Pacifica.

  #surfing #pacifica #sunset #pacificasunset #beach #bayarea #surfsup

  Jisu grabbed Tiffany’s phone with one hand and clutched her stomach with the other as if someone had kicked her right in the gut. So he had gotten her photo. His phone wasn’t broken, and her text message wasn’t lost in transit. If he liked it so much, why couldn’t he tell her so? And he couldn’t even give her a proper photo credit in the caption? Jisu’s cheeks grew hot.

  Tiffany took her phone back, completely unaware of the revelation Jisu was having. “Cute as he is, he’s got a bit of a reputation,” she said. “You should have fun if you want to though! As long as you also play the game, you can’t get burned, right?”

  Jisu forced a smile, like she imagined a willing participant of the game would, but it didn’t help the sinking feeling she felt inside, the feeling of a slowly wilting plant being deprived of sunlight. Everyone’s comments only confirmed what she feared: the time they spent together was more significant to her than it was to him.

  Jisu reached back into her mind and played back all the times they had spent together. They did pass a lot of time not hooking up. There was all the walking around the city. They’d successfully led a skating class filled with hyper children. For god’s sake, he’d introduced her to his uncles and they’d even sung karaoke together! You didn’t do all of that just to hook up with a girl and then go MIA for two weeks.

  But then Jisu remembered the other parts. The hazy, unclear, foggy parts. The stretches of time in between their hangouts. Hangout. They never called it a date. They never called it anything. They were always just...hanging out.

  Jisu flopped over onto the table like a deflated balloon. For the sake of her pride, she was glad she hadn’t revealed the full timeline of events to her friends.

  “I need to stop by my locker before my next class.” Jisu shoved everything into her bag and hurried out of the library.

  And then she saw him. Standing by his locker, chatting away with his friends. Smiling. Laughing.

  Austin met her gaze and walked up to her. “Hey!” he greeted her cheerfully, picking up right where they left off. As if the line of communication between them hadn’t been dead for the last two weeks. Was this how he’d made Amy Saunders feel?

  Maybe Jisu was overreacting. It would’ve been one thing if Austin was cold and indifferent. It would confirm what she was starting to suspect, what her friends had observed—that her time was up and he was done. She could deal with rejection.

  “How’s it going?” His casual greeting made her question for a moment if her feeling upset was even really valid. Maybe she had been overthinking it?

  “Good,” Jisu lied. “It’s been a minute.”

  “Has it? I feel like I just saw you,” Austin said. “But I mean, it’s good to see you now.”

  No, she hadn’t been overthinking it. Jisu had every right to be annoyed at Austin. Especially now.

  “But yeah...” he continued. “My uncle Ron had to fly down to LA last minute because of a family thing.” Austin sighed and looked serious all of a sudden. “And I had to help out at the restaurant, so it’s been kinda crazy for me.”

  “Oh... I hope
everything’s okay,” Jisu said. Austin looked and sounded sincere.

  “He’s coming back this weekend. It’s whatever.” He shrugged, reverting right back to his casual self. That’s how he was. Nonchalant about everything. But some things in life were more than just “whatever.”

  “Are you free on Saturday?” he asked. “We can binge-watch all those TV shows on Netflix I told you about. I bet you haven’t checked any of them out yet.” Austin nudged her elbow and smiled. Was he orbiting back toward her direction now?

  Jisu wanted to say yes, but she didn’t want to cave so easily. And she was supposed to dedicate the coming weekend to finishing her college applications. She wanted to sit down and get them all out and over with. And of course there was the IS project. Jisu reminded herself to track down Dave and find a time that might work for his ever-shifting, busy schedule.

  “I actually can’t meet up,” Jisu said, despite what she wanted. She had to be responsible. And she wouldn’t give in so easily.

  “Oh, all right!” Austin said and started to turn away.

  Was this it? Would it be another two weeks before she had another tepid hallway interaction with Austin?

  “But maybe the week after?” Jisu blurted out.

  “Yeah, sure!” Austin said without breaking his stride. He was walking down the hall in the opposite direction now. “I’ll text you.”

  She wanted to believe him. That sinking feeling reemerged in the pit of her stomach. Austin wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. He wasn’t ignoring her, but still. He seemed a million miles away. It felt like she was trying to grab on to a handful of sand. The more she tried to hold on, the more it slipped through her fingers.