29 Dates

by Melissa de la Cruz

  “I’m free now, if you want to go through it? Might as well since we’re in the library already.”

  “I can’t now. Sophie’s in the car outside, waiting for me.”

  “Sophie? Oh.” Jisu felt defensive all of a sudden. Of what, she didn’t know. She imagined basic Sophie sitting in the passenger seat, listening to basic music and checking her basic makeup in the mirror.

  “Yeah, we’re going to see the new Avengers movie.”

  “Fun!” Jisu forced the sides of her face upward.

  “Let’s meet up next week?”

  “Yeah! Text me and we’ll figure it out.”

  Dave left the library and Jisu let her smile drop. She wasn’t jealous in any way, no. Jisu already had plans to see the Avengers movie with someone else. Sure, it was for another seon with a complete stranger via Ms. Moon, but Jisu had her own plans. I bet Sophie’s the type to constantly talk and ask questions throughout the movie. Does she even know who any of the Avengers are? Jisu was just looking out for Dave. The way he looked out for her with Austin. It was in her own motherly way. Having Jisu look out for her son was what Mrs. Kang would want anyway. She clearly wasn’t impressed much with Sophie either.

  Jisu gathered her belongings and left the library. She turned her phone back on. There was a text message. Jisu could tell it was Austin. She had deleted him from her contacts, but she still recognized his number. And she hated herself for recognizing it.

  Yo. You around this weekend? Starting to forget what you look like.

  Starting to forget what she looked like? They were in the same room, eating lunch, just a few hours ago! If he wanted to remember what she looked like, he could’ve easily walked over and said hi.

  But he had initiated contact. Jisu did feel a tiny rush of satisfaction. Maybe not saying hi to him during lunch had been the right move. Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Should she make him wait for a reply? Did she even want to see him? Thinking about Austin lately was proving to be more tiresome than pleasant.

  Jisu’s phone dinged with another notification. It was a Kakao message from Mrs. Kim.

  Ms. Moon is emailing you a full schedule of your seons for this month. Don’t forget to add them all to your calendar.

  “Yes, Mother,” Jisu said out loud as she swiped away the Kakao notification.

  The screen returned to Austin’s text message. Jisu looked at it for a moment. She put her phone away in her bag. Austin could wait.

  JANUARY 7, SAN FRANCISCO

  DATE NO. 19

  NAME: Choi Henry

  * * *

  INTERESTS: Weight Training, MTV, Karaoke

  * * *

  Parent Occupations:

  HR manager; Art gallery owner

  * * *

  HENRY: Look who decided to show up!

  Jisu: I am so sorry. I totally lost track of time. Usually I’m not so late. And then there was traffic on top of that...

  HENRY: Ten, fifteen minutes—I totally get it. But a whole half hour? I really thought I was getting stood up.

  Jisu: Oh, my goodness. I’m really so sorry! I’m usually never late, I swear!

  HENRY: I’m just teasing. Don’t worry about it. We’re here. Can I get you anything?

  Jisu: Oh, yes! Hmm, what did you get?

  HENRY: Just a simple cappuccino. I might get another when I’m done with this one.

  Jisu: All right, then I’ll do the same. So! Tell me about yourself. Harry, was it?

  HENRY: My name is Henry...

  Jisu: Oh, gosh. I am really screwing it up today, aren’t I? I’m so sorry Harr—Henry! Henry. I am the worst.

  HENRY: Hey, that’s all right. Just take it easy. You still seem a little out of breath. Did you run here?

  Jisu: Well, to save time, I thought I’d take an Uber. But then I got stuck in traffic. It looked like I was only a few blocks away from this coffee shop, so I decided to get out and walk over...but I totally misjudged. I think it was more like a full mile away.

  HENRY: Maybe some coconut water or Gatorade would be better instead...

  Jisu: No! That’s all right! It’s all good! So, Henry.

  HENRY: So, Amanda.

  Jisu: Amanda?

  HENRY: Wait...are you not Amanda?

  Jisu: No, I’m Jisu...

  HENRY: Definitely not Amanda Lim?

  Jisu: Trust me, I would love to be Amanda Lim right now so we could say at least one thing went right on this seon.

  HENRY: But you look just like her. Here, take a look. Your—er, I guess Amanda’s profile.

  Jisu: Wait, this is definitely my photo. This is the one I sent Ms. Moon. But this...

  HENRY: See? First name Amanda. Interests include DJ-ing, saving Mother Nature and spoken word. Parents are schoolteachers...

  Jisu: This is definitely not me. I mean, the photo is me, but it must have somehow gotten mixed up with Amanda’s profile.

  HENRY: So, somewhere out there, Amanda is on a seon with someone who thinks she’s Jisu.

  Jisu: That’s probably accurate.

  HENRY: Wow, I don’t think this has ever happened.

  Jisu: Should we just quit while we’re ahead?

  HENRY: Quit? No! I mean, you ran a mile to get here, right? You wait for your cappuccino and enjoy it. Why not?

  Jisu: That’s true. I did practically run the whole way here...

  HENRY: So, what does it say on your mysterious profile? I had such a completely different perception of you.

  Jisu: Yeah, you probably thought I was going to be some hippie who likes to read.

  HENRY: I mean, if trying to save the earth makes you a hippie, I guess I’m also one then...

  Jisu: Oh, I didn’t mean it in any derogatory way. I actually do think environmental issues are important...

  HENRY: I am also bookish, which hopefully isn’t an issue.

  Jisu: Not at all! I also try to read a novel or two whenever I can. I guess that was just a bad attempt at making a joke. I can promise you it doesn’t say comedy under talents in my profile...

  HENRY: Yup...

  Jisu: Yeah...

  HENRY: So...

  Jisu: So, I think maybe I’ll just ask for a coffee to go. This was clearly some minor snafu or glitch or something from Ms. Moon. I can email her and let her know.

  HENRY: Uh, yeah. That sounds good. I can email her also. Well...it was nice to...meet you?

  Jisu: Yeah...hopefully we both end up having the best seon ever after this one.

  HENRY: Ha, well, at least you have a sense of humor about all this.

  20

  Jisu had a sinking feeling as she logged in to the portal to check her application status. She had one new notification. How could one email feel so heavy with purpose and importance. That was probably how every email from Yale University felt. Jisu glanced over the school’s email address. She didn’t have to open it to know what it said. She just knew.

  Yale was Euni’s dream school. If Euni had to work as hard as she did to try to get into Yale, then there was no way Jisu would be following her there even if she did her absolute best. Jisu clicked on the message.

  Dear Ms. Jisu Kim,

  Thank you for your application to Yale University. The Admissions Committee has met and we regret to inform you that we are unable to consider your application further. Given the high volume of the applicant pool this year, it was inevitable that several candidates with excellent credentials would have to be denied...

  The letter went on, but Jisu didn’t bother reading the rest.

  She dialed her mother. Mrs. Kim could be at work—it was evening in San Francisco, and the start of the workday in Seoul.

  “Hello? Jisu?” Of course she was available. From now until the last college notification came in, Mrs. Kim was going to be on call for her daughter.

&n
bsp; “Umma, I didn’t get in.”

  “Didn’t get in where?”

  “Yale.”

  Mrs. Kim was silent on the other end. Jisu didn’t know which mother she’d be getting today: hypercritical or sympathetic. It was rarely both.

  “Did they say why?”

  “No. They probably sent out hundreds of rejections. They’re not going to give each person a detailed personal letter.”

  “You got those personal recommendations in to them on time, right?”

  So, she was going to be hypercritical today.

  “Yes. I did.”

  “And it’s a rejection. Not even the wait list?”

  “It’s what it says, Umma. I didn’t get into Yale, but I’m not illiterate either.” Calling her mom had been a mistake. This was the worst way to start off the day. In just an hour, Jisu would have to schlep her way to school and go about her day with this rejection hanging over her head. She wanted to change back into her pj’s and crawl back under the covers.

  “This is why I’m applying to non-Ivy schools, don’t you remember?” Jisu said. “There was no way I was going to get into Yale. We both knew it. This was a waste of an application.”

  “If you studied harder, you would have a better shot. At least get on the wait list,” Mrs. Kim snapped back.

  “I did study hard. That’s what you don’t get! Academics have never come easy to me. I’m not a good test taker. But I tried. I spent hours in hagwon, I did all the extracurriculars you signed me up for, I even left my friends and moved to a completely different country. You’ve never understood who I really am. You’ve never even tried to.”

  “Jisu-ya—” Mrs. Kim started. But Jisu had had enough. The rejection on her computer was bad enough. She wasn’t going to let her mother double down on her.

  “I’m hanging up, Umma. Goodbye.”

  Jisu could hear Mandy rustling in her room next door. She didn’t care if Mandy had overheard her arguing on the phone. She cared only about what the nine other colleges would say.

  * * *

  At school the next day, Hiba did her best to offer words of encouragement.

  “Well, Yale is a tough school to get into,” she said.

  “Thanks for stating the obvious, Hiba.”

  “Sorry... I’m not the best at giving pep talks.”

  “Probably because you never needed one in your life. I bet none of the kids at Princeton ever needed a pep talk.”

  “I haven’t gotten into Princeton just yet.”

  “Psh.” Jisu waved Hiba off. “You are getting in. I’ve never felt so sure of anything.”

  “Don’t lose hope yet, Jisu. The first rejection stings the most, but you’re still standing. You still have nine others to hear from. It’s not like you’re going to get rejected by all of them.”

  “What? I never even had that thought. Why would you say that?”

  “Nooo. That’s not what I meant.” Hiba stumbled over her words. Finally, there was something Hiba wasn’t good at: inspirational talks. “I just meant that you’re clearly a smart girl, with good grades—Yale or not—and you’re going to get into the best school for you.”

  “I love you, Hiba, but you would make the worst hype man ever.”

  Jisu and Hiba continued down the hall toward class. Hiba pulled at Jisu’s bag when they turned the corner. She tilted her head and directed Jisu’s eyes to their left. Austin was walking toward them.

  “Hey, stranger,” he said, friendly as ever. Jisu could swear she detected a hint of hesitation and uncertainty in his voice. Austin gave her a hug and Hiba discreetly rolled her eyes. “I’ve been trying to reach you. Did you not get my text?”

  “Sorry. I’ve been...busy,” Jisu said, even though since completing her college applications, she had more free time on her hands.

  Austin looked at Hiba, like she might wander off and walk herself to class and leave the two of them standing in the hallway. But Hiba stayed put with her arms crossed. Jisu was glad. She could see herself easily getting swayed by the Velasco charm if her friend wasn’t there to supervise.

  “I have to tell you something,” Austin said.

  “What is it?” Jisu said as calmly as she could. Though she looked at him expectantly. A million thoughts swirled through her head. What could he possibly have to say? It wouldn’t take a lot for him to make her day better.

  “I’m going to San Diego State!”

  It didn’t take a lot for him to make her day worse either. All this time had passed and the thing he wanted to tell her was that he got into his top-choice college? On the same day that she got her first rejection? It was like pouring salt in the wound.

  “That’s great. I’m happy for you, Austin,” Jisu said and tried her best not to reveal her smile as a wince.

  “I mean, it’s no Ivy League school, where you guys will probably end up. But I’m hella excited.” Austin genuinely seemed so. Jisu let a part of herself feel happy for him.

  “San Diego State is a great school,” Hiba said. “Do you know what you want to do there?”

  “Hell yeah, I do. I’m going to surf every day, all year round. The waves there don’t even compare to the cold, choppy waters that we have here. Jisu knows. Right, Jisu?” Austin flashed her a knowing smile. That perfectly crooked smile. Would he ever take her surfing again? “But yeah, can’t wait to catch some real waves. It’s gonna be dope.”

  “I meant like what are you going to study there, but that’s ‘dope,’ I guess,” Hiba said coolly. She turned and gave Jisu a look like, Really? This is the one you like? Of all the dudes, before walking down the hall and turning into class.

  Jisu braced herself for all the old, warm feelings for Austin to rush back, but they didn’t. She looked at him. His black, wavy hair was tousled and unruly. It was as carefree as he was. She was still drawn to his face, just as she had been however many days ago when they had last been together and however many days before that when they’d been alone in his car at night.

  But surfing? Really? That’s what he was looking forward to most? Austin’s let-it-be, laissez-faire attitude was starting to rub her the wrong way. There should be things that meant a lot to you. Things that you held close to yourself. How could someone cruise through life so detached from everything?

  “When are we hanging out? I haven’t seen you since...” Austin held Jisu’s hand.

  “Since I asked you to meet my family and you flat-out said no?” Jisu pulled her hand away from him.

  “C’mon. You still bothered about that? I was working at the restaurant all break. And you didn’t even come by. I missed you.”

  I didn’t stop by because I never got an invite. If you missed me, you could’ve hit me up with one text, Jisu thought to herself.

  “What are you doing tonight?” Austin asked.

  “It’s Tuesday. I’m not trying to stay out late.”

  “I never said anything about staying out. I could come over?”

  “I’m going to be late to class. We’ll figure something out. Just text me later. I’ll actually respond!” Jisu walked away. She turned away from him and tried not to smile too hard. It was nice to have Austin be so eager to see her. She felt the pull of his charm, but noticed it was no longer as strong.

  * * *

  The phone rang and Jisu picked up as soon as she saw Euni’s name flash across the screen. She was worried something bad had happened to her again.

  “Euni? Hello? Is everything okay?”

  “Jisu! It’s so good to hear your voice.” Eunice sounded like her normal, chirpy self. Jisu felt relieved.

  “It’s good to hear yours, too,” Jisu said. “And you sound better. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I don’t have to rest for half the day anymore like the doctors told me to when I first got out of the hospital.”

  “That’s
amazing! And Min’s being good?”

  “Min’s being too attentive. Honestly, it’s a little suffocating.” Euni laughed, and it sounded like a hearty laugh filled with energy.

  “But, Jisu, I am calling because I have some news. Really good news.”

  “What? What happened?”

  “I got accepted to Yale!” Eunice shouted. “I just found out and after telling my parents, you’re the first person I called!”

  “Oh. My. God. Eunice! That’s amazing!” Jisu was thousands of miles away from Eunice but could feel her happiness radiating through the phone.

  She’d had no doubt Eunice would get in, but after watching her work so hard for all these years, it felt good to see her friend thrive. It almost didn’t matter that she herself had started the day off with a rejection from Yale—Jisu had known Yale was not going to be her school.

  “All that hard work, Euni. You can relax and have fun now,” Jisu said.

  “I am so happy—you have no idea. I just wish you were with me. We should be celebrating together,” Eunice said. She sounded breathless, like she had just run a quick mile. “How’s all the college stuff going for you?”

  “Well, it sounds like Yale got all their decisions out. I got a rejection from them last night.”

  “Aw, Jisu. That’s just one. I did hear that they had way too many people apply this year. Plus, you’re the one who said New Haven seems boring!”

  Jisu laughed. Eunice was a little better at this than Hiba.

  “Yeah, that’s true. It’s just my first rejection. I think that’s why I’m so upset about it.”

  “You shouldn’t be upset. You are a super smart and funny person. And you’re so talented. My only talent is memorizing schoolwork and taking tests. Do you know how boring that is? Getting into Yale is going to be the best that those skills can do for me. I’m going downhill from here!” This was only the start of Eunice’s big, burgeoning academic career—both of them knew that—but hearing her say otherwise made Jisu feel less small.