Someday, I want to find that. A man who isn’t ashamed to be with me. Someone who will look at me the way that Garrett looks at Sirena—as though she’s his whole world. I don’t think I’ll ever get that here. Derek can’t seem to get past the age difference enough to even be friendly with me. All I get is grunts in response to questions. He couldn’t care less.
Glancing at him one last time, I say, “I’m going to bed.”
His head snaps around, and then a frown appears across his brows. “What’s wrong?”
He steps toward me.
I take a step away, shaking my head. “Nothing.” I clear my throat from the emotional lump I’ve been trying to swallow. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Before he can say anything else, I dash inside and up to my room. With the door closed, I turn the lock and slowly slide down to the floor. My tears are no longer contained, and they flow freely down my face. My shoulders shake while I try to muffle the sound of my anguish. My tears are for Paige because seeing her looking so sick had scared me to death, which I hope I’d hidden well. I’m also crying because for the first time, in a very long time, I feel alone. Just once it would be nice to have someone wrap his arms around me and hold me tight. Someone who cares about my pain.
32
Derek
Waiting for my first cup of coffee of the day to brew in the Keurig, I rub the tiredness from my eyes. I haven’t slept well in forever, letting Madison go up to bed last night when there had clearly been something wrong had taken everything out of me.
I’d wanted to make her tell me what was going on. Why she was so sad. My conscience insisted that I was to blame, but something told me it was more than the distance I had put between us. I know that doesn’t help, especially when I refuse to acknowledge it because of our age difference. There is something more going on though.
When I’d spoken to my son Tanner yesterday, he’d asked how Madison was and had hinted that something was wrong. He’d disconnected before I could ask him further questions.
I’d wanted to ask Madison last night but seeing her so vulnerable, I knew I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from her. It’s damn tiring having her underfoot, and I’m not even sure what I was thinking when I invited her into my home. Or maybe I did. Madison is a breath of fresh air and just being near her makes me crave things that I haven’t even thought about in a very long time. It’s my feelings for her that had me asking Dee to dinner—and now I’m in a pickle. Dee drives me crazy and not in the same way as Madison does. Oh, no. Dee drives everyone crazy with her high-pitched laughter, and her constant chatter about herself and her daughter.
The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s about time I man up and tell Dee I’m no longer interested. Not that I ever really was to begin with. She had been an excuse to keep me away from Madison. I slide a hand down my face and sigh loudly wondering how the hell my life had become quite so complicated. I haven’t been involved with anyone for years and now I’m craving a twenty-five-year-old. I’m losing my mind.
Grabbing the coffee that now sits in my favorite mug at the Keurig, I pour creamer into the dark liquid and drop sluggishly into a chair at the kitchen table. Breakfast will follow shortly, but coffee is what kickstarts my day.
I value this time before I start work and it usually allows me to clear my head, except as I take a sip from my cup, I find Madison in the doorway in her usual attire of fitted leggings, some kind of fitted vest top, and a T-shirt. Her long dark hair is loose, falling softly over her shoulders with soft wisps framing her face. She’s so beautiful that my breath catches in the back of my throat.
She eyes the coffee with longing and I think I’m actually insulted. Clearing my throat, I nod toward the Keurig. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks,” she mumbles.
I frown noticing the dark circles under her eyes.
They probably match mine.
“Madison,” I say and wait until I have her attention, “if you need to talk, I’m here for you.” I’m not sure whether my offer is wise or not, but I can’t bear to see her looking so upset.
She nods gently and when she has her cup of coffee she joins me at the table, which surprises me. Since I’ve been an ass and had Dee coming to dinner, Madison has avoided breakfast with me as though I have the plague.
Madison takes her coffee black and when she softly blows on the warm coffee before taking a sip, I find myself unable to move. My body tightens and unless I think of something to shatter the obvious arousal, I’m not going to be able to move any time soon.
“Paige is sick,” Madison blurts out, finally meeting my gaze.
At least those words put the fire out.
“How sick?” I carefully ask.
Her eyes fill with tears that she rapidly tries to blink away. Her coffee cup goes onto the table while she swipes at the waterfall flowing from her eyes.
Nothing else matters right now, so I quickly grab the roll of kitchen towels and tear a couple off to pass to her. I pull out a chair beside her and tug her into my arms. “You’re not alone Maddie,” I whisper softly against the top of her head.
While she cries, I hold her close and offer whatever comfort she needs, hoping I’m helping her in some small way. She has no family close, so it’s the least I can do. At least that’s what I tell myself. I swallow hard and I’m almost afraid to admit how much I’m enjoying having her clinging to me. If I weren’t so hung up with the differences between us, she’d have been in my arms months ago, and certainly not in a platonic way.
I patiently wait for the tears to stop and that’s when Madison says, “Paige can no longer have children.”
I frown wondering what Tanner hasn’t told me. My son would have told me if a member of Charlotte’s family were sick. So why hadn’t he?
Madison inhales and slowly lifts her face, searching my gaze. “She’s going to be okay.” She glances away and moves back into her own space.
Unable to let her go completely, I take hold of her hands and wait, knowing she has more to say—to get off of her chest.
“She got sick and she knew that there was a risk of them having to take everything away during the surgery, which they did. She’s now having radiotherapy to make sure they got all of the … cancer.” She licks her lips as tears fill her eyes again. “She didn’t tell anyone, Derek. We only found out because her dads noticed there was something different, they visited her to find out what was going on.”
“Why wouldn’t she want her family there with her, to support her?” I ask.
“She didn’t want to worry anyone.” Madison offers a wry smile. “Turns out she isn’t as tough as she’d like to think. She loved having us all show up. I think she was a bit embarrassed because of the hair loss too.” She smiles. “I bought her a selection of brightly colored scarfs.” She chuckles. “The look on her face. Paige hates bright colors. But you know what, I think she loved them. She looked amazing in them.”
I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb, enjoying the sensation. Madison watches for a few moments and then she tells me, “One of Dylan’s friends was at Paige’s side. Once she let him into her room, Seth refused to leave.” She smiles whimsically. “I think he’s going to be the one to help her get through everything that she’s facing.”
“Having someone there with her must be a relief to everyone.” I smile softly.
“It is.” She pulls her hands free to my disappointment and runs them through her hair. “Ramon and Noah are staying in Boston until she’s out of the hospital. I think they plan on taking her home to Lexington then.” She shrugs. “I’m not sure she’ll want to go home by then when I’m sure Seth will have to stay in Boston … and I’ll be back home before then,” she whispers, taking another sip of coffee.
The thought of her being anywhere but at my ranch doesn’t sit too well with me, but it’s certainly something I need to get over.
Moving away from the table, I wash my cup and place it on the drainer. “I’m going to get dressed for
the day, and then I can make some pancakes for breakfast.” I lift a brow. “We both need more than coffee to set us up for the day.”
She nods. “I’d love some pancakes.” She becomes serious. “Thank you for listening. Just telling you what was going on has really helped me. Made me realize that Paige is going to be okay. Really okay.”
“Anytime you need to talk, Maddie, I’m here. I mean that.” Before I follow my instinct to grab her up in my arms, I quickly turn and head to my room, but then I smile. We technically have a date over pancakes. Not sure what the hell I’m doing, I pause, but remembering the sadness on her face makes me more determined. I’ll do anything to stop her hurting … except what we both want the most.
33
Madison
The aroma of buttermilk pancakes wafts from the griddle to my nose making it twitch. “You’re making my favorite.” I smile brightly, heading into the kitchen.
Derek slightly turns and offers his own soft smile. “I may have had inside information on that.”
His comment makes me pause, but the fact that he’s going to the trouble of making my favorite tells me a lot about him—he cares, a lot more than he wants to admit.
Moving closer, I dip my head and closing my eyes, inhale. “Mmm, so good.” When I open my eyes, the look on Derek’s face surprises me. I briefly catch longing cross his features before he hides behind a stern mask of his own making. His jaw is tense and a pulse ticks strongly in his neck as I watch him.
A throat being cleared behind us, snaps me out of the haze I’d dropped into and I turn. Dee enters looking as elegant as always and saunters over to Derek. She pushes past me and greets him with a kiss to his lips. Derek blushes, his jaw continuing to tick as he removes Dee’s hands from his chest.
“Why don’t you sit down and join us for breakfast?” he grumbles, seeming uncomfortable.
My heart sinks at the thought of Miss. Perfect joining us and if I’m guessing correctly, she’s just as irritated at having me here.
“Can’t we eat a meal alone for once?” she grumbles.
At least I keep quiet.
“No. Madison needs to eat breakfast.” Derek places the pancakes into the center of the table and indicates for us to help ourselves.
“Is this all you’ve made?” Dee asks. “I can’t eat pancakes.”
I smile. “The buttermilk pancakes are our breakfast. Didn’t you eat at home?” I raise a brow and hide the delight I feel at the blush on her cheekbones.
Taking my first bite, I sigh, “Mmm, these are so good.” I glance at Derek. “Thank you for making these.”
He smiles, but still looks troubled. “You’re welcome.”
“What do you have planned today?” Dee asks, cutting me out of the conversation as she turns her back.
Derek’s eyes flitter to me before focusing on the annoying woman. “I need to go into town for a couple of hours.”
“Oh good!” she says, excited. “I’ll come with you and we can have lunch before you bring me back here.” She smiles. “Now eat up so we can go. I’m sure Madison doesn’t mind doing the dishes.”
My mouth hangs open before I snap it shut and glare at her.
“Madison isn’t here to do the dishes,” Derek says. “I’ll do the dishes. You can wait.” His reply offers no room for any argument.
All I want right now is to have eaten my breakfast and to disappear somewhere. Anywhere that she isn’t. Anywhere that I don’t have to watch them together. I’m not sure there is anywhere I can go to shut out the jealousy eating away at me.
“You know what?” I toss my napkin onto my plate. “Why don’t you both head out and I’ll do the dishes? I need to think before I start work today anyway,” I offer just wanting them gone.
What really gets to me is the way she fawns all over Derek. He accepts it, and who knows, he may like it. I certainly don’t.
“See, Madison doesn’t mind.” Dee smiles, patting his arm. “I’ll go and find the powder room while you finish off.”
After she’s left I realize I was glaring after her as Derek clears his throat. My eyes land on him as he sits back in his chair, watching me closely—too closely. “I can do the dishes when I return.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere. It will take less than ten minutes to clean up.” I shrug. “It’s okay. I really don’t mind.” I offer him a small smile. “Thank you for this. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
“Hmm,” he mumbles moving from the table. He hesitates at the doorway before he leaves.
My shoulders sag in relief and sadness now that I’m left alone.
Sighing heavily, I listen to the silence as they leave through the front door. I fill the sink with soap and water and gaze out the back window. There is nothing for miles and it’s a view that I don’t think will ever get old no matter how many times I see it.
“Madison?” Hearing my name whispered from behind me, I still and wait, feeling Derek moving in close behind me. He doesn’t touch me, but I can feel the heat from his body as he hovers close. “I’m sorry, Maddie,” he whispers.
I close my eyes savoring everything about this moment and then when I feel his lips lightly kiss my bare shoulder, I shudder with longing. My fingers hurt with how hard I’m holding onto the sink to keep me grounded—to stop me from reaching out to him.
“I’ll see you later.”
All I do is nod because I know there is no way my voice will work right now. I’m emotionally drained, longing for someone who will never be mine. I know he wants me as much as I want him and knowing that just frustrates me.
Sighing, I quickly get the dishes cleaned, dried and put away, and then I’m sitting outside in my favorite rocking chair with my sketchbook in hand, pencils on the side table, along with a fresh coffee.
The sun has risen but where I’m sitting in the shade of the porch there is a light breeze, adding a pleasant chill to the hot day. I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting enjoying the quiet of ranch life, but before I know it, I have a sketch of the horizon and I smile at the image I’ve brought to life on paper.
I’m proud of my art and love these sketches I’ve been doing to work from when I do the larger image on canvas with paint. These small sketches would look really nice framed.
Hearing the thud of a horse’s hooves on the ground, I glance up and silently groan when I see Geary heading toward me. The man is in his late twenties; he flirts, and I occasionally enjoy the attention, flirting back. I’ve turned him down a few times when he’s offered to take me into town for dinner, and I think he’s figured out why I keep saying no. Nothing has been said but it’s just a feeling.
“Hey gorgeous, do you need a model?” he tips his hat and a cheeky grin stretches at his lips.
The man is sexy as sin and built like a Greek God, but unfortunately, I only want one man, and he isn’t Geary.
He saunters closer and props a hip on the porch railing, blocking my view. “Don’t you think your sketch would be vastly improved with a cowboy on the horizon?”
“Considering the final image is going to be on the wall in Derek’s home, I figured he should be the cowboy in the picture.” I raise a brow and he chuckles.
“I guess that puts me in my place, huh?” He glances out into the horizon wiping his sweaty brow.
“There’s some fresh lemonade in the fridge if you want to help yourself,” I offer.
He smiles. “Thanks. Don’t go anywhere.”
Disappearing inside, I can’t help but notice the way the denim molds to his thighs and firm bottom. I shouldn’t even look. I may have given my heart to someone else, but it doesn’t stop me from looking. I mean there is nothing wrong with my eyesight.
Reappearing with two glasses, filled with lemonade, he passes me one and then sits beside me in the rocking chair. He sighs, which draws my attention. “Everything okay?”
“I’m too old to be falling off a horse.” He groans.
My eyes widen in surprise. “You fell off?
”
He frowns. “I wasn’t concentrating, and the horse got spooked. Spilled me to the ground. It’s been a long time since that’s happened.”
“Do you not need to get checked out?” I ask concerned, placing my sketching’s down on the side table and turning to face him.
He shakes his head and winces. “I’ll be fine. Bruised, but fine.”
“Geary...”
“I promise you that I’m fine. Please don’t push it,” he’s firm in his request.
I nod and settling back into my chair, change the subject, “You’d love my cousin, Olivia.”
His eyes shoot up and then he’s grinning. “There are more of you?”
I roll my eyes. “Olivia would eat you for breakfast.”
“Tell me more,” he begs his eyes filling with excitement.
Chuckling, I tell him, “She always seems so in control, but really, I think she’s just looking for someone to love her, to make her let her guard down. Her older brother is married, and her sister is married to Derek’s best friend, Garrett. Everyone is getting married in our family. I think she’s lonely.
“She doesn’t want or need someone in a suit, she just needs a hardworking guy to love her, who she can love equally and spend her free time with.” I laugh. “Actually, she never has any free time, but I think if the right man came along she would give him all of her time.”
“You love your cousin,” he observes.
“I love them all. Every weekend we’d be together from as far back as I can remember. I guess we’re more like siblings than cousins with how close we are.”
“It must be nice having a big family.”
I frown. “Don’t you have any family?”
He shakes his head. “No.” Not expanding on his no, we sit in silence.
“You don’t have many friends either,” I observe.
He looks at me and narrows his gaze, but I don’t give an inch. “I’m a loner. Always have been.”
“I’d like to be your friend,” I offer, wondering if I’ve lost my mind. I’m never so outspoken to strangers.
McKenzie Cousins Box Set 2 Page 14