Learning To Live (Eternal Flames Book 11)

by Cree Storm

  Donny snorted, “I know you didn’t. I heard you scream and when I went to check on you, Snake was at your door. He stayed there all night.”

  “He did?” Rory asked, surprised.

  Nodding, Donny replied, “He looked like he really wanted to go in there but changed his mind. Instead, he gave you your privacy. He’s a good man. Ozcog must have heard you too, because he stayed close to the house after that as well.”

  “They are good men, Donny. I know that. I think Ozcog may have told Wade we’re mates, because Wade was acting funny with me today. He seemed more pissed when I didn’t say more to him this morning, too.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell him? Wade trusts and likes Snake and Ozcog. Shit, he’s mated to a shifter, and he’s your brother. He would be okay with it. Are you ashamed to have two mates, Rory?” Donny asked in confusion.

  First Rory shook his head, then nodded, then shrugged. “I don’t know how I feel about having two mates, Donny. I’m so damn confused. Part of me wants to be mated. I’ve seen threesomes all over town and they look so harmonious. I wouldn’t be so lonely. Maybe I would feel normal again. Then, there is this part of me that doesn’t think I can give them what they want. That I would be the world’s biggest let down. I’m not ready for sex, and I don’t know if I will ever be. The thought of ejaculating brings me nothing but shame and disgust.”

  Donny pulled back and looked at Rory as if he had two heads. “Why? Damn, Rory, I know I was attacked last night, and I’m not ready to jump at the first guy to hit on me, but I hope I will get over that soon, because there is nothing like the feeling of an orgasm when you are in a consenting relationship or hook-up.”

  Rory felt his cheeks heat, mumbling, “I came.”

  “Huh?” Donny asked, in even more confusion than moments ago.

  Rory sighed, then said, “When Trey was raping me, I had an orgasm. I didn’t want the man inside me, Donny. I didn’t want his hands touching me. I was screaming no, but my cock was getting hard. I was shocked, confused, and humiliated. Seconds later, Trey was grabbing and pumping on my cock hissing, “You will come,” and fuck if I didn’t. My body betrayed every thought in my mind. When he was done, he said, “You come so gloriously. I can’t wait to do that again and from your reaction, I know you will be a dream when we take things further next time, but I have to be heading out. It was fun. Clean up the room before you leave.”

  “Rory, you are beating yourself up over something that was inevitable. Men become erect, even if they don’t want to be. It is purely biological. Think about it. We wake up and damn if we don’t have a hard on. We weren’t thinking or dreaming about sex, but it was there. Sometimes when that happens we’ve even ejaculated while we slept. Wet dreams are a joke to some but a reality to most men. I think you had what some call an adrenaline boner or the inappropriate time boner.”

  “You are making that shit up,” Rory stated with a roll of his eyes.

  Donny gasped, “I most certainly am not! I’m a doctor, remember? They are real. Men become erect because of blood flow. When your adrenaline is racing through your body, blood is flowing fast and furious. It needs somewhere to go, and a man’s cock is one of the first places it heads to. That is science, Rory. Then there are times we are just sitting there, not thinking about sex, not watching porn or a hot guy in shorts and still—bam! There it is. Your dick is so hard that you have to make an excuse to rush to the bathroom to get rid of it. It is all purely biological.”

  “Okay, that might explain the hard-on, but not the ejaculation. You have to want to come to do so. Shit, most guys think about dead kittens or their grandmother having sex with their grandfather to slow down their orgasm. I was being raped, damn it. That is far worse than dead fucking kittens.”

  “Again, you are thinking like this is something you have control over. To say you had to of wanted it to get hard or come is a misconception that has been around for years. Maybe guys do think about dead kittens and—even though this is a sick man’s thought—grannies screwing grandpas, they will still ejaculate if stimulated enough, because again we are talking biology. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t willing, all the body knows is what it is programmed to do. If you were saying no, then anything that man did to you was unwanted, no matter your biological response,” Donny stated emphatically.

  Rory sighed. “It’s a lot to take in, Donny. I said no, and my body said yes. It makes everything within me so confused. I hated what Trey did to me. I have those nightmares and I’m screaming, but more because I am reacting to what he is doing. He had full control over me, Donny. I was too weak to stop him in both making it happen and what my body did.”

  Donny gripped Rory’s shoulder lightly. “I did a bit of research last night, after your incident. I couldn’t go back to sleep, and I didn’t want to talk to the group just yet. No offense, I’m just not ready for that right now.”

  “It’s okay, I just wanted you to have the option open to you,” Rory replied softly.

  “I’ve always been a man of logic, Rory. I need facts, numbers, and statistics. I wanted to see how often this happens, you know? I mean, am I an anomaly or is this more prevalent and we just don’t hear about it. What I found is astounding to me as a man. Did you know that males are raped almost as often as females? The thing is, less than three percent actually report it.”

  “No, I didn’t,” Rory softly replied, feeling a bit surprised.

  “Many are young teenage boys,” Donny continued.

  “After what happened at Penn State, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

  “True, but there are also older men, and yes, some are in prisons, but many are just regular guys like you and me. Get this, many of those men were raped by women, believe it or not. However, what amazed me was the mentality of the people. Like you, they think a man can’t be raped because they are always thinking about and wanting sex, or they got a hard-on and many times ejaculated. Gay men often rationalize what happened to them, by thinking of the act as a “bad experience.” Hell, it wasn’t that long ago that the definition of rape was the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly or against her will.”

  “Donny, I appreciate the lesson but—”

  “Let me finish. The thought about a man not getting raped was justified because people thought a man couldn’t get an erection or ejaculate if they were raped—like you talked about just a few minutes ago. But, science proved that this was a normal body reaction to the physical stimulation and therefore, their reaction was not to be used as a way to say they were not raped and wanted it. So, the FBI was forced to change the definition when they discovered that a man could be forced into a sexual act they didn’t want even if they did get an erection or come in the process of the rape.”

  Donny sighed, saying, “Rory, stop blaming yourself and put the blame of what happened to you where it belongs. Trey Mathus is the one to blame. He is the one that drugged you and crossed that line. If you wanted it, Trey wouldn’t have had to drug you to get it. This fucker took so much from you already. Don’t let him take your mates as well.”

  Rory thought about those words. Donny was right. Why had Rory never looked at it that way? Rory had said no, more than once. He had done nothing to give the man reason to believe otherwise. He had said no and meant no and damn it, Trey knew that and that is why he drugged him. “You’re amazing, Donny. I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. No means no whether you are a man or woman, and if I was willing he would have had no reason to drug me. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to have sex, but maybe—Gods, I don’t know. I want to say, “Yes, I am going to have my mates!” But—”

  “Rory, it’s okay to be scared. Hell, I’m afraid all the time right now. Shit, I must have looked out the lab door three hundred times just to make sure my guards were there, but I still worked. I still went and did my job today. It’s not allowing that fear to dictate who we are or what we do. I want to help you. Angelo wants to help you. Your brother would help you, if you told
him what happened. However, your mates―now those two want to not just help you, they want to be there for you in every way they can. You have to let them in your most guarded part of your body in order for that to happen. You say you’re not whole and maybe that’s true. You did lose a piece of you that awful night. The thing is, Rory, you will never be the same man you once were.”

  “Thanks a lot,” Rory muttered.

  Shaking his head, Donny replied, “You don’t get it, Rory. No, you might not be the same man, but you could actually become a better man, a stronger man. That piece you lost left a hole. Your mates can help you restructure that part of you or even fill it, if you let them. Give them a chance. Let them fill that hole.”

  Rory raised a brow, and Donny rolled his eyes. “Not that hole. Although it would be quite pleasant, I’m sure. I meant your heart, Rory. If you don’t want Trey to keep winning, then you have to do something about it. Open yourself up to your mates. I know they’ll go as fast or slow as you need. They will be able to help you heal far better than any of us can.”

  “I always dreamed of sharing my life with someone. After the rape, I mourned the loss of that dream,” Rory whispered.

  “You don’t have to lose that dream, Rory. You just need to open yourself up to them and let them walk side by side with you, and catch you if you stumble along the way, just as I’m sure you would do for them if they tripped. Every step forward leaves Trey further and further behind until he is nothing more than a speck.”

  “Easier said than done. I know what you’re saying is true, Donny. It’s just going to be a process,” Rory softly replied.

  “Yes, it is. I know that I might be skittish, but I’m going to do my best to maintain an open mind if ever I am lucky enough to find my mates,” Donny replied with a smile.

  Rory whispered, “I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to try and work out this mating thing. I keep telling myself, I did nothing wrong. I went out one night with some friends. I danced and had a couple of drinks. I shouldn’t have my entire life ruined because of some asshole. I survived, and I will keep surviving. The best revenge is success, right?”

  Giving a firm nod, Donny said, “And I did nothing but try and get to my car, and the men before me were only out to have a good time or a good meal with friends. No one asks to be raped. No one wants to be a statistic. We can’t change what happened to us, but we damn sure can do our best to make sure no one else has to suffer from this asshole's attacks. The best revenge is finding this son of a bitch and ripping his dick off before we hand him over to the council or the cops, whichever applies.”

  Rory sat up straighter and put his full focus on the screen. “You’re right, Donny. We can do this. We can stop this son of a bitch from hurting anyone else.”

  “And you can get to know your mates and work on building that life you dreamed of,” Donny stated with a smile.

  Rory didn’t reply to Donny as he brought the video back on screen. It took a few seconds as Rory made some adjustments, so it could go frame by frame. That’s when he saw it. Immediately he stopped the video, focusing on the image back in the far corner of Twixie’s.

  “You see him, right?” Donny asked.

  Rory nodded. “Yes, let’s look at the one from the club.”

  Again, Rory backed up the video and went frame by frame.

  “Right there! Do you see him?” Donny shouted as he jumped from his chair pointing.

  Rory looked at what Donny was pointing at and sure enough there was someone in the background. It was dark and needed to be enhanced, so Rory tapped on his special equipment the government so nicely had provided for him and soon enough the image began to clear. Rory quickly did the same to the person at Twixie’s as it wasn’t long before both he and Donny were looking at the man terrorizing men in both Maddox and Crystal. Sighing, Rory whispered, “I need to do the same with your attack, Donny.”

  “Just rip the band aid, Rory. I’ll be okay,” Donny whispered.

  Seconds later, the image was on screen. They found him. Neither man spoke as they looked at the image. The guy had to be close to six and a half feet tall, two twenty to two fifty in weight. What had them both speechless was the man’s face.

  “I still can’t tell. Is he a shifter in part shift or is that a lion’s mask? It’s blurry, is there any way to clear it up a bit?” Donny asked in awe.

  Rory clicked on the man’s head, then enlarged and cleared it up. “Donny, I don’t think that’s a mask.”

  Donny pointed to the screen, asking, “Can you get a closer look to his hands?”

  Nodding, Rory did his thing and soon enough, the man’s hands were all they could see. Donny gasped, and Rory whispered, “He’s a shifter.”

  Donny sat back. “But that doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t smell shifter. Besides, the image of his face is still blurry.”

  “I can’t clean it up any more than it already is. Something is seriously off. It looks like we moved the camera when taking the picture, but the guy is just standing there,” Rory replied.

  Shaking his head, Donny replied, “I don’t know of a lion shifter that can partially shift and hold it for that long a time period, Rory. None of this makes any sense.”

  “It does if he’s an elder.”

  Donny and Rory let out a very unmanly sound, turning to see Ozcog standing in the doorway.

  “I knocked, but no one answered so I just let myself in,” Ozcog explained.

  “How did you get past the locks?” Rory asked, sounding as pissed as he felt.

  Ozcog shrugged. “I didn’t exactly use your door. Wade told me you were at home working and I came to check on things with my men. When you didn’t answer, I grew concerned and came in your open window.”

  Before Rory could say another word, Donny jumped in saying, “That was very nice of you to be concerned enough to come to our aid, Ozcog. Wasn’t it, Rory?”

  Rory looked at Donny in confusion then realized that Donny was giving Rory the opportunity to accept help and to begin to take small steps with one of his mates. “Yes, it was very considerate of you. Thank you, Ozcog.”

  Rory knew he must have said the right thing, because it seriously looked as if Ozcog was preening with pride. Then the man seemed to look over Rory’s shoulder, asking, “Is that him? Is that the guy that attacked you, Donny?”

  Nodding, Donny replied, “I believe so. We think he may be a partially shifted shifter, but if he is, the man can hold that shift for quite some time and gives off no scent.”

  Ozcog went closer, muttering, “Like I said, he can if he is seriously old. Savage, Illan, Justice, and some others I’ve met can do it for a while. However, it is normally only done when emotions are very high, not by choice. Can I get a closer look?”

  Rory nodded and Ozcog walked to the computer screen. While Ozcog looked at the image Rory leaned in and drew in a deep breath. The man next to him smelled fantastic, and Rory had to stop himself from leaning closer just to get a better whiff. Instead, he moved away and closer to the monitor and pointed at the image. “Something seems off with him though.”

  Ozcog turned slightly to look at Rory. Ozcog’s eyes seemed to become a deeper shade of pink and his voice had more of a gravelly tone to it when he asked, “What do you mean?”

  Rory stared into those colorful orbs, thinking how he could spend hours just looking at the man’s eyes. Damn, Ozcog was seriously seductive with his voice, body, and eyes. Rory looked at the man’s hands and was surprised at how large they were. All Rory wanted was to feel his touch. Would Ozcog’s hands have a rough callus feeling to them or a smooth silky one? Realizing where his thoughts were going, Rory felt that panic setting in and quickly backed off.

  Ozcog’s eyes saddened and shame filled Rory. He didn’t want to hurt Ozcog, he just didn’t know what to do with him. How was he supposed to become one with him and Snake? He just didn’t know if he could.

  Ozcog gaze softened as he said, “When you’re ready, Snake and I wi
ll be there for you, Rory. No one is going to push you into something you don’t want. All I am asking for is a chance.”

  “A chance for what?” Rory asked nervously.

  Ozcog gave a small smile, gently whispering, “A chance for us to get to know each other. A chance to show you that neither myself or Snake will ever harm you. A chance to be mates. Snake says he is willing to give us a chance. I’m asking you, will you give us a chance?”

  Rory licked his dry lips, whispering, “What if I can never be physical with you guys? What if―what if I can’t make our mating official? It wouldn’t be fair to you or Snake.”

  “I would hope that wouldn’t be the case. I can’t speak for Ozzie, but to me, having you close to me is worth the risk. And he’s right, we won’t push you into anything you don’t want,” Snake said from the doorway.

  Both Ozcog and Rory turned as Snake walked in.

  “How did you get in he…Snake, didn’t the team have a meeting with Savage and Wade?” Rory asked.

  Snake gave Rory a pointed look at his unfinished question, then smirked as he replied, “The whole team didn’t show.”

  “What do you mean? Who wasn’t there?” Rory asked in confusion.

  “You,” Snake replied

  Rory was confused. “I don’t understand. I made sure that Wade and Savage had all the data they asked for. Wade said it was okay to miss this one, so Donny and I could go over the videos.”

  Nodding, Snake replied, “He explained all of that to me, but I had to come and make sure you were alright for myself.”

  “Wade is going to be pissed, Snake. You should have stayed for your meeting. I have guards outside and I’m locked up. Which has me still wondering, how the hell you got in here?”

  Snake’s smirk deepened, and his eyes filled with humor as he raised his hand and held up a key. “Wade gave it to me.”

  Ozcog smiled, then softly said, “Mates cannot stay away from mates when they fear for their safety. It is how it is. Human or paranormal, we all feel the pull.”

  Ozcog held his hand out to Snake. Snake took it, then both men turned to Rory and held their hands out, Ozcog saying, “We are fated to be one. Whether that is physical or not is up to us. Will you be ours, Rory? Will you at least allow me to mark you as mine? No sex is involved when mating a gargoyle. I just want to show you how serious I am to have you in my life.” Turning to Snake, Ozcog whispered, “Both of you.”